The Internet May Have Finally Jumped the Shark with Snooki's Recent Tit Shots

Fox News - Some might feel the world's already seen more than enough of limelight-loving "Jersey Shore" star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. Regardless, it's about to see a load more -- after nude photos of the 24-year-old were leaked online. The photos, which show the pint-sized reality celebrity revealing her body in an open white bathrobe while clutching a cellphone, were taken before she fell pregnant to fiance Jionni LaValle, 25..."Clearly these are old and personal photos that were not meant for the public," the rep told Us Weekly. "It's a shame someone decided to leak them for obvious personal gain." 

My reaction? Yawn. A big yawn. In fact I read the article, and then proceeded right on reading the rest of the news. Didn't even think for a second to go see what we're dealing with here, didn't care. It just didn't register with me at all. I think Snooki might have just kicked off the end of the internet fad. 

Took me like 10 minutes to realize, "hey, you write a blog, maybe that's newsworthy." I was like three articles down the road before that thought dawned on me. I'm still not even sure if it's worth writing about, and I still have zero interest in checking these warlocks out. I just figure that a title with "internet, tits, and snooki" in it will generate some page views...But as far as I'm concerned, personally, I don't think there's ever been a bigger non-story in the history of the internet. It's almost like the internet is trying to hard here to get my attention. Chill bro, no need to go begging for attention like this.

First off, she's neither attractive or grotesque enough to get me curious, and secondly, despite the best efforts of the guy manning the MTV black bar censor machine, I feel like I've already seen Snook's tits in totality. Maybe not all at once, but if I think about all the various ways we've seen her juggalos pouring out, from the top, from the side, underneath, diagonal, etc...I'm pretty sure I could put together a mental picture of the whole thing, and really...meh. Nothing to see here. 

PS: Absolutely love how this writer phrases Snooki's pregnancy: "were taken before she fell pregnant to fiance Jionni..."

I've laughed at that line 4 or 5 times now. Just phrasing it "fell," like someone falls ill to a disease or cancer....Snooki's equivalent of falling  seriously ill is getting knocked up and not being able to get blackout drunk at Karma. Slays me.

 

Snooki is Pregnant, Is her Career Over? A Few Snooki Centric Mommy Career Ideas

HuffPo - "I think Snooki's brand will be negatively affected by her recent pregnancy and news that she is considering marriage," Ronn Torossian, CEO of 5WPR, a leading PR agency, said. " "For most of her audience, it will absolutely end her brand," Lawrence said. "If you think about all of the jokes made at her expense, it's all about partying, indiscriminate sexual encounters, humping plants, fighting in bars. She's known for being an irresponsible party girl. It's a very 'single, drunk in the city' image. Motherhood does not and frankly should not fit into that image." "To me, she's always seemed like a modern-day Lucille Ball and the reason why Snooki has resonated with so many people is because she's relatable," Daymond John of ABC's "Shark Tank" insisted. "Just as she's showed millions of people how fun it can be to in your 20s, she can now show how fantastic it can be to start a family. Children's books, baby and infant clothing, weight loss after pregnancy -- there are limitless options. If done correctly, I think this will give her brand even more longevity."

Aww, don't give up Snooks, your career won't die like most woman's do when they have kids, Daymond John is right, there's plenty of Mommy things you can do. You can basically start your own cottage industry for drunk, club happy Mommy's going through Post Karma Depression. A few thoughts, right off the top of my head:

While there are numerous self help books I could see you writing, I think the best seller idea would be "Drinking for New Mommy's." You could tackle all the usual issues new moms face when trying to get back into the game after their 9 month pregnancy detox. Homemade hangover cures, how to get your baby on the same hungover sleep cycle you're on, and the art of pawning your baby off to family members while you're on a "Stella Got her Groove Back" club tour.

You could also team up with the scientists at Johnson and Johnson to invent the first breast pump that separates toxins and alcohol from the breast milk so your baby doesn't end up with the same alocohol dependency that got you in this situation in the first place...this is a million dollar idea that, frankly, I'm upset I just gave away.

A new clothing line, Snooki's Animal Print Maternity Line. Lets face it, this has been a long time coming. When you're 8 months pregnant its nearly impossible to find a good leopard print dress. Make it happen.

And finally, Heals for Preggo's. A sturdy, comfortable, stylish heal for fashion conscious Club Mommy's. Sturdy enough to hold your extra weight and wide enough to contain your swollen feet.

See, nothing to worry about Snooks. Plenty of career opportunities for the new age promiscuous mom.

Snooki Is Pregnant...The Mayans Were Right

She's gonna be a great Mom, I can feel it.

Fox News - Polizzi, 24, is carrying her first child by her boyfriend Jionni LaValle, and is roughly three months along, sources told the New York Post. Sources said the reality star, who denied being pregnant earlier this month, has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines. But sources tell Page Six that MTV is worried about how to manage the news, given that Polizzi's hard-partying, booze-swilling ways have just been turned into a "Jersey Shore" spinoff with Jenni "J-WOWW" Farley, which has begun shooting in New Jersey. "MTV went into crisis mode after they found out," a source said. "They're trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show." The untitled new show has just begun taping and focuses on the ladies' relationship as friends and roommates -- and whatever adventures come their way.

Is there still room in that doomsday shelter thing in Nebraska for a few more reservations? I'll pack my bags right now. 

MTV, how could you be so irresponsible? Seriously, you have two jobs, and two jobs only. One, document the downfall of society through such television shows as The Real World, Jersey Shore, and the Teen Mom franchise, and two...ensure all subjects are either sterilized or using some form of pharmaceutical contraception as to not further corrode our once great society. This is on your hands guys. 

PS: Thoughts on the name of this child? Maybe a tribute to a couple of her roommates? J-Woww "Meatball" Polizzi?  

And double PS: Between Jionni and his Napoleon like stature, and the fact that Snooki is a sausage finger away from legally being a midget, this kid might have a chance at the record books for shortest human ever.