Mass Judge Orders State to Hire Expert to Decide if Hairy Jailhouse Tranny is Entitled to Free Electrolysis

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) U.S. Chief Judge Mark Wolf ordered the state to hire an expert to decide whether or not a convicted murderer needs to receive electrolysis due to gender identity disorder. The Boston Globe reports that Judge Wolf handed down a six-page ruling on Wednesday which calls for the Department of Correction to hire someone who will determine whether or not electrolysis is medically necessary for Michelle Kosilek. The inmate's attorneys argue that hair removal is necessary as part of treatment for gender identity disorder. Michelle Kosilek lived as a man under the name Robert Kosilek when he strangled his wife to death in 1990. Judge Wolf recently ordered the state to fund Kosilek's sex change, but Gov. Deval Patrick has appealed the ruling and called for the surgery to be delayed during the appeal.

Hey Judge - Are you fucking kidding me here? Have a sac, man. I have no idea what this convicted tranny has on you but it must be something good...Not only do you rule that the state needs to pay for this dude's surgical transition to a woman (which I assume means snipping his dick?), but now you want the state to pay for an experts opinion on whether or not this dude should be entitled to free electrolysis, because you know, he'd be a pretty hair woman? Get the fuck out. Seriously, get the fuck out. I know you recently half retired, how about you do all us common sense, tax paying, non-murdering folks a favor and fully retire.

I mean you've got to be kidding me here. Just ordering more tax payer dollars for a study on something that is as simple as this: Are any of the other actual woman in jail entitled to free electrolysis? No? Ok then. There is your answer. You don't think Juanita with the mustache that just goes by Juan in cell block E wants electrolysis? Of course she does. Same with every other hairy bitch in there. Latino's and Italian women with mustaches and yetti arms, black women with sideburns...they all would take free hair removal, doesn't mean they're entitled to it.

So seriously, Judge Wolf, just get the fuck out of there. Stop costing the State money with your frivolous rulings. Go enjoy a round of golf or something like a normal retired wasp. Get yourself out of the tranny defending business. 

I've Never Wanted to Put a Guys Face on A T-Shirt So Bad As Much As This Bro

Boston News, Weather, Sports | FOX 25 | MyFoxBoston

Look, ordinarily I'd talk about the case, make mention of this lady being confused by some hunter as wild game...but honestly, that's the side show to the real story, check out Jim Blair:

JEEPERS CROW! Stink eye for days bro! That face is a t-shirt on it's own, hell it could be a whole series. Some captioned Stink Eye, some captioned just "ARGHHH," because I'm not so sure Jim Blair right here isn't the world's last old school pirate.

Jim Blair ladies and gentlemen. 

Boston Gives Break-Up Advice to a Bunch of Geeks

BOSTON (AP) — Andrew Curtin said it happened at least twice at his Boston-area high school in the last year. Angry about a breakup, a boy ended up at the school nurse's office with a broken hand after punching a locker or a wall. "You don't think about when you see two people walking down the hall, 'Are they in a bad relationship or is it good?'" the 17-year-old Waltham High School senior said Thursday. But he was among about 250 teenagers doing a lot of thinking about healthy relationships at a seminar at Simmons College on Thursday. And the dating advice was coming from an unlikely source: city government officials...On Thursday, teens talked about breaking up by sending a text message, or being on the receiving end of one. They also spoke about fights they'd seen in their schools between students who were in competition for another student's affections, or felt jilted after a relationship ended badly. Counselors at the forum urged teens to communicate with partners about relationship boundaries, together defining whether they were "just texting," casually "hooking up," ''friends with benefits," or in a monogamous relationship. They also encouraged students to end relationships with face-to-face contact, and to look for warning signs that ongoing relationships could turn abusive.

I'm not faulting the idea, just the execution. Guys...it's the middle of summer. A gorgeous July day. You know where the guy were that could use this kind of advice? At the beach with their girls trying to figure out a good place to park later so they can get a handy and still be home in time for dinner. They certainly weren't in some college auditorium sharing their feelings about how they felt when Sally told them she'd been sending sexts of her boobs to someone else for the past few months.  I mean these weren't even your sexually active band geeks because they're all getting down at band camp right now. These are just run of the mill kids who had nothing better to do on a phenomenal summer day. Better advice would have been: How to Deal with the Fact that Popular Kids Are Rounding the Bases and You'll Have to Wait a Few Years. That would have been truly worthwhile and focused on the target demographic.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: So Long Darnell McDonald

Ortiz's 400th Home Run on an Otherwise Depressing Red Sox Weekend

OAKLAND — The Yankees have claimed outfielder Darnell McDonald off waivers from the Red Sox and will have him in uniform for Friday's game at Fenway Park. McDonald was designated for assignment on Saturday. He hit .214/.309/.369 in 38 games this season.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE'RE FREE AT LAST!

Darnell, it was a blast infuriating, I'll always thank you for those couple of walk-offs you hit in April three seasons ago, but you milked more than your share of 15 minutes off of those two hits and it was time for you to go. I am not saddened by your departure, but hopeful. Hopeful that you take that amazing .678 OPS to a corner outfield spot in Yankee Stadium and bless the Yankee faithful with all the weak pop outs to left and K's with runners on they could ever want. God Bless, Darnell.

And any day that your biggest rival signs the guy who was LITERALLY the worst player on your roster for about 3 years running, it should be a good day....But Nope. These are the 2012 Red Sox, folks. The most Jekyll & Hide team I can ever remember.  I all but abandoned these Pulse Checks because every time I wrote about them turning it around they played impossibly bad, every time I ripped them for sucking, they rolled off 5 straight wins...it was maddening.

Take last Thursday/Friday for example...I look up the standings, see that the Sox are a half game back of Baltimore for the wild card and second place in the AL East. Things are rolling, right? I'm going to write a Pulse check this week talking about how all the doubting early in the season was premature, things are fitting into place, how they've endured despite playing with basically the least known group of castoffs $189 million dollars in payroll could buy due to injuries and various stupid contracts...and what do they do?

They lose 5 of 7 to the lowly Mariners and Oakland A's. Daisuke hits the DL, there are concerns about Heart-throb Will Middlebrooks balky hamstring, and I'm so mad I can't even celebrate Papi's 400th homerun by whipping up a batch of his new Mango Salsa (wooooo) because I'm afraid I'll commit atrocious crimes with my pairing knife.

That's the 2012 Sox in a nutshell...2 steps forward, 1.5 steps back. They're making progress, but even slower than that proverbial snails pace.


And I'm fully aware they're about to win 7 in a row because of me writing this. Just doing my part.

Red Sox Playing Indian Rubber Rules Against the Mariners

OUT!

In my league anyway. If I'm running MLB I'm instantly installing the Indian Rubber rule. The game's interesting quotient would automatically increase ten-fold.

Plus it'd be fun to monitor things like guys who defenses are most likely to try and get out by Indian rubber. Think about it, it's always going to be easier to just go to the base, except in the rare case that you're a 2b or 3b and someone happens to be crossing right in front of you, you've got to have a real axe to grind not to take the easy out but to try and inflict some pain in your opponent.

I'd say guys like Youk would probably lead the league in OBIR (out by Indian Rubbers), assholes that you love on your team and the rest of the league hates with the fire of a thousand suns. Those guys plus Arod. Arod might never make a traditional out again in his life if I'm the commissioner of baseball...in fact I'd make Indian Rubbers of Arod worth two outs, and they can carry over to the next inning. That's how much I'd love to see his ass get lit up.

The Alt-Tabs Official Celtics Draft Preview, For Real This Time

All right, lets do it. I've been meaning to get to this for a week after Seany-Mo's return, 2-part post (1 , 2, ) breaking down the Celtics two first round draft picks. As one of the 3 or 4 people who truly enjoys the NBA draft (apparently with Sean being one of the others, who knew?), it's one of my favorite sports nights of the year, I'd feel remiss if I didn't break down one of the more important drafts for the home town Celtics in a long time.

First lets look back at a few of the past Celts draft picks to get a sense of their history:

What do Marshon Brooks, Luke Harangody, Lester Hudson, J.R. Giddens, Semih Erden, Gabe Pruitt, and Randy Foye, all have in common? A few things actually. 1) They were all Celtics Draft picks from 2006 to 2011, 2) None of them are presently on the Celtics roster, and 3) They weren't on a Celtics roster for more than one season and in some cases none.

Now, to be fair, 2006 also brought the C's Rondo via a draft day trade, so there was some level of success. But beyond that? Nada. This isn't to fault the Celts front office though. Far from it. Basically since 2007 the Celtics haven't looked to use the draft to build. 2007 brought numerous draft day trades that brought together the Big 3 and kicked off 5 years of fantastic basketball. Subsequent draft picks were either really late in the first round, and in some years they didn't even have first rounders. There's not a ton of success anywhere in the league drafting late first-early 2nd rounders (unless of course you're the San Antonio Spurs). It just doesn't happen.

This year? It has to happen. Picking 21st and 22nd isn't ideal for a team looking, if not to rebuild, then to re-tool, on the fly. They need to make these pics count, either with value picks, or via trade. NO PROJECTS. The time for projects would have been the past few seasons when you could have afforded to develop a raw young talent over a few seasons. That time has passed. They realistically need to get a guy or two in this draft who will give real contributions, basically from year two on.

With that in mind, CW's thoughts: 

Wish List: I wish the Celts would package both picks together and move up. Portland and New Orleans and Houston all have two picks prior to the Celts first, Philadelphia and the T-Wolves both have gluts of young talent they'll need to focus on for the next few season and maybe looking to move back. These are the teams I'd contact first, looking to move up. That should be option A. Who would I target? Well I have three absolute man crushes in this draft, Anthony Davis, MKG, and Bradley Beal. All should be in the top 5, which the Celts have no shot in hell at.

Realistically, I'd  love for them to be looking at,

A) Austin Rivers - Yes Doc is his father. Yes Doc is notoriously hard on young guards (see Rondo, Rajon). But you know what? Wing players who can shoot in space and can create their own shot, basically at will, don't come along that often, and rarely are they talked about as dropping outside the top 10, which is where Rivers is consistently projected. Blame it on an overly deep draft, on some maturity questions, whatever, Austin is legit and every team outside the top 4 or so that pass on him will live to regret it. If the Celts can reasonably swing a deal into the 10-12 pick range knowing they'll get Rivers, they need to do it.

B) John Henson - A middle class mans Anthony Davis. Someone who looks like he'll be just as much of a defensive force, with maybe a bit less of an offensive game (and less room to develop). For analogies sake if Anthony Davis is Tim Duncan, John Henson is going to be Marcus Camby. (I realize both of these comparisons are lofty, Duncan is one of the best ever, Camby has quietly had a really successful 15-16 year career, but its just an analogy). Recent projections show Henson sliding somewhere in the 10-15 range, if that happens, he's a solid second in my book to Rivers as far as trade targets.

If Trading is out of the Question:

If trading is out of the question, I'll stress again, they need to draft guys who they think can reasonably develop in the next 2 seasons into contributors, again, NO PROJECTS.

My ideal outcome: Two of Jared Sullinger and Fab Melo, Draymond Green

Sullinger is in FREE FALL. Teams are concerned about his back, and the potential for it to shorten his career...but once you get past the 14th or so pick, what's the worry? The average career for an NBA player is what, 4 years or so? Less? Are we talking about even shorter for Sullinger? I doubt it. If you're picking outside the lottery why not roll the dice and a guy who's inside game is as good as anyone's in this draft? If he starts being a real option around picks 18,19, I really hope Ainge works the phones to find out if he's going to make it to 21, if not I'd pull the trigger on a minor deal maybe the 22nd and next years first rounder for a shot at Sullinger.

Fab Melo can be a force inside in this league. I say "can be," because he can also be a disaster who spends his career in the D-League. But you know what? If KG is back, this is exactly the kind of guy Garnett can pass on his work ethic, intensity, and techniques too. Seany-Mo is all concerned about his rebound rates in college...Syracuse plays the zone, bro. They don't rebound well by design. It's often one on two or two on three under the hoop in favor of the offensive team due to the Cuse's defensive scheme. That won't be the case in the NBA. He's a big, athletic 7 footer with serious size, he'll rebound, he'll block shots, and with any luck, he'll develop a post game. I want him on this team, I need him on this team.

Draymond Green - Does everything. Won't be a star, will have a decent career. A point forward type player, not the most athletically gifted or biggest guy, but a guy who's proven he knows how to play. He's smart, plays within himself, and causes matchup problems. His defense would be the big questions mark, but then again these Celts got Ray Allen to be a reasonable defender, so I'd think they could teach a smart player like Draymond the basics of good footwork. 

The "I don't like it, but I can live with it," outcome:  Two of Royce White, Jeff Taylor, Arnett Moultrie:

Royce White - By all accounts he's a top 10 talent. Also by all accounts he's a serious head case, with fairly severe anxiety issues. Never spent more than one year a high school or college. But again, by all accounts as talented as just about anyone in the top 10. I didn't see much of him, I do know he dominated Uconn in the tournament, for whatever that's worth.

Jeff Taylor - A little redundant with Avery Bradley on the roster, but then again he gives a little bit more size than Bradley and lock down defenders fit the Celtics profile perfectly. If you can hold your own on defense, you'll get a shot early in the NBA, and that's how Jeff Taylor is going to make his mark. By all acounts he's a good shooter from space, but can't create his own shot...so think of him as a defensive Ray Allen...obviously not as good of a shooter as Ray, but a better defender on the otherside.

Arnett Moultrie - I don't know how to peg this guy, he's been projected all over the place. I've never seen him play either. But I do know the Celts need help up front, and a 6-11 athletic big man fits the need. Maybe he'll be a Tony Battie, who knows.

The "Goddamnit, We're Headed for Years of 7th and 8th seeds," Outcome: Royce White and Andrew Nicholson.

Royce White: Again? Yes. Because I broke my rule about projects earlier. He's  a project. He has issues. He's also extremely talented. That's why I broke my own rule. But I did so in hoping that we'd pair him with a ready to go player like Jeff Taylor. We can't afford to whiff twice, which is exactly what we'd be doing if we selected Royce with...

Andrew Nicholson: Project. That's what his scouting reports scream. Rise with workouts is always a huge red flag for me. I don't need a workout warrior, I need a gamer. Who cares if he's good at the Mikan drill and shuttle runs? Why wasn't he good enough in games to be ranked this highly. Andrew Nicholson, you might be a nice guy, you might run the three man weave better than any big man in the draft, but I don't want you on the Celtics, I just don't.

There you have it, CW's exhaustive, delayed, and long winded break down of the Celtics Thursday night draft. 

So Long and Good Luck Youk

One last time everyone, those aren't Boos you're hearing, that's "YOOUUKKKK."

So long Youk. You were an asshole, but you were our asshole. A part of two World Series, and impact player for one. When healthy no one got more out of their limited athletic ability. An all out hustler and an OBP force, who some how lived up to the outlandish expectations set forth as a minor leaguer by that asshole Billy Beane and his Moneyball book. He'll definitely be missed but it was also just the right time.

And what a great send off.  Great awareness by the Fenway crowd realizing what they were seeing. Gave me the chills, actually.

Beware Cape Cod: The Sharks Are Back for Summer 2012!

Welp, it's officially summer folks. Yes the calendar told you that yesterday, and yes the absurd heat may have tipped you off, but for my money, there's no bigger sign that summers here than when the local news outlets go full OMG! mode about the Great Whites off the coast of Chatham.

I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed we're not getting a let it rip out of VB on this one or something a little more animated, maybe Lily doing one of her quirky news stories like pretending to be a shark in a children's pools, I don't know, just something. It's almost as if the Great White story finally jumped the shark this year (I'm sorry, I had to do it, honestly I was contractually obligated to making that horrendous joke).

The Road Ahead: The Celtics Road to Recovery Part 2

CW's Wish, Seany Mo's Nightmare? I smell a retort coming.

ED Note: This is Part 2 of Seany-Mo's Celtics Draft Preview. For Part 1, Click Here. For valid basketball opinions, read this, then check back later this week when CW posts an educated look in at what the Celtics draft strategy should be.

Here’s who I’d like in green next year at both picks ranked from “unless every other GM is whacked out on black tar heroin, it won’t happen even though I’d love it” to “Danny, If you have any affection for us at all as fans, STAY AWAY!”

At 22…

PIPE DREAM

Perry Jones III, PF, Baylor- General sentiment seems to be that Jones, despite going back to school forhis sophomore season, didn’t really develop on the court as much as expected. His potential is offthe charts (6’10 power forward with fluid athleticism and a full repertoire of tools.) At times when I watched Baylor this year, Jones looks like he can do it all, from stroking threes to playing with his backto the basket to bringing the ball up in transition. At others, he looked completely lost, turning the ball over on an ill advised pass or getting charging calls when failing to read a help defender switching ontohim. At this point, picking Jones would be gambling on his massive untapped potential and at the 21 stpick, should he slip this low, it would be a fantastic steal.

HEY IT COULD HAPPEN…RIGHT?

Terrence Ross, SF, Washington- Ross is a rapidly improving jump shooter with fantastic ability operating off the ball and tremendous speed for a wing player. Although not even close to a Ray Allen caliber of shooting, Ross would function similarly in the Celtics offense by playing off the ball and letting Rondo find him on the perimeter or busting his ass down the court in transition in the hopes of getting an easy dunk. He struggles with ball handling and creating his own shot, which at this point only an aging Paul Pierce can do, but Ross at least would give us the ability to stretch the floor and create lanes for Rondo to operate with.

BLEND OF LIKELY AND SENSIBLE

Jeffery Taylor, SF, Vanderbilt- Taylor is a player I have actually seen the most of on this list the past two seasons, as my Uncle Ricky has actually met him a number of times and has a signed basketball from him. As Barney Stinson would say, “True Story.” In any case, I watched a number of Vanderbilt games so my observations here are based more on live games than selected scouting footage and compilations of various reports. Taylor has Tony Allen-esque defensive ability though he possess a much higher degree of basketball IQ than Tony (which isn’t saying much, since most fourth graders could make the same claim.) His lateral quickness was incredible, as I saw him stay right in front of the likes of Marquis Teague and Terrence Jones on numerous occaisons. Also encouraging is the development of a perimeter shot, which allowed him to boast a 54% field goal percentage this season (a career high.) He can become very passive at times, but if he is asked to come off the bench and provide defensive energy for the Celts, he should be able to make an immediate impact.

THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE

Fab Melo, C, Syracuse- Look, I know the Celtics have been struggling to find a big man since the Kendrick Perkins abomination, but I want absolutely nothing to do with Melo. Words wouldn’t fully convey my rage if the Celtics use one of their picks on this guy. He has great length that, as the old age goes, can’t be taught. But in my opinion, he doesn’t use it well at all. For such a tall player, he sucks at rebounding (Syracuse as a team was one of the worst in the country last season) as well as being extremely foul prone, committing about 3 per contest despite only playing 25 minutes per game. Sorry, but we just suffered through a foul prone, terrible rebounding center in Jermaine O’Neal. Not to mention this guy didn’t have the motivation to even show up to class and was deemed academically ineligible for the tournament. That doesn’t strike me as overly encouraging. Avoid this guy like the plague or I will break my TV on draft night. Don’t make me do that Danny, It’s a nice TV.

Is This The Face of a Mass Man Arrested for Assault with Stolen Sausage Links?

BROCKTON — A Holbrook man was charged after police said he attacked and robbed a Brockton man using stolen sausage links and a wrench at West Street and Forest Avenue Sunday morning. The victim told police he was riding his bike about 8 a.m. Sunday when Michael A. Baker, whom he does not know, came up to him “and started swinging sausage links at him,” Lt. David Dickinson said Sunday. “He said he was trying to hit him with that. The victim had no idea why,” Dickinson said. Baker then threw stolen meat, bread and cheese he was carrying into a nearby barrel “and began smashing the victim with a wrench,” Dickinson said.

That's just piss poor criminaling by Michael Baker, piss poor. You go through all the trouble of robbing a sausage stand for some delicious sausages and cheese, and then, instead of gorging on your profits, you waste them in some sissy assault attempt, end up throwing them in the garbage (thereby rendering your previous robbery useless) and attack the man with a wrench that you had on you all along?

What the hell dude, how do you not go wrench from the start? Sausage links don't hurt, this aint Road Rash, those aint chain links...tighten your game up.

Also, general rule of thumb, robbing the guy riding the bike is generally pretty fruitless. He's riding a bike...if he had anything worth steal he'd probably own a car. 

Boston Parks and Rec Copying TV Parks and Rec With Smallest Park in America

Boston - The two parking spaces closest to the South End’s Wholy Grain cafe are just like thousands of others in Boston: patches of public asphalt hard against the curb, designated for vehicles. By this time next year, they could be a park...City planners are refining a pilot program to turn parking spaces here and in three other neighborhoods into “parklets’’ - petite, three-season patios, with benches and planters atop platforms built flush with the sidewalk. The city will pay to design and install the first parklets, estimated to cost $12,000 each, while asking businesses, nonprofits, and civic associations to sponsor maintenance of plantings and furniture.

While I actually love the idea, can we not pretend this is some official initiative from some Big Government Parks Think Tank...they stole this straight from Leslie Knope...Except Leslie Knope was going to do it on basically no budget from what I remember...12K? Really? We couldn't find anyone to donate time, top soil, grass, and a bench? How about you pay me $6K, I provide the materials and have this done in a weekend? Deal?

MBTA Concerned Ridership May Overwhelm the System...WHAT?!?

Boston - By the end of the decade, Boston’s subways could grow so packed that trains would roll past waiting commuters, unable to accommodate more riders, a new report from a leading land-use think tank warns...But authors of the study from the Boston branch of the institute, a national nonprofit, issue this warning: Riders who think it is crowded now should be prepared for 20 percent more company by the end of the decade...But without investment in more subway cars, better power and signal systems, and other tools to relieve MBTA crowding, scattered congestion will become widespread, with riders at “hot spots’’ unable to board because cars are too full, and with backups and bottlenecks causing delays systemwide, according to the “Hub and Spoke’’ report.

If this doesn't define how poorly run the MBTA is, I don't know what does. On one hand you've got the T crying poor, asking for bailouts, and ridiculously, cutting service. And then almost simultaneously you've got them complaining about TOO MANY CUSTOMERS!

This is fake life shit. Too many customers should never be a problem. Never. Yes it can cause growing pains, but this isn't some start up learning how to expand, this is an established public transportation business. You want more customers. It's how you make money. It's how you dig yourself out of debt.

It's the MBTA in a nutshell.  Imagine some kid, right out of college, working some 20 hour a week retail job making barely more than minimum wage, complaining about not being able to pay his bills, all the while just ignoring a job offer from a real office, 40 hours a week and competitive pay. That's what's happening here.  It's just batshit crazy.

These people on the T "thinktank" (overpaid bureaucrats) might as well just come out and admit that they are in no way qualified to come up with a fiscally responsible way to handle the increased ridership and are afraid that whatever decision they make will be the wrong decision...which is true. Which is why everyone would be better off if the T system was sold off and privatized. Because I'll tell you this much, no private company has ever complained about too much business. That's just unheard of.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Daniel Bard Ruins My Blog

Not Exactly the "mowing down the competition we had in mind, Daniel."

TORONTO — It got to a point on Sunday where Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine had little choice but to take Daniel Bard out before he seriously injured one of the Toronto Blue Jays...TORONTO — It got to a point on Sunday where Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine had little choice but to take Daniel Bard out before he seriously injured one of the Toronto Blue Jays.. For the first time since he became a starter in spring training after spending three seasons as one of the best set-up relievers in the game, Bard admitted he’s not the same pitcher. “I allowed something to happen when I switched roles,” he said. “I think it’s just maybe that we just tried to turn me into a starter rather than just take the same pitcher I was out of the pen and move that guy to the rotation, which is probably what should have been done. “It’s partially my fault — it’s all my fault. Maybe it’s a matter of getting back to what I had success doing in the past.”

Damnit Bard, today wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be sitting here dissecting your emo-angst ridden pity party in the globe. I was supposed to be talking about this: Sox Climb Out of Last Place . Today's pulse check was going to be all positive. Would've been two games back, two games clear of last place, singing "Oh Happy Day" while typing out the blog. 

Instead Bard went out there and did his best Rick Ankiel on the mound impression, walking the entire city of Toronto and even plunking one or two for good measure. Great, just great. So fantastic that it's got the various talking heads in the media hoping for a Daisuke comeback...You know, the same Daisuke that all those same media folks openly thanked for choosing Tommy John last year as it likely spelled the end of his professional career with the Red Sox. That's who we're looking forward to here.

So you see Danny, the bar isn't high. I don't know what all that jibber-jabber about allowing yourself to change or any of that shit was about, but cut it out. Whatever worked for you last year, go out there and do it again, except for 5 innings at a time.  No one asked you to be Greg Maddux lobbing up 92-93 mph mediocre fastballs and trying to paint the corners. That's not your game. Just throw some gas and see what happens. It is your fault, you're right about that, now go out there (if you get another chance) and do something about it. I'd rather see you go down with an elbow injury tossing heat than walk off the mound with a puss on your face looking like a depressed high school kid after getting embarrased for two innings ever again.

Other than that...everything's been great in Red Sox land. Seriously. I had no other complaints until yesterday happened. Sure watching Gonzalez trot around in the outfield still makes no sense whatsoever to me, but hey, its worked out ok so far. And yea, Nick Punto still maintaining status as a major league baseball player is a little befuddling, and I'd love to know where Daniel Nava got the horseshoe that's firmly lodged in his ass (maybe he's just good, but I don't think that's the case)...but you know what? As long as they're winning more than they're losing, I don't care. And that's the true nature of a Sox fan.

Hey NBA, Look Away, It's Dwayne Wade Mauling Rajon Rondo

Not a foul though. Solid play on the ball, not a foul at all. How many games would Pietrus have been suspended for the same play if he did it to Lebron or Wade? 2? Absolute Fucking Bullshit.

Not to mention the fact that this was then followed by Dwayne Wade's sure to be infamous Crouching Tiger,  Hidden Dragon move on KG:

Just a brutal stretch of officiating. I will say that one might be a 50/50 call, but considering the ref's owed the Celts one big time for the Rondo non-call, I can't see how you get KG there. The man was just kung fu'd. And you know what pisses me off the most about all the referee shenanagins last night? The fact that that's what we'll remember the game for. 

We should be remembering 53 mins (that's every single minute, folks), 44 pts, 8 rebs, 10 assists, 3 steals, and a whole lot of heart. This should be remember as Rondo's ultimate HOF highlight reel game. Instead it's just going to be remembered as game two in a series the Heat will presumably roll in 5 now, and a game where the Celts were whistled for 33 fouls, to Miamis 18. An absolute joke and a damn shame. 

 

 

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: More Injuries, More Wins

See Ya!...No really, see ya. Cody Ross hit the DL yesterday for 6-8 weeks with a broken bone in his foot. So R.I.P the Cody Ross bat flip. We loved it, even if you didn't.

"I'm not trying to show anybody up. It's just a reaction," he reportedly said of his trademark bat flip. "I actually don't like it. I wish I could get rid of my bat a different way, maybe like Lance Berkman, hitting it and setting it on the plate. It just happens."

I love the idea of a guy getting so jacked up after a home run that he basically blacks out for a couple seconds and acts like a complete boss. Makes my day. And frankly, I'm amazed his trip to the DL is completely unrelated to some pitcher finally plunking him. 

In other news, the sox are winners of three in a row and and 9 of 11...so they're on fire. The bats are producing, the starting pitching has righted the ship (Buchholz withstanding), and the bullpen is lights out. How long they can keep it up with five outfielders on the DL, I have no idea. It's to the point now where I'm seriously debating sending a couple of my company softball highlight reels down to Yawkey to see if I can get a spot. I can track flies with the best of them, might be a little light with the bat but my UZR is off the charts. Even if I don't make the big club they could at least stash me in Pawtucket for depth purposes.

And finally, it wouldn't be the Red Sox if there wasn't some manufactured controversy to talk about. Though this time it appears the media and ownership had nothing to do with starting it. David Ortiz took it upon himself to lace into the media yesterday over supposed questions regarding his leadership. 

Listen, maybe we don't know the whole story, maybe someone really offended D.O, or maybe it was a language barrier thing, I don't know. And honestly, I don't care. Has Ortiz gotten an un-fair shake in the past? Yea, maybe. For a guy that should be nothing short of revered around here, he may have a point. Should he act like a whiny brat, throwing temper tantrums? You know what? If that's what he wants to do, while he's batting like this and the team is winning the way they are, then sure. Throw hissy fits all you want, lash out at perceived slights (reality and non-reality alike). He's crushing the ball like 04-05 Ortiz, I'll take it however I can get it. I can dig it. Pedro pulled the same routine for years, constantly making up boogey men who were supposedly disrespecting him, even though he was widely regarded as one of the best pitchers of all time. 

If that does it, then shit, all players should go around playing the respect card, most notably Clay Buchholz...someone pass on this message to him. Hey Clay, you've really sucked lately and I don't respect you. 

That should do it.

The Zombie Fad is Still a Thing?

Boston - The living dead will fill the streets of downtown Boston Saturday, as thousands slather themselves in fake blood and ghoulish makeup for the eighth annual Zombie March through the city...“I think it’s exactly how it sounds — you show up and it’s a zombie invasion,” he said. “It’s people from all walks of life come together for a few hours one day and they have a good time, and that’s a rare thing these days.”

So I guess the Zombie people are still around? That can't be right, can it? Because as far as I knew, Vampires were the new hotness for people who are detached from reality and want to march in parades to prove it. 

 Huh?  Just goes to show how much I'm up on dork-scifi culture. Didn't even realize there was enough room in this realm for Zombies and Vampires to co-exist. 

Credit where credit is due though, that Cranberries re-mix was fire. I'd love to see Bella and Edward come up with something like that, probably would just be some emo mash-up of Vampire weekend. Lame as hell. 

What's really scary, those are his actual scrubs from his job at MGH, part time doctor, part time delusional zombie fan.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Break Up the Sox!

Bat Flips and Hand Gestures to God, That's What Cody Ross Does

Honestly, I've been hesitant to write this in the past week. It seems like every time I strike and opinion one way or the other and hit publish the team decides to swing wildly back the other way. I write they suck, they start winning, I write they're cruising right along, they start going down in flames, I write how their pitching staff sucks, their starting pitchers rip off 5 straight wins and 6 of their last 7. It's like I'm the key to this whole crazy thing (don't believe me? click the tag below for Red Sox Fans Pulse check and check the published date against the sox schedule and results on espn, its been uncanny). 

And part of me just wanted to keep my mouth shut this time, but I couldn't. I'm your leader. You guys depend on me. It's not like there's an over abundance of Red Sox related analysis and opinions out there on the internet, its basically me and a bunch of other hacks, so here we go...

The pitching is back, baby! Over a 5 game span Buch (a minor miracle), Doubront, Bard, Lester, and Beckett  all picked up W's.  And none of them have been cheap either, Lester and Beckett combining for 16 innings of one run ball at one point. All the while the bullpen has been its usual dependable self (honestly, two weeks into the season, who would have imagined that sentence making any sense at all?) 

It's squelched the ridiculous Aaron Freaking Cook talks, and it's kept the Daisuke buzz at a manageable level (for the few out there asking about him...you remember how much he sucked, right? the 120 pitch 5 inning starts? The silly 6 walks, 3 hits lines he threw out there? Lets not let revisionist history prevail here). 

Things are kind of rolling right along right now, its pretty nice actually. I'm just deathly afraid of rocking the boat and causing yet another turn around with one of my blogs, so a few things I'm concerned about:

The pitching staff, still.  Yes they've been great as of late, but it's going to take a few more turns through the rotation before I buy into it. Seeing Lester step up like an Ace was fantastic. Watching Beckett bounce back and throw the defiant game that I was looking for (albeit a start to late to salvage his reputation) was excellent...but it's got to continue. It starts with those two guys, if you're getting consistent efforts from them, everyone else falls into line. You can eat a bad start here or there from the young guys at the back of the rotation, and if Buch continues to falter, you can take him out back and shoot him. It'll be ok. 

The lineup worries me long term. Yes they're second or third in the league in runs...they've been fantastic so far. No knocks there. My only concern is how long the smoke and mirrors show can go on. Look at that lineup...Outside the catcher, which was going to be a platoon anyway, out of the remaining 8, there are three guys that you would have penciled in as starters at the end of last year. Pedroia, Gonzalez, and Papi. That's it. Yes, Aviles is a regular, but he won his job in the middle of spring training, if you want to count him, go ahead, but its on a technicality. 

That means you have 4-5 guys playing significant time due to injuries, who otherwise wouldn't have seen much time, or in some cases, wouldn't have even been in the majors. That's concerning long term. How long can these guys keep producing above expectations? How long can they do a reasonable job replacing Youk, Crawford, and Ellsbury? Right now, things look great...but I'm still knocking on wood and crossing my fingers and toes that they can keep this up. 

It's still very much a team of question marks until some of injured guys get back into the swing of the lineup. When you look at it that way, two games under .500 isn't so bad. Or at least that's what I tell myself, they're just treading water till these guys come back, so far, they haven't drowned.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Our Pets Heads are Falling Off

Welp, Bobby V is a liar, Josh Beckett is a douche bag, and the team's official problem is it's starting pitching...if you're charting at home that's actually an improvement from a week ago when I wasn't sure exactly what the problem with this team was.

But when your "top 3 pitchers" can't out perform your 4 and 5 guys, a guy who just cracked the big leagues full time this season and another guy who'd been a reliever and hadn't started a game since Single A...that's a recipe for a sucky team.

And not only are they not outperforming these guys...They're not outperforming anyone in the league. I don't have it in me to look it up right now but we have to have the highest Starting Pitcher ERA in baseball, it can't really be close. They suck. Buchholz needs to go away. Make up an injury, send him to the DL with dead arm, bad back, sucky pitcher, whatever flies with the commish's office and get him the fuck out of here.

Beckett...What the fuck dude? When did you decide you just didn't give a shit about anything? "my off day is my off day." Go fly a fucking kite. It wasn't an off day...You were skipped in the rotation, and not just to save you a start, but because there was pain and injury concerns. Go do whatever the hell you want, it's your right, but don't expect anyone to like it, and don't expect the fans to respect you...Nice job turning it around last night too, it'd be one thing if you were all defiant after tossing out 7 innings of 2 run ball or something...its another thing entirely when you goat-the fuck out and can't make it 3 innings. You're the worst. The absolute worst. I can't remember seeing someone who so clearly didn't give a shit about anything in a very long time.

And Bobby V...brought in there to be no-nonsense, break up the buddy-buddy relationship Tito had with the players and you come out with this absolute gem of a lie last night:

"I don't think there's any concern about him making his next start or even if he could have with the extra day, made this start," Valentine said at the time. "It would have been a situation we would have had to watch carefully, so there's no need."..."Again," Valentine said, "I didn't think he was injured. You know, he was skipped."

Umm, no Bobby, that's a lie, know how I know this? Because just last week you said the EXACT OPPOSITE.

The thing is, Beckett had been dealing with the stiffness even before his 126-pitch outing last Sunday against the White Sox, and manager Bobby Valentine knew nothing of it. That fact disappointed the first year Red Sox manager, Valentine told reporters.“We have a system set up to have information flow. It just seemed like there was a little snag there,” Valentine said. “It’s not up to him to come into the manager’s office, but you talk to the pitching coach all the time and the trainers all the time. That information usually flows up. In retrospect, it would’ve been nice to know that.”

So that's good.  You're just blatantly lying about something you readily admitted just one week ago. 

What a joke, an absolute joke. The team is out of control top to bottom, no one is publicly stepping up and taking responsibility and meanwhile the fans are just being shit on, basically on a nightly basis. Ladies and Gentelmen, Your 2012 Red Sox.

Weather In Boston is Like...

Every      frigen       day.   Every day! 

I wake up, throw on Fox 25 News, and there it is, either Kevin Lemanowicz or Cindy Fitzgibbon greeting me with a dreary, grey, rainy, 5 day forecast. 

If I ever see Ned on the way to work I'm gonna really know somethings up. 

Just Me, Or is Will Middlebrooks Brining Back Memories of #5?

Boston - Three swings, three extra-base hits and five RBIs. A day after their longest game in six years, the Red Sox needed some energy and the 23-year-old Middlebrooks provided it in an 11-5 victory against the Royals...He swung the bat great,’’ Pedroia said. “Those are professional at-bats and at that age, it’s huge for our team. Very impressive.’’ Middlebrooks has at least one extra-base hit in four straight games to start his career, one of four players to accomplish that since 1918. Oakland’s Yoenis Cespedes did it earlier this season. Enos Slaughter (1938) and Coco Laboy (1969) are the others. Middlebrooks is 8 for 21 (.381) with three doubles, three home runs, and nine RBIs since being called up last Wednesday when Kevin Youkilis went on the disabled list.

I'll say this, I'd give anything to be a 10-12 year old Sox fan right now. Sure the team is just so-so, is coming off a disaster of a year, and the leadership is a mess. Doesn't matter. 

They've got Will Middlebrooks, and it's beginning to feel a lot like 1996-97 all over again. 

That might seem ridiculous, and it's really early, maybe I'll look back in a week, a month, a year, and realize what a jackass I made out of myself, comparing Middlebrooks, a kid with one week of big league activity, to Nomar, one of the most beloved Sox of all time.  Or maybe I'm just grasping at straws, aside from the day to day drama and wondering if this team will ever get above .500 there's been very little in the compelling storylines department this season. But I don't think that's it. 

I see a young, homegrown kid, hitting lasers all over the place. I see a manager with a very uncomfortable decision forthcoming if he keeps it up, and I see myself as a 12 year old, absolutely enthralled with this new all-star in the making, begging my parents to get me his jersey. 

The home grown star, the MVP candidate you've followed since his big league debut, they don't come around often. It's different than a guy you traded for or signed one off-season, no matter how great they may be...they don't really belong to you. They belong to the fan base they just left behind. You take them in as your own, but you weren't there since the beginning...No matter how many great things you witness them do, there's always that missing chapter. You didn't see them realize and learn to harness their potential. It's a ready made product. 

That was part of what was so special about Nomar. He was ours. We watched him come up, suddenly there was this slick fielding shortstop hitting everything in sight, and no one else had a claim on him. He was truly Boston's. Kids learned his pre-batters box routine, his stance, and his sidearm throws from short and mimicked them at little league. 

With any luck we're witnessing the start of the same thing right now. 5th, 6th, 7th graders watching his every move, taking in his game, buying his jerseys (wait til next year kids, he'll have a permanent number then), and copying everything he does. You'll look back in 15 years in realize how fun that was, and how lucky you were to be that age when that type of player came up.