Charlie Sheen; Most Misunderstood Person In America

Fox News - Porn star Kacey Jordan said Charlie Sheen asked her to baby sit the two young daughters he had with actress Denise Richards, Jordan told "Good Morning America."  "He's like . . . 'I need a girl I can rely on to baby sit, " she said...Sheen's ex-wife Richards was not pleased. 

Everyone needs to take a step back and relax a bit here, what does everyone think he meant when he said he wanted a "porn family?"  This is what that involves people, and if you can't handle it, well then I suggest you all just turn your head the other way.  

Besides it's not like he's not screening for safety.  He's interviewing the girls to see if he can rely on them, short of a personal background check I'm not sure what everyone else would have him do.  I mean, how well do you really know anyone these days anyway?  I'd think most people would trust someone who was there for your when you were rushed to the hospital for a heart attack, even if the cause was sharing cocaine mountains and genital fluids over brunch.  

Deep down Charlie's just a family man, and like any family man he just wants what's best for his family...and coke, lots and lots of coke.

Former UNC Tarheel Star Plays Cross Dressing Thug on Internet

The Smoking Section - Just when I thought it couldn’t get any lower supporting UNC basketball, it just did. Most people will remember Rashad McCants as the sharp shooter from Carolina’s 2005 National Championship team alongside Raymond Felton and Sean May...Apparently, and I hate myself for even running across this, Shad has found a new avenue to express himself: acting...The Booster Club, which he is co-producing, is a new web series coming to a bandwith near you soon and his character is a cross dressing, shoplifting ring head honcho who manipulates both men and women with sex to get what he wants.

Putting aside the social and athletic implications Rashad's decision has (I'm going to assume this means he's given up on basketball, I can't imagine the locker room would be too kind after this), and the hysterically bad trailer, I have one question, what is the deal with these "web series" things?

I'm confused about the whole thing, like where does it rank on the entertainment totem poll? Above public access television but below community theater?

Is it really that hard to get a legitimate television show? There are roughly 8,500 television channels being broadcast these days, not to mention an additional 1,000 or so On-Demand features that Mark Cuban keeps tweeting about.  Seems like even crap like this The Booster Club should at least be able to get a 3 or 4 episode arc on some obscure channel.  

It seems like an odd medium. Like if  you couldn't convince me to watch 30 minutes of your show on a hi-def 50 inch TV, why would I awkwardly crane my neck and hunch over to watch it on a 13-17 inch computer screen?   Is it even profitable? How many cheesy flashing banner ads does it take to support an acting crew that consists of former NBA bench warmers, and B-list actresses/porn stars like Traci Lords?

Should The Alt-Tab be producing webisodes? Would you watch them?

Today's Best of the Blogs

23 Completely Useless Signs - We've all seen them before, the instructional sign that occasionally makes you stop and ponder who could possibly need a warning for this...then you remember people are really that dumb.

Resarch Shows American Teachers Ignoring Evolution -Doesn't surprise me at all. Everyone knows science teachers were by and large the dunces of their graduating classes.  Think about it,  people who graduate from college with a science degree are hot shit for the most part.  There's hundreds of unique, interesting and well paying jobs for "scientists." How close to failing out do you think you had to be for your only choice to be teaching biology in public high school?

6 Commercials I Fu#%ing Hate -Why is Ellen Page (Juno to all of you) always so thrilled about hardware and infrastructure conglomerate Cisco? Doesn't make any sense.

A Porn Company to Rule them All (SFW) -  Lengthy article on the man that owns like 90% of the internet porn, and I'm pretty sure that equates to roughly 75% of the whole internet.  Wouldn't even be surprised if he somehow owned this site and I didn't even know it. 

FlashMobs Not What They're Hyped Up To Be - I 100% agree with this. I don't need a bunch of fruit cakes singing and dancing around me in a mall or train station. I'm straight business when I venture outside the house. I don't like 95% of you to begin with and that's when you're just minding your business going about your day, never mind when a bunch of amateurs who can't sing or dance are trying to entertain me while I'm just trying to buy the latest season of How I Met Your Mother at BestBuy. 

World's Biggest Slip N Slide (Video Inside)

 I need to know where this is. Someone get me an invite.  I've never wanted to be a part of something more than the first time I ever saw American Gladiator as a young tike and just assumed my destiny was to conquer the gauntlet.  Obviously that dream is dead and never coming back, but this one can live.  Please people of the internet, I'm begging you. If you're not going to buy my overpriced T-shirts at least tip me off to the location of this ginormous slip n' slide.

Massachusetts Congress Proposes Paid Time off For Parents of Delinquent Students

My Fox Boston - A new proposal targeting Massachusetts' high school dropout rate would track students as early as third grade for warning signs and would require businesses to give parents up to 24 hours a year in paid leave for student academic needs...Under a bill introduced this month by Sen. Sonia Chang-Diaz, D-Boston, the state would expand its "Early Warning Indicator Index" — which identifies students as early as eighth grade who are at risk of dropping out — and create a pilot program that would follow students in third grade.

Allright I'll ask the question that the writers of this story never asked, who would pay for these days off?

Companies? I don't think so.  My company doesn't shut down during the midst of a 20 inch two day snow storm, I doubt they're going to be willing to pay me to go take care of any hypothetical delinquent children of mine. 

The State? Fuck no.  I'm not willing to have my taxes raised once again because some jackass parents and their jackass kids can't focus enough to get a C in English.  Do you know how easy it is to get C's in public schools? Basically if you have an 80% attendance rate and can pronounce your name properly during attendance you're guaranteed a C-.  Teachers don't flunk students who show up, its bad for their performance and pay grades thanks to George W. Bush's moronic no child left behind act. 

And what about the fact that the law basically rewards poor parenting with extra time off from work.  So if you've done a good job raising your kids, taken responsibility for their education and steered them in the right direction you get nothing?  I'm not saying we need incentives to be good parents, but I am saying rewarding lazy and indifferent parents is an even dumber idea.  Raising a kid that doesn't mooch off you into adulthood should be enough of a motivation to pay attention to your kids education. 

Mubarak Won't Run for Re-election in Egypt, to Leave Office In September

Cairo, Egypt (CNN) -- Bowing to eight days of protests, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said Tuesday he will not seek office again in elections scheduled for September, but vowed to stay in the country and finish his term.


Egyptians aren't just going to take this right? 8 days of mayhem, rioting and protesting weren't just so that the dictator/president won't run for re-election I hope. How out of touch does this guy have to be to think this will appease them. Like, "Oh yea, we just spent 8 days clashing with police and armed forces, looting, rioting and living in the streets so that you'll quietly go away 7 months from now." Umm no.

Did the Hitler stop his madness after Chamerlain agreed to appease him? No.  Did a bunch of Patriots give up the fight after Britain made a few concessions during the revolutionary war? No, they chased those  yellow, sissy Brits all the way back to their boats. Did the Chilean Miners give up their story of hope and redemption after being raised out of the mine shaft? No. They partied for months until their government had enough and sent them back to the mines.

Moral of the story, don't settle for the first concession you get, and definitely don't settle for 9 more months of the very same thing you've been rallying against.

But please don't hurt the Pyramids or Sphinx.  I'd still like to see those someday, and they're pretty much the only thing the world knew you for before this week, so I'd think long and hard before doing anything too rash to your nation's identity/tourist income supply.

Jeans Day At Work!

Even the Snowmen are getting a bit agitated with all this snow

20 more inches of snow! Who cares, they're allowing us to wear jeans today! Party!

Prime example of how dillusional corporate America's executives are.  It's been snowing non stop for the past day.  My office just experienced two system crashes in two nights, the result being that I've worked 23 hours through Tuesday.  Do we get a notification that the office is closed for today? No. Free lunch? No. Extra vacation day? No. Gift card for the effort? No. We get to wear MOTHERFUCKING JEANS.

Hey thanks corporate, because I was really going to sludge into work in two feet of snow in a pair of pleated fucking slacks.  Jackasses.  How about at least an e-mail telling everyone to work from home and get the bare minimum done until the 7 signs of the apocalypse pass.  

Yes, I'm irritable and angry as shit.  I've got clients in Texas that closed up shop because they got a couple inches yesterday.  Offices in Charlotte shut down for 3 days last time they got 10 inches of snow.  We're averaging 10 inches of snow during our lunch break these days.  Cut the shit Southern States of America. If we have to be miserable up here then so do you. I'm tired of picking up the slack every time you slackjawed yokels decide you're too frigen lazy to pick up a shovel.  Give me a frigen day off. 

Yes, I'm starting to lose it.  God forbid the system crashes tonight.  CW will go viral the old fashioned way, via the 6 PM evening news. 

Ground Hog Day

Guess what this rodent and his obese handler are going to see. Snow.  Big frigen surprise. Go back in your hole vermin. Come back out in a couple weeks so we can at least get an accurate forecast.  Its February 2nd. Of course we're going to have more weeks of winter. I question your intelligence for thinking anything otherwise.

If Mailmen Can't Handle this Weather What Chance Do I Have?

WCVB Boston -  The U.S. Postal Service says dozens of mail carriers in Rhode Island and Southeastern Massachusetts have been hurt this winter as they tried to deliver mail in snowy and icy conditions...Christine Dugas, a spokeswoman for the Postal Service in Providence, said on Tuesday that at least 44 carriers have been hurt when they slipped, tripped or fell on the snow and ice. Their injuries range from bruised backs to broken wrists...Dugas said three more carriers were hit by cars as they walked in the street because sidewalks were not cleared.

I feel like I should be warning everyone to double up on Oxen and gun powder munitions a-la Oregon Trail before heading out of their house this morning.  That's how serious this is getting.  Just crude grave markings of fallen mailmen left and right, (replace dysentery with hypothermia).

Is there no hope? The Mailman, by and large the toughest sons of bitches to ever take the civil service exam can't even traverse safely in this weather.   These are a people who, for hundreds of years, have up held their pledge and credo of "neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, Nor Hail shall keep the postman from their appointed rounds."  Granted the motto kind of loses steam in the second half (its a bit wordy guys, clean it up) but still, they took an oath!

That's more than I can say, and I'm guessing more than you guys as well.  If they can't even uphold their sacred pact, how can the rest of us expect to be successful in our morning commute voyages today.