City Officials and The Teachers Union Miss Federal Grant Deadline, Cost Boston ~$10 Million

Boston schools miss deadline for $9.4 million grant: MyFoxBOSTON.com

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A contract dispute has reportedly cost Boston schools millions of dollars in federal funds. The Boston Globe says the city has missed a deadline to apply for a federal grant worth $9.4 million. It was unable to apply for the money because administrators could not reach an agreement with the Boston Teachers Union.

So when the students of Boston ask for extensions on papers or forget to pass in homework this year, I assume all will be forgotten? Because that's relatively  small potatoes compared to leaving $9.4 Million on the table, no?

"Hey Timmy, do you have this weeks assignment?

"Nope, couldn't come to an agreement between myself and HBO onDemand to carve out some time to get it done, you figure out how to recoup that $10 million so my parents don't have to pay higher taxes and our sports team budgets aren't cut?"

"Touche, carry on."

I'm not quite sure how any educator can look a student in the eye this year and lecture them on the merits of accountability and meeting deadlines with this gigantic elephant in the room.  I'm also not sure how city officials can be focused on anything but this deal until its done...Your dilydallying just cost the city $10 million, you basically don't deserve a job at this point because you're certainly not serving the residents of the city. I'd have a field day if I was in the Boston Public School system this year. An absolute field day. 

This McDonalds Lottery Mystery Woman Might be an Evil Genius

Fox News - Fifteen Maryland McDonald's employees remain in financial limbo Tuesday as a co-worker who claimed to hold a $105 million Mega Millions lottery ticket stays in hiding amid suspicions she is either being greedy or perpetrating a cruel hoax. Three winning tickets were bought for Friday's record-breaking $656 million Mega Millions drawing. While no one has come forward to claim the prize, Mirlande Wilson's boasts to a newspaper that she selected the ticket has caused ill-will at a McDonald's in Westport, a section in Baltimore, Md., where she works. Wilson bought tickets for a pool of co-workers, but told the New York Post that the winning ticket she claimed to have purchased was bought separately....Wilson's co-workers are sizzling with anger over the confusion. "She can't do this to us!” shift manager Suleiman Osman Husein told the New York Post. "We each paid $5. She took everybody’s money!"

This woman is absolutely diabolical! Either she won this lottery and is trying to screw her co-workers out of their money, which would absolutely go down as the biggest asshole move in history, OR, she's playing the most elaborate "Fuck You, I Quit" prank of all time. And I do mean all-time. 

Imagine this: Hating your job flipping burgers and cleaning grease traps, wanting to quit, but wanting a way to go out that will screw your co-workers and have people talking about you forever...So you wait. You wait for the biggest lottery of all time. $640 million dollar jackpot, and a winning ticket was pulled in your home state. Bingo, here's your opportunity. You mysteriously don't show up for the breakfast shift the day after the drawing, you're not returning calls from your manager either. The next day rolls around and you call a few media outlets and let it leak that you may have the winning ticket. Your co-workers accuse you of holding out, claiming you won on one of the group tickets, you get  even more vague. First you state that you won on a personal ticket, then you state that you're not even sure if you won at all. Finally, you go into hiding, you leave everyone wondering what the hell is going on? Are they millionaires or not? Can they retire today and leave a world of slinging hash browns, happy meals, and McFlurys or was it all an elaborate hoax? 

The psychological trauma this has to be causing on a few minimum wage McDonald's workers must be insane. On the one hand they absolutely need that job, on the other they could be weeks away from ironically moving into their own McMansion. Meanwhile this Mirlande Wilson is playing the role of the ultimate puppet master, and playing it to a T. 

PS: What's with this guy? Does he not get what's going on here?

"She can't do this to us!” shift manager Suleiman Osman Husein told the New York Post. "We each paid $5. She took everybody’s money!"

 Guy, quibbling over $5 here? There's bigger fish to try here, has no one clued him in? You're either a millionare or your're resigned to a life of serving up filet o' fish...Screw the $5. 

Joe Flacco Thinks He's the Best QB in the NFL...That's Cute.

It was hard enough taking you serious during your Village People Revival Auditions last year

ESPN - Aaron Rodgers. Tom Brady. Eli and Peyton Manning. Drew Brees. Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco and his agent believe he's right there with the elite class of NFL quarterbacks. Flacco's agent, Joe Linta, created a stir in February when he said Flacco should be considered a top-five quarterback based on wins and losses. Flacco took it one step further Tuesday, telling WNST 1570 in Baltimore on Tuesday that he believes he's the "best" quarterback in the NFL. "I assume everybody thinks they're a top-five quarterback," Flacco said when asked where he thinks he ranks among NFL quarterbacks. "I mean, I think I'm the best. I don't think I'm top five, I think I'm the best. I don't think I'd be very successful at my job if I didn't feel that way. I mean, c'mon? That's not really too tough of a question. "That doesn't mean that things are going to work out that way. It just means that's the way it is -- that's the way I feel that it is and that's the way I feel it should be."

No Joe, no, no, no, no no. This isn't going to work the same way it worked for Eli for you.  Eli actually had a case that he may be "elite" depending on what your cutoff for elite was. If you were ok with your elite QB looks like Gomer Pyle, then Eli was elite, if not, he wasn't.  Whatever the case was, he pretty much cemented his status with his (dear god I can't believe I'm about to write this) second superbowl. 

And I know what you're thinking, I'll make some outrageous claim about my skills and the controversey will inspire my teammates and bring us together to win the superbowl...no it won't. Beacuse the thing is, Eli was actually pretty good. You're not. You're most definitely a league average quarterback on a good team with an above average defense and one of the best running backs in the league. That's why you've racked up the wins. A quick peak at your stats confirms it. Are they good? Yes, could they better? Absolutely. You've averaged 3600 yards and 22 TD's over the last 3 years...which would be All-Pro numbers if this was 1996, but it's not.  Those 3600 yards? 12th in the league last year. I know Troy Aikman basically made a Hall of Fame career on those exact same numbers, but times have changed, those are just Average Joe numbers.

And you didn't even go for elite, you skipped right over that and went with the even more outrageous claim that you're the best. THE BEST! The only thing you're the best quarterback in the league in is going 11-21 for 160 yards and 1td and your team winning inspite of your lack of production. That's what you're the best at. If you've got some secret analytical stats that prove that your consistently underwhelming performance is the key driver for this team, well I'd love to see it. 

But what's not going to happen is this: This isn't going to kickoff some media firestorm where newspapers come up with cute "Elite" puns for their headlines, 20 minute debates between Berman and Jackson on ESPN over whether you really are the best while you sneakily put up your best statistical season. Not gonna happen. 

Just be content being Average Joe Flacco. Manage the game, have a standout performance once or twice a season, and say all the right things. Don't draw attention to yourself and be content getting paid as good second tier QB. You'll be much happier and have much better job security.

Donald Trump Believes We'd All Be Impressed with His Junk

TMZ - Donald Trump is confident ... attorney Gloria Allred would be blown away by his man junk. The Donald called in to TMZ Live moments ago, claiming, "I think Gloria would be very very impressed with [my penis]." Donald's genitals became a topic of contention earlier today during Gloria's news conference with transgender beauty queen Jenna Talackova -- when Gloria said, Jenna "didn’t ask Mr. Trump to prove he's a naturally born man, or see photos of his birth, or to view his anatomy ... It made no difference to her." But it makes a difference to Donald, who said he'd be willing to show what he's got ... if Gloria's willing to pay the right price. Donald also said he wouldn't apologize for disqualifying Jenna last week from the Miss Universe pageant on the basis of her birth gender -- even though he later reversed his position -- and added, he "couldn't care less" if Jenna even competes.

Oh, man...This is like the heavyweight battle of mouth's.

In one corner you've got Gloria Allred, a woman who'll say anything and promp her clients to do the same, all for a quick press conference and some hefty lawyer fees. 

In the other you have Donald Trump, a guy who'll literally say anything. Not for any particular reason, he just either can't help himself or doesn't give a shit.

I think I'm going to side with Donald here, first off, his junk shouldn't be coming into play here, the man's not entering into Mr. Universe pageants, and even though I'm sure he could buy victory, I'm sure he's aware of his limitations. Secondly, I'm firmly in the position that Miss Universe, should probably be an actual "Miss." And Thirdly, no matter how much of an asshole, how smarmy, how just purely unlikeable Donald Trump is, there's a part of me who likes it. 

He's a billionaire asshole who's unafraid to hide that fact. I'm under the impression that most billionaires are probably assholes, because I assume that most people deep down are assholes. Most just try to hide it, and in the case of billionaires even pay to hide it, not Donald. The man just doesn't give a shit. He's a prick and he knows there's not all that much that anyone can do about it so why should he care. 

I respect you Donald Trump, in some kind of kindred asshole spirit way. But no, I really, really don't want to see your man-bits.