Sox Fans Pleas Answered: Darnell McDonald to the DL

Boston -  The Red Sox made a roster move before the game, calling up Pawtucket first baseman Mauro Gomez and placing Darnell McDonald (right oblique strain) on the 15-day disabled list. Gomez hit .294 in 34 games with the PawSox, leading the team with 10 home runs, 33 RBI and 83 total bases.

Oh Happy Day...Sorry Darnell, I'll always remember those couple of walk-off's you had two seasons ago, and that time you pitched in a losing effort in the 17th in what was undoubtedly one of the low points in recent Red Sox History...beyond that, I don't really hope to see ya in a Sox uni ever again.

Maybe you'll catch on somewhere else, or maybe you'll make a career as a sort of Mickey Mantle of AAA, who knows, but your time in Boston should be done. I mean, your main usefulness the past two years has been pinch running for Big Papi, and frankly, now that he's more like Svelte Papi, you're not that much faster than he. And you've got nothing on Svelte Papi's bat. 

So, so long Darnell. I'd say we hardly knew ye, if I didn't feel like we'd gotten to know you way too much as of late. 

 

Mark Cuban Paid $1000 To Draw Cats Online

Not a misprint guys, Mark Cuban, a billionaire a few times owner, is now being paid $1,000 per cat sketch...I don't even know what else to say, talk about a kick in the nuts.

TMZ - Mark Cuban just raked in a $1,000 check for drawing a picture of two stick-figure cats kissing each other ... seriously. It's not as random as it seems -- Mark is an "investor" on the reality show "Shark Tank" ... and recently sunk $25k into a company called, "I Want to Draw a Cat for You" -- a website that sells personalized cartoon cats for $9.95 a piece. After he bankrolled the company, IWTDACFY jokingly posted an offer on the website that Cuban would personally sketch some cat art for $1,000 ... not thinking anyone would actually bite. But they were wrong ... 'cause a short time later, a 24-year-old dude named David Switzer put up the cash ... and requested a kitty pic featuring himself and his girlfriend. Mark tells TMZ ... although he has no prior cat-drawing experience, he's taking the job seriously ... and even reached out to the regular cat artist to get an idea of what he the pic should look like.

I mean, DAMNIT. I'm not even so mad that someone as rich as him is being paid $1000 per doodle on the side, as much as I am that I didn't think of this before. 

People really love cats. There are dog people, who love their dogs, and are perfectly rational and sane people, and then, there are cat people. People who love their cats, and are bat shit crazy about cat culture. LolCats, cats playing the piano, cats attacking acting a fool on youtube, and now, childish sketches of cats on the internet. 

I have no idea how I missed this...Like, I've long realized that half the internet was porn but I kinda just assumed the other half was made up of some mix of news, sports, goofy videos, twitter, and facebook. WRONG. The other half of the internet is cats and crazy cat people...it's basically the lifeblood of the modern world wide web as we know it. You think Youtube gets that multi billion dollar valuation when they sold without cat videos? Hell no. I mean, yea, watching russian kids maim themselves in incredibly stupid stunts is fun and all, but it gets old. Cat people never grow old of posting and watching cat videos. 

That's why I'm so pissed. I completely missed the cat demographic. It's not like I ever expected much out of this blog, but a few bucks here and there for my time wouldn't have been turned down or anything. Turns out if it'd just dawned on me how crazy people are for cats I could have been appearing on prime-time TV shows, selling my MS Paint cat sketches for $10 a piece and hanging out with Mark Cuban, eating caviar on planes and shit. 

My whole internet experience to date has just been a miserable failure after reading this shit.

50 Shades of Grey...Sounds Like Time For a Good Olde Book Burnin'!

TMZ - The publisher behind the steamy New York Times bestseller "50 Shades of Grey" is coming out swinging against libraries that have banned the book -- claiming the censorship violates readers' First Amendment rights. A rep for Random House tells TMZ, the publishing house "fervently opposes literary censorship and supports the First Amendment rights of readers to make their own reading choices. The book, in case you don't know, is about a man and his sex slave in Seattle -- hooray! -- and libraries in Georgia, Wisconsin, and Florida have already banned it due to its racy content.  But sexually deviant or not, the book is still a book -- at least according to the rep at Random House, who says, "We believe the Brevard County Public Library System [in Florida] is indulging in an act of censorship, and essentially is saying to library patrons: we will judge what you can read."

FINALLY! God...It took the uber-conservative library card watch dogs long enough, huh? I'd been lamenting on twitter for the past couple of weeks how there hadn't been a good old fashioned book burning show down over this book, looks like we might finally be getting it (and again, that's what you're missing if you're not following me on twitter, me lamenting the lack of bigoted book burnings over softcore "mommy porn" fiction...kicking yourself, huh?). 

I was seriously concerned for our society for a second when woman in liberal, metropolitan areas were allowed to read whatever brand of smut they so chose without backwards thinking conservatives from the south and heartland of America being offended to the point of action. 

Glad that's finally rectified, because if there's one thing we know for sure, it's that after reading popular fictional book series' people immediately go out and incorporate all the weird stuff they took in, into their real lives. 

All the weird vampire-fetishizing teens, the parents naming there kids Bella after characters in the Twilight movies, and a wide range of adults and kids dressing up and pretending they can ride on brooms like they're actually in the Harry Potter books...After 50 Shades of Grey I fully expected young, empowered women to start riding the subway to work, leather bound in some bondage fetish outfit.

That is what's at risk if we don't start burning this book and making a mockery of ourselves for the evening news, folks...that and I could use the blog material, so lets get moving on this.