Gov. Christie Goes All Jersey Shore on his Constituents

TMZ - Things got downright HOSTILE on the Jersey Shore last night -- with NJ Governor Chris Christie getting into a heated verbal altercation right on the boardwalk ... and it was all caught on tape...Christie got PISSED -- and while clutching his cone, shouted back at the guy, "You're a real big shot ... you're a real big shot shootin' your mouth off." The man shouted back, "Nah, just take care of the teachers!" The comment only inflamed Christie ... who aggressively marched towards the guy and warned, "Keep walkin' away ... really good ... keep walkin'."

What? You thought Chris Christie, one of the biggest Republican personalities (and probably the biggest Republican by volume), was going to be outdone by a couple of shoe throwing, gun wielding Jordanian political candidates? Please. Chris Christie is so Jersey Shore I can't even take it. GTL for life (in his case, Governing, Talking Shit, and Lap-band Surgery...seriously, do it. We can't afford to lose you and your blustery bravado).

The Internet May Have Finally Jumped the Shark with Snooki's Recent Tit Shots

Fox News - Some might feel the world's already seen more than enough of limelight-loving "Jersey Shore" star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. Regardless, it's about to see a load more -- after nude photos of the 24-year-old were leaked online. The photos, which show the pint-sized reality celebrity revealing her body in an open white bathrobe while clutching a cellphone, were taken before she fell pregnant to fiance Jionni LaValle, 25..."Clearly these are old and personal photos that were not meant for the public," the rep told Us Weekly. "It's a shame someone decided to leak them for obvious personal gain." 

My reaction? Yawn. A big yawn. In fact I read the article, and then proceeded right on reading the rest of the news. Didn't even think for a second to go see what we're dealing with here, didn't care. It just didn't register with me at all. I think Snooki might have just kicked off the end of the internet fad. 

Took me like 10 minutes to realize, "hey, you write a blog, maybe that's newsworthy." I was like three articles down the road before that thought dawned on me. I'm still not even sure if it's worth writing about, and I still have zero interest in checking these warlocks out. I just figure that a title with "internet, tits, and snooki" in it will generate some page views...But as far as I'm concerned, personally, I don't think there's ever been a bigger non-story in the history of the internet. It's almost like the internet is trying to hard here to get my attention. Chill bro, no need to go begging for attention like this.

First off, she's neither attractive or grotesque enough to get me curious, and secondly, despite the best efforts of the guy manning the MTV black bar censor machine, I feel like I've already seen Snook's tits in totality. Maybe not all at once, but if I think about all the various ways we've seen her juggalos pouring out, from the top, from the side, underneath, diagonal, etc...I'm pretty sure I could put together a mental picture of the whole thing, and really...meh. Nothing to see here. 

PS: Absolutely love how this writer phrases Snooki's pregnancy: "were taken before she fell pregnant to fiance Jionni..."

I've laughed at that line 4 or 5 times now. Just phrasing it "fell," like someone falls ill to a disease or cancer....Snooki's equivalent of falling  seriously ill is getting knocked up and not being able to get blackout drunk at Karma. Slays me.

 

LA Kings Relentlessly Trolling the New Jersey Devils

In the words of Pauly D: "OH YEAA! TROLLS ARE HEAAHH, YEA!

In all seriousness though, most hockey players are Canadian, have they even started showing the Jersey Shore up there? Isn't there some kinda 5 year waiting period before the signal reaches them?

The Situation Checks into Rehab...Yawn.

TMZ - "The Situation" is in rehab for substance abuse ... TMZ has learned. Sources tell TMZ the "Jersey Shore" star -- aka Mike Sorrentino -- has checked into an inpatient treatment program. A rep for the Situation just contacted TMZ to say they are not confirming that Mike is in rehab ... just that he "has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule."

File this under least shocking news ever...The guy is nearly 30 and spends his nights in "da club" from 12-4 AM...Of course he's using performance enhancing drugs...Have you seen the Jersey Shore? These guys go out, come back cook a full on meal, and go to bed, basically when I'm waking up every day...Those aren't normal hours, obviously something is up. And frankly, I don't think I want to watch if performance enhancers (cocaine, I assume) are taken out of the equation. It would be like if Major League Baseball ever took getting rid of HGH and steroids seriously. The game would be boring as shit, no more homeruns, 3-2 games all over the place. Who would watch?

The same thing with the Jersey Shore...You know what the Jersey Shore is without performance enhancers? A bunch of skinny (no more steroids) overly tan guidos sitting on couches because they're tired.  Think about it, for those of you who work full time, how many times in the last year have you raged on a Friday night? A handful? Most times you grab some dinner, maybe a drink or two, and then flop on the couch, right? Is that primetime TV? Hell no. 

MLB needs steroids and the Sitch needs whatever it is he's been taking (probably cocaine). I know it's not healthy, I know it's a serious problem, but he's basically being paid $5 Million a year to put up with it, its a pretty fair trade off.

 

Iranian-Americans Petitioning New Bravo Show, The Shah's of Sunset

Fox News - They’re rich. They’re spoiled. They’re Persian. Which means Bravo’s latest reality endeavor, “The Shahs of Sunset,” has Iranian-Americans up in arms over the stereotypes they claim it perpetuates. So much so, in fact, that petitions are circulating in Iranian communities to have the show yanked off the air. The program, which premiered on Sunday night, follows a group of six Persian-American socialites in Los Angeles as they navigate love and life with what seems like bottomless checking accounts. The show is produced by Ryan Seacrest, who is also the executive producer of “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” and the various spin-offs of that venerable series...The show’s focus does seem to be on the characters' frivolous sides. Golnesa 'GG' Gharachedaghi, who is being heralded as the next Kim Kardashian, is a 30-year-old trust fund baby who uses her father’s credit card to buy designer clothing and vehemently argues on the first episode that she does not like “ugly people.”..Another, which has collected 500 signatures on Change.org, argues that the show promotes racial stereotypes. One signer of that petition, Shepard Jacobson, commented: “The show wants to present caricatures of Iranian-Americans. This is not entertaining. Rather, it is racist and only encourages others who do not know Persians in our American society to feed into the worst kind of stereotype, rather than showing a new generation of ambitious yet hardworking Iranian-Americans.” 


Hold up...Racist? Can something really be racist when it's portraying one particular extended family's wealth and extravagant lifestyle, am I getting that right? So portraying a bunch of filthy rich Persians as your typical Hollywood Hills celebutants, basically as obnoxious an American subset as you can find, is racist? I would have thought that was the most welcoming sign possible for Iranians. Like, "hey, you can act like the white spoiled brats out here and we'll make you famous too!" No? I would have thought racist would be filming the father of this clan involved in money laundering schemes in some dark basement with possible terrorists or something, not following the day to day drama of his daughter and filming her presumably many Mani-Pedi dish sessions. That line about "worst kind of stereotype" is an absolute joke. The worst kind of stereotype would involve the show insinuating that the family is funneling money back to Iran to fund their Nuclear Weapons research...but as far as I can tell that's not going on here.

It's not racist people. If anything we were being more racist before this show. I mean there wasn't one degrading show about Persians on American television prior to this, that was a travesty. Whites had The Real World, The Challenge, The various Kardashian franchises, The Jersey Shore, the Teen Mom franchise, Real House Wives of New York and LA, the list goes on. Blacks had the Bad Girls Club (on Oxygen, I'm sure you've never heard of it), Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Basketball Wives. It's about time the Persians got into the mix.

Plus, its on Bravo, which is basically E!-light these days. People aren't exactly watching these shows for intellectual curiosity reasons. We're not trying to glean some societal insight into the every day life of real Persians. We're watching junk television and trying to feel better about ourselves because even though these reality people have more money than most of us can ever dream of, they also tend to be dead inside, and that makes us feel good.

So spare me the racist petitions, the claims of injustice, and any other bullshit PC complaint you have. This show is as American as Apple Pie and white trash, and Persians should be proud.

Snooki Is Pregnant...The Mayans Were Right

She's gonna be a great Mom, I can feel it.

Fox News - Polizzi, 24, is carrying her first child by her boyfriend Jionni LaValle, and is roughly three months along, sources told the New York Post. Sources said the reality star, who denied being pregnant earlier this month, has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines. But sources tell Page Six that MTV is worried about how to manage the news, given that Polizzi's hard-partying, booze-swilling ways have just been turned into a "Jersey Shore" spinoff with Jenni "J-WOWW" Farley, which has begun shooting in New Jersey. "MTV went into crisis mode after they found out," a source said. "They're trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show." The untitled new show has just begun taping and focuses on the ladies' relationship as friends and roommates -- and whatever adventures come their way.

Is there still room in that doomsday shelter thing in Nebraska for a few more reservations? I'll pack my bags right now. 

MTV, how could you be so irresponsible? Seriously, you have two jobs, and two jobs only. One, document the downfall of society through such television shows as The Real World, Jersey Shore, and the Teen Mom franchise, and two...ensure all subjects are either sterilized or using some form of pharmaceutical contraception as to not further corrode our once great society. This is on your hands guys. 

PS: Thoughts on the name of this child? Maybe a tribute to a couple of her roommates? J-Woww "Meatball" Polizzi?  

And double PS: Between Jionni and his Napoleon like stature, and the fact that Snooki is a sausage finger away from legally being a midget, this kid might have a chance at the record books for shortest human ever.