The Alleged McDonalds Mega Millions Winner Is Even More Brilliant Than I thought Yesterday

Fox News - The Maryland Mega Millions mystery only got more confusing after a woman who claimed to be one of three winners of a record prize appeared with her lawyer -- and without the ticket. "I have not seen the ticket, nor do I want to see the ticket," said attorney Edward Smith, as Marlinde Wilson, who was an hour late for the news conference, stood behind him. She did not speak...Wilson, 37, earlier told the New York Post the winning ticket was stashed somewhere in the McDonald's restaurant where she works. “I left my ticket there, and it’s somewhere safe that only I know about,” she told the newspaper through a Creole-speaking translator.

So yesterday I thought that Mirlande Wilson had reached the mountain top of Fuck You I Quit Pranks, turns out she was only getting warmed up. Lets take a look at that bolded section again:

“Wilson, 37, earlier told the New York Post the winning ticket was stashed somewhere in the McDonald's restaurant where she works. I left my ticket there, and it’s somewhere safe that only I know about,” she told the newspaper through a Creole-speaking translator.

WOW! She just keeps getting better, keeps digging deeper into her bag of tricks. Not only do her McNugget Frying co-workers not know if they're millionaires or welfare recipients, they've also probably spent the last 48 hours on a WILD scavenger hunt, draining grease traps, scouring air ducts, probably cleaning behind the toilet for the first time of years, just rummaging through years of piss spackle. All for a ticket that is most definitely NOT hidden in a McDonalds.  Unless there's a trap door in the bottom of the ball pit that ticket is no where near that McD's, that's a fact, but if you're her co-workers, what choice do you have? These guys are probably pulling 24 hour shifts, working through the night just tearing that place apart. Diabolical. Absolutely Diabolical. 

PS: I may not have won the lottery, but I did win a free weeks worth of blog material, so I guess there's that.

Woman Protesting Augusta for Being Men's Only, Meanwhile I still Can't Join Curves Gym

There's probably a public course right down the street, no?

(CNN) -- The chairman of the club that hosts America's most prestigious golf tournament skirted the prickly issue of women's membership Wednesday, saying it is a private matter. During his annual media session, Billy Payne, chairman of Augusta National Golf Club, did not comment specifically on Ginni Rometty, the top executive at IBM and, undoubtedly, one of the corporate world's most powerful women. IBM's sponsorship of the Masters tournament guarantees club membership for its officers, but Rometty is a woman, and the club does not allow women to join.

UGHHH...this again, really? Look it's simple. You let me or any other normal guy, join Curves and Oprahs Book club, and we'll let you join August National, deal?

If it makes you feel better, I'm a dude, and there's no way in hell they're gonna let me join anytime soon. Does that mean they're discriminating against me and every other middle class citizen? Would you say Augusta is waging class warfare? Of course not. And they're not waging gender warfare either. It's a mens club, plain and simple. The fact that it happens to also be the pinnacle of golf is not the issue here, you're just picking a fight for the sake of picking a fight, and its completely bologna. You girls realize you could go build your own course and make it woman's only, right?

I know it sucks ladies, men built the ultimate golf course and decided to exclude you, like a grown man version of the Little Rascals "He-Man Woman haters Club." You feel left out, and worse yet, you realize that women could never build an equally impressive golf temple. I get it.  But lets cut all the crap about "discriminatory policies." It's no more discriminatory than any other woman's only thing, which are fairly common.

Rex Ryan, Tim Tebow, and The Jets Wishing You a Happy Annointing of the Feet

My MS Paint Skills are on Point

I don't remember much from CCD, but I do remember that yesterday was Anointing of the Feet day and in church speak that means getting your feet worshiped by complete strangers...In other words, its the Ryan/Tebow Era Jets' favorite holiday...Happy Annointing of the Feet everyone.

What Did Randy Jackson Wear?

DON'T CALL IT A COME BACK!  I honestly thought the "Randy Jackson Wore What" series was dead last week. Just didn't even bother with it after Randy threw back to back nights of black leather coats with black shirts at me...had the season of the Plural Tone been cut down far before it's prime?

Answer: A Resounding NO. Not only did Randy come out looking like a loaf of Wonder Bread, he gave us this bonus shot of young(er) Randy doing his thing all the way back in the 80's! It's an Easter Miracle. My spirits are revived and I'm feeling more confident than ever that we can take this thing all the way down to the final two. 

God Bless You, Randy Jackson's stylist.