NPR Writer Apparently the Head of the Etiquette Gestapo

NPR - Listen to the conversations around you — colleagues at the office, customers in the coffeehouse line, those who serve you, those you serve, the people you meet each day. "Give me a tall latte." "Hand me that hammer." "Have a good one." Notice anything missing? The traditional magic words "please" and "thank you" that many people learn as children appear to be disappearing. Lisa Gache, co-founder of Beverly Hills Manners in Los Angeles, has noticed the gradual vanishing of courteous language. She blames the casualty on the casual. "The slow erosion of the 'magic words' in our everyday vernacular," says Gache, who coaches people to be more civil, "has to do with the predilection toward all things casual in our society today. Casual conversation, casual dress and casual behavior have hijacked practically all areas of life, and I do not think it is doing anyone a service." Other polite phrases also seem to be falling by the wayside. "You're welcome," for instance. Say "thank you" to someone these days, and instead of hearing "you're welcome," you're more liable to hear: "Sure." "No problem." "You bet." "Enjoy." Or a long list of replies that replace the traditional "you're welcome." Instead of saying "thank you," people say "got it." Or "have a good one." Or, more often, nothing at all. And in lieu of saying "no, thank you," reactions such as "I'm good" are increasingly common.

Dear Writer, stop being such a god-damn etiquette snob.  Our bad, didn't realize that our modern diction was so offensive to your old-world sensibilities. Didn't realize that you didn't have your 21st Century English Diction thesaurus on you when I responded "no problem" after you thanked me.  Sorry, we really just figured anyone bright enough to be able to write such a well thought piece would have no issues communicating with us commoners. 

This column is just insufferable and out of touch, words and customs change, get with the times. These people aren't being impolite, they've just changed their etiquette to match societal expectations. Not everyone has the time to say, "Hello, how are you today," in fact I've never uttered those words. It's "How's it Going," or "Hey,"...Actually, it's not even "How's it going," it's more abbreviated, like "zit going." That's it, that's what you're going to get. And it's not being rude, its just, there's over 300 million people in this country, and most of us are just very busy. We've got shit to do. If we spent all day adhering to out of date social norms we'd never get anything done...Pining for the old way of greetings and salutations is like pining for the days of hand written letters as a form of communication, written with a feather and an ink-well, obviously. 

While we're at it, I'd like to propose another change, another societal leap forward, lets stop saying "bless you" after people sneeze, it's getting out of hand (and not because we've shortened "God Bless You" as the writer of this column probably laments).  It's to the point now where if you hesitate a second in blessing someone they get all holier than though on your ass, demanding blessings. Easy, settle down folks. I believe you asked me to bless you, I'm not obligated. Slow    Your     Roll.  Plus, it's the only bodily function where the people around you are expected to behave according to your expectorants. If I burp, I get disgusted looks (maybe a laugh) but have to excuse myself, if I fart, I'm forced to pretend it wasn't me and look for a stranger to blame it on, but if I sneeze, suddenly I'm the next prophet with people bowing before me and blessing my health. It doesn't make sense and it's time to stop.

Or it's food for thought anyway. 

Tip-Off Time! My Region by Region March Madness Picks

Yes, these are a day late. No, it's not because I was afraid you'd steal them, sometimes I'm just lazy.

Lets start with the South:

Fairly straight forward, with the exception of Duke, I hate Duke and I look for the first chance to knock them out every year. This is often done at the detriment of my own bracket, no matter, a grudge is a grudge and I'm morally obligated to pick them to lose. I've also never been a fan of Notre Dame if you're wondering, either. Weird, because I'm white, right? I've never fallen for the cult Caucasian thing when it comes to rooting for the fighting Irish, it's just always felt like they're out of touch and living in another era, they just don't do it for me.

On to the West:

By far the most difficult portion of this years bracket, and the one most likely to have a bunch of scribbled red "X's" all over it after the first weekend. Three of my personal favorite surprise teams were stuck in this bracket, Florida, Memphis (who got absolutely shafted with that seeding), and New Mexico. Throw in this years Mid-Major darling Murray State, and you've got the potential for landmines everywhere, in fact in a few cases you just have landmines facing off against landmines. No one wins when to landmines get into a knife fight, no one. What I'm saying here is, this sub-bracket is going to be fucked no matter how you fill it out. Whoever makes it out of the West the least-scathed, will probably win your pool. It'll also probably be a girl, which is why I had the fiancee fill out a bracket last night, for insurance purposes.

On to the East:

"Oh, big surprise CW, you took K-State and Vandy like everyone else in the country." Shut up. I'm very aware of who I am, and I'm nothing if not a follower of trends, so this should shock no one. For the lower half, I had the hardest time not taking Florida State over OSU, they're my darling heading into this tournament, if you follow me on twitter (which I know you don't) you saw me last week lobbying that they were as good as any potential 2 seed in the country, and I still believe that. The problem is OSU is as good as any 1 seed, so you see the conundrum. By the way, in case you're wondering, I chose West Virginia solely on the Merits of Country Road, it's the best bar song in history. I'm not even kidding, about the pick or the FACT that Country Road is the best bar song in history (I mean, it even gets them going in Bangkok). 

Finally, to the Midwest:

Let's just state the obvious, I'm a huge North Carolina fan. While this is certainly a flawed team, they're also the most talented team this side of Kentucky...Now that that's out of the way, I'm actually really, really looking forward to two potential match ups here, the 1993 NCAA Championship rematch (This Time, It's Personal...19 Years Later) of Chris Webber's One Shining Moment, and the potential Roy Williams V. Kansas Elite 8 Heavyweight Bout...There is nothing that gets me going more than seeing Roy fired up in a post game press conference. He controls the room as the king of passive-aggresivism, and it's a fantastic watch. You can bet your ass it'll be on full display before and after a potential match up with Kansas.  On to the bottom half (sick segway, right?), things get a little wacky with Belmont and NC State. I picked them both for two reasons, A) Because I actually think they're both much better than their seeds suggest, and B) For some illogical reason I always remember previous years brackets being blown up in the lower right region. So yes, I'm partially basing my picks based on team's locations on a sheet of paper. 

On to the Final Four:

Chalk, Chalk, and more Chalk. All season long there has been a group of 6-8 teams who just stood out above the rest...in fact, until somewhere after mid-season there really wasn't even a consensus #1 over all, just a bunch of really good teams that were clearly better than the rest of the pack. Kentucky managed to separate themselves from this pack a little but for the most part the pack was intact throughout the whole season. I think a strong case can be made for Wichita State making the Final Four, Florida State too, but I'm not going to pick them. This whole NCAA season has been about this core pack of teams, and who would rise to the top come tournament time, I think we're going to finally see that sort itself out.

The Finals:

I kind of alluded to it in that previous paragraph, but Kentucky is just this years team. This is Coach Cal's year (insert joke about later vacating his year here). Plus, I'm nothing if not self loathing and superstitious. I can't simultaneously love North Carolina and pick them to win the whole shebang...I can't handle that kind of disappointment if they lose...that's right, I'm hedging my rooting interest against my bracket for sanity purposes. 

Anyway, there you have it, it might not be the most logical bracket, and it probably won't win any of the pools I'm in (again, that's why my fiancee filled one out too), but god help me, I'll beat Barrack O'Bama.