Woman Jumps Into Van During Police Chase

How about these guys narrating this thing: "Is it possible she's talking to the driver." Uh, yeah...I'd say that's definitely who she's talking to. 

I'd love to know what was going on in that conversation. "Hunny, we're running late for the movies, I've got a cop escort, but I know how you hate to miss the previews so you're going to have to jump in on the fly."

Pretty Sure Chris Farley Is Alive and Going by the Name of Kevin Farley

That's a terrible disguise bro

TMZ - Comic actor Kevin Farley -- younger brother of the late Chris Farley -- has been accused by his ex-GF of making death threats over the phone ... but Kevin is adamant she's lying through her teeth. Farley's ex, Fayrene Byrd-Doig, filed a request for a restraining order in L.A. County Superior Court ... claiming Kevin called her up on March 23, 2012 and said, "He was going to f**king kill [me]." But Kevin tells TMZ ... Fayrene is simply a "sick woman" who has concocted dangerous lies in an effort to get back at him for breaking things off with her in 2009. Kevin says, "She's been blaming me and harassing me ever since."

Hold on, what? Kevin Farley? Come on, you're not fooling anyone. Has Chris been alive this whole time and I had no idea. I mean, call off the Tupac search, lets focus on this for a little bit.  That there is Chris Farely, and frankly, he doesn't look like he's aged a day since his alleged death. Furthermore, I've never heard of Kevin Farley. In fact, I just checked his IMDB page and I'm now convinced more than ever that Kevin Farley is just a made up identification. The credits are just a mixed bag of things I've never even heard of and might just be made up, and credits to shows and movies so bad that there aren't enough people who actually watched them to definitively say whether he was or wasn't in it.  An easy page to fake without anyone catching on.

"The Jadagrace show?" Made up. Cellmates, Pretend Time, The Gold and the Beautiful...All Made up. Credits in the United States of Tara...this is a particularly shrewd move and I'm pretty sure all evidence of this show has been destroyed in an effort for America to save face with the rest of the world. "Wild Girls Gone." You can't make this shit up. 

I'll now be convinced till the day I die that Kevin Farley is actually Chris, flying under the radar all these years. It makes sense, I'd want to get away if David Spade just hanging on my coattails and following me around everywhere like a puppy dog. Guy just needed a break.

QR Codes on Gravestones: Sure To Cause a Cross Generational War

ABC - Call it tombstone technology. Some gravestones can now link loved ones to online memorials using a smartphone. A monument company in Indiana is offering to put QR codes on headstones. You scan it with your smartphone and the codes connect you to a memorial website about a loved one, including photos, biography, and other information. They can even send text messages to the family or share stories. The company says it's selling several of the headstones each day.

Well that's going to be the icing on the cake. You're just going see widespread brawls taking place in the middle of funeral processions from here out. Old people swinging canes and walkers, ringing the bells on their life alert alarms to bring reinforcements, versus, teenagers and twenty somethings raising holy hell with their damned modern techmogizmos.

Nothing will divide the crowd more than some youngster with a smartphone reading the QR code on the grave stone and chuckling at old family videos of the deceased while the old folks mourning their loss in the more traditional way stand a few feet away. Oldie's already think whiffersnappers and their cellphones are  the down fall to society and you can't go anywhere without seeing them. The cemetery was like their Fortress of Solitude when it came to that kind of stuff...not so much anymore gramps.

PS: I'd want my QR Code to go to something really creepy, something like:

If You Weren't Sure Before, Chris Bosh is Def the Odd Man Out in the Big 3

If this picture doesn't just define Bosh's role with the big three in Miami, I don't know what does. I mean look at it...

First off, they threw him at the very end of the bench. I don't know if that's his usual spot, or if its punishment for that 1970's clown suit he's wearing, but it says alot. By placing Bosh in that spot James and Wade effectively don't have to look at the Bostrich, at all. Just cast off, probably craning his bird neck all night long trying to get into whatever the guys on the bench were joking about. Poor guy. 

Secondly, look at his posture! Now look at James' posture. This is a man who DEFINITELY gets stuck with the middle seat on team flights. The guys on the Heat must pull straws to decide who gets to sit next to Bosh on flights. Just dominating the armrests and legroom from take off to landing while he insecurely cowers in the middle seat. 

Just look at him. James all comfy, elbows and legs spread wide, like he's taking a nice and relaxing shit on the toilet (the Heat backups actually were taking a shit on the court at that moment, so its nice symmetry really), while Bosh has to pull the always awkward and uncomfortable shoulder across your chest move and is clenching his legs together. It is the picture of uncomfortableness. He looks like a movie character who was just sexually abused and is afraid of human contact. 

Ladies and Gentelman, Chris Bosh...The Sexually Abused Character in a B Movie, and 1/3 of the Miami Big Three. 

President Obama Slow Jams the News, Presumably Takes Huge Jump in the Polls

Not even kidding, THAT is how you win an election. THAT is the Obama everyone voted for four years ago. THAT is the Obama that'll make Romney look like a stale cracker (lazy pun totally intended) this fall. 

Voting for that Obama is fun. Don't look at his track record, it's been so-so, but no need to point that out. Don't look at the fact that there's no evidence that he's an effective leader capable of shaping congress' opinion, in fact, pay no attention at all to the fact that this probably alienated 60-65% of congress, this is just how you win an election, you make it fun. Voting for Romney is going to be like watching paint dry, like folding tighty-whitey's in the laundry, like doing taxes. He might have the requisite financial knowledge and experience to lead our country out of our current fiscal quagmire, but it'll be boring as shit, will probably involve things like hard work, personal accountability, and due diligence...No thanks bro. 

Obama's got it figured out. The way to win an election is to turn it into a high school class president election, all you gotta do after that is be the most popular guy in the room. Check and Mate.


PS:

"So I said, Whats good Shawty? And that's how Michelle and I met."

 H/T to @jose3030 for the screen grabs.