Mailman Fired for Doing Everyone A Favor and Throwing Out Junk Mail

MSNBC - A Lexington mail carrier is accused of throwing away mail in a dumpster and now he's out of a job. "Following a customer call we did discover that a former employee was disposing of mail improperly," said Susan Wright with USPS. The postal service says the carrier was caught in the act by customers. The pieces of mail that was thrown away were advertisements and no personal information was compromised. "I want to emphasize that all mail is important to the postal service and we protect the sanctity of all mail, at all times, and we take this situation very seriously, regardless of the items that are involved," she Wright. "With the economy the way it is, some people need those coupons, you know, there's great deals in them, they help out a lot," said customer Michelle Chenault.

Who on earth are these people that reported the mailman for throwing out junk mail for them? Now we're getting public servants fired for having the courtesy to do us a personal favor, that's what its come to? Who want's all that junk mail? And Susan Wright, can it with the "all mail is important," company line, you sound like Newman (Sorry guys, embedding disabled, apparently Jerry didn't make enough money on this show).

All mail isn't important. You know what happened recently in our building? Went down to get my mail one day and there was this frustrated letter from our mailman about people not cleaning out their mail boxes every day (because who has the time to make a 2 minute trip to the front door to pick up junk mail they'll surely be recycling 30 seconds after opening it), and threatened that mail delivery would stop if the boxes didn't have room, and we'd have to pick up our mail at the post office...Which if you know anything about me, is just not an option (here, here, and here). If I'm not going to walk the 40 or so paces it takes to get to our mail boxes, I'm sure as shit not driving down to that leper colony to pick up some bogus mail.

So what did we do? We set up a very special filing bin right below the mail boxes for the mailman to sort all of those goddamn coupon newspaper inserts into (it's recycling bin). Boom, no more issues. And you know, we're all a bit thankful for that. People that want the coupon inserts now have a veritable cornucopia of coupons as far as the eye can see, and people who don't want to be bothered about this weeks Stop n' Shop price on Honey Hams when they open their mailbox, don't have to contemplate cancelling the mail anymore. Win, Win.

NYC Bums and Loiterers Win $15 Million Settlement

HuffPo - New York City will dish out $15 million to the 22,000 people--many of whom were panhandlers-- arrested for loitering by the NYPD who used laws that were deemed unconstitutional decades ago. The class action settlement, according to The New York Times, came after a federal judge in 2010 found the city in contempt for "obstinance and uncooperativeness" for enforcing laws that "banned loitering to panhandle or to search for a sex partner, or while in a bus or train station." In order for people to collect on the settlement, in payouts ranging from $1,000 to $10,000, must file official claims--a task that may be beyond many of those homeless beggars arrested on the city's streets years ago. 

Are you freaking kidding me?  Free handouts, just for loitering? What the fuck. Here I am acting like an idiot, loitering in my own private home, or in my cube, or for years in a classroom so God forbid I'm not a child that gets left behind, and all this time, if I'd just been loitering around a 7-11 or Ray's Pizza in New York I'd be looking at a handsome cash settlement? Jesus H, I think I've been screwed. 

I loiter with the absolute best of them. Do you know what I did yesterday? My alarm went off at 8:00 AM, I reset the alarm for 9:00 and loitered, watching tv in bed, in a slightly vegetative state, from there I got up, got ready, then loitered some more on the internet for an hour or so before going to work. At work, more loitering, so much loitering and general nothingness that I had to take a walk around the building twice before lunch, just to get my blood flowing. Post lunch? More loitering, I read the rest of the non-sports related internet (for obvious, Patriots related reasons), my boss walked by once and I put a few piece of paper in front of me and furrowed my brow...hardest work I did all day. Got home, more loitering, put some sweats on, grabbed my "old man robe" (fiancee's words, not mine) and threw my feet up on the couch and watched my "stories" from 8-11:00 PM. Then I went to bed.  A whole, vegetative day of loitering with no promises of cash payouts, no TV lawyers like Dane Shulman, "getting me what's rightfully mine, and that's that." Kind of feels like a gigantic waste on my part.

And I know some of you are probably arguing, but CW, $1,000-10,000 isn't really that much.  Well yea, to you and me it isn't, because we have bills and rent. But full time loiterers? That's like hitting the lotto. These guys have ZERO overhead. No rent, no grocery shopping, as far as I know they don't pay income taxes or FICA, that 10k is all profit. As far as the street goes, that's retirement money. Probably enough to go catch a bus at Grand Central straight to Tampa Bay or some other southern city for a lifetime of easy street living. Meanwhile I'm still here grinding it out on my somewhat lazy, yet educated and employed ass, like an absolute sucker.

I Gotta Believe this Elephant Spent Time in Prison

Granted I only know of this jail eating defense mechanism from popular tv shows, and ground breaking documentary's like Boyz in the Hood and characters like Toothpick from Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, but that there is a prison elephant if I've ever seen one. 

And you my laugh at my limited, honky-like knowledge of prison and 'hood eating, but I'll have you know those movies served me well. I never lost a single dispute over a cinnamon roll, breakfast muffin, crescent roll, or the last piece of an Italian loaf in my life to my brother or sister. I went straight prison rules on them, scarf and hoard, scarf and hoard.