Brothers Arrested During Machete vs: Crow Bar Fight

PITTSFIELD (AP) - A Pittsfield man and his brother are facing assault charges after the Pittsfield man was knocked unconscious in a "very bloody" brawl with his brother that involving a machete and a crowbar. Police said Thursday the fight began after 55-year-old Paul Kwasniowski of Pittsfield attacked his brother, 59-year-old John of Las Vegas, at his Pittsfield house Wednesday. John said he disarmed his younger brother by hitting him with a crowbar. Officials said Paul, who ran unsuccessfully for Pittsfield mayor in 2009, was knocked unconscious and was taken to Berkshire Medical Center. Officials said he suffered a skull fracture. John pleaded not guilty Thursday to an assault charge in Central Berkshire District Court. Paul also faces assault charges. It was unclear if the men had attorneys.

If I had a nickel for every brotherly tussle I've had in my life with my inferior in every way younger brother, I'd be rich, and never once did the cops interfere, and that's the way it should have been here.  

Sure in our case we were more horse playing than anything, worst thing that could have happened was one of us cracking our head on the fireplace or something (or that one time I caught him in the face with a bat, but that was a total accident) but really it's not all that different from your standard brotherly machete/crow bar fight.  In fact, if my parents had been wise enough to keep machetes in the home I'm sure we'd have been delighted to duel. 

And I'd still maintain that it would have been none of the police's business. As long as its a fair fight they have the right to work it out amongst themselves.  And a machete vs crow bar is as fair as it gets (if the fight had taken place while riding motorcycles it would have been the exact settings of Sega's Roadrash).  

PS: Wonder why he lost the election for Mayor, seems like a stable, qualified person.

Man Arrested for Public Masturbation Claims the Plaintiff Wasn't the Intended Victim

The Smoking Gun - Meet Paul Payton. The Louisiana man was arrested yesterday after a woman complained that he “exposed his genitals and began masturbating several different times.” Video of this affront--which allegedly occurred near a boat dock while Payton was seated in his Mitsubishi--was captured by the woman on her cellphone. When approached by a Monroe Police Department officer, Payton, 43, admitted to masturbating in public, according to a probable cause affidavit. But the suspect offered a curious justification: “The act,” he reported, “was intended for another female that was parked by the victim.” The affidavit does not further describe for whom the act was actually “intended,” or whether this other woman was aware (or desirous) of Payton’s gift.

Your honor, in fairness, my client wasn't even fantasizing about the plaintiff. He was whacking it to a whole other woman entirely, this is just an honest mistake.  Without intent this is 2nd degree public masturbation at best. 

And it's not like he was out there in the open, he was seated in the privacy of his car.  Who's this nosy lady who took it upon herself to film him like the Peeping Tom that she is?  Doesn't Louisiana have consent laws?  Because I doubt the dude was ok with some random taping him jacking off, seems like your ordinary average guy who's not into that kind of stuff.  I'd counter-suit her ass so fast.

Does Beyonce have Michael Jackson's Disease?

Beyonce? Is that you?

Caught this awkwardly horrible music video of Beyonce the other night, and didn't know what to think.  It legit took me about 3 minutes to figure out that it was indeed Beyonce.  I mean, am I crazy, or does Beyonce have the White? Like straight up MJ disease, except without Michael Jackson's caved in nose and leanings towards pedophelia (I assume).  She's even turning blonde, which I didn't think was part of the whole deal but apparently it is.

It's either that or she has a serious case of white pop star envy, just trying to emulate these other dance pop craze weirdo's that are all the rage these days, Ke$ha, Gaga, Katy Perry, and to some extent Britney.  But that just doesn't seem likely for someone with sooo much artistic integrity, I mean she wrote Single Ladies, no way she'd be jealous of Ke$sha, right?

So clearly Beyonce has the White. MJ disease strikes down another star in their prime.  Jay-Z must be wallowing in depression.

It's Not Always About You, Nancy Kerrigan.

WAKEFIELD - Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan has been involved in minor car accident in Wakefield just hours after attending her brother's manslaughter trial in the death of their father. Wakefield police said the accident happened on New Salem Street Thursday afternoon. No injuries were reported. A spokeswoman for Kerrigan said she had a problem with a loose tire on her car and "she's just fine."

Jesus, Nancy, attention whore much?  We get it, it's all about you..."why me, why me, why me."  It's the same  shit over and over again, it's getting old.  "Why did I get clubbed in the knee ruining my shot at Olympic gold', "why did my brother have to kill my father" , "why did I have to get in a car accident."  Talk about narcissism.  It's not all about you.

Sometimes people just get clubbed in the knee, it happens, not often in the figure skating world, but it does happen.  And sometimes fathers and sons bear hug each other to the death, and even more often than that people get in car accidents.  The difference is we don't all run out and use the national news media as our own personal diary like a teenage girl.  

We've all got issues Nancy, we've all metaphorically been clubbed in the knee, or had a family member murder another. Could you do us all a favor, and quit calling the news over these every day events?

Thanks.

Oklahoma Teens Lighting Each Other on Fire for Fun...Apparently this Worries Parents and Teachers

DEL CITY, Oklahoma -- Oklahoma teens are taking part in a disturbing trend… they are setting themselves and their friends on fire. Dozens of YouTube videos document the fad. Teens are spraying their skin with highly flammable body spray, then lighting it on fire. Some use the spray to make fireballs and throw it at each other. A source tells News 9, a Shawnee 8th grader tried the trick with disastrous results. The girl received third degree burns and has been out of school for several weeks. Teachers and school counselors are aware kids are trying this at home.   This trend is not just happening in Shawnee. A group of teens in Del City, say they have tried it before. Nat Palmer did it out of curiosity, " What can you say, we're just kids." "Unfortunately, most teenagers think they are bulletproof," said Dr. Herbert Meites, of the Integris Paul Silverstein Burn Center.

Uh, no Dr. Meites, they don't think they're bullet proof, they think they're fire retardant.  Try and keep up.  And for that matter, it kind of sounds like they are.  I mean no one has died a horrible death yet, right?  Sure there's that one girl who's never going to looks the same, but other than that no issues, right?

It's not like they're chugging 4Loko and dying or anything, it's just fire, everyone relax.  People have been playing with fire for eons and eons, ever since Cave-teenagers figured out that rubbing two sticks together and then flinging the resulting flames at each other was a wicked fun time (end result, Laser Tag, thank you cave teenagers, thank you.).

Plus, like the dude said, just kids being kids.  Sometimes you just have to learn by doing.  There's only so often you can tell your kid that fire is hot before you have to just let him light his pantleg on fire and figure it out on his own.