Alt-Tabs of the Week

Drug Smugglers Create Weed Firing Catapult - Drug smugglers trying to get weed across the U.S./Mexico border are getting even more creative than simply loading watermelon trucks with marijuana.  Actual video of the Catapult in action here.

This is what happens when criminals start watching educational programs such as Pumpkin Chunkin on Discovery. I just pray to God they've never seen an episode of Myth Busters, who knows what diabolical ideas they'd be able to cultivate from that show.

How Porn is Changing Our Lives - We believe that porn is the equivalent of professional wrestling: phony and superficial. It’s like subsisting on a junk-food diet of Gummi bears and Gatorade when you could be having a gourmet meal.

Don't worry, its a CNN link, nothing raunchy.  Basically he comes to the conclusion that porn is making men fat and dysfunctional.  I think this may be a bit of a chicken and the egg thing here, are they fat and dysfunctional because they like porn? Or do they like porn because they're dysfunctional and fat.

Florida Sheriff Bans Hood Rats from the Force - This morning, a new policy was read off at Broward Sheriff's Office roll call: Deputies are no longer allowed to have visible tattoos, piercings, or gold teeth.

Apparently this is a big problem in Broward County? Police officers rolling with do-rags, grilles and fronts? I don't blame the Sheriff's department at all.  It may be profiling, but if I see someone with Gold Fronts and tats up their arms and necks I usually just assume they'd mug me without a second thought, I don't care what kind of uniform you're wearing.


Baseball Player Walks Away from Guranteed 12 Million Dollar Contract - Meche -- who signed a five-year, $55 million contract with the Royals before the 2007 season -- decided to walk away from the game, and millions of dollars, due to shoulder problems.  "When I signed my contract, my main goal was to earn it. Once I started to realize I wasn't earning my money, I felt bad. I was making a crazy amount of money for not even pitching. Honestly, I didn't feel like I deserved it.  Making that amount of money from a team that's already given me over $40 million for my life and for my kids, it just wasn't the right thing to do

Wow, Gil Meche needs to be signed up as the financial advisor for all players in American Professional Sports.  Not for walking away from $12 million, that was dumb (honest, but dumb all the same).  But for implying that $40 million is enough for himself and his kids to live on.  See what happens when you don't have to support an entourage of Mookie, Ray-Ray's, Talib's, and don't spend your off season paying for strippers college educations?

Signs For Stress in College Freshmen Sounds Alot Like Alcoholism

Excessive drinking may be lead to changing sleeping patterns.

LA Times - We now know that more college freshmen are reporting high levels of stress -- they've told us so. And this could be a warning sign of bigger problems down the road...For college students, though, Ulifeline.org lists these symptoms:

--Changes in sleep and eating patterns.
--Increased frequency of headaches.
--Increased levels of frustration and anger.
--Being more irritable than normal.
--Frequent muscle aches and/or tightness.
--Being more disorganized than usual.
--Increased difficulty in getting things done.

Umm, yea, I think your child is just experiencing the life of a drunk for the first time, maybe tell Johnny-SixPack and Susie-Smirnoff to cut down on the sauce and everything should be fine, maybe take them to an AA class or two if you feel its really necessary.  

Me? I'd probably tell them to suck it up, you're practically an adult. Better get used to it now, in a few years you won't be able to take naps to cure those hangovers, and your precious winter and summer breaks are going to be over.  I'd offer to switch places with any college freshmen right now if they felt their life is too hard.  You're never going to have less responsibility than you do right now, enjoy it and quit bitching.  The poor me, emo, depressed and angsty routine ends when you leave high school.  It's time to have fun and enjoy yourself the last few years of your youthful-ignorance life, because after college its all over.  You've been warned.

Guarding Your Baby from Baby Snatchers

(CNN) -- Three weeks ago, while recovering in the hospital after giving birth to a baby girl, Rena Jones was amped up and on guard. "I didn't sleep for a whole 72 hours, because I was nervous thinking somebody was going to come again to take my baby."  If you've ever walked the floor of a maternity ward it's clear that security is intense: time-delayed door locks, controlled access panels, closed-circuit television monitoring, matching numbered ID bands for moms and their babies, electronic infant-bracelet alarms. 

Just curious, does CNN think that the people who need to read this are actually reading the news?  Because my bets are the kind of people who would do things such as "leave their baby alone," or mistook the random person offering to "fluff your pillow" as a nurse are probably mowing down cheeto's and watching Maury or TMZ right now.  Either that or they're just finishing up 5th period English class. 

Because I'm fairly certain normal people are being kept awake at night with nightmares about baby snatchers. It's an illogical fear.  Who would snatch a baby? It's like stealing a bill for $200k and paying it off for no reason.  Sleepless nights, poopy diapers and 18+ years or financial dependency, yea I'm sure people are just lining up to risk a felony for that. 

Mammoth Scaffolding Gets Right to the Point

No beating around the bush with Mammoth Erection Scaffolding, they'll get in, get up, and get out in a safe and profession manner.  No job is too small for Mammoth Erection.

Breast Feeding Flash Mobs In Canada

AOL News - Canada is up in arms about breast-feeding and whether it's really OK to do it in public. And with the help of blogs and Facebook, angry moms are taking it to the streets -- or to the mall, in this case. About a hundred mothers in Montreal staged a "nurse-in" protest at a downtown shopping complex last week, breast-feeding simultaneously before a curious crowd of reporters, mall security guards and passers-by. The event was retribution, they said, for a store that had thrown out a mother for breast-feeding earlier this month. "I think that, basically, you should be able to do it anytime and anywhere," said Frances Moxant, 40, as she fed the youngest of her four children. "Even my parish priest tells us to go ahead and do it in church. Jesus was breast-fed -- he wasn't bottle-fed. So it's definitely all right."

Anyone notice how Canada has seemingly been unfazed by everything that's been going on in the world the last few years? Is this all those hosers have to debate about, breast feeding? I guess maple syrup, plaid, and clean crisp air are just recession proof industries, eh?

In all seriousness, breast feeding isn't the issue here for me, the issue is this:

Smith left humiliated. But her embarrassment quickly turned to anger, so the next day she created a blog, breastfortheweary.com... With just the one post, the blog quickly started gathering hits -- almost 7,000 so far. A day later, a Facebook group had been created to organize the nurse-in for Jan. 19.

7000 hits since January 6th! What the hell am I doing wrong over here? This has been our best month yet and we just cracked 3,000. This woman is crushing us because she has breasts and can whip them out in public.  That's biologically unfair. The Tab's has been behind the 8-ball the whole time.  Organizing Facebook Flashmobs? I can't even crack 20 on our fan page.  A supposed financial advice columnist who hasn't given out any advice, and a gambling picks blogger who gives away his picks on twitter.  This place needs to start picking up some more support or I'm going to sell out and start pandering to bored breast feeding house wives, apparently that's a golden demographic.

3rd Grader Finds Sexual Graphic Novel in Library

Sadly it wasn't the Book of Love from American Pie

Fox News - Calvin McHenry checked out a graphic novel from the Hebron Heights Elementary School library in Parkland, Fla., and found a story he did not expect to read.   The book is called "Tank Girl One," a series about a pilot turned outlaw with a drinking problem who is often prone to violence and routinely finds herself in raunchy sexual situations. McHenry's mother, Michelle, described the images in the book saying: "There was guns to heads, girls with girls, alcohol, sexual things that are just really, really bad." The school board said the book arrived by mistake as part of a large shipment for the new library that contained over 7,000 books. The wrong book was even labeled with that title. The book originally ordered by the school is called "Tank Talbot, A Guide To Girls."

Back in my days of elementary and middle school this would have just cemented Calvin's claim to coolest kid in school all the way through the 8th grade.  The first person to find a Playboy or come across a black market bootlegged VHS of Pam Anderson always had bragging rights, it was just a natural status symbol.  Today? That's literally childs play.

I think the mom can calm down a bit.  An adult graphic novel? Come on kid step your game up.  Have you heard of the internet? Killing and kissing? Amateur hour, wait till this kid hears about Two Girls One Cup and Cake Farts.  Just wait until you sign up for your first e-mail account, Calvin.  Can't be long now, how young do kids get those these days? 4th, 5th Grade?

By the way, I don't think "Tank Talbot, A Guide to Girls" sounds any better.  Don't know what the school board is trying to pull but I'm fairly certain that's a running series on Skinnemax.

Oh, Would You Look At This (Vid Inside)

How crazy is the car owner? Because to me he clearly wasn't in on this little joke but still went right along with it.  Probably the first human contact he's had in months. 

Scarier still, where the hell are they?  What are two grown men doing parked, hanging out in the middle off the woods?  These guys don't look dressed for jogging or any kind of work out, my want to alert law enforcement to some suspicious activity.  Just call them and tell them to come down and take a look...