I Felt Bad for this Waiter and His Fake $10 Tip At First, But Then...

The Consumerist - For a waiter who depends on tips to earn more than minimum wage, a $10 tip can be a welcome sight. But not in this instance. As the waiter found out in the below image posted on Reddit, not only was that $10 bill not the real deal, it only made the matter worse with its "Some Things Are Better Than Money" religious message on the back.

Gonna be completely honest, I feel no sadness for this waiter whatsoever...Like yea, it's still a dick move to leave a fake tip, if you're not going to leave a tip, just don't leave anything, no need for the fake $10 bill. But I just find it hard to feel bad for someone who in one instance claims they "live off our generosity," and then in the next sentence talks about how they've been saving up for "Battlefield 3."

Get your head out of your ass bro. If you're going to be saving up for anything it should have been Modern Warfare 3! What the hell are you thinking with Battlefield 3, shits for children (unless of course you can afford both, then its cool I guess). 

You just can't go around expecting people to feel bad for you when you're about to blow your life savings on some second rate video game, come on man.  

Plus anyone who's ever balked at paying premium prices for a brand new game knows to sign up for Gamefly...you can start right now for $7.95 a month, keep the game as long as you'd like...that's only 80% of your fake tip...you'd still have $2 fake dollars left, living in your mom's basement, that'll go a long way.

Ochocinco to Teach College Social Media Class, Glad He's got a Backup Career

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - FOX 25 had a social media professor from Emerson College on Friday's Morning News. One of the things we talked about was his students’ efforts to get Pats wideout Chad Ochocinco in to teach. Well now, Professor David Gerzof tells FOX 25 Ochocinco tweeted him, saying he was watching the FOX 25 Morning News and saw the segment. The professor says Ocho told him he hasn't forgotten about his class and that he'll either come in to teach or take the enter class out to dinner.

Glad we got down to the bottom of what Ocho will be doing when his football career is over in a year or so...I saw this tweet from Chad last week and immediately wondered what he'd be doing for a second career after this Patriots stint flames out (I think it's safe to say at this point that he'll remain on the roster the rest of this season, but I'm pretty sure Brady and Belichick will personally be helping him pack his shit up this off season to ship him off to whatever team decides to give him a workout). 

If you're as good at math as I am, you figured out that Ocho plans on working for another 7 years...given that his football career should end a few games into next season (in which his new team calls him to tell him they're cutting him but he offers to pre-emptively retire to focus on his family life and twitter followers), he obviously must have something planned for his second career, and now we know what it is...teaching social media courses at the college level.

And it makes sense. The guy is a social media genius, aside from his just under 3 million followers he's also managed to pull off the impossible, he's such a nice, fun, and engaging guy on twitter, that I actually feel genuinely bad taking shots at him about his performance on the field.  So much so that I've really just bit my tongue while watching him run fruitless route after fruitless route all season. I mean that's amazing...I have a comment on anything and everything, and I've steadfastly refused to say anything about Ocho, because I like following him on Twitter so much.  

So yes, teaching social media is the perfect job for you Ocho. So perfect that it would be nice if you'd just retire this off season and spare my Patriots some cap room so we can find a suitable replacement for you, or just a roster spot to bring some guy up off the practice squad...you'd be doing all us fans a huge favor.

Thanksgiving Family Rituals

In Honor of Thanksgiving, and quite possibly my most popular post with my family members, I've decided to re-run "Thanksgiving Family Rituals" once again this Holiday season. True, my parents have upgraded to a bigger table, so the children's table schtick isn't entirely accurate this year...Instead I'll in all likelihood end up eating at the bar top island, lets be honest with all that food and all the family members over, you could have a medieval banquet hall in our dining room and we'd still be banishing people to the minor league tables...Plus this is a great way for me to get a post without actually having to do any work, so, without further ado: Thanksgiving Family Rituals

Ah, Thanksgiving, right around the corner.  Food, drinks, football, all the ingredients that make up CW's favorite holiday (and by ownership, the official holiday of The Alt-Tab).  No real surprise there, all three when mixed properly allow a catatonic like zoning out affect that magically comes around once a year.  Conversation grinds to a halt, everyone fades in and out of naps, communication consists of grunts towards the television during the football games and the occasional lazy hand gesture when another helping of food is required to be passed around.  Heaven.

But that's all post-meal bliss.  Leading up to this once yearly state of nirvana is the family gathering, a staple of the holiday season.  Most families will share traditions, recipes, exchanging of children's Christmas wish lists (there's always that one kid who aims a bit too high with their wish list much to the annoyance of family members.  I can only assume in hindsight that it was me as a child, so to my immediate family I apologize), and carving of the turkey honors.  

My families Thanksgiving tradition is a bit different than most I would assume.  To us the holidays are a chance to get together and compete in one-upping one another with regards to medical ailments and health issues.  Conversations run the gamut from pace-makers, cholesterol levels, blood sugar, hearing aids, vision, an array of surgeries, vision complaints, back pain, psoriasis, eczema, leprosy, and gingivitis.  You need a medical dictionary just to get through it.  The competition is for the head of the table.  The worse your affliction or collection of ailments the better your seat at the table.  My Grandfather has had a firm grasp on the title for years now with the aforementioned hearing aid and pace-maker, though my Mom has mounted a serious challenge this year that could make it an interesting race for the first time in as long as I can remember.  

As for me, I've been stuck at the children's table long past the regularly acceptable age.  Just haven't been able to crack the big leagues and gain entrance to the adult table.  Sure every few years I come in with stitches or a pulled groin, but that's just child's play with this group.  Nothing short of major surgery or threatening illness is going to get me to the big show.  Same for the CW's brother.  Biggest hypochondriac I know, comes up with a wild array of imagined illnesses and injuries each year, none of them are good enough.  The adults in our family are a savvy, veteran group of the walking wounded, they see right through his fictional complaints and chuckle at his efforts.

Sadly all has been well on the health front once again this year for your fearless leader.  Just one more year of eating off unstable fold up tables with chairs so short I might as well be kneeling.  There's always next year though.

Two Friends Give Away $20 a Day Around Boston, Become Wildly Successfull...I Suck

Finding money in Boston: Plenty of Twenties: MyFoxBOSTON.com

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Former President Andrew Jackson is hiding in the Hub. They say he'll brighten someone's day to find, so the duo behind plentyoftwenties.com is hiding $20 bills all over the city. Steven Grant, one of the guys behind the Web site explains why in the world he's giving away so much cash. So far, they've given away more than $2,000.

So this is a real thing, these two guys just blowing $2K hiding 20 spots around the city and posting hints online...and getting business partnerships out of it from businesses that want them to hide the money at their restaurants to increase foot traffic.

Are you kidding me? Ideas like this absolutely kill me...here I am busting my ass to the point where I've been sick for two weeks because, frankly, I'm run down, I work 9-10 hour days at my real job, and come home and do 3 hours or so a night and morning for this blog, and I don't have one partnership...I've made like $100 total on google ads, thanks alot, google.  Meanwhile these guys, with no discernible plan whatsoever, just a couple of guys with the half baked idea that it would be funny to watch people drive all over Massachusetts looking for $20 bills, are being interviewed on my favorite morning news program and getting partnership offers left and right.

Blows my freaking mind. Like, come on, do I need to throw up a bat symbol to local bars and restaurants? I'll pimp your stuff for virtually free! FREE (virtually) I TELL YA! If you're a bar/pub in the Everett/Boston area what do you have to lose...toss me a gift card and we're in business, seriously, 1,500-3,000 views per day, mostly males aged 23-34, that's your prime, drink till I blackout audience. You can't ask for better demographic. Someone, anyone, please get at me...TheAltTab@gmail.com. Seriously, I await your proposal. I'm cheap, I'll even work for free for a week (but no, I won't go giving away $20 bills like these guys, that's just crazy). 

Asshole Car Dealership Vandal Gets Tasered...He Also is Sort of my Hero

I'm not condoning random acts of vandalism, and I fully realize that the next few years of this guys life are now going to suck, and rightfully so, but the highs that this guy undoubtedly felt as he was bulldozing his way through this car dealership are the highs that we've all dreamed about once in a while, but always seem just out of grasp...because most of us are sane, rational people...but for just one night don't you fucking wish you were him? 

This guy was undoubtedly an employee at the lot, maybe he was fired, laid off, or maybe his boss just made one too many ridiculous requests, who knows? Whatever the case was, this guy did something rare for these days, he took his grievances into his own hands...was it a dickhead move? Absolutely, the lowest of the low...but everynow and then I just want to have the balls to go that low...to flip out at the person taking forFUCKINGever at the checkout line at Target, to ram the car that just cut you off bumper car style, after a long day and one too many nagging requests to tell all your clients and bosses to take their job and just shove it...

Of course, I'll never do it, I've become to accustomed to not being in jail and having regular paychecks, but for this one day, after viewing this one video, I still have hope...Hope and sore abs from laughing at this schmuck as he long fell backwards after being tased.