Former CNN Exec Leaves Dog Poop In Neighbors Mailbox

First off, these guys can cut the crap about having no idea why this happened. Maybe they don't know what triggered the response on that specific day, but obviously something petty happened in the past, probably years back, that neither side can let go of. 

That's how neighborly feuds work. It's pretty much universal. Each side gripes and bitches about the other quietly, maybe you toss a snide look out of the corner of your eye at them, maybe you give the polite wave and half smile while muttering "asshole" under your breath when you see them back down the drive way, all the while biding your time, it can go on this way for years. Most of the time nothing will ever come of it, a sort of domestic Cold War if you will.  Both sides stock piling angst for one another until one party moves or dies. But sometimes, well sometimes things get nuclear and you have to stick a steaming pile of dog poo in your neighbors mailbox. Shit happens. 

I learned from the best as far as all this stuff goes. My parents have had a lonnnng standing Cold War feud with one particular neighbor. Pretty sure it started over some disagreement regarding fallen twigs or leaves or something. I can't remember exactly what it was. All I know is the neighbor continues to toss leaves he feels fell from our trees back into our yard and we continue to look out our window and wonder what kind of crazed lunatic goes through such trouble as sorting out leaves and determining their parental genesis. It's fucking nuts. It's passed the point of the friendly wave and silent asshole muttering at this point, but it hasn't gone nuclear as of yet, so at least I still have time to warn them to check for security camera's before dropping off the family dogs poop first class.

PS: There's a slight chance we could be reading way to deep into this whole thing and carrying hot poop while on your walk around the block is just icky. Maybe he planned on picking it up on his way back, only to be foiled by Suburban James Bond and his life partner in surveillance who, for some reason, video tape their mailbox on a daily basis. 

RIP, Patriots - Colts Rivalry 2001-2011

ESPN - Peyton Manning's 14-year career with the Indianapolis Colts is coming to an end after owner Jim Irsay informed the four-time NFL MVP on Monday night that the team will release him, according to team sources. Irsay and Manning traveled together Tuesday night from South Florida on Irsay's private jet and will conduct a joint news conference at noon ET on Wednesday, which sources said will be to announce the quarterback's departure.

As a Pats fan, this is exactly how I reacted to hearing this news yesterday afternoon: 

"Wow" (not a surprised tone, just more of a subdued, it finally happened tone). "That's really do bad, end of an era." 

Classy right? Except if you saw me doing it you would have seen a smug little smirk and a joyous twinkle in my eye.  For sure I meant what I said, but just not as much as I relished the victory at hand. 

We (Pats fans and Brady supporters) just won the greatest standoff since the Cold War people. This was sporting world equivalent of the Berlin Wall coming down. That smirk was the first time I smiled at football related news in over a month. It's probably what 2nd graders felt like when they were told they'd no longer have to practice hiding under their desk to protect them from nuclear fall out after the Cold War ended. 

Yes, a big part of me laments the end to this great rivalry from the past decade.  It was a guaranteed great game and the games almost always had great implications for each team's season (whether playoffs or regular season, something was always at stake). 

But the homer in me, the guy who wants his team and his players to win at all costs is celebrating a fabricated victory today. We just outlasted Peyton Manning, the guy with the laser, rocket arm. The Colts franchise is in shambles, the front office cleared out, a new coaching staff coming in, and now, next season, a new quarterback, leader, and era. The Kremlin has fallen, the Death Star has been defeated, the good guys won out. 

PS: I would not have felt this way if Peyton had just walked off into the sunset, as he probably should be doing.  I truly believe his coming out and putting on throwing demonstrations in the last month was the worst thing he could have done, because now he can't retire. He can't walk away having just proved he still has something left, the great ones never can. But that doesn't mean it's the right choice for Peyton. Not many great ones have had to decide between retiring or putting their fused neck vertebraes to the test. Not many great ones have had to travel outside the country to seek medical treatment that's not yet legal in the United States just in hopes of prolonging their careers. 

It's not worth it Peyton. You're not chasing anything. The consecutive games chase and an additional Super Bowl were all you had left, and now, you're not getting either one. What's the best case scenario? You sign with Arizona, who already has a half decent offense, and hope to lead them out of the desert? That's not going to happen. It's just not. 

And records? You've got nothing to prove. You're not going to catch Brett, and frankly, no one cares if you do. Brett was a freak of nature, he played 20 years straight, those records are as much a result of longevity as they are greatness. The guy was flat out a detriment to his teams late in his career, padding his stats like a self absorbed egotistical maniac...That's not you. Sure, in a couple seasons you can probably pass Marino for a couple of key milestones, but you don't have to do that either. You won a Super Bowl, he didn't. If you're a few yards short or a couple touchdown passes behind, no one is going to hold it against you when it comes to historical comparisons.  You have nothing left. 

Let this one go, walk off the field on your own terms, take a few years off, work on a few more deadpan commercials, root for your brother, but don't come back. Don't ruin your legacy as a Colt. Even as a rival Patriots fan who has absolutely hated you for the entirety of your career I know how much more it will mean if you retire a life long Colt. The time is now. Make the right decision.