Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Emergency Post: Michael Phelps is a Liar and Subway's Guac is Disgusting


Flat out fraud. Flat out disgusting. I'm not even exagerrating when I say that might have been the WORST lunch I've ever had. The avocado/guac was just disgusting. I'm pretty sure it was green paste, not even kidding. You could have subsituted green play-doh and I'd have been more satisfied. 

Shame on you Michael Phelps...there's just no way you're eating that garbage. Either you're full of shit or you're coming dead last in the upcoming Olympics because you've recently ate a life time of inedible green paste during your training. No champion on earth would eat that shit.

I was dubious going in, I really was. I rarely do Subway but when I do its Sweet Onion Teriyaki or bust, never varies. In the end I have no one to blame but myself, I swam a few laps last night and thought, you know what, if it works for Phelps, it works for me. Never again. Wouldn't be surprised if I sank to the bottom of the pool like a stone tonight after eating this thing. All credibility lost. I'm inconsolable.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Whitest Woman on Earth, Tweets out "N**ga's"



TMZ - Gwyneth Paltrow ignited a firestorm of criticism after blasting the N-word to her one million Twitter followers this weekend ... while describing a Jay-Z and Kanye West concert in Paris. Paltrow was rockin out Friday at the "Watch the Throne Tour" ... when she decided to send a twitter pic of herself on stage (above) with the rappers and the caption "Ni**as in paris for real." If you've been under a rock -- or if you're Kris Jenner -- that's the title of a Jay and Kanye song. The tweet triggered a tidal wave of negative internet buzz ... with fans questioning whether Gwyneth was using the term in a derogatory way. GP later responded unapologetically, "Hold up. It's the title of the song!" That said, Jay and Kanye did go on to perform their hit song "Ni**as in Paris" a whopping 11 times that night. 

Three Observations:

1. Yes,  copyrighting your tweets is as bad-ass as it gets. Big time power move by Paltrow. 

2. You know Gwyneth spent all day going through her warddrobe looking for her most ghetto-getup. Turns out its a pair of black shorts and a sleevless black t-shirt...which will probably also double as her gardening clothes when she takes on  some project she saw on Martha Stewart this Saturday. 

3. Gwyneth Paltrow tweeting out "Ninja" is as progressive as it gets. Seriously. I read the CNN Black History articles during February. Everyone's about taking the word back, taking the power away from it. Gwyneth just did ya'll a huge favor in that effort. Never has a more harmless, naive, and lily-white person used the word in such a non-racially charged way. The word's power, the word's meaning, gone. When this girl is saying the word openly, I think it's safe to say its become rather innocuous:


 Boringest White Person on Earth. That's what she's receiving an award for. The Queen of England isn't as dry and dull as Gwyneth is. She may have effectively killed the N word once and for all.


LA Kings Relentlessly Trolling the New Jersey Devils


In the words of Pauly D: "OH YEAA! TROLLS ARE HEAAHH, YEA!

In all seriousness though, most hockey players are Canadian, have they even started showing the Jersey Shore up there? Isn't there some kinda 5 year waiting period before the signal reaches them?