The Situation Checks into Rehab...Yawn.

TMZ - "The Situation" is in rehab for substance abuse ... TMZ has learned. Sources tell TMZ the "Jersey Shore" star -- aka Mike Sorrentino -- has checked into an inpatient treatment program. A rep for the Situation just contacted TMZ to say they are not confirming that Mike is in rehab ... just that he "has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule."

File this under least shocking news ever...The guy is nearly 30 and spends his nights in "da club" from 12-4 AM...Of course he's using performance enhancing drugs...Have you seen the Jersey Shore? These guys go out, come back cook a full on meal, and go to bed, basically when I'm waking up every day...Those aren't normal hours, obviously something is up. And frankly, I don't think I want to watch if performance enhancers (cocaine, I assume) are taken out of the equation. It would be like if Major League Baseball ever took getting rid of HGH and steroids seriously. The game would be boring as shit, no more homeruns, 3-2 games all over the place. Who would watch?

The same thing with the Jersey Shore...You know what the Jersey Shore is without performance enhancers? A bunch of skinny (no more steroids) overly tan guidos sitting on couches because they're tired.  Think about it, for those of you who work full time, how many times in the last year have you raged on a Friday night? A handful? Most times you grab some dinner, maybe a drink or two, and then flop on the couch, right? Is that primetime TV? Hell no. 

MLB needs steroids and the Sitch needs whatever it is he's been taking (probably cocaine). I know it's not healthy, I know it's a serious problem, but he's basically being paid $5 Million a year to put up with it, its a pretty fair trade off.

 

Snooki Is Pregnant...The Mayans Were Right

She's gonna be a great Mom, I can feel it.

Fox News - Polizzi, 24, is carrying her first child by her boyfriend Jionni LaValle, and is roughly three months along, sources told the New York Post. Sources said the reality star, who denied being pregnant earlier this month, has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines. But sources tell Page Six that MTV is worried about how to manage the news, given that Polizzi's hard-partying, booze-swilling ways have just been turned into a "Jersey Shore" spinoff with Jenni "J-WOWW" Farley, which has begun shooting in New Jersey. "MTV went into crisis mode after they found out," a source said. "They're trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show." The untitled new show has just begun taping and focuses on the ladies' relationship as friends and roommates -- and whatever adventures come their way.

Is there still room in that doomsday shelter thing in Nebraska for a few more reservations? I'll pack my bags right now. 

MTV, how could you be so irresponsible? Seriously, you have two jobs, and two jobs only. One, document the downfall of society through such television shows as The Real World, Jersey Shore, and the Teen Mom franchise, and two...ensure all subjects are either sterilized or using some form of pharmaceutical contraception as to not further corrode our once great society. This is on your hands guys. 

PS: Thoughts on the name of this child? Maybe a tribute to a couple of her roommates? J-Woww "Meatball" Polizzi?  

And double PS: Between Jionni and his Napoleon like stature, and the fact that Snooki is a sausage finger away from legally being a midget, this kid might have a chance at the record books for shortest human ever.