Wodka Brand Vodka's Humorous Billboard Made Me Chuckle

Stylelite- Religious stereotyping in liquor ads is just about as bottom of the barrel as you can get, and a brief perusal of the Wodka website shows it’s standard practice for the company. For example, on the site’s contact page, we’re introduced to Wodka “employees” New Delhi Neil (“snake charmer by day and press wrangler by night”) and Sumo Shu (whose photo is the face of a white guy Photoshopped onto a Japanese sumo wrestler’s body).

What? I don't get it? Are Jewish liquor stores not competitively priced? Is this false advertising or something?  Is it the dog? Is he wearing the cap wrong? 

Guys, they're clearly joking and mean no harm...I mean have you seen their website? It's got pictures like this as promotional photos for its product:

Does this seem like a serious company to you? It's got a hilarious website (and does anyone really believe New Delhi Neil and Sumo Shu were forced into these photos? This looks like a fantastic place to work), a premium product, and cheap prices. Just roll with it.

Besides, do we really need to get into the whole defamation thing right now? Yesterday should have been a day of national pride for all the Maccabi's everywhere, the Hebrew Hammer won the National League MVP! I mean, how can you be upset on such a great day?

So lets all take it down a notch and take it for face value, a pretty funny advertising campaign, that may have touched the line for some, but all in all meant no harm, and caused no harm. Hell, I'd wager to say that Jewish liquor store sales are going to skyrocket because of this, if there's one thing that's universally loved and scoured for, its cheap booze. If you've got the same product for $1 less, I'll drive upwards of 35 miles for it...Why else do you think I roll on up to the New Hampshire State Liquor Stores every Christmas? Sure it costs me like $6.75 in gas, but the savings on those liquor box gift sets is priceless.

Wodka brand Vodka, you're cool with me.

PS: They apologized on Twitter...that's the company/celebrity equivalent of going to rehab in 2011, time to let it go everyone.

I Felt Bad for this Waiter and His Fake $10 Tip At First, But Then...

The Consumerist - For a waiter who depends on tips to earn more than minimum wage, a $10 tip can be a welcome sight. But not in this instance. As the waiter found out in the below image posted on Reddit, not only was that $10 bill not the real deal, it only made the matter worse with its "Some Things Are Better Than Money" religious message on the back.

Gonna be completely honest, I feel no sadness for this waiter whatsoever...Like yea, it's still a dick move to leave a fake tip, if you're not going to leave a tip, just don't leave anything, no need for the fake $10 bill. But I just find it hard to feel bad for someone who in one instance claims they "live off our generosity," and then in the next sentence talks about how they've been saving up for "Battlefield 3."

Get your head out of your ass bro. If you're going to be saving up for anything it should have been Modern Warfare 3! What the hell are you thinking with Battlefield 3, shits for children (unless of course you can afford both, then its cool I guess). 

You just can't go around expecting people to feel bad for you when you're about to blow your life savings on some second rate video game, come on man.  

Plus anyone who's ever balked at paying premium prices for a brand new game knows to sign up for Gamefly...you can start right now for $7.95 a month, keep the game as long as you'd like...that's only 80% of your fake tip...you'd still have $2 fake dollars left, living in your mom's basement, that'll go a long way.

Ochocinco to Teach College Social Media Class, Glad He's got a Backup Career

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - FOX 25 had a social media professor from Emerson College on Friday's Morning News. One of the things we talked about was his students’ efforts to get Pats wideout Chad Ochocinco in to teach. Well now, Professor David Gerzof tells FOX 25 Ochocinco tweeted him, saying he was watching the FOX 25 Morning News and saw the segment. The professor says Ocho told him he hasn't forgotten about his class and that he'll either come in to teach or take the enter class out to dinner.

Glad we got down to the bottom of what Ocho will be doing when his football career is over in a year or so...I saw this tweet from Chad last week and immediately wondered what he'd be doing for a second career after this Patriots stint flames out (I think it's safe to say at this point that he'll remain on the roster the rest of this season, but I'm pretty sure Brady and Belichick will personally be helping him pack his shit up this off season to ship him off to whatever team decides to give him a workout). 

If you're as good at math as I am, you figured out that Ocho plans on working for another 7 years...given that his football career should end a few games into next season (in which his new team calls him to tell him they're cutting him but he offers to pre-emptively retire to focus on his family life and twitter followers), he obviously must have something planned for his second career, and now we know what it is...teaching social media courses at the college level.

And it makes sense. The guy is a social media genius, aside from his just under 3 million followers he's also managed to pull off the impossible, he's such a nice, fun, and engaging guy on twitter, that I actually feel genuinely bad taking shots at him about his performance on the field.  So much so that I've really just bit my tongue while watching him run fruitless route after fruitless route all season. I mean that's amazing...I have a comment on anything and everything, and I've steadfastly refused to say anything about Ocho, because I like following him on Twitter so much.  

So yes, teaching social media is the perfect job for you Ocho. So perfect that it would be nice if you'd just retire this off season and spare my Patriots some cap room so we can find a suitable replacement for you, or just a roster spot to bring some guy up off the practice squad...you'd be doing all us fans a huge favor.

Thanksgiving Family Rituals

In Honor of Thanksgiving, and quite possibly my most popular post with my family members, I've decided to re-run "Thanksgiving Family Rituals" once again this Holiday season. True, my parents have upgraded to a bigger table, so the children's table schtick isn't entirely accurate this year...Instead I'll in all likelihood end up eating at the bar top island, lets be honest with all that food and all the family members over, you could have a medieval banquet hall in our dining room and we'd still be banishing people to the minor league tables...Plus this is a great way for me to get a post without actually having to do any work, so, without further ado: Thanksgiving Family Rituals

Ah, Thanksgiving, right around the corner.  Food, drinks, football, all the ingredients that make up CW's favorite holiday (and by ownership, the official holiday of The Alt-Tab).  No real surprise there, all three when mixed properly allow a catatonic like zoning out affect that magically comes around once a year.  Conversation grinds to a halt, everyone fades in and out of naps, communication consists of grunts towards the television during the football games and the occasional lazy hand gesture when another helping of food is required to be passed around.  Heaven.

But that's all post-meal bliss.  Leading up to this once yearly state of nirvana is the family gathering, a staple of the holiday season.  Most families will share traditions, recipes, exchanging of children's Christmas wish lists (there's always that one kid who aims a bit too high with their wish list much to the annoyance of family members.  I can only assume in hindsight that it was me as a child, so to my immediate family I apologize), and carving of the turkey honors.  

My families Thanksgiving tradition is a bit different than most I would assume.  To us the holidays are a chance to get together and compete in one-upping one another with regards to medical ailments and health issues.  Conversations run the gamut from pace-makers, cholesterol levels, blood sugar, hearing aids, vision, an array of surgeries, vision complaints, back pain, psoriasis, eczema, leprosy, and gingivitis.  You need a medical dictionary just to get through it.  The competition is for the head of the table.  The worse your affliction or collection of ailments the better your seat at the table.  My Grandfather has had a firm grasp on the title for years now with the aforementioned hearing aid and pace-maker, though my Mom has mounted a serious challenge this year that could make it an interesting race for the first time in as long as I can remember.  

As for me, I've been stuck at the children's table long past the regularly acceptable age.  Just haven't been able to crack the big leagues and gain entrance to the adult table.  Sure every few years I come in with stitches or a pulled groin, but that's just child's play with this group.  Nothing short of major surgery or threatening illness is going to get me to the big show.  Same for the CW's brother.  Biggest hypochondriac I know, comes up with a wild array of imagined illnesses and injuries each year, none of them are good enough.  The adults in our family are a savvy, veteran group of the walking wounded, they see right through his fictional complaints and chuckle at his efforts.

Sadly all has been well on the health front once again this year for your fearless leader.  Just one more year of eating off unstable fold up tables with chairs so short I might as well be kneeling.  There's always next year though.

Two Friends Give Away $20 a Day Around Boston, Become Wildly Successfull...I Suck

Finding money in Boston: Plenty of Twenties: MyFoxBOSTON.com

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Former President Andrew Jackson is hiding in the Hub. They say he'll brighten someone's day to find, so the duo behind plentyoftwenties.com is hiding $20 bills all over the city. Steven Grant, one of the guys behind the Web site explains why in the world he's giving away so much cash. So far, they've given away more than $2,000.

So this is a real thing, these two guys just blowing $2K hiding 20 spots around the city and posting hints online...and getting business partnerships out of it from businesses that want them to hide the money at their restaurants to increase foot traffic.

Are you kidding me? Ideas like this absolutely kill me...here I am busting my ass to the point where I've been sick for two weeks because, frankly, I'm run down, I work 9-10 hour days at my real job, and come home and do 3 hours or so a night and morning for this blog, and I don't have one partnership...I've made like $100 total on google ads, thanks alot, google.  Meanwhile these guys, with no discernible plan whatsoever, just a couple of guys with the half baked idea that it would be funny to watch people drive all over Massachusetts looking for $20 bills, are being interviewed on my favorite morning news program and getting partnership offers left and right.

Blows my freaking mind. Like, come on, do I need to throw up a bat symbol to local bars and restaurants? I'll pimp your stuff for virtually free! FREE (virtually) I TELL YA! If you're a bar/pub in the Everett/Boston area what do you have to lose...toss me a gift card and we're in business, seriously, 1,500-3,000 views per day, mostly males aged 23-34, that's your prime, drink till I blackout audience. You can't ask for better demographic. Someone, anyone, please get at me...TheAltTab@gmail.com. Seriously, I await your proposal. I'm cheap, I'll even work for free for a week (but no, I won't go giving away $20 bills like these guys, that's just crazy). 

Asshole Car Dealership Vandal Gets Tasered...He Also is Sort of my Hero

I'm not condoning random acts of vandalism, and I fully realize that the next few years of this guys life are now going to suck, and rightfully so, but the highs that this guy undoubtedly felt as he was bulldozing his way through this car dealership are the highs that we've all dreamed about once in a while, but always seem just out of grasp...because most of us are sane, rational people...but for just one night don't you fucking wish you were him? 

This guy was undoubtedly an employee at the lot, maybe he was fired, laid off, or maybe his boss just made one too many ridiculous requests, who knows? Whatever the case was, this guy did something rare for these days, he took his grievances into his own hands...was it a dickhead move? Absolutely, the lowest of the low...but everynow and then I just want to have the balls to go that low...to flip out at the person taking forFUCKINGever at the checkout line at Target, to ram the car that just cut you off bumper car style, after a long day and one too many nagging requests to tell all your clients and bosses to take their job and just shove it...

Of course, I'll never do it, I've become to accustomed to not being in jail and having regular paychecks, but for this one day, after viewing this one video, I still have hope...Hope and sore abs from laughing at this schmuck as he long fell backwards after being tased. 

25 Worst Internet Passwords...How Haven't People Gotten the Hang of this Yet?

If “password” is your password, chances are you’ve been the victim of a hack attack. “Password” is the least successful, according to SplashData’s annual list of worst Internet passwords. SplashData created the rankings based on millions of stolen passwords posted online by hackers. Here is the complete list:

1. password

2. 123456

3.12345678

4. qwerty

5. abc123

6. monkey

7. 1234567

8. letmein

9. trustno1

10. dragon

11. baseball

12. 111111

13. iloveyou

14. master

15. sunshine

16. ashley

17. bailey

18. passw0rd

19. shadow

20. 123123

21. 654321

22. superman

23. qazwsx

24. michael

25. football

Serious question, what the hell is wrong with people? We're a month away from 2012, we use the internet for everything. Legit, yesterday I ordered a burrito online from Chipotle...When its to the point that we're ordering Mexican delicacies online, I think it's fair to say that the internet has become ubiquitous with everyday life (I have no idea if ubiquitous makes sense there, just wanted to make the blog sound smart). 

And yet people are still having problems coming up with and remembering passwords. It blows my mind. Like at work, do you know much time is lost daily to tards who can't remember their log in passwords and lock themselves out of various applications? Or how much time is lost daily by me listenting to these people call the IT support people and furiously muttering under my breath about how much time these people waste? Like forget about my internet useage at work, cut down on people forgetting their passwords and we'd save a fucking fortune. No need for that outsourced call center in Bombay, and no need for me to take a lap around the building because my blood pressure is boiling due to my irrational hatred of listening to people try to unlock their accounts over the phone.  

It's really simple, if an employee has to call down to IT more than 3x in their first 6 months, they're fired. No questions asked. All other employees, if you call more than 3x in any 6 month span, you're deducted 1 week pay.  It is ludicrous to me to think people qualified for a job in my particular field, are somehow also incapable of remembering 3-4 log in passwords. Save them to your frigen desktop for all I care, just stop forgetting them.

And that's without even touching upon the simpletons that are using passwords like "password," or "123456", or "letmein."  Really? You couldn't just use your birth date, or the street you grew up on like 90% of all the other people? If you're using any of the above dickhead passwords then you deserve to get hacked...Like if you go through a case of stolen identity and the investigators find out that your Visa.com password was "password," then they should just drop the case and tell you you're an idiot.

PS: One funny story about "password," actually...Old friend of the blog, Penny Packer (@he_pennypacker1) used to use "password" as his Facebook password. I say used to, because one day, yours truly, logged in as Penny, changed his photo to a crane (a nickname derived from his Beirut playing style), changed all his hobbies to crane related stuff, changed his password, and changed the e-mail address associated with the account, and then set up a fan page for all our friends...A couple weeks later when he figured the whole thing out I gave him all the new log in information, but the damage was done, Penny was never seen on Facebook again...just deleted his account and set off into the sunset...The moral of the story? That's what you get when you use a ridiculously obvious password.

Florida Mom Upset after Hooters Waitress Presents at Son's School for Career Day

Fox News - A Florida mother complained to her son's school after a Hooters waitress was invited to speak to the students there about her job, The St. Petersburg Times reported Saturday. Brittany Morgan, 23, addressed students Thursday at the Calvin A. Hunsinger School for students with emotional and behavioral disabilities in Clearwater, Fla. She reportedly wore a sweater and sweatpants rather than her Hooters uniform, and discussed tipping, looking presentable at work and Hooters' charity work. Ashley Dominicci, whose son is in sixth grade at the school, said the presentation sent "the wrong message" to kids. "I feel like we're telling [the students] that you're the bad kids, and this is all you'll be in life," she explained. Bessette said in an email response to Dominicci that some women work as waitresses to pay for college, and teachers often work service jobs to supplement their incomes. "Working as a waiter or waitress in order to achieve higher goals should be commended," she wrote. Morgan was invited to the school as part of The Great American Teach-In, an annual event during which adults talk to students about their careers and hobbies.

Can you believe this women? All outraged over the school having a Hooters waitress speak at career day? The nerve. Come on lady, lets be serious for a second. Sure I could see being upset if you were one of those mom's with the "my student was an honor roll student" bumper stickers, then you'd expect a normal career day, with Dentists, Accountants, maybe a civil engineer...But that's not the case here. Your son is in one of those behavioral classes (aka the kids who get into trouble, light shit on fire, and shit like that), the odds are overwhelming that he's going to end up a line cook at Hooters and his girlfriend will be the head hostess. I'd say working at Hooters would be a pretty good step up in life, compared to say, car jacker, or juvenile detention center inmate number 25408.

And honestly, that's not that bad. I'd wager to say that Hooters waitresses probably get better tips than a normal waitress...Think about it, who am I going to tip more? The regular girl, in a regular waitresses outfit, giving me mediocre-to-bad service at TGIF's, or the hott, emotionally unstable girl, in a hooters outfit, giving me mediocre-to bad service at Hooters?  Yea, the Hooters girl is getting a bigger tip. 

Parents all in all need to take a step back and really think about how they're evaluating their kids...they're not all going to be winners, ya know? The world needs skanky waitresses, adult actresses, and teachers/porn webmasters too.

PS: That line about girls working their way through college at Hooters? Come on, we're smarter than that. College costs a fortune these days, even real life strippers these days can't afford 4 year universities, they're all working their way through junior colleges. So if you expect me to believe that a skimpy tank top and some spandex are paying for anything more than beauty school, well jokes on you.

How Did People Drive Anywhere Before the Portable GPS?

That's the question I ask myself anytime I drive anywhere more than 30 minutes away. Sometimes I show up at wherever I'm going without having paid a second of attention to the route because the whole time I've been pondering the logistics of how people got around prior to, like, 10 years ago, or whenever these things became wide spread.

Take this weekend for instance, The Alt-Tab's very own Dr. Jack, TVD (Television Doctor), went and got himself hitched down in Long Island (great wedding by the way, congrats Dr. Jack), I'm going to be completely honest, without the advent of the GPS, I wouldn't have been able to go.

Have you ever driven in and around NY? Its just a jumbled mess of parkways, expressways, thoroughfares, and any other highway euphemism you could think of. How on earth would I ever navigate that without some electronic, vaguely British women yelling at me constantly to stay on course? Would I take a map? Do I need a compass? Seriously, how did people do it...I'd imagine you have to stop at like every rest area on the way and just chart where you are on the map, right? That shit could get time consuming real fast, not to mention, expensive. Once you write on a map, that's it, it's ruined. You'd be going through dozens of maps a year. Granted I have no idea how much a map costs but I'm gonna go with $1.99? Multiplied by say 24 trips a year (twice a month for more than 30 mins), that's $48 a year in mapping budget...Do you know what my current map budget is? 0$ p/l (per life). That's right, I've never spent a nickel on maps. Parents gave me a GPS and that was it. I'm set. But even if they hadn't, I would have ponied up to buy one, at $48 a year for maps, the GPS would pay for its self in like 16 months. Its a bargain.

PS: hey New York, I know you're ridiculously over populated, you've got people all over the place, and you need like, 1,000 roads all to get to the same general area because of all the asshole cabs and commuters that flood your city on a daily basis, but I've got one request.  How about one outbound road to Connecticut and Massachusetts called the "Get The Fuck Out of NY Fast, Expressway." (GFONYFE). Seriously. When I'm just trying to get home and am facing a four hour ride, how about one main highway leaving the city/state. Like get me to the border of Connecticut and I'll be on my way. I don't want to have to listen to traffic reports and try and decipher your ridiculous code of acronyms for all the aforementioned parkways and expressways. Just one road. The GFONYFE, for those of us that don't feel like putting up with your traffic.

Thanks,

Every Masshole Ever...Double PS: Your drivers are far more insane. I'm not complaining, just pointing it out.