Chris Perez Goes Full Mcnabb, Puking All Over the Field

"Looking Good Billy Ray" 

"Feeling Good, Louis!"

I Still Hate the Miami Heat, But Goddamnit Do I Respect Dan LeBatard for this Rant

Hate if you want, point out that the Heat technically still haven't won anything if you want, complain that maybe its a tad too long if you want, but this is absolutely one of the best trolling sports rants I've ever heard. Ever. Just gem on top of gem. Came right out of the gates swinging. 

 "Your Doc Lost Game 7, Our Docs augment breasts"

"You eat Boston cream pies, baked beans, and chowdah. You know what we eat? We'll eat your motherfucking face!"

"The famous Citgo sign in Kenmore Sq. contains 5 miles of neon tubing, Lebron has that...IN HIS PANNNTS."

"The John Hancock Tower boats 13 acres of glass, after game 7, Lebron Returned to Miami, and 13 Acres of Ass!"

And my absolute favorite:

"YOU HAVE ONLY ONE RONDO, WE HAVE A MILLION ARMANDO'S!"

Well played LeBatard, well played indeed.

Elementary School Kid Creates Greatest Jesus Meme of All Time

HuffPo - One student-made sign at Hamilton Elementary School in Fresno, Calif., is causing controversy among parents after the school displayed it in the lobby, KFSN-TV reports. The sign, made by a seventh-grade student as part of an assignment during a history unit on the Crusades, depicts Jesus with a caption reading "I want you to kill all the infidels," as well as "meet me in Jerusalem, get a free ticket to heaven."

GET ME THIS KID. I've been toying with the idea of getting someone to do Meme's (pronounced Meems apparently? Doesn't sound right to me, but it's allegedly right) around here for a while. Yes I think they're destroying the internet. Yes, I think the younger generation, who can't seem to grasp that these are glorified caption contests, are dumb as fuck and easily entertained. But you know what, if it generates pageviews, I'll do it. 

And if I'm going to do memes, I want the best meme producer possible. I want the chosen one. And this kid is it. For the first time in years I laughed at a meme. I remember thinking the first few memes I saw were hilarious, and then EVERYONE started doing them and suddenly they weren't so funny anymore, just a threat to my blogging lifestyle.
 

But this one, this one slayed me. It's not that I'm for killing infidels or anything, its just the perfect blend of politics, religion, and humor. This thing could have literally ran in the political cartoon section of the Times or the New Yorker, its that good.   And that's the kind of quality expected around these parts.

Lauryn Hill Don't Pay Taxes Because She's Underground

CNN - Lauryn Hill is publicly addressing the charges that have been brought against her, in which she's accused of failing to file her income tax returns for three straight years. The Grammy-winning singer and rapper explained Friday via her Tumblr account that she didn't file because she had gone “underground” to protect herself and her family...To that end, "I have remained what others would consider underground” for the past "several years," Hill further explained of her lengthy absence from the spotlight.

Nice try Lauryn, but its pretty much common knowledge that doing taxes is what's hot in the streets. We all saw the Making the Band Epsidodes of the Chappelle Show:

You just gonna do your taxes?
You just gonna sit there and crunch numbers, is that hot?
Is that what's going on on the streets right now, your taxes? 

Hit the 5:15 mark if you feel like skipping straight to it...but honestly, who fast forwards Chappelle?

Mind Blown: Shaun White Dating Bar Refaeli

What? I mean, for real? Shaun White. Love truly must be blind, because:

Bar Refaeli:

Shaun White/Rocky Dennis: 

OMG A NEW APPLE PRODUCT!

DWEEBS! All of You.

But especially you, guy that's dressed like he should be out on a West African Safari photo hunt. What the hell went wrong with your life that you ended up there, taking pictures of a laptop, that looks fairly identical to laptops sold regularly in Best Buy. 

This is some Biblical style idolatry right here. The kind of idolatry that Moses saw when he came off the mountain after chatting it up with the burning bush and then that bush went all Old Testament on everyone and started smoting people left and right...Well you folks are prime for smoting.