STAFFORD, Va. Walmart shoppers in Stafford County saw the sight of their lives Tuesday night—a cow, on all fours, trying to score gallons of milk. An 18-year-old man dressed up in a cow suit stole 26 gallons of milk around 10:35 p.m. The man was apparently crawling while he exited the store, trying to emulate cattle, Kennedy said. Soon afterward, witnesses told Stafford sheriff's deputies that the man was handing out the pilfered milk jugs to passersby outside of the Walmart, Kennedy said...“This is probably one of the most unique efforts of shoplifting I’ve seen,” Kennedy said. “It might’ve been a prank that went wrong, but it isn’t as funny when [the suspect] breaks the law.” Kennedy said the sheriff's office didn't have surveillance video of the theft, but said it would have been interesting to see.
First off, if you're shopping for groceries at Walmart, this wasn't the sight of a lifetime, probably wasn't even the sight of that specific Tuesday night. You've just got to expect out of the natural stuff when you cross a Walmart threshold.
That said, calling this is a unique effort in shop lifting history is an extremely understating the magnitude of what happened here. I mean the physics alone confound me. Was it one guy in a cow suit? Doesn't that usually require two people? And how did one kid carry out 26 gallons of milk without looking suspicious? That's a lot of fucking milk. That's roughly 210 pounds of milk to be specific. So not only did employees watch the bizarre scene of a man on all fours in a cow suit crawling out of their store, but they didn't stop to question the fact that he obviously had to be laboring pretty heavily with all that weight, not to mention the bulky, gallon sized lumps protruding from his sides?
But here's the final, million dollar question, would you have taken a gallon or two from this kid on all fours in his cow suit on the sidewalk while he was handing out milk. Milk aint cheap these days, a gallon is like $4.25. Fiscally, it makes sense. But at the same time, its a kid dressed as a cow on all fours on the sidewalk handing out free milk. The situation doesn't exactly scream FDA approved. I guess it's one of those questions that can only be answered when you're in the moment.
