Gripe of the Week

If you're a chic calling into a sports station you should at least be as hardcore as this woman.

CW's been so busy at his real job lately that he hasn't had time to focus on gripes, and that's a shame because its what I do and enjoy best, so while I only have two gripes for the day, I hope you enjoy them thoroughly . So without further ado...

Females Calling Into Sports Radio - Can't you just leave this one frontier alone?  We just want one all male arena, that's it, its not too much to ask.  No, I don't want your uninformed opinions on my teams, you're a woman. I know ladies watch and follow sports but that alone doesn't give you the right to call up and spout your opinions on it.  Sports are like are like a religion to those of us who go out of our way to listen to sports radio.  Similar to cooking for women who watch the food network, or crafting for for those of you who subscribe to Home and Garden magazine.  Its not something to take lightly and call up and spout your rose colored glasses opinions on and then just go about your day like nothing happened. And that's the main problem  Women never have conviction on their calls, you ask a question or state an opinion and as soon as the hosts begin to debate you just accept their opinions and say things like "ya, ok" or "I guess you're right," or my absolute favorite "Well I don't know".   Exactly, you don't know, and you don't care enough to really discuss it so stop wasting all of our time.

Things like this:

I am pleased to announce the opportunity to apply for The John and Evelyn Neumeyer Scholarship Award available for all full-time undergraduate students in any health sciences field within the College.  Candidates must demonstrate financial need and be either an immigrant with permanent resident status or the child of an immigrant.

I hate this more than anything.  It's been said time and time again but wouldn't there be a gigantic uproar if anyone was to ever give out an all white or Caucasian scholarship?  And spare me the socio-economic defense. If that were the case you could just set financial parameters around the scholarship.  But nope, we jumped right to the race issue and that's wrong. We're past the point in society of having to handicap minorities, at least at the higher education level (I'll concede at a k-12 level there is a lot of work needed in this area).  Schools practially fall all over themselves courting the best and brightest from minority groups, tossing around additional free money isn't all that necessary. 

Florida Gunman Opens Fire on School Board, Fails Miserably

PANAMA CITY - A gunman opened fire at a school board meeting Tuesday, sending spectators scrambling before he exchanged shots with a security guard and then killed himself, police said. No one besides the gunman was injured. Witnesses said the gunman walked up to a podium, spray painted a red "V" with a circle around it before he began firing...What happens next isn't shown. Police say district security chief Mike Jones entered the room and exchanged fire with Duke, wounding him. Police say Duke then fatally shot himself.

Well this is just about the craziest piece of news to come around in a long time.  How horrible of an effort did this guy make?  If you're going to go down, go down blazing.  None of this lazy shooting, you see that one shot? Just right down into the carpet, wasn't even aimed anywhere in particular.  At the end of the day I'm glad everyone but this loon was safe but I can't help feel shocked at the outcome.  If you're going to make the rash decision to line up the school committee firing squad style you'd think you'd have some conviction behind your actions.  None of this waffling, on the fence bullshit this guy pulled.  In the end no real threat to anyone but himself.

I'll tell you who the real threat was, District Security Chief Mike Jones (WHO?) marching right in there with what looks like a frigen assault rifle.  Now I assume District Security Chief is code word for minimum wage security guard of the building, that being the case what was this guy doing marching around with a sub machine gun?  I can only assume he's a war vet who's been living in a fantasy world just waiting for the day he's called back into action.  I mean where does he even keep that bazooka? Hidden under his security guard desk?

And finally, we really need more of an explanation of the V.  I get that its from V for Vendetta but what kind of suicidal maniac goes out without a proper explanation.  There has to be an unopened email or letter in the mail to someone fully explaning the thought process there.  It was a decent movie and all but nothing worth using as the creedo to your last stand.  Just a mystifying series of events from start to finish.  Glad everyone else is safe though.

Introducing Americas Biggest Badass

MSNBC - When choosing a getaway vehicle, it's a good idea to make sure it goes more than 3 miles an hour. A Palm Beach man led security guards on an intense slow-speed chase in a motorized shopping cart in a grocery store parking lot after he allegedly stole some meat and ran over a child's foot during his escape.

Louis Lorensen, 58, was finally cornered by security guards and employees of the Winn-Dixie, who waited for police to show up to finally arrest the would-be thief, reports the Sun-Sentinel.  "I ain't no punk, and I ain't going down without a fight," Lorensen was yelling, according to a police report of the odd incident.

He apparently wasn't in a rush to get away, either. Most motorized shopping carts can reach speeds of about 3 miles per hour, but they might not even be that fast. At that rate, Lorensen would have been better off using his feet. But that didn't stop him from allegedly loading up on 11 packages of meat and then low-tailing it out of the store. As he tried to exit, a woman and her 4-year-old son were walking in. Lorensen told the customers to move out of the way, but the little boy was caught like a deer in headlights with the oncoming slow cart bearing down on him, according to the police report. Lorensen ran over the boy's foot and made it into the parking lot before finally being corralled, the police report said. At the police station, Lorensen told an officer, "When you take these cuffs off, I'm going to punch you in the face," according to the report, as reported by the Sun-Sentinel. He now faces two counts of larceny, aggravated battery on a child, possession of stolen property and resisting arrest.

This guy might just be my hero.  Facing ridicule and certain arrest he had the conviction to go through with his plan and the chance to be a legend.  Sure it was about a 100 percent chance he'd get caught before he even made it to through the automated doors. But what if he didn't?  

Can you imagine the legend that would grow out of the Rascal bandit? Senior citizens from Arizona to Maine would share stories in hushed tones over their early bird dinners, wishing they could muster the courage to make a getaway on their motorized carts.  Louie Lorensen could have been bigger than Jesse James and Billy the Kid combined.  

You have to love the moxie he showed even after it was all over too.  You can be damned sure those officers never let him out of the cuffs.  He would have socked them in the face and then rode off into the sunset never to be seen again. 

But alas, his plans were foiled by some pathetic 4 year old who froze up in fear at the sight of a speeding slow rolling tri-ped.  Good luck in life kid, I'm sure you won't be a complete failure. 

Tobacco Company Bilked By Massachusetts Jury

BOSTON - A jury has awarded $71 million in damages to the estate and son of a Boston woman who died of lung cancer, ruling in a lawsuit that accused Lorillard Tobacco Co. of trying to entice black children to become smokers by handing out free samples in urban neighborhoods. Willie Evans alleged that Lorillard introduced his mother to smoking as a child in the 1950s by giving her free Newport cigarettes in her Boston housing project. Evans said his mother smoked for more than 40 years before dying of lung cancer at age 54. 

 Look, I have no problem with this guy hustling for $71 million, if you can find a way to make money and people are dumb enough give it to you then congrats.  My issue is with the courts that actually awarded these damages.  Basically from what I gather this woman's son claimed she was given free smokes as a child 50-60 years ago.  So to recap, his entire testimony was hearsay about events that may or may not have happened half a century ago from someone who wasn't even alive back then? Am I getting this right?  

I also love the people who claim they didn't realize cigarettes were bad for their health.  I'm not talking about the idiots of today who still continue to smoke despite all the information we have (how dumb do you have to be?), I'm talking about the people from decades ago who act all naive like they didn't know inhaling burning hot smoke from a rolled up piece of paper might be bad for them.  Give me a frigen break.  

I'm not big tobacco supporter, but I'm even less of a smokers advocate.  I'm addicted to eating gigantic, unhealthy egg sandwiches, surely raising my cholesterol to unsafe levels but I highly doubt I'll be able to sue the agriculture department or farmers of America for any issues down the road.  We don't reward any other members of society for gambling on their future, why do we continue to hand down rewards to this subset?