Lock of the Night, Me Winning Megamillions Lottery - Because of My Secret Weapon

No, these aren't my numbers for tonight, but if any of my readers play them and win I claim percentage.  Reading this is legally binding. 

 So naturally I was browsing around the internet at work today, wherever my wandering mind would take me and I started reading stories about the lottery, how lotteries works, and about previous lottery winners when I stumbled across this little nugget from 2005:

NEW YORK, May 11 -- "All the preparation you've done will finally be paying off," read the fortune in Jacquelyn W. Garrett's cookie. The prophecy caught her eye, but it was the numbers stretched across the slip of paper that paid off for her. She played them in the Powerball lottery and won second prize. She was not alone -- an additional 109 people used the same series of numbers to become second-prize Powerball winners in the March 30 drawing."We expected four or five and ended up with 110," Chuck Strutt, executive director of the Multi-State Lottery Association, said Wednesday. "That's well beyond the realm of normal possibilities." Lottery officials at first suspected a scam or maybe a computer glitch. They did not suspect fortune cookies that would lead to the payout of, well, a fortune. But there they were: winners in 26 of the 29 states with the lotteries, each bearing the same number series -- 22, 28, 32, 33, 39, 40.

WHAT?!  So 110 people all got the same fortune in the same week and played those numbers to win the lottery?  You're damned right my mind instantly shot to the Chinese fortune that's been hanging on my fridge for 2 months.  I've thought about throwing that thing out countless times, but either laziness or a holistic knowledge that the little worthless scrap of paper would play a huge role in my life kept me from doing so.  And now its pay off time (no I won't be sharing my numbers with you, but you'll all be invited to my celebratory bash).  

So thank you, hard working, enslaved, child workers of the Chinese food restaurant industry.  If it weren't for you and your tiny type writers, today wouldn't be my last day as a non-gazillionaire. 

Does the Self Cleaning Kitchen from Home Improvement Exist Yet?

I was reading this random story about Irobots new bathroom cleaning robot and it got me thinking, did anyone ever build Tim the Tool Man Taylor's Self Cleaning Kitchen Prototype?  That clip (seen here) has to be a good 15 years old now, someone has to have actually built one of these babies by now right? No, not even Ikea?

Is this a good business plan? Like if I dedicated the next year of my life to building a self cleaning kitchen would it sell? I know I'd buy one if I had the funds.  I eat frozen pizza a couple of times a week just to avoid having to do all the dishes that come with preparing a real meal.  Its either that or watch as my sink slowly turns into a composting landfill for a few days until I realize that I need one of the 3 spatulas buried in there to make my morning eggs so I finally break down and wash everything (and yes I have a dishwasher, I just can't even bring myself to put forth the effort to load it most nights).  So yea, if you told me all I had to do was close the door to the kitchen and press a button and that nightmare would be over I'd sign up instantly.  I'd put a down payment on a self cleaning kitchen before I even bought a house. 

Another Hot Air Ballon Plunges to Earth, Passengers Perish

AOL News- A scoutmaster who received a hot air balloon ride as a special New Year's treat from his teenage son was killed when the craft plunged to the ground and burst into flames, British media reported. Allan Burnett, 55, of Bristol, was killed along with experienced balloonist Lee Pibworth in the crash Saturday morning in Somerset, southwestern England. Horrified spectators watched helplessly as the balloon began to drop like a rock from an altitude of 20,000 feet, the newspapers said. The balloon basket exploded in flames as it hit the ground at a lawn bowling club in the village of Midsomer Norton. No one on the ground was hurt. 

People always act shocked or make fun of me when they find out I'm terrified of hot air balloons, well this is why.  Sure I've skydived twice, but guess what you have when you skydive? A parachute, just like these guys should have had.  

I for the life of me cannot understand why people continue to jump into these flaming death traps for leisure.  At best you're floating 20,000 feet in a wicker basket, a liquid gas canister and fire breathing jet a few feet above your head, blowing fire and hot air directly at the fabric blanket you're using to stay afloat. All piloted by the kind of fruit cake who decided it would be a good career move to dedicate themselves to flying around in balloons.  Meanwhile there are no seat belts, no parachutes, just a waste high rail that any over eager sight seer could easily topple over.

And at worst you plummet in a free fall to your fiery death...Umm, think I'll pass. 

Message to Government Officials - Stop Cutting Your Salaries

Boston Herald - Gov. Deval Patrick announced today he is trimming legislative salaries — and his own pay — by .5 percent in the face of a mounting budget deficit and continuing economic recession.

New York Post -  Gov. Andrew Cuomo says he’s taking a 5 percent pay cut, along with five top aides and Lt. Gov. Robert Duffy. Cuomo says he’ll return to the state that portion of the $179,000 governor’s salary, which was set by law in 1999. It amounts to $8,950.

What the hell is going on here?  I mean I know that politicians typically lack the common sense gene, but are they this dumb? 

How am I supposed to go into my own yearly raise negotiation with this crap going on in the public sector.  "Gee sir, I worked my ass off between blogs this year, I think I deserve a 3% raise at least."  I'll probably get laughed at and slapped in the face now.  

What happened to the good old boy politicians, lining their pockets with kickbacks, bribes and self appointed raises all while smiling and lying through their teeth to the media?  That was the government I loved.  None of this honest and open shit, it takes away all incentive to boost the economy, because whats the point of propping up the economy and generating more money if there is no way for you to steal, swindle and embezzle ill gotten gains like the Pols of yester-year? 

You want to boost the economy? Give yourself a raise.  It'll raise public confidence and get some of these nut bag economic observers back off the ledge so maybe the economy can have some time to breathe before the next apocalyptic news story breaks and the whole market tanks again. 

Degredation of American Robbers Continues

God Damnit, doesn't any one know how to rob a store any more? Do I have to get out there and show people how it's done because this is getting truly pathetic.

Yea, yea, this has already been blogged about.  And sure I have plenty of questions about how a 12 foot Birch Tree was the most convenient weapon, but that's not what troubles me most about this robbery attempt. No, that would be the mans choice of foot wear. 

Dude, this aint no cat burglary taking place in the night, all sneaky and shit.  No need to conceal your foot prints.  This is an honest to goodness stick up, a robbery, a straight man to man, middle of the day light robbery.  Act accordingly for God sakes.  Take those bags off your feet.  You didn't think a little traction would help while pivoting on the follow through with your 12-Wood?  

Shit, the guy even wore gloves, like Gil Grissom and the CSI Las Vegas team were gonna ship the Kwiki-Mart evidence back to their lab.  Baby steps dude, maybe successfully knock over a few stores, steal more than $34 dollars and a tray of pennies and maybe the cops will start paying attention, until then I think you can take it easy on the disguise side of things.

Finally- What the hell are you two possibly talking about in the middle of this video? You asking him where the key is to the employee bathroom? Get in and get out, its that simple.  Might not want to ask him to hold you tree trunk next time either.