Bus Driver in a Flood, Like a Boss

That right there is the absolute dream for any asshole with a drivers license. It's the fucking Catalina wine mixer!, of driving, if you will.

Dude saw his target, knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, went for it, and he nailed it. This wasn't just your average drive by soaking of some poor pedestrian, this was the Super Bowl of pedestrian drenchings. He soaked her with a freaking pond, exhaust failure and engine seizure be damned. His bosses will understand, you just don't get these chances every day.

PS: And how about this broad, just standing there while Bus 63 barrels towards her...You might wanna move hunny, does it look like that things making a stop to pick you up? You think he's opening that door in the middle of Lake Superior? No way in hell ma'am. You drove that Daewoo in, now you've got to find a way out.

To: Tedy Bruschi Subject: Chill out Bro, You Mad

        Just as a quick foreward so as not to alarm anyone, I'm Sean Morency and the newest writer for the blog.  I previously had my own blog (Kind of a Big Deal here at blogger.com) that was more of a personal digital journal with a small (edit: almost nonexistent) following, but CW made the executive decision to bring me on board, so hopefully I can contribute some entertaining pieces and induce some laughter for those who desperately need to procrastinate from the repellent "real world" tasks that they have to attend to.  Without further adieu, here's my debut for team Alt-Tab

Tedy Bruschi- "Drop the awe factor, OK, Ocho? Chad, drop the awe factor," Bruschi said. "You’re not a fan, all right. You’re not someone who’s on another team or watching TV. You’re not an analyst. You’re a part of it. They want you to be a part of it. So get with the program because obviously you’re not getting it and you’re tweeting because you’re saying, ‘It’s amazing to see’? It’s amazing to see because you don’t understand it. You still don’t understand it and it’s amazing to you because you can’t get it.
"Stop tweeting and get in your playbook," Bruschi added. "Wake up! If you’re just waking up now — I don’t know when this was, six minutes ago? — get out your bed and get to the stadium and watch some film if you still think it’s amazing. If you’re in it and you know what you’re doing and you execute out there you don’t think it’s amazing. You know why? Because it’s what you’re supposed to do."

Don't get me wrong, Tedy Bruschi was one of my all time favorite Patriot players.  His no-bullshit, do your job mantra combined with his uncanny play making ability undeniably contributed to the fastidious devotion to the game of football by every member of the team during the 2001-2004 run.  That being said, in this instance I believe Tedy is coming off extremely harsh as well as a "holier than thou" asshole.  Yes, Chad Ochocinco did not exactly delight fantasy owners nor wow anyone watching the game with his box score production of one reception for 14 yards.  But to indict the guy with this harsh condemnation on his work ethic and commitment to the team after one game??  Talk about some extreme reaction-ism.  Let's all keep in mind this is not, as many idiotic WEEI callers firmly believe, the same as when we brought in Randy Moss.  Despite the obvious differences in receiving style and demeanor, Moss had the benefit of multiple off season workouts prior to training camp, meaning he had much more time to absorb the offensive system deployed by the Patriots.  It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest, despite the tireless work ethic that Tom Brady openly vouches Chad possesses, to figure that Ochocinco is still 2 or 3 weeks behind on what exactly his role in the offense is and how much of the playbook he currently understands.  Our other "big season" acquisition, both literally and figuratively, Albert Haynesworth received limited reps on his side of the ball as well.  The learning curve in this system is steep, and patience is a necessary virtue before we can fairly evaluate whether or not Ochocinco is producing.
         Additionally, from what I saw of the (nearly flawless) execution of the Pats game plan, Brady was entirely content to rely on short crossing routes by Welker (with the except of his 99 yard touchdown sprint borne out of an idiotic coverage scheme by the Dolphins), Deon Branch sitting down in soft spots in the zone, and blatantly exploiting the linebacker/safety coverage of our budding star tight ends in Gronkowski and Hernandez.  Even with Brady slinging the ball 48 times, that doesn't leave alot of room for Ochocinco to grab many passes when he is primarily a moderate to deep route runner with a Pro Bowl corner back in Vontae Davis marking him.  What's to say that the game plan didn't include a wrinkle to use Chad as pseudo-decoy when on the field to take the top off the secondary, opening up those spots underneath for other players to wreak havoc?  The guy only played 25 % of the offensive plays that were fun (18 of 70), perhaps another subtle indication that Belichick knew how to dissect the Dolphins without the need for down the field go-routes.
       We all knew what we were getting in Ochocinco; part talented receiver with deceptive smarts and precise route running ability as well as part time entertainer who likes to be paid attention to via his utilization of social media.  If it had been a situation where Chad said something like "Didn't come here for this #frustrated,"  Bruschi's reaction would be completely understandable.  But Chad is simply expressing his delight and pride at being part of organization that he perceives as being the best in the business.  Even masters of their craft express delight from time to time.  I'm pretty sure after Michelangelo finished his work on the Sistine Chapel said the Italian equivalent of "Shit, that's pretty damned impressive what I just finished."
But since tight lipped confidentiality rivaling that of the FBI is how most Patriots personnel handle the media, including Bruschi when he was on the team, Chad's exuberant twitter posting probably came off a "team felony" of sorts to the former line backer turned professional douche-bag...er, I mean football analyst.
      Yes Chad Ochocinco didn't figure prominently in our first game of the season.  Does that mean he's not working hard, that he doesn't care about running precise routes, and that he won't be a useful piece going forward?  Absolutely not. Bruschi, cool your jets bro.  You more than anyone should know how gameplan's and player utilization changes week to week in New England.  It was one game for gods sakes.  Save your righteous tirades for people who actually deserve them, like Jon "Captain Hyperbole" Gruden or every member of the Jersey Shore.

Woman Run Over By Her Own Car While Fleeing Police.

Car runs over fleeing woman in Hyde Park: MyFoxBOSTON.com

HYDE PARK (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - She's recovering, but she will also be facing several charges. Police say a woman was run over by her own car while running from officers in Hyde Park. The accident happened around 8 p.m. Tuesday on Rosa Street. The Boston Globe reports that police saw her run a red light, and when they tried to pull her over, she fled. The vehicle then ran over her leg and rolled into a house. The homeowner says she grabbed her children and rushed to the door when she heard a big bang, only to find a car on her front steps. Homeowner Karen Harris said her front porch is ruined, but she is thankful her family is alive and safe.

Talk about having a rough day, here you are minding your business, leisurely fleeing the police, and your own car runs over your leg. Aint that some shit. 

 

Let that be a lesson to all would be criminals, if you're going to run from the cops make sure you've got a nav system in the car. None of this had to happen if she had a TomTom directing her, would have never turned down that dead end forcing her to bail from a moving car.

Your Doing it Wrong! Iraq Citizens React Jubiliantly To Country's First Escalator...or Something Like That

Wow, look at these people, happier than pigs in shit. Is this all it takes to occupy these guys? An escalator? 

Knowing that, why haven't we just shipped over a few architects from Jersey and had them build a few super malls. There'd be peace in the middle east in like 6 months. Could have a big old grand opening/ mission accomplished party when it first opens, first 1,000 camel jockey's get an hour of riding the magic stairs all to themselves, it would be a smash hit.  

Yes, More Questions about the Launch of the BostonGlobe.Com

Q.What’s the cost?

A. The site will be free for the rest of September because of a promotion by residential real estate company Coldwell Banker. After that, BostonGlobe.com costs $3.99 a week for a digital-only subscription. That price is less than the paper’s seven-day home delivery cost of $12.25 a week for subscribers within the Boston region, but more than Sunday-only home delivery of $3.50 a week.

Q.If I subscribe to the paper, must I pay for BostonGlobe.com?

A. No, all home-delivery customers, including Sunday-only, get free access.

Well now I'm even more confused, so it's cheaper for me to order web access and 3 pound brick of paper driven out to my house on Sunday, which I'll immediately toss into the recycling bin, than to just sign up for access to the website alone? And you wonder why the newspaper business is going under.

What's your game Globe? This makes no sense whatsoever. I don't want the add inserts, I don't. I get enough junk mail packets each week as it is. I don't need more ad's telling me how much I'll save at K-Mart and CVS. Beyond that I can't imagine why someone subscribing to the website would need the actual paper. I can't say this clear enough, I'm going to either A) Throw that paper out as soon as I get it, or B) Leave it out on my stoop for a few days because I don't care about it, and then throw it out. So whatever gain you think you're getting by delivering all those advertisement inserts direct to my house, you're not. I'm not reading them. Knowing that, this doesn't make economic sense, and it certainly doesn't make environmental sense, just a waste of gas, paper, ink, and man power.

Like, if I call after subscribing and tell you that I really just don't need the paper, will you hold it? I just straight up don't want it.  I have a hard enough time keeping up with my two weekly magazines, I don't need that behemoth of a paper staring at me on the coffee table each Sunday.  

PS: Just checked, NY Times, still free...just saying.

California Principal Says Cheerleading Skirts Too Short for School Dress Code

SAN JOSE, Calif. – High school cheerleaders have been told to wear sweat pants under too-short miniskirts because a Northern California principal says the uniforms are too risque. San Jose Piedmont High School principal Traci Williams says the miniskirts are OK for games, but not during school. Sweats must now be worn under cheerleader skirts during class. The San Jose Mercury News says the dress code at the East Side Union High School District campus isn't new. But the cheerleader skirts have been getting more skimpy each year.

Well this doesn't make any sense, now does it? So the principal is cool with these little cheerleader minxes slutting it up at the football games when it helps sell tickets and raises a profit, but god forbid they be allowed to show off for kids their own age, right? Yea sweety, flash the quarterbacks dad and all his friends but don't tempt his son into hooking up with you between periods, that would be immoral.

What's this guys end game here? You wonder why students always rail against school administrators and authority, this is reason 1A. It's not teenage angst, its that they're getting pissed on by adults at every single turn.

Jet Powered School Bus - Presumably Coming to a Fung Wah Bus Near You

Were you as disappointed as I was to see it wasn't a real life Otto from the Simpsons whipping that baby? If anyone deserves a jet powered bus it's Otto, the bro has been rocking the same school bus for 22 years, that's 489 episodes! I'd say its time for a trade-in. And sure this beast may be horrible on gas mileage, but on the plus side it'll cut the commute through Springfield in half.

Plus, I got to imagine its just as safe as most buses on the road right now anyway, can't go a week without hearing about a bus rolling over, a bus falling off a bridge, 42 people being decapitated by a bus, yesterdays super crash involving a bus and a train, and of course anything involving the Fung Wah. I'm sure those crazy kamikaze bastards are already in talks with the owner of this bus with plans to terrorize commuters on the Mass Pike very soon.

Boston.Com Offers Financial Advice to College Students, The Alt-Tab Supplements it With Actual Useful Information

Boston - Use a locked drawer or file holder to hold your personal documents – like bank and credit card account numbers, passport, Social Security number, etc. Better yet, leave your Social Security card at home and, certainly, don’t keep it in your wallet.

Yea these are all well and good if you buy your tighty-whitey’s in economy packs and demand your summer job pays you over the table, less you become the only 19 year old college student in history to be audited. But how about some real world college financial advice? I mean, a file system with a locked drawer? What is a file system? You mean like that folder on my desktop that says passwords? Save your receipts and maybe think twice about spending cash on Netflix and itunes? It’s called college file sharing networks, pirate that shit.

Here are some real world tips:

1) Buy the cheap beer,PBR, Natty, Keystone. It all gets you drunk.

2) Contraceptives are free in the student health office, they're just not ribbed.

3) Never buy books from your school bookstore (don’t know how the globe missed this one, or boston.com, I’m so confused).

4) Pre-game before the bars. This will save you 2-3 drinks minimum.

5) Stash re-heatable food from the res-café…you’re going to be hungry later and if your school is anything like mine was, your late night grill’s prices will be higher than anywhere else on campus. They know you’ll pay anything at that time. My personal fav was chicken nuggets, just put a bunch in a fountain cup and walk out like it ain’t no thang.

6) Mooch. There’s always some spoiled kid on your floor, befriend that kid. They’ve always got good snacks, gatorate instead of water bottles you’ve repeatedly filled up and are willing to chip in a little more for beer and party favors.

7) Don’t buy that girl drinks, she’s in college, she’ll figure out a way to get drinks, just make sure you’re around later on after she does.

Chef Gordon Ramsey Porn Dwarf Look-A-Like Dead In Badger Lair

Anorak - PERCY Foster is dead. The 35-year-old porn star with the looks of a pre-op Gordon Ramsay was “found deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales.” We learn that his corpse had been “partially gnawed” by animals. Last week, the Sport told us: Percy said: “I made my first adult feature in 2009 with fully-sized woman Sonia Splitarse – I don’t think that’s her real name – and it was great fun. “It was in June of this year, on the set of Hi-Ho- Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go, that someone noticed I looked like Gordon Ramsay. “Porn lookalikes get more money than normal actors. Dwarf lookalikes are as rare as hen’s teeth and so can command top dollar. “I’ve already ordered a new BMW and a diamondencrusted Soda Stream.”

Sometimes as a blogger, you just have to know when to sit back and let the story do the work for you...this is clearly one of those times. There's just nothing you can add to this.