This Guy Badly Needs a New Twitter Handle

Absolute glutton for punishment. 

You've gotta be a serious sadomasichist or have some serious thick skin to rock that Twitter handle. And honestly, they guy doesn't look like either, so I'm assuming he's foreign.

Probably has no idea why his @ mentions are blowing up daily with some serious hate tweets:

Michael Jordan's Son Tweeting Hookers and Porn Stars?

That's Michael Jordan's son, Marcus Jordan. He likes hookers, a lot, apparently, I mean he through out two $ signs instead of the customary one. He also likes designing douche-tastic shirts that only apply to himself.

He's also supposed to be a senior on the UCF basketball team this year...Just guessing the NCAA frowns upon this. 

Guess it's like they say, "If you ain't tweetin', you ain't tryin'."

Metta World Peace, Wishing You A Happy Holidays

Yep...

To be fair,  I'm pretty sure 90% of the people in my Twitter and Facebook feeds had Memorial and Veterans day confused, Metta just took it one step further and tossed Labor Day into the mix. Honest mistake. 

Of course, instead of just lol'ing at the mistake, he followed it up with these two gems:

I didn't know Reading was a college subject.

Bill Clinton Doing His Damn Thing in Monaco with Some Adult Starlets

TMZ - Bill Clinton just out-Clinton'd himself -- posing with two famous porn stars in Monaco moments ago ... and one of them's a real up-and-comer. Clinton's in a Monte Carlo casino right now for a special "Nights in Monaco" gala event -- and several celebrities are in attendance ... including Diane Kruger, Joshua Jackson ... and a BUNCH OF PORN STARS. The two porn stars on Bill's arms are Tasha Reign (left) and Brooklyn Lee -- AVN's "Best New Starlet" in porn. Brooklyn -- who just posted the pic on her Twitter account -- also just won the award for "Best Sex Scene" in "Mission Asspossible." As for Tasha's film credits ... those include "Baby Got Boobs 8" and "Farm Girls Gone Bad."

I like to live in a world where I just pretend Bill Clinton is still the POTUS...Just on a Putin-like roll where he's imposed his will and dominated our government for the last 20 years, ignoring electoral laws and marriage vows at his own whim.

I think we'd be living in a better country. He's clearly a guy that's frankly, not bothered with what other people think.  He's just about getting the job done. Like this picture for instance. He obviously knew this would go viral, he's a former president posing for a picture with a girl who's latest film credit was "Mission Asspossible." This wasn't a cellphone pic that was just going to be shown off at parties and ultimately lost when she upgraded to the Iphone5, this was a share it with the world moment. 

Did it slow down Bill? Not at all. Not a care in the world that his wife is going to have his balls in a vice grip when he gets home. Doesn't matter that it will surely run in every Supermarket Tabloid this week with titles like "Ex-POTUS Sex Tape Scandal," or "Did Bill Simultaneously Knock Up Two Adult Starlets?" Didn't phase him. He was all about getting the job done and getting his dick in. If that meant taking a picture he'd surely take heat for the next day, so be it. 

That's the kinda leader we need right now. Not Obama, who's more content trying to make everyone happy rather than making the right decisions, and certainly not Mitt "Never had a beer in my life" Romney. 

Tim Tebow Cheating on God, Untagging Pics

TMZ - Tim Tebow posed for a photo backstage with cast members of the Broadway music "Rock Ages" ... and then asked for that photo to be taken off Twitter ... this according to one of the cast members. Neka Zang posted the pic (see above) on her Twitter account at some point last night -- and even posted a photo of the whole cast Tebowing. But the photo with Tebow was gone a short time later ... which she explained by tweeting, "Well, Due to Tebow's "image" I was asked to remove the pic of him with us half dressed ladies. He does know we arn't real strippers right?" 

Uhh, Timmy, that's not gonna work. Un-Tagging, Un-Checking-in, un-whatever else you can think of...that all might work when you're just a skeezer trying to hide your philanderings from your wife/gf, but that's not fooling the G-O-D for one second. God doesn't need your timeline or twitter feed to know you were motorboating a bunch of hooker looking women on Saturday night. The guy is on point, all knowing, and omnipotent. You're better off spending less time worrying about the pics and more time on some Our Fathers and Hail Marys.

Mickael Pietrus and the Celtics Wrap Up the Atlantic Division Once Again

Big Gold Fish must be something lost in translation from French or Haitian or French Guianan or whatever Micaekl is. But we get what you're saying Mickael, and your enthusiasm is off the charts. We may not completely understand you (frankly, I'm not sure anyone does) but we appreciate it anyway. 

Have at it bud. 

PS: I'm kinda shocked that a quick google search couldn't produce any 2012 Atlantic Division Champs shirts, I'd have thought Modells had those things ready to go...Mom's buying 10 year old and younger kids Division champ's apparel as a thoughtful yet misguided gift is basically a cottage industry at this point, someone really fell asleep at the switch here.

Mickael Pietrus Begging for Twitter Followers

All I got was Follow Me on Twitter.

Umm, sorry Mickael, it doesn't really work that way. I ask people to follow me all the time, even have that handy little button over there on the right, still doesn't matter...Maybe talking like a still very concussed man on video helps though?

PS: Your name is a pain in the ass to spell, all the double vowels and what not. 

John McCain Trolling Putin on Twitter

Fox News - Vladimir Putin clearly is "unsettled" by the protests in his country, Sen. John McCain told Fox News on Thursday, after the Russian leader publicly excoriated the Arizona Republican in a personal attack the U.S. senator described as just "strange." "Dear Vlad, The #ArabSpring is coming to a neighborhood near you," McCain tweeted. Putin, in a TV appearance Thursday in Russia, then accused McCain -- a Vietnam War veteran and former prisoner of war who now is ranking Republican of the Senate Armed Services Committee -- of having "a lot of blood of peaceful civilians on his hands." 

You crazy bro? Didn't you just get out of some kind of prison camp? What are you thinking here? You've got the cush life, retired in Arizona, pretending to do work for the Senate. Come on, man, don't go inviting trouble for America, we don't need that right now. How about you and your pals in Washington focus on shit going on in our country right now (like how Congress had to avoid a governement work stoppage for like the 3rd time this year just yesterday), and worry less about a man who won his countries presidency with something like a 97% mandate. I mean even if he forged 47% of the votes (which he did), he still got 50% of the popular vote, which is more than George Bush got when we put that bastard in office, so you tell me who's up to shady business.

Death Penalty Conviction Over Turned Due to Jurors Tweet...Now that's Klout

An Arkansas man has had his death penalty conviction overturned because one juror during his case was tweeting and another juror fell asleep. Twenty-six year old Erickson Dimas-Martinez was found guilty in 2010 of robbing and murdering a 17-year-old boy outside of a party in 2006. During his trial, one juror fell asleep, and another posted to his Twitter account regarding the case. While the tweets did not divulge specific details of the case, the juror went against specific instructions to not discuss the case in any manner, online or off.

If this guy doesn't have the highest Klout score possible, then Klout seriously has to reconsider their ranking formula. Because let me tell you something, a single tweet, deciding the fate, the life or death, of a man, is flat out as baller as it gets.  I'm not saying the results are pleasant, I'm just saying this guys Tweet, held more Klout than any other tweet ever. Even more than when Ashton Kutcher defended that pedofile Sandusky and then pretended he didn't know what was going on in the news even though it was basically impossible to have not heard the story at that point.

I'm over here, thrilled about getting a retweet or two a day, celebrating every time I pick up a follower that doesn't appear to be spam, meanwhile this guys tweet game is so prolific he's undermining the entire justice system. Some guys just got all the juice.

Ochocinco to Teach College Social Media Class, Glad He's got a Backup Career

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - FOX 25 had a social media professor from Emerson College on Friday's Morning News. One of the things we talked about was his students’ efforts to get Pats wideout Chad Ochocinco in to teach. Well now, Professor David Gerzof tells FOX 25 Ochocinco tweeted him, saying he was watching the FOX 25 Morning News and saw the segment. The professor says Ocho told him he hasn't forgotten about his class and that he'll either come in to teach or take the enter class out to dinner.

Glad we got down to the bottom of what Ocho will be doing when his football career is over in a year or so...I saw this tweet from Chad last week and immediately wondered what he'd be doing for a second career after this Patriots stint flames out (I think it's safe to say at this point that he'll remain on the roster the rest of this season, but I'm pretty sure Brady and Belichick will personally be helping him pack his shit up this off season to ship him off to whatever team decides to give him a workout). 

If you're as good at math as I am, you figured out that Ocho plans on working for another 7 years...given that his football career should end a few games into next season (in which his new team calls him to tell him they're cutting him but he offers to pre-emptively retire to focus on his family life and twitter followers), he obviously must have something planned for his second career, and now we know what it is...teaching social media courses at the college level.

And it makes sense. The guy is a social media genius, aside from his just under 3 million followers he's also managed to pull off the impossible, he's such a nice, fun, and engaging guy on twitter, that I actually feel genuinely bad taking shots at him about his performance on the field.  So much so that I've really just bit my tongue while watching him run fruitless route after fruitless route all season. I mean that's amazing...I have a comment on anything and everything, and I've steadfastly refused to say anything about Ocho, because I like following him on Twitter so much.  

So yes, teaching social media is the perfect job for you Ocho. So perfect that it would be nice if you'd just retire this off season and spare my Patriots some cap room so we can find a suitable replacement for you, or just a roster spot to bring some guy up off the practice squad...you'd be doing all us fans a huge favor.