Extreme Couponing Woman Banned from Walmart

Unless you're trying to save too much money.

Boise - Extreme couponing appears to be a growing trend and in the current state of our nation's economy, who can blame coupon lovers for wanting to save money? Apparently WalMart can. A Boise, Idaho woman claims she has been banned for life from the conglomerate retail chain, WalMart. It wasn't just one store that barred her from shopping there, but every store in the United States. The reason it happened was an argument over coupons. According to a statement to Fox 12 Idaho, Cuevas said "the action wasn't welcomed by the WalMart manager..." who told her she had to "...pay full price [for] the groceries or leave." Cuevas complied with the order, but after that strange happenings began to take place. On another trip to the store, Cuevas was oblivious to the fact that she was being followed until her 16-year-old daughter said so. Apparently, an employee pursued her through the parking lot and gave her the ultimatum to go back to the store due to the fact she had committed a crime. She then went to a gas station and contacted authorities. Cuevas gave them a report stating the plain-clothes employee said to her, "you're leaving the scene of a crime." She also said that she had no idea the retail giant had prohibited her from ever entering any Walmart in the country for the rest of her life until the police officer let her know. Apparently the store managed to reach the cops before April could.

Oh the horror! Banned from all Walmarts! Lady, I've personally banned myself from all Walmart's in American, it's not so bad, definitely improves your quality of life.

But that's not the point of the blog, the fact that Walmart is involved is just a nice bonus. The point of this blog is, can someone please explain to me or teach me how this extreme couponing works? And not like send me a few links that explain it online, like I want one of these fanatical homemaker women to come over and coach me for a weekend and then the two of us go down to my local Stop n' Shop and rob that place blind. 

I'm completely bewildered at the whole process, like I watched one of those shows on A&E or Lifetime, whatever channel it was, lady bought like 184 bottles of Advil and they gave her $12, something crazy like that.  So why when I go to buy 1 bottle, am I paying like $9, doesn't make sense (nor does what someone would do with 184 bottles of advil). 

And why aren't more stores banning these people? Not because it has to be killing their business, but because sooner or later their is going to be an actual homicide in your checkout line.  Like, yea I want to try this once, but god forbid I'm ever the person behind someone ringing up 17 tooth paste tubes and using 42 coupons just to get something that would have cost $1 for free. I will freaking snap.  I'm talking lead story on the evening news snap.  Physical assaults, profanities and slurs, you name it, I'll do it.  I can't wait 30 seconds behind someone at the ATM nevermind witnessing someone with a 3 ring binder of coupons in front of me when all I want to do is check out a carton of milk and some eggs.

Man Who Turned in $17k in Lost Money Charged $500 For Lying to Police

Chicago Tribune - An Arlington Heights man was fined $500 after he turned in $17,000 but lied about how and where he actually found the cash, police said today. Robert Adams, 54, was cited today for filing a false report with the Rolling Meadows Police Department. On the evening of June 6, Adams found a Chase Bank bag full of cash totaling about $17,000 near a Walgreens ATM in Midlothian, police said. Instead of turning the cash in at that location, Adams drove to Rolling Meadows and turned in the bag at a Chase Bank. He later told police he found the cash outside a newspaper stand in Rolling Meadows. When reached by phone Wednesday night, Adams said he felt more comfortable turning the cash in to Rolling Meadows officials and filing the report with Rolling Meadows police. Adams said he was told Wednesday he had to pay a $500 fine for filing a false report. "I accept the fine. I'm very sorry about this whole thing."

The lesson, as always, KEEP THE MONEY! This whole thing could have been avoided if you just pocketed the money and went about your day, you'd be $17,500 richer than you are right now.  Because this is the trouble you get when you do the right thing these days.  

Who gives a fuck where he turned in the money? Honestly. So what he lied to police about where he found it. You know why he lied? Because he debated keeping the money and ultimately decided to do the honest thing.  Sure he's still lying right now saying he felt more comfortable turning it in at one police station over the other. That's a crock of shit buddy and we all know it. We all know you initially drove off with all intentions of keeping the cash, its pretty obvious.  But you had a turn of conscience and turned it in.  If the guys only mistake was not telling police about his brief snap in judgement then I'm not sure how a $500 dollar fine is fair.  

And question, is this guy the biggest sap of a pushover in all of America? What the hell dude: "I accept the fine, and am very sorry about the whole thing." You kidding me? You did everything 95% right and are being punished. Did you even get a reward for turning the cash in? If I were you I'd be outraged. I'd be taking the actual owner of the cash to small claims court for my reward. Or at the very least being publicly shaming them into paying this fascist fine that's been levied against me. Grow a sack man.

Price of Powerball Going Up...The Poor, Dumb, and CW Heard Complaining

Miami Herald - Your odds at winning the Powerball multimillion jackpot just got better — but it’ll cost you. The price to play Powerball will double starting next January, but that extra dollar, along with a redesign of the game, also doubles the payout to a crisp $40 million, according to changes the game unveiled this week by Florida Lottery officials. Right now, odds are 195 million to 1 that you’d win; but come next year, you’ll have a much better shot: one in 175 million. “In essence we’re making it easier to make millionaires,” said Jacqueline Barreiros, spokeswoman for the Florida Lottery. “If that’s the case, then I think most people will hold off on buying tickets until its a really big jackpot,” said Jay Rodriguez, 33, outside of the Chevron Gas Station, 3100 SW 148th Ave., in Miramar, where he occasionally purchases lotto tickets. Barreiros said lotto officials aren’t concerned that a price increase could result in declining sales, noting that the price of Powerball tickets has not changed since the game was introduced in 1992. “Can you think of any product where the price hasn’t increased in 20 years,” Barreiros said.

Get a load of this slick talking asshole, huh? "Can you think of any product where the price hasn't increased in 20 years?" Are you selling a product now? Because I thought this was the lottery we're talking about.

What the hell lady, making it easier to make millionaires my ass.  I don't buy lottery tickets for the chance to become a millionaire, I buy lottery tickets to escape reality for about 5 minutes at the end of the week. Just the dream that maybe some day I won't have to crawl back to my cube Monday morning to do the same exact shit I just did the week before.  

And do me a favor, you keep those better odds. Can I opt out of this? Seems to me that doubling the price, but only increasing the odds from 195 million to 175 million-1 isn't that great of a deal.  I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to win still.  You've increased the price 100% and barely made a dent in the nearly impossible odds of winning. 

The only silver lining in all this is maybe, just maybe backwoods bums, sanitation plant workers, the guys who hang out playing Keno all day, and bums collecting cans won't have enough cash to play as much as they currently do.  I have to be the only person with a real decent paying job that still plays the lottery. A rise in price has to increase my odds since all these poor people who usually win can't afford to play anymore, right?  

On second thought, I redact my complaints! I'm gonna be rich!

Modern Bonnie and Clyde? Couple Burglarize Garage, Have Sex, Woman Pepper Sprays Man and Runs Off

Hillsboro, Mo (KSDK)-- A man wearing only a rain coat was taken into police custody after a garage burglary and sexual encounter on Sunday. The Jefferson County Sheriff's Department said the man and a woman were in the process of burglarizing the garage on Glade Chapel Road, in Hillsboro, when they decided to have sex. While having sex, the woman sprayed the man with pepper spray. Investigators said the woman ran off and drove the suspect's vehicle into a pond about two miles from the burglary location.

Shit, I thought I'd been having a bad week at work, talk about having a bad day, huh.

Not only do you get arrested, but your broad leaves you with blue balls, pepper sprays your eyes, and sinks your vehicle in a pond? This has to be a joke, right? Because that is the exact scenario, to the T, for like 90% of all country music songs.

I can practically hear Kenney Chesney rehearsing this song right now, maybe just embellish it a little bit more, add in that she stole his Golden Retriever too, make it even more authentic. Make sure the vehicle was a pickup truck too, can't have any Toyota Yaris' in country music.

PS: I wonder what it was in the garage that turned them on in the first place? The scent of moth balls? Animal droppings? Or is it just their thing, their calling card, like the Wet Bandits, they're the Fornicating Thieves or something.

Mass Lawmaker Compares Lobbyists to Jews During the Holocaust

Boston Globe - A Massachusetts state representative has apologized for comparing lobbyists with Holocaust victims when he was commenting on a proposal to require lobbyists to wear badges.  Representative John Binienda, a Worcester Democrat, said he had made an “inappropriate analogy” on Wednesday when he criticized the badge proposal. “No comparison can be made between the Nazi regime and a rules proposal made by members in good faith. I apologize to the sponsors as well as the people of Massachusetts for my words,” he said.  Binienda, who heads the House Rules Committee, said Wednesday that a Republican proposal for a rule change to force lobbyists to wear badges while talking to lawmakers smacked of tattoos that Jews were forced to wear. “The idea of the badge by lobbyists to me, I kind of find that revolting,” Binienda told the State House News Service in article posted this morning. “Hitler during the concentration camps tattooed all of the Jewish people so he would know who was a Jew and who wasn’t, and that’s something that I just don’t go along with.”

Because anytime you can compare millionaire businessmen and swindlers to a tortured group of people who were pushed into forced labor, raped, and killed, its a good idea?

In fairness, are we sure John Binienda wasn't just trying to make a thinly veiled joke in reference to the working mans classic, Office Space?  

How is it that people haven't figured out that its never a good idea to make allusions to Nazi's, Jews, or the Holocausts in analogies or comparisons. Like, just don't do it people. It will not work, it will backfire in your face, and you will be forced to make a public apology.  Seriously, there is no circumstances in which you will find a way to compare something from every day life to the Holocaust, its not going to happen and you shouldn't be trying. You'd think public holders of office would be on the same page about this by now, but every now and then you catch a story like this and you can almost hear the State House Secretaries typing up invitations to the next Government Sensitivity training session.

Western Mass Man Lucky to be Alive After Crashing into Moose, Wife Complains He Smells Like Moose "Poo"

Orange man crashes into moose: MyFoxBOSTON.com

ORANGE (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - An Orange man got quite the scare when the car he was driving crashed into a 500-pound moose on Route 2.

"Covered in Moose poo, head to toe...and smelled awful."

Uhh, yea, thanks for pointing out the moose shit hunny, think you could say something about how you're happy I'm alive, or how lucky I am?

Is this what this dudes coming home to? A woman who complains about moose shit after you just plowed through bulwinkle on the highway and turned him inside out?  Jesus, how about calling the insurance company and seeing if this shit is covered or something.

And how about this poor guy's clothes? The man has just been through a traumatic experience, he looks like Joe Frazier after Ali-Frazier I (and I can't tell if its because of the moose or if those are what liver spots look like on a black dude), and all he asks is that you do a load of laundry for him and you can't?  Take that stuff outside and hose it down. No one said you have to mix the moose-shit stained laundry with your white linens, c'mon lady.