Idiot High School Kid Punished for Tebowing at Graduation...Good

ESPN - A graduating senior at a Fort Myers, Fla., high school was punished for "Tebowing" on stage Saturday prior to receiving his diploma...Chuck Shriner, who said he was acting on a $5 bet with a classmate, took a knee and bowed his head in the prayer pose of New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow during Bishop Verot Catholic High's graduation ceremony. "I just thought it was fun. I was just doing it to make graduation memorable," Shriner said, according to NBC affiliate WPTV. Neither Bishop Verot principal John Cavell nor Shriner's mother, a math teacher at the school, found humor in it. According to WPTV, Cavell withheld the diploma at the urging of Shriner's mother. As punishment, Shriner had to clean up the gymnasium, where the graduation ceremony was held, before receiving the diploma. A spokesman for the school said the punishment was the idea of Shriner's mother.

Good. His mom should have whupped him as he walked off the stage, frankly. All these internet fads, they're passed people, it's over. You're too late, it's not funny anymore, and you look like a jackass. This goes for leisure diving, planking, tebowing, Icing, those stupid pictures where everyone tries to jump at the same time at the beach except the fat girls on the end are always a second late or 12 inches lower than the rest of the group, and any other dumb internet picture fad thing that I'm forgetting. They're all over.

Hey dumb-ass, 20 years from now you're going to be remembered as the idiot kid that genuflected during graduation to mimic a back up NFL QB. Congratufuckinglations. 

 

General rule of thumb: If you would make fun of some asshole while out, at a bar, at Six Flags, the mall, wherever, for doing one of those moves with his friends, then you shouldn't be doing it either. Case closed.

How Pissed Would You Be if Your Pizza Was Made By Some Guy Hired for Dominating Pizza Hero?

"Dominos Pizza: Apologizing for our food sucking all these years, and begging for you to come to work for us by copying a video game that was popular 3 years ago." 

Great campaign fellas. 

On a side note, I tweeted this last night:

So if you've downloaded pizza hero, but for some reason aren't one of the 83 people following me on twitter, you missed out on an absolutely golden chance to be offended by me. @TheAltTab

Bill Clinton Doing His Damn Thing in Monaco with Some Adult Starlets

TMZ - Bill Clinton just out-Clinton'd himself -- posing with two famous porn stars in Monaco moments ago ... and one of them's a real up-and-comer. Clinton's in a Monte Carlo casino right now for a special "Nights in Monaco" gala event -- and several celebrities are in attendance ... including Diane Kruger, Joshua Jackson ... and a BUNCH OF PORN STARS. The two porn stars on Bill's arms are Tasha Reign (left) and Brooklyn Lee -- AVN's "Best New Starlet" in porn. Brooklyn -- who just posted the pic on her Twitter account -- also just won the award for "Best Sex Scene" in "Mission Asspossible." As for Tasha's film credits ... those include "Baby Got Boobs 8" and "Farm Girls Gone Bad."

I like to live in a world where I just pretend Bill Clinton is still the POTUS...Just on a Putin-like roll where he's imposed his will and dominated our government for the last 20 years, ignoring electoral laws and marriage vows at his own whim.

I think we'd be living in a better country. He's clearly a guy that's frankly, not bothered with what other people think.  He's just about getting the job done. Like this picture for instance. He obviously knew this would go viral, he's a former president posing for a picture with a girl who's latest film credit was "Mission Asspossible." This wasn't a cellphone pic that was just going to be shown off at parties and ultimately lost when she upgraded to the Iphone5, this was a share it with the world moment. 

Did it slow down Bill? Not at all. Not a care in the world that his wife is going to have his balls in a vice grip when he gets home. Doesn't matter that it will surely run in every Supermarket Tabloid this week with titles like "Ex-POTUS Sex Tape Scandal," or "Did Bill Simultaneously Knock Up Two Adult Starlets?" Didn't phase him. He was all about getting the job done and getting his dick in. If that meant taking a picture he'd surely take heat for the next day, so be it. 

That's the kinda leader we need right now. Not Obama, who's more content trying to make everyone happy rather than making the right decisions, and certainly not Mitt "Never had a beer in my life" Romney. 

Celtics Lose Game 6 and Half of their Players to Injuries

Boston - PHILADELPHIA -- The Celtics are not expected to have Avery Bradley for the rest of the season because of a left shoulder injury. A source close to Bradley told the Globe that the percentile is in the "high 90s" that Bradley will be shut down and will perhaps need surgery. The source said that it's "highly likely" Bradley's left shoulder would pop out again -- it has popped out twice in the series against the Philadelphia 76ers -- and playing further would put him at risk of "serious structural damage."

And I thought last nights loss sucked...

I'd flat be lying if I told you I was optimistic about Saturday and Game 7. The Celts last night looked very much like a team who's injuries and age were catching up with them. This is a team that battled like absolute (over used cliche alert) warriors from the All-Star break on. A team that legitimately only goes 6-7 men deep, plus two rotating scrubs that Doc likes to insert at his whim. And last night, it looked like it was all finally taking its toll. Please note I'm not knocking anyone right now, they've played great and have done better than anyone expected in late January/early February. I'm just coming to grips with a sad reality.

KG looked like he was back to being old. The fountain of youth that he tapped for a few weeks appears to have run dry. Guys he absolutely torched the first few games of this series he couldn't even get his shot off on. He just seemed a step slow, and couldn't get the ball off against smaller guys in the post, never a good sign. To his credit he was the only guy knocking down shots in the 4th, but still, they're not going to win based on KG 18 footers. 

Pierce is running on fumes. I've never seen him front rim as many shots as he has this series. The ball has no arc, he's not getting his usual step back spacing, and his already old man, herky-jerky game, has looked even slower. This is a guy who just needs some rest. 

Ray Allen is a guy valiantly trying on one leg, mainly because the C's are without the aforementioned Bradley. He's playing *way* more minutes than he's capable of right now and he's being exposed as a result. Watching him attempt to guard these younger sixers is just depressing at this point. 

Rondo - Listless performance. I don't know if its because his running mates were off, or if he missed one of his scheduled naps before the game, but something just wasn't right last night. Lack of aggressiveness, his usually crisp passes found the hands of the sixers far too often, and he seemed gun shy to take the elbow extended jumpshot that he'd made his home as of late. They're gonna need a prototypical Rondo game Saturday to have any shot of advancing. I'm saying one of his 14 pts, 11 rebounds, 18 assists, type of games. 

Marquise Daniels - What's he doing here, you ask? My thoughts exactly. But Doc decided last night, "you know what, a cold Marquise Daniels, who hasn't played in two games, might be able to slow down their best scorer." He couldn't. Not that I want to be too hard on Doc, at this point I gotta believe Danny Ainge is gonna be camped out at Basketball City these next two days looking for a two-guard to sign to a 10 day contract. 

But we'll see, we'll see what they got this Saturday. If this game wasn't at home I'd give them about a 30% chance of victory, but they've played very well at home as of late...I'm gonna give them a 75% chance of victory, but also begin to prepare myself for a crushing loss anyway.

Man Arrested for Assaulting 10 Year Old Brat At a Movie Theater

KENT, Wash. – A Washington state man fed up with a group of noisy moviegoers behind him, stepped over the seat and punched a 10-year-old boy in the face. The man was watching "Titanic" in 3-D with his girlfriend and had asked the people sitting behind to quiet down and stop throwing popcorn, but they laughed at him, he said..."I got so mad that it just happened," Yong Hyun Kim, 31, told police. The 10-year-old lost a tooth and had a bloody nose in the confrontation...Kim told police the boys' behavior was worse than talking. He says they were hitting him and his girlfriend with popcorn, running back and forth in the aisle and bumping him with their arms. "At one point Yong stepped over the seats and confronted the subjects behind him," the police report says. "Yong said he was talking to the subjects when they started laughing at him. Yong said he became so angry and swung his arm at one of the subjects and him in the face."

This is exactly why I don't go to the movies anymore. Been to the theater like, 3 times total in the last 3 years. Kim shouldn't be arrested, that guys a borderline hero, just doing what every other sane, responsible, and properly behaved movie goer has ever wanted to do.

I don't care if you're 10 or 80 years old, if you can't sit down and shut the fuck up in a theater, then you shouldn't be there. It's not time to play with your phone or PS Vita, it's not time to play fucking tag with your friends, it's not time to gossip about what Tammy did in the woods with Jimmy and how you think she's a whore because that's the third handy she's given out this year. Go sit on your fucking couch at home if that's what you plan on doing.

If anyone should be arrested its the parents of these kids, dropping off 10 year olds at the movie theater and using a 3 hour screening of the Titanic as a babysitter so the parents can go get their fuck on is just as irresponsible as it gets. They know how rude their kids are in public, they just figured the rest of society wouldn't mind putting up with it for a few hours. WRONG. Young Hyun Kim just put the movie going world on notice: No ones to young to get their mouth punched in for bad manners at the theater. Bravo Mr. Kim. Bravo.

Cory Feldman Takes out Restraining Order on 300 Pound House Guest

TMZ - Corey Feldman apparently had good reason to get a 6 ft, 300 lb woman arrested ... because the restraining order she allegedly violated shows a person right out of "Single White Female." According to legal docs, obtained by TMZ, Corey allowed a friend, Jennifer Herbert, to live in his house, but things went south quickly. Feldman claims Herbert threatened to hurt him, trash-talked him in front of house guests, and asked his kid "adult questions." Corey couldn't just throw Jennifer out, because she's paying rent and therefore is a tenant. So the restraining order required her to stay 6 feet away from Corey and his kid while in the home. It appears she violated that order, and as a result Corey's security guard made a citizen's arrest Friday night. Jennifer -- who Corey knew through Michael Jackson -- was taken into custody, Jennifer was released hours later, went back to the house with cops, picked up her stuff and left.

You know, Charlie Sheen and Corey Feldman really aren't that different. In fact, the differences can be summed up, pretty much like this:

Winning: Charlie Sheen

• Rich and Famous Family
• Lot's of drugs and alcohol with seemingly no legal and/or career repurcussions
• Bevy of sluts and porn stars at his beck and call.

Losing: Corey Feldman

• Not Rich and Famous Family
• Lot's of drugs and alcohol which caused ample legal and career repurcussions
• House Guests Weighing 3-Bills regularly putting him on blast in front of guests. 

I mean this story perfectly encapsulates everything I've ever thought about Corey Feldman. The guy was on the absolute top for a brief window in the 80's and somehow lost it all. All he had to do was make like, one right choice out of every 10 and he would have stayed mildly successfull for the last 20 years. Look at Charlie sheen, fuck up after fuck up, after fuck up, Great Career Choice, fuck up, fuck up, fuck up, Great career choice...that's all it takes. Hollywood is very forgiving, you've just got to make one good decision a decade and you're good. Corey couldn't even handle that, and that's why he's where he's at today, being verbally abused by some land monster he invited into his home to help make rent. 

 PS: Honest question, how off the rails does this kids mom have to be that Corey freaking Feldman got custody of their kid? That's nuts.

The Most Ridiculous Knock Out Barstool Material I've Ever Seen

KnockoutBarstoolSports - But here's the bigger question, why do we even have dogs at all? I took a class once called Puppies and Slavery: the Next Frontier of Equal Rights. Did you know that most people like dogs more than other people? Think about it, Ray Lewis participates in a MURDER and people are cool with it. Mike Vick fights a bunch of mutts and people rightly lose their mind. It is clear that David Portnoy is in favor of animal rape and cruelty; but what else is he in favor of? Rape? Muder? Osama Bin Laden? Yes, yes and yes. 

I'm going to stop  you right here:

I took a class once called Puppies and Slavery: the Next Frontier of Equal Rights.

I honestly have no idea if this is meant to be satire, there's  only two posts on the entire site, and while they both seem equally outrageous to me, I kinda think lunatic activists think and do things like this, so I think this could be 100% serious...

And if that's the case, well then you've got bigger problems than worrying about what's going on over at a popular sports/smut blog. Things like, "how can I productively put all these puppies and slavery analogies to good use without offending black people and minorities everywhere," or maybe some time spent google searching "puppy slavery major careers," so you can pay off whatever ludicrous degree you just paid for instead of joining those juvenile 99%er's who think life should be all gumdrops and lolli-pops, where there is no accountability or responsibility for each's own life and choices. 

Get a grip on reality, man. If this really isn't satire, do you really think you're winning any fans comparing an actual satirical sports/smut blogger and the puppy bowl to the likes of rapists, murderers, and Osama Bin Laden? I'm sure there are plenty of 9-11 families that'll readily agree with this analogy. Jokes on a website vs. 3,000 or so dead in an act of terrorism.  50/50 really.

Former CNN Exec Leaves Dog Poop In Neighbors Mailbox

First off, these guys can cut the crap about having no idea why this happened. Maybe they don't know what triggered the response on that specific day, but obviously something petty happened in the past, probably years back, that neither side can let go of. 

That's how neighborly feuds work. It's pretty much universal. Each side gripes and bitches about the other quietly, maybe you toss a snide look out of the corner of your eye at them, maybe you give the polite wave and half smile while muttering "asshole" under your breath when you see them back down the drive way, all the while biding your time, it can go on this way for years. Most of the time nothing will ever come of it, a sort of domestic Cold War if you will.  Both sides stock piling angst for one another until one party moves or dies. But sometimes, well sometimes things get nuclear and you have to stick a steaming pile of dog poo in your neighbors mailbox. Shit happens. 

I learned from the best as far as all this stuff goes. My parents have had a lonnnng standing Cold War feud with one particular neighbor. Pretty sure it started over some disagreement regarding fallen twigs or leaves or something. I can't remember exactly what it was. All I know is the neighbor continues to toss leaves he feels fell from our trees back into our yard and we continue to look out our window and wonder what kind of crazed lunatic goes through such trouble as sorting out leaves and determining their parental genesis. It's fucking nuts. It's passed the point of the friendly wave and silent asshole muttering at this point, but it hasn't gone nuclear as of yet, so at least I still have time to warn them to check for security camera's before dropping off the family dogs poop first class.

PS: There's a slight chance we could be reading way to deep into this whole thing and carrying hot poop while on your walk around the block is just icky. Maybe he planned on picking it up on his way back, only to be foiled by Suburban James Bond and his life partner in surveillance who, for some reason, video tape their mailbox on a daily basis. 

TMZ Hosts an Old Fashioned Bounce Off: Lohan Vs. Upton

You know what's crazy about this? Besides the fact that even with all the evidence we have that shows going bra-less leads to saggy bags, Lohan still decided to rock the look?

It's that Lindsay is still only 25 years old, and yet, I feel like she's already had more "comebacks" in her career than say, 75 year old Madonna. Not that I'm saying this 3 second juggling clip is a comeback, but I'm sure some rising young producer/director out there caught wind of this and was like "she's still got it!" 

If anything its definitely leading to a mediocre role in a B-movie. We'll hear how Lindsay thrived, praise her for her performance, and then look down upon her when she goes on an epic binge to celebrate her new found success. Which obviously will lead to another rehab stint, more yoga, another bouncing video, and then we'll do the whole thing over again. Its the circle of life.

PS: The narrator for TMZ...Nails on a chalkboard.