Should Tweet Breaks at Work be the New Cigarette Break?

My current Twitter Lounge: The handicap stall in the office bathroom.

For real, I'm so tired of having to hide my leisurely twitter breaks at work, it's like I'm a pariah or outcast no matter how discreetly or where I try to get my fix in.  Meanwhile you got a bunch of cancer stick smoking people wearing out a path from their cube to the designated smoking area outside, every hour and fifteen minutes like clock work. 

And frankly it's not fair. The company will get on you about internet use, they'll get on  you about cellphone use, they'll get on you for long lunch breaks, but God forbid they tell these unhealthy idiots with a deathwish not to leave their desk for 15 minutes at time to light a piece of paper and some leaves on fire and inhale.  Its just plain insanity.

And I've tried everything, I tweet in the bathroom stall, get dirty looks when I exit, I've gone and chilled in the lobby, bosses give me odd looks like I'm conducting a phone interview or something, I've thought about going to hang out in the smoking section, but the risk of cancer and emphysema is just too much for me. 

All I'm looking for is a designated, judgement free social networking lounge or area where employees can go and catch up on whats going on for like 5 minutes at a time every few hours. It's really not that much to ask.  I've got one woman who burns up 2-3 hours a day on her phone just making personal calls, bossing her husband around, or checking in with her mother. How is that any worse than me wanting the latest updates from @oldhossradbourn?  How? 

It's times like these that I wish work was like high school with some sort of employee government, I'd run for office president so fast it would make your head spin, cruising to victory with my social media lounge campaign promises.

World's Strongest Redneck Making Me Question Everything I Believe About Darwinism and Evolution

Maybe the creationists are right after all? Because I've never doubted Darwinism for one second of my life, until now that is. 

By all accounts this overweight redneck (you're not the strongest, you're just kinda fat) should be dead, or at the very least a bleeding stump of a man with no legs.  The fact that this guy can go on living un-maimed has just shook my beliefs on evolution to the core.

After Trying to Kill him for 3 Months, International Court Issues Arrest Warrant for Gadhafi

(CNN) -- The International Criminal Court issued arrest warrants Monday for Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi and two of his relatives. ICC Judge Sanji Mmasenono Monageng read aloud the decision to issue warrants for Gadhafi, his son Saif al-Islam Gadhafi, and his brother-in-law Abdullah al-Sanussi. The warrants are "for crimes against humanity," including murder and persecution, "allegedly committed across Libya" from February 15 through "at least" February 28, "through the state apparatus and security forces," the court said in a news release.

Does this look like the face of a guy who's going to be arrested? Looks more to me like someone who delusionally believes that he's the Terminator...and maybe it's not even that delusional.  I mean as I've previously chronicled, we've supposedly been bombing this guys compound for something like 185 straight days, and here the dude is, looking as bad ass as ever.  Putin himself couldn't have pulled off this all black renegade look.

I'm not sure I get the plan here, is this some kind of last ditch appeal to his morals? Like he'd turn himself in and face trial out of the goodness of his heart? Firing on unarmed citizens and other atrocities against humanity aside? I guess it's plausible he'd just turn himself in. 

And if he doesn't, we've got just the guy to track him down, probably the only person on earth that can match him looks wise...America's own, Dog the Bounty Hunter.

PS: I wonder how they spelled his name on the arrest warrant?  You have to get that correct right? Otherwise he'd get off on a technicality? They must have printed up like 8 different versions just to cover their bases.

A Projectionists Mocking Letter to Michael Bay, Saying Everything You Ever Wanted to.

Indie Wire - We’d always assumed the humble projectionist had next-to-no contact with the people who actually made the movies, but recent weeks have shown that that’s not true at all; the recent disclosure that Terrence Malick had personally written to theaters across the country with certain specifications for The Tree of Life” has unleashed a sea of similar memos, including Stanley Kubrick on “Barry Lyndon” and David Lynch on “Mulholland Drive.” And it’s not surprising, considering that all filmmakers worth their salt would want their film to be displayed in the best possible manner. The latest to join them? Michael Bay. Hot on the heels of last week’s announcement that “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” has been specially graded, at almost twice the brightness of most films, to adjust for complaints about dimly-projected 3D films, Deadline has acquired a letter written by Bay to projectionists across the country before they unspool the film tomorrow, emphasizing the need for brightness in the projection of the film, and telling his new friends that they’re “all in this together.” 

I don't get why everyone gets on Michael Bay. Like, yea the studios could have just given any moron off the street +$150 million for a budget and unlimited access to Hollywood's finest pyrotechnics and come up with the same results, and yea just about any high school grad could cobble together a better and more coherent plot, but none of that is Michael's fault.

I think the man should be celebrated.  Here's a guy with a proven track record of next to nothing talent who's still churning out summer blockbuster after summer blockbuster.  And yea, most of his films are widely panned by critics and only supported by the dumbest and most easily entertained people in our society, but there is still something to be said for that.

I'm not going to go as far as to say he's some sort of idiot savant who's figured out how to appeal to the lowest common denominator for what the American movie goer wants to see, frankly I think he's just that horrible of a film maker, but sometimes it's better just to have dumb luck than skill.  I mean this is a guy who's fooled studio execs time and time again.  

I'd love to be in on just one of his pitch meetings, I see it going down one of two ways: 1)The execs are the same kind of simpleton idiots that love movies with lots of explosions and virtually no story line, perfect for never having to actually think. Or, 2) He goes with the abusive husband pitch. Promising to be different this time, promising to actually work on a story and plot that makes sense and doesn't disappear for large chunks of the movie. And the execs take him back just like all the other battered wives.

Either that or the studios realized its summer, you could literally film a man taking a shit for an hour and people would watch it (which I'm sure the guys of Jackass have done by now).  All the good movies are released in October anyway.

Boston Trains and MBTA to Institute "Quiet Cars"...Which Should Go Over Like a Lead Balloon.

Boston - Starting today, the MBTA’s “Quiet Car” program will be extended to all 13 Massachusetts commuter rail lines. The cars, where passengers are asked to refrain from cellphone use or conversations above a whisper, received rave reviews from commuter rail passengers during a three-month trial on the Fitchburg and Franklin lines this spring. The Massachusetts Bay Commuter Railroad Co. runs the commuter lines for the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority. When the MBTA surveyed commuters during the trial run, 90 percent said they hoped the program would become permanent. Mimes hired by the MBCR will make an appearance at North and South stations this evening to distribute cards listing the dos and don’ts of quiet car decorum. Each train’s quiet zone is located on the car nearest the locomotive. The mandatory quiet on those cars will only be imposed during peak commuting hours, from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. on weekdays.

This has disaster written all over it. I mean can you imagine the first time some Mime or Conductor lady in a pantsuit hands a "please be quiet" card to an obnoxiously loud passenger? I'd pay upwards of $50 to watch that go down.  Just have a flip-cam ready to capture the whole youtube-worthy scene go down, gauranteed a million hits...because if there is one thing that outrages people more than loud and obnoxious neighbors in public places, it's being told you're being too loud. 

It's just about the worst thing you can say to someone from what I can tell.  I'm not sure why, but it sets people off like you wouldn't believe, you'd think someone just insinuated that they'd been fornicating their grandmother 3 nights a week or something. Just an irrational trigger, a force of nature.

PS: Just curious, will this only pertain to cell phones and loud conversations? Because that's not even my biggest pet peeve on trains. That title goes to the asshole with headphones so loud that I can literally rap  along with them, word for word.  It's obnoxious enough watching you do your stupid little "rap hand movements" but the fact that everyone on the train can hear the lyrics word for word is fucking intolerable.

Former Stand Up Comic Running for Office In Kentucky, Which Offends Those He Used to Joke About

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — The Democrat running for Kentucky agriculture commissioner says he has no intention of getting out of the race after Republicans criticized him for comments he made during his comedy show. Democrat Bob Farmer, who is a comedian and writer, said Wednesday it is "ridiculous" for Republicans to call for his withdrawal because of his jokes about eastern Kentucky during a comedy performance years ago. He also repeated his apology, saying he was sorry if he offended anyone. Democratic Party Chairman Dan Logsdon has said Farmer's apology was the right thing to do. In a video clip, Farmer jokes that eastern Kentucky is a place where "cars are on blocks and houses are on wheels," among other things.

You know who else isn't getting elected? The guy who edited that video, seriously, what decade are you from bro? Doogie Howser had better editing skills back in 1988. It's like the folks in Eastern Kentucky are stuck in some sort of time warp, frankly I'm surprised they even knew about this "Youtube" thing. 

As far as I'm concerned this man has nothing to apologize for, calling out fellow statesman for their fairly obvious flaws and stereotypes is apology worthy these days? It's not like he made things up, everything he said could be proved out, Kentuckyans (and I wouldn't have even made the distinction from those from "the big city" to those from the eastern side of the state, but that's because I'm from a real civilized state) are a bunch of inbred hillbillies, by and large anyway.  

The fact that this guy recognizes the flaws of his state, and instead of wanting to move away to a better, more educated state, wants to lead you out of the middle ages and into modernity should be celebrated. 

I mean this guy is promising you a better life. Homes with foundations and maybe even basements, cars with 4 tires and a carburetor, indoor plumbing, and dental care for all.  These are good things, these are things you should want. Don't complain about how he delivers the message, he was blunt and honest...there's too much ass kissing and double talk in politics these days, this was rather refreshing. 

I wish some politician would come up to me and say, CW, you're borderline overweight, you take the elevator up 2 floor instead of taking the stairs everyday, and you may be spending a bit too much time with your dvr. Instead no one has the stones to say that to me, so here I sit, continuing my sedentary lifestyle.

It's about time candidates started being real and honest, and who better to do it than the most brutally honest people on earth, stand-up comedians.