Nancy Grace Denies Showing Her Gross Nipple to the American Public

Mediaite - On Monday night, the world was shocked, shocked when, after all the hand-wringing over Chaz Bono’s fiendish insistence on existing, it actually seemed that HLN’s Nancy Grace was the one to plunge our nation’s children into depravity. The worst depravity of all in fact, the depravity of a briefly viewed human female breast! However, Grace has spoken out, denying that that slightly different shade of pink that we saw for a second was actually her nipple. Thank God. I guess my children won’t be going to Hell after all. “‘When I got dressed, I was wearing Petals (nipple covers) and an industrial strength bra … my dancing dress also had a bra sewn into it.’ Nancy adds, ‘I have been judged guilty without a trial … I will go to my grave denying the nip slip.’”

While Nancy Grace is all horrified, running around lying her tits off (pun completely intended) trying to pretend like this didn’t happen, I’v been sitting back and wondering what the big fucking deal is? It’s just a little nip slip for god sakes.

This happens every single time there’s a nip slip in this country, media outlets run around dissecting the evidence like they just got their hands on the Zapruder film for the first time. Guys, it’s not that outrageous. It’s a little brown protuberance in the center of a breast. BFD.

There is absolutely nothing more disappointing than a nip slip. I’ve never once been aroused or offended by one. It’s half a second of a dime-to-half dollar sized freckle. Unless you’re an 8 year old kid and have never set eyes on a boob before, this is a non-event. I’d rather stare at some well styled side boob any day. Side boob can be hot. A nip slip, not. A nip slip from Nancy Grace, negative hot. Like so negative hot that I temporarily inverted. It’s not a huge deal. No need for a special on Ted Koppel tonight, tell Bill O'reilly to cancel his rant on declining American values tonight. It’s a nipple people. It’s the definition of nothing to see here.

On the Proposed MBTA Fair Increase

BOSTON — State transportation officials say commuters are almost certain to see an MBTA fare increase next year. Officials told the T’s board on Tuesday that they expect to approve a fare increase in the spring that would take effect July 1. Subway, bus, and commuter rail fares last rose Jan. 1, 2007 .Federal and local regulations prevent the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority from raising fares on a whim. The T must evaluate the potential effects of fare increases or service cuts on ridership patterns, the environment, and lower-income riders, and hold public workshops and hearings.

The why us?, And How Dare you Pity party taking place on twitter yesterday over the announced possibilities of fair hikes for the mbta in Boston yesterday was absolutely mind boggling and completely illogical. Look, it’s a failing business. Failing businesses either die or pass the buck to the customer, and since this particular business can’t just up and die, they’re going to pass the buck. This isn’t a fantasy world, you want the service, you’re going to have to pay for it.

And yea, they could pay for it through higher taxes, but you know what? That actually wouldn’t be fair, and wouldn’t make sense. Why should I, someone who doesn’t rely fully on the subway, subsidize your ride? Are you going to help me out and chip in a few extra bucks come excise tax time? Or the next time I’m hit with the bill for a new set of tires, are all the mass transit commuters going to band together and help me out? If you want to, that’d be great, but I’m assuming the general response was hell no to those rhetorical questions.

It’s called being a responsible adult. I bought that car, chose it as my mode of transportation, and I incur the costs associated with it, as well as paying additional taxes (gas, excise, and tolls) in order to maintain infrastructure needed to make use of my vehicle (and not to mention subsidize forms of public transportation). You’ve chosen not to purchase a car, which is fine. If you can get away with it, great, more power to you. But you’re going to have to pay your way through public transportation, and guess what? If the T isn’t making money using current prices, those prices should go up. It’s how life works.

Millionaire Claims He's Closer to Minimum Wage Worker than Warren Buffet

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- Billionaire Warren Buffett can pay more taxes if he wants to, but some "ordinary millionaires" say they're already paying plenty. Even so, some millionaires say Buffett doesn't speak for them. "There is more of a difference between my financial position as a multi-millionaire and Buffett's than there is between mine and a guy that makes minimum wage," one CNNMoney reader said. "Why am I grouped with him and why does he feel he can speak for me?"

Asinine. This guy knows how percentages work right, like you wouldn’t be paying the same as Warren Buffet, I assume he knows this? He’s a millionaire he has to have some common sense, no? 

Look, I get not wanting to pay more taxes, I don’t want to pay more taxes, and if your argument is, fuck you, I don’t want to pay more taxes, I pay enough already, that’s fair. But if your argument is, there’s a bigger difference between a millionaire and Warren Buffet's life and a millionaires and a minimum wage worker, you’re the stupidest person on earth. The stupidest. And it’s quantifiable. It’s quantifiable in how many packs of ramen you’ve bought in the last year, in interest earned on your savings account, make model and year of your car, and your house.

I’m not saying you didn’t work for it, I’m not saying you have every right to be upset about the government asking for a bigger portion of it back. I’m saying you have no right to be an absolute dickhead about it. You think you paid your share, cool, but don’t compare yourself to the struggling McDonald's worker living on a friends couch driving a Daewoo. I don’t even compare myself to them, and I’m only a self made thousandaire. You just made the I'd punch you in the dick if I ever met you, list.

Reebok Easy Toners Being Sued for Convincing Fat Girls They'd Lose Weight

WASHINGTON (AP) - Reebok will pay $25 million to customers to settle charges by the Federal Trade Commission that it made deceptive claims in ads that its toning shoes would strengthen and tone the legs and buttocks of those who wear them. The athletic shoe and apparel company is also barred from making any claims of the strengthening effects of the shoes unless it is backed by scientific evidence.

I’m just going to come out and say, if you’re a girl, and you saw comercials starring some model's hot ass in short shorts, and were told that it was because she walked around in these uncomfortable looking shoes with balls on the bottom of them, and you believed it…you’re an idiot, and shouldn’t get a dime back.

Sorry, but I think at this point in existence, mankind has a pretty good idea that exercise and a healthy diet are the keys to staying in shape, not walking from the parking lot to the office in a pair of reeboks. And if I were reebok’s lawyers that would be my argument. It can’t lose.

So Last Night Sucked...The 2011 Redsox From A Historical Standpoint (edited to include missing paragraph)

Taking a page out of the pre-'04 Red Sox playbook last night, your current local nine decided to take a shot at history by endearing themselves to countless self loathing sports writers, and specifically Dan Shaughnessey.  Sensing there was no way the team had what it took to actually make a run at the 'ship in the playoffs, the team seems to have collectively decided that the best alternative allowing the team to go down in history was to put on a collapse of absolutely epic proportions, great success guys, great success.

While watching the Sox self combust and keeping tabs on the Devil Rays suspiciously improbable comeback (just saying, 7 runs? in two innings?), I began debating what I'd write about this. There are basically two routes I can take. 1) Post a slew of generic comments blasting Lackey, Crawford, Daisuke, Pink Hats, and the front office. Or, 2) Try and throw this loss into historical perspective and get this baby published before Simmons posts a 5000 word manifesto on the subject explaining that he went through the same process while walking his dog around his mansions yard.

So with a little help from The Meastro and Seany Mo, I present to you, the list.  One note, all events take place during my generation, so '78 is not on here, '86 is not on here, and any 80's losses from the Celtics that I can't remember? Not on here. If I can't coherently remember being a fan, it doesn't really count to me. In reverse order:

7. 2006 Patriots - 21-3. Twenty One, to Fucking 3! The phantom Hobbs pass interference call to which the league later apologized, and Peyton freaking Manning going on to win his first, and presumably only, Super Bowl. Fuck, this blog is going to make me angrier than I thought it would.

6. 2011 Red Sox - It helps to have the perspective of two champion ships in the last 7 years. Because otherwise, I'd be calling out of work hungover today and spending my day attempting to call into sports radio. This is presumably as close to knowing how my parents generation felt about '78, except they didn't have the benefit of a couple of trophies in the bag, and that loss was to the Yankees. This sucks, but its not something you couldn't see coming a week ago, and we're not desperately clinging to chances for another championship here. Yes, Dan Shaughnessy, to some extent, I have changed as a fan since they won.

5. 2011 Patriots - An MVP Brady season absolutely wasted. And to that foot-fucking Rex Ryan and the rival Jets of all teams. This one hurt, ALOT. The Pats were ass kickers last year. They finally seemed poised to make up for the lost 2008 season, and replace the trophy that should have been from 2007. It's now been 7 years since the Pats were crowned champs. SEVEN!

4. 1999 Red Sox - No one's going to mention this one today I'm sure, but this killed the innocence of teenage CW's sporting fan youth. This was Pedro in his absolute prime. This was Nomar mashing the ball every-which way. This was one of the last, if not the last Red Sox season where I still rooted for the Sox from the perspective of a kid. The magic was lost shortly after this. This was my first real introduction into the Sox-Yanks rivals (hard to believe considering I was 15 at the time, but in truth, they'd rarely played meaningful late season games to that point, and hadn't met in the playoffs as of yet). This was a complete kick to the balls for adolescent CW.

3. 2010 Celtics- Ron fucking Artest. It'll probably be another 15-20 years before we're that close to a championship with the Celtics.  Basketball is the hardest sport to build and maintain a contender. If we lose this NBA season to the lockout, the C's window is closed. That really sucks.

2. 2007 Patriots - Going to be honest, I initially had this number 1. Seany talked me out of it, and I'll explain why in a minute. This was brutal. I didn't watch SportsCenter or read ESPN for a solid week and a half. I always watch SportsCenter, and I was a working man at the time, do you know how hard it is to get through a day of work without browsing ESPN for a couple of hours? It's impossible. This was as big of a let down as possible as a sports fan. Even bigger than the next loss, because this team was supposed to win, this team was historically good, this team was supposed to give us bragging rights as fans, over any fan base in history. All of that, gone. 8 years later, we're still waiting for the next Super Bowl trophy. Tom Brady is still in his prime, but its the latter end of his prime, and as a fan I'm well aware that the window won't last more than 2 or 3 more season. Pats fans have had 3 Super Bowl quality teams cut down early (06,07, 2011). The decade of dominance may have been a wild and spectacular ride, and I've loved every minute of it, but if this list proves anything its that we've had our fair share of horrrreennndous sports fans moments as well. But it comes with the territory I guess.

1. 2003 Red Sox - Deciding between the 2007 Pats and the '03 Sox is splitting hairs in a contest where there are no winners, only losers (unless you happen to write books about Boston Sports fans and our team's histories of collapses, then you'd profit wildly). In picking between these legendary losses the deciding factor went to thinking back on the effect the events had at the time they happened. With the Patriots, as miserable as that loss was, you had three very recent Super Bowls to fall back on. It sucked and took a while to get over and we lost our chance at history, but the team was still a group of winners, and would continue to be for the foreseeable future. The '03 Sox? Not so much. They hadn't one shit to that point. 85 futile years and counting. And this wasn't a loss to just any team. This was a loss to our greatest tormentor, the Yankees. We were leading, we had Pedro on the mound, nothing was going to go wrong. This was finally our time. Not so much. The loss resonates particularly vividly with me as I was still in college at the time. I didn't have a job, or real responsibilities, I sunk my heart and soul as a Sox fan into that series. When it was over, I jumped off of our dorms balcony. I took a long walk. I joined in on the riots later on. I avoided the mere mentioning of sports talk, I didn't witness a minute of that year's world series. I finally understood what all the previous generations of Red Sox sports fans had been through. I'd experienced one of those crushing losses that were just Sox folklore and teams my Dad talked about previously. This sealed a sense of hopelessness that I'd never truly felt as a sports fan, and still haven't felt again to this day. As crushing as that Pats game was because we were supposed to win, this was worse. We'd never won, and it honestly didn't seem like we ever would, game 7 just cemented that feeling.

Oh, Bruins fans, the 2010 B's rank about 20th on my list...No disrespect intended, but complete disrespect intended.  It just wasn't a real sport for decades in Boston until last year...Enjoy the Pink Hats this coming season.

The Fire Breathing Dragon Car Looks Pretty Boss

"Yea, But How is it on Gas?"

Hey bro, pretty sure that things not street legal, last I checked flame throwers won't pass the Massachusetts State Emissions test. Just saying. It's a pretty baller pet dragon/car you got there, but it's gonna basically have to be a lawn ornament when that inspection sticker gets rejected.

Despite the Wreckage and Heartbreak of 2011, I’m Still Damned Proud to be a Boston Sports Fan

           Look, I’m not going to slice this cake any other possible way: The Red Sox absolutely and 100 % collapsed on us.  It adds yet another dark pages to the annals of Boston sports history that will cause us (by “us” I mean people who care deeply about the team, known in some regions as “fans” and not douche bag pink hats who wave their cell phone at Fenway Park to get on TV) all to avoid eye contact with everyone and stare blankly into our beer glasses.  This type of event is always accompanied by the same miserable set of actions that fans take to shut out additional pain: avoiding any type of sports broadcasting medium at the risk of blood shooting out our eyes, second guessing a million different managerial decisions over the course of a season, and stumbling around our existence with a sullen faced, glassy eye disposition similar to that of a proverbial Eeyore.

How every Red Sox fan feels right now

              I suppose the earliest indicator that set the foundation this miserable futility actually occurred in mid-July post All Star break, when we lost 3^rd starter Clay Buchholz for the season.  It was a tough hit to take even then, but it truly exposed how thin the team was at middle relief as a bullpen.  Everybody not named Alfredo Aceves (whose fucking FANTASTIC season will largely be forgotten in lieu of how the season finished; Jacoby Ellsbury will also be a victim of this as well.) decided to engage in various levels of epic suckitude over the next few months, with a special type of awfulness reserved for September.  Throw in the fact that Kevin Youkilis, a key fixture in our lineup, was playing with 481 separate injuries and producing nowhere near what he was capable of, Adrian Gonzalaz had the “Home Run Derby” second half power outage. (I think he hit 3 or 4 home runs in the second half of the season.  I’m too tired/still bitter to look up exact numbers) not to mention his strikeout rate went up about 10-15 %.  Our 4^th/5^th starters became just a synonym for “automatic losses,” especially when Andrew Miller pitched.  Lackey and Crawford, despite all those zeros on their paychecks, weren’t turning around their shitty seasons.  The blood stained writing was on the wall of the massacre that was to descend on our season, we just didn’t see it until we were in complete free fall and fans everywhere were panicking like an extra in a Jason Voorhees film.

Nothing will ever elicit the utter heartbreak and palpable grief generated in such droves as did the ending of the 2003 Red Sox season.  That season was akin to dating a dream girl, having everything going perfectly, pulling power moves you never knew you had, coming home to surprise her with an engagement ring, only to find her having sex with your asshole neighbor: crushing, emotional pain right to the core of your being, and an inability to function as a human stemming from the shattering disappointment that you were so loyal for such a miserable ending.  The 2011 season, while also shitty and miserable in its ending, generated of a different breed of pain.  This one was more like you found another dream girl and for a while it was going perfectly, maybe even better.  But then you discovered she had some annoying habits, started casually flirting with other guys at the bars, didn’t seem as into you as before, and ultimately tells you she’s breaking up with you.  It was a slow poisonous pain that coursed through our collective veins, causing us vast amounts of psychological distress as we tried to come up with a plan to eradicate or at least slow down the misery.  But, like a breakup you can see coming, there’s the initial gut punch, then a strange sense of acceptance, a sort, “All right, This sucks, but I guess I knew this wasn’t going anywhere anyway.”  Did I want the 2011 Red Sox to make the playoffs? You bet your ass I did.  Worst case scenario, I would much rather be labeled an underachieving team than one that was historically bad in the most crucial month of the season.  But in all fairness, what were these Sox going to do in the playoffs?  In all likelihood, based on the overall shittiness of the pitching/complete no show days of offense, we likely would have bowed out to a superior Texas team 3-1 at best.

However, the point of all this painful recollection is to high light something I did this morning upon finishing my breakfast (oatmeal with peanut butter and raisins, a fantastic fucking budget meal for a college undergrad)  The Red Sox hat I had been holding as last night’s traumatic events were unfolding, was sadly dropped to the floor as I headed off to bed, dejectedly asking myself why I even bother following these teams.  But this morning, I dusted off the hat, and will proudly wear it as I always have.  Despite all of the emotional turmoil, I am damned proud to be a Red Sox fan.  Year in and year out, the Red Sox have a (mostly) competitive team to root for, as rabid a fan base as you will find ANYWHERE in the country (I challenge any other city to have fans as knowledgeable about the sports they follow than in Boston.) and a team ethos that is committed to making improvements on the previous year’s edition.  There are literally 15-18 others teams that are completely content, despite having ample resources because contrary to popular belief, baseball owners are rich motherfuckers, to wallow in mediocrity without the chance of even sniffing greatness.  Our owners, like many others, have shitloads of money, but they pump significant amounts of it into our team to ensure that we at least have a chance at the ultimate prize.  We may not take the World Series every year or even make the playoffs sometimes.  The past two years are indications that having your best players get season ending injuries isn’t conducive to long term success in a season. 

But fandom with any team, especially the Red Sox, isn’t a “hit-it-and-quit-it” arrangement.  Despite the reactive nature of Boston fans, they will recover and in time will be concocting visions of grandeur based on how next season’s team will look.  This is a marriage, “a til death do us part” pact, and like the institution just mentioned, there are going to be both good times and bad.  This happens to be one of those times where you hang your head and take the daggers thrown at you by national media and other fans alike.  But when we come back (and we WILL come back; this team was a fucking powerhouse pre-injuries) the victory at the end of the road will taste that much sweeter because of the doldrums we lifted ourselves from.  That my friends, is why I for one will remain steadfast in my devotion and even in the current dark days for our franchise, declare proudly, “I am a Red Sox fan.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtQbyAnVy5I