Sugar Plum Fairy Fired for Potty Mouth During Drug Test - Oddest Headline of the Day

Fox News - The Sugar Plum Fairy was fired for cursing, but a growing number of fans are hoping she'll get her job back...Laura Coppinger, 29, of St. Louis, is an actress who has portrayed the Sugar Plum Fairy for the past six years on historic Main Street in St. Charles during the annual Christmas Traditions festival. She was recently fired for cursing -- not on the job, but when she went to take a drug test required of all city employees. Coppinger accidentally flushed the toilet during the drug test, which is prohibited. When told she would have to wait at the drug testing facility until she could provide another urine sample, she said she swore out of frustration because the delay meant she would miss a job interview. A short time later, she was told to go home. The city's human resources department said she violated the code of conduct for a Christmas Traditions character by uttering "naughty words."

It's not like she uttered "fuck" or "cunt-bag" during the parade, or some public place in her Sugar Plum fairy getup, she was in one of those ridiculously awkward piss test facilities that everybody loves so much. I've felt like swearing just walking in there before just because of the sheer absurdity of the situation...The one I went to was like an 8x8 room with a tiny bathroom off of it, with a man and a women sitting at a desk right outside the door, and I had to leave the door open, they couldn't see, but I ripped a fart while pissing (it happens, you know you do the same), and nearly didn't want to come out of there. It's just not natural to let some strangers in an office setting listen to you piss. It's fucking weird. Like, anyone comfortable with that situation should be denied employment because they've got all kinds of deviant problems, I'll tell you that much.

Plus its not even like she failed the drug test, which was the whole point of this visit anyway.  Last I checked all that was required was a pee sample, so unless that sample was taken from her potty mouth, and that potty mouth happened to contain traces of mushrooms or mdma or something, I don’t see what the problem is

And this is without even mentioning the absurdity of a city who tests someone for drugs, who as an adult, voluntarily dresses up like a sugar plum fairy and parades down the streets of your city...For real guys? You think she might be into some odd stuff? Come on, common sense will tell you that no self-respecting adult is doing this shit without some chemical courage, do you really think you're going to find someone else to dress up like a tart and march down Broadway without performance enhancers? You're out of your minds.

Occupy Northeastern...Actually, Not That Bad

Who gives up a subsidized dorm room or apartment to live in a tent outside? Shit's crazy...I had a roommate in college that occupied our quad once, it was called he got drunk and passed out on the beach volleyball court and we left him there...he woke up when it started raining that night. 

In all seriousness, I actually think these guys have it figured out though. I mean, I wish you didn't identify with these other fringe lunatics and their whiny, social handout, why us, agendas, but all in all your message isn't that bad, not one mention of debt forgiveness, which I like. Yea your school may be vastly over priced (aren't you now the number 1 most expensive school in the nation? And you don't even graduate with an Ivy League diploma, dudes, you're getting hosed), but no one forced you to sign acceptance and take that loan. 

I agree that the rising prices are an issue and they need to stop, but I firmly believe in settling all of your own personal debts, none of this debt forgiveness horseshit if you whine loud enough, so don't let me down NEU...you might be the only reasonable voice in this whole Occupy thing.

I also love that this only went 48 hours. Phenomenal planning, I mean you guys should probably be running one of the real occupy protests, dead serious. They'd probably have a home headquarters in a hall or office somewhere and some actual political clout, instead of just being a bunch of transients showering and eating in homeless shelters and churches. No need or place for indeffinite stand offs, you want to get your point across, set a schedule of planned, pointed protests and demonstrations, none of this communal tent living horseshit. 

I thought Harvard kids were supposed to be smart? How come a bunch of NEU kids figured this out and you couldn't?

Obama Mistakes Hawaii for Asia, Which is Understandable.

I mean, it's confusing, isn't it?

Fox News - President Obama apparently forgot where he was during his press conference Sunday on the outskirts of Honolulu -- despite being born there. The president mistakenly described his location as "Asia" while answering a question about budget cuts. "When I meet with world leaders, what's striking -- whether it's in Europe or here in Asia -- the kinds of fundamental reforms and changes, both on the revenue side and the public pension side, that other countries are having to make are so much more significant than what we need to do in order to get our books in order," Obama said. Obama understandably had Asia on the mind, as his press conference came in the middle of the U.S. hosting the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit, where representatives from many Asian countries were in attendance. And, hey, Hawaii is a latecomer, having only been a state since 1959. Technically, Hawaii isn't in Asia, but neither is it geographically fixed to North America. Because it's a chain of islands, belonging to Polynesia, it is not part of any continent. Politically, however, Congress made sure the 50th state had its own star on the blue field of the U.S. flag representing the Union.

Come on, he's not that wrong, lets be honest, who among us hasn’t made that mistake, I mean, they look like Asians…And yea, the President probably shouldn’t get them confused, but it’s a fair mistake, the guys jetting all over the world, he probably just thought he was in Somoa or the Phillipines for one second and got confused. Doesn’t make him a bad guy. Kind of a not good President? Yea, but he’s still a decent person, maybe not one you’d vote for afer he got you confused with an entirely different continent and species of people, but all in all a good guy.

That should really be his campaign slogan this year…"Vote Obama – at least he’s a decent guy"…I mean if someone like Perry or Cain somehow makes it through the Republican primaries, that’s really all it’ll take.

Australia Offers President Obama $50k Crocodile Insurance Policy (I'm Completely Serious)

Australia - The Northern Territory Government has announced its insurance company will give Barack Obama a policy that would cover the US president in the event of a crocodile attack. Mr Henderson says the policy from the Territory Insurance Office (TIO) will pay the president's family $50,000 if he gets attacked by a crocodile. "The president will have total insurance against crocodile attack whilst he's here in the Northern Territory," he said. "And if he gets too close to the cliff's edge there overlooking the harbour, he will have insurance in the event of any crocodile attack." "For Michelle and the kids they can be comforted if a terrible event did occur then $50,000 would be payed out by TIO to help support them," he said. "But I can guarantee Michelle and kids that we will look after the president, and unless he chooses to get into the Cage of Death in Mitchell Street with the crocodiles and there's a total failure there, I can guarantee he'll be pretty safe," he said.

I've almost pissed myself 3 times reading this, its hilarious...I absolutely love Australians and their 1st cousins the Kiwi's. 

Like if it was from anywhere else but down under I'd assume this was a hoax, like a funny joke, "Ha, look at us, we're giving the POTUS a $50k gator attack policy," but I 100% know that they're being sincere here, which makes all the more funny. 

The press release reads almost exactly like an episode of Flight of the Concords would, I feel like Murray is probably (yes I know they were from New Zealand, come on, its all the same) leading the President on this tour.

One point of contention though guys, 50K? Really, that's it? Sure 50K croc protection would be fine for me, but I'm just the 500,001st best blogger on the planet, not the figure head leader of the free world.  Can't a brother get a $1 Million Policy? Like how much did Bush or Clinton get? Is Obama getting the black guy policy? Someone get this man the white president policy stat or he's not coming.

Presumably High Friend Asks What You've Always Wondered, Via Postcard

For better or worse, high people always get to the bottom of things...I mean this postman either delivered the card with a smirk on his face, or he didn't, that right there is your answer.

And yes, Chipotle did raise their prices, but they use only gold standard products now, so I'm ok with it.

PS: this postcard is remarkably similar to a scene in one of the funniest, and most underrated movies I've ever seen, Outside Providence: When he gets to the "Everybody laughed like a bastard" part, I lose it every time.