Alt Tabs of the Week

Wisconsin protest or audition line for Biggest Loser?

Wisconer's Get Down Right Egyptian on their State Senate - Someone was reading the Alt-Tab last week when I wished American politics involved a few more riots and rallies. Of course being that this took place in Wisconsin the crowd was easily dispersed with offerings of cheese and sausages, but still, it was a start.

Cape Cod News Reporter Busted for Drug Delivery At Work - Can't really blame the guy, obviously just trying to drum up some news on his own to boost his readership. Times are tough for newspapers, they'll take the publicity any way they can get it.

Brooklyn Crowd Taunts Murder Rampage Suspect - Maybe it's just my natural Fight-or-Flight response, but I don't think I'd be taunting a guy who just killed like 18 people in one 24 hour span. Whats the plan if he gets released on a technicality? He's killing all you mofo's.

Fox Claims Billy-Ray Cyrus is the Worst Stage Parent - Don't get too used to that crown Billy-Ray, Will Smith is coming on strong, just give it a year or two. Pushing two kids into the spotlight and a Scientologist to boot. Dude's a lock for the Bad Parent Hall of Fame. I have no idea where the Fresh Prince went wrong.

Highschool Basketball Coach Uses "N" Word for Motivation - And he was promptly fired. I hope this team goes on to win the state championship after his firing. It's been a while since Disney put out a heartfelt sports movie taking advantage of racial tensions to cash in big.  Something tells me Will Smith already has Denzel on the phone asking if he'll play the role of coach for Will's son.

Kansas Highschool Newspaper Claims Moral Reasons for Executing Gays - I don't see what the big deal is.  I mean it's wrong, and clearly hatespeech, I'm not arguing that. It's just, who reads a highschool news paper? In my day only the dorks that published it even gave it a second though. In fact I'd be shocked if more than 10 copies were even printed, just enough for the entire staff to each have one.  Shit, even in this school the faculty advisor clearly didn't read the paper.  You can't preach the virtues of proof reading and then tell me he just happened to miss an entire article of anti-gay propganda during his scan. Guy obviously doesn't give a shit, and I'm willing to bet none of the students would have either, if some outsider hadn't made a huge deal and put it on the internet.

Best of the Blogs

Human Resources Profanity Conversion Guide (seen above) - Bam, hanging this up in my cube. As I become more and more disenchanted with my sweet middle management title I find myself inappropriately cursing more often.  It used to be just quick little mutters under my breath, but now I've caught myself a few times just cursing in general conversation with the guy a couple cubes down, out loud for everyone to hear (though no one seems to give a shit).


Top 3 Air Related Pranks -Hysterical, Airport pranks are hard to pull off these days with every citizen and minimum wage security guard on the hunt for Bin Laden, like he's just going to be strolling through the US Airways terminal or browsing men's magazines at Hudson News.  So the fact that these pranks were even pulled off is pretty damn impressive.


Carnivorous Domestic Furniture - Dear lord, I've seen it all. There is now furniture that feeds on fly's, other insects, and even mice.  Seems like it would have been easier for the slobs to pick up and clean up after themselves than to invent a flesh hungry coffee table that could one day destroy humanity.

Boston Globes Delusional Suggestions for the Greenway

Just so everyone's clear here, this is what we're talking about, its a few strips of grass, maybe 100 feet wide each, basically serving as a median between two major one way streets in the heart of Boston.  This isn't some major park, or gigantic barren space.  It's a few dots of land separating the North End and parts of the Waterfront from Faneuil Hall and the Financial district.

Every now and then the topic comes up with what to do with the Rose Fitzgerald Greenway in Boston. Which boggles my mind because I didn't think we needed to do anything. I thought the point was to have a "greenway," you'd think mission accomplished.

But no, apparently the Greenway has to be, or mean, something greater. Doesn't matter that we're talking about a relatively small 3 or 4 stretches of land that are perfectly fine as the parks they currently are. So without further ado, here are the top 7 most illogical suggestions from Boston Globe Readers.


Amusement Parks - There is barely enough room for a ferris wheel, nevermind a full onslaught of kiddie rides and adventure roller coasters.

Professional Soccer Stadium - There isn't enough room for a full field nevermind a full on stadium with parking lots.  Plus it's soccer. People hated my soccer blogs, nevermind a full on field in the middle of Boston.

Various Museums - Again, people are aware of how much space a building takes up, right?
Boston's Own Central Park - WTF is wrong with you people? Central Park is basically the size of Boston in its entirety, we're talking about a tiny median sized strip of land between two streets.

Transportation Between North Station and South Station - It's called the subway, yea you have to change lines deal with it, or walk the 1 mile distance.

A parking lot - Well now you're just being wise asses

Private Development - To develop what exactly? What would fit here? A couple of fast food drive thru restaurants? A CVS? What do people think fits here? Why can't we just leave it as it is.

News Anchor Makes Light of Co-Anchors "Short Comings" On Air

The good part is in the first 30 seconds

Ouch, They've totally slept together right? No other reason for that unprompted dig? Is it just generally accepted that all news anchors have slept together at least once? I'm going with that assumption anyway.

He should have just reached over and bitch slapped that broad right then and there.  Actually, after watching it a few times I'm fairly certain he just jumped over and killed her. The video cuts away too quickly but he is clearly furious with that little snide remark, and I don't blame him.  

Great double standard on display there.  If this guy were to say, comment on her tit size, or mention her barren womb on air, he'd be fired before the newscast was over.  Something tells me this uppity broad is still on air though.

China Man Lives for Years with Dagger Stuck in his Face! (terrifying vid inside)

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This is the kinda news that keeps me up at night worrying about the inevitable Chinese takeover of the United  States.  I'm not worried about global finance, China's funny money will never truly over take the dollar.  1 billion yen = $100 or something like that. It's just unreasonable to expect people to carry around 1 billion yen in their pockets. Too heavy and no one has pockets that big.

My real fear is the billion+ kung fu warriors who apparently don't bother going to the hospital when a dagger breaks off in their face.  Guy probably drank some herbal tea and called it a night when that happened, and that scares the shit out of me.

I cut my finger a couple years ago washing a glass, boring story short, I'm still afraid of hand washing glasses today.  I panicked and sped to the ER for 3 stitches, demanding to see a doctor immediately. 

These guys already out number us about 3-1, now we're dealing with some kinda super human healers?  I'm going to take this coming long weekend to build a survival shelter, I suggest you all consider doing the same.

Scientists Invent First "Anti-Laser"

And you thought this was a bad plot...

Fox News - Two scientists at Yale University have built the laser’s first doppelganger: the anti-laser. While a conventional laser emits a constant beam of light in one direction, the anti-laser simply does the opposite. It takes that same steady light stream and interacts with it in such a way that it absorbs and cancels out the light. And scientists hope the strange creation could help the fight against cancer.

Something tells me this isn't going to be a good thing, like fighting cancer is just the tip of the iceberg.  And I'm not talking about the invention of some super weapon to end the world or anything. Frankly, it doesn't sound that impressive.  You know what else absorbs the light of a laser? A dark room with now windows.  No, a weaponized form isn't a real fear.

My real fear is the onslaught of terrible movies, comics, and television shows that will sprout from this invention in the years to come.  Think of all the cheesy movie plots that have dealt with lasers over the years. Every James Bond movie, every Austin Powers Movie, The Congo, a few terrible, pre Chris Nolan Batman movies.  Now think of the horrible sequels to all those, and potential for new franchises dealing with the new "Anti-laser." 

I'm depressed just thinking about it, we're in for years of pure shit coming out of Hollywood (as opposed to mediocre crap we've been dealing with for the past decade).

Kid Throws Up on School Choir to Express Disapproval

Vid Down Below

Look at that poor unsuspecting girl, just dutifully singing along to the song, unknowing of what everyone else see's coming.  Shit's about to get real in her life, Josie Grossy style.  She can pretty much count on being remembered as the girl who got thrown up on in choir for the rest of her time in Russia.

And how about the poise and composure of the puker?  Kid just didn't give a shit, clearly wasn't impressed with everyone's reaction to him barfing all over everyone. Like this is Russia, they haven't seen someone projectile vomiting before? Kid probably polished off his Frosted Flakes with a morning Screw Driver.  He even fired a warning shot, but didn't feel the need to run out of there or turn away. He's throwing up where he wants, when he wants. I'd imagine this is how Putin behaved as a child. Future world leader material.

PS: Not feeling his attire though, Steve Jobs may be brilliant but copying his minimalist fashion sense isn't going to catch anyone's attention.