T-Rex vs. Triceratops...Who Ya Got?

Fox News - It was the greatest showdown of the dinosaur kingdom. The carnivorous apex predator Tyrannosaurus versus the heavily shielded plant-eating Triceratops. But scientists were never quite sure how the fearsome T-rex could penetrate the armored three-horned herbivore when it came time for dinner -- until now. Denver Fowler and his colleagues at the Museum of the Rockies last week presented the first study done on a collection of bite-scarred fossils to get an idea of how the legendary Tyrannosaurus fed. Gruesomely, Fowler explains, though the work is still in its early stages. By studying consistent sets of bitemarks, Fowler and his team concluded that the T-rex feasted on the Triceratops by popping off its head. “It's gruesome, but the easiest way to do this was to pull the head off,” Fowler told Nature. Since the bite-marks didn’t show signs of healing, it means they were made when the dino was already dead. Some scars could only have been made if the Triceratops had been decapitated -- in order to get to the nutrient rich neck muscles.

How ruthless is that? Just popping the head off its most noble adversary like a prehistoric pez dispenser. Pure awesomeness.

I'm going to be honest, as a kid I always rooted for the Triceratops. Just the blue collar worker of the dino-world. Keeps his horns down and goes about his business, not afraid to scrap from time to time when the situation calls for it. All around good dude.  T-Rex just seemed like a bully out picking on everyone, but at the end of the day was probably just compensating for his tiny hands.

Well I guess fucking not. Guy wasn't king of the dinosaurs for nothing. Just popping his foods head off for sport. Makes me kinda like him more than the Triceratops. Yea there's something noble about rooting for the underdog, it's natural, we do it in sports all the time...In fact growing up I often thought of the Triceratops as Agassi and T-Rex as Sampras...and I hated Sampras. Just cold and calculating...no real emotion. Plus he was stuffing Ms. Vaughn which pissed me off even more.  So I always rooted for Agassi...but honestly, if Sampras had been as much of a boss as the T-Rex was? I'd have been his most loyal follower.

So there it is, I'm officially switching allegiances. I'm taking the T-Rex. It's like rooting for the most dominant boxer in his prime. It's really one of the only situations in sports I can think of where the majority roots for the favorite...and I guess that makes T-Rex the Tyson of the sporting world, which fits. Tyson compensated for that lisp and T-Rex is compensating for those dainty little girl hands.

Mass Judge Orders State to Hire Expert to Decide if Hairy Jailhouse Tranny is Entitled to Free Electrolysis

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) U.S. Chief Judge Mark Wolf ordered the state to hire an expert to decide whether or not a convicted murderer needs to receive electrolysis due to gender identity disorder. The Boston Globe reports that Judge Wolf handed down a six-page ruling on Wednesday which calls for the Department of Correction to hire someone who will determine whether or not electrolysis is medically necessary for Michelle Kosilek. The inmate's attorneys argue that hair removal is necessary as part of treatment for gender identity disorder. Michelle Kosilek lived as a man under the name Robert Kosilek when he strangled his wife to death in 1990. Judge Wolf recently ordered the state to fund Kosilek's sex change, but Gov. Deval Patrick has appealed the ruling and called for the surgery to be delayed during the appeal.

Hey Judge - Are you fucking kidding me here? Have a sac, man. I have no idea what this convicted tranny has on you but it must be something good...Not only do you rule that the state needs to pay for this dude's surgical transition to a woman (which I assume means snipping his dick?), but now you want the state to pay for an experts opinion on whether or not this dude should be entitled to free electrolysis, because you know, he'd be a pretty hair woman? Get the fuck out. Seriously, get the fuck out. I know you recently half retired, how about you do all us common sense, tax paying, non-murdering folks a favor and fully retire.

I mean you've got to be kidding me here. Just ordering more tax payer dollars for a study on something that is as simple as this: Are any of the other actual woman in jail entitled to free electrolysis? No? Ok then. There is your answer. You don't think Juanita with the mustache that just goes by Juan in cell block E wants electrolysis? Of course she does. Same with every other hairy bitch in there. Latino's and Italian women with mustaches and yetti arms, black women with sideburns...they all would take free hair removal, doesn't mean they're entitled to it.

So seriously, Judge Wolf, just get the fuck out of there. Stop costing the State money with your frivolous rulings. Go enjoy a round of golf or something like a normal retired wasp. Get yourself out of the tranny defending business. 

You Know Why Young People Don't Vote? Part 2

 

Pretty much sums it up. The video is from a pretty good site for young, politically minded people, voteourfuture.com, the problem is, most young people I know now and knew in college are going to watch this and just nod their heads at the cynnical messages, mainly because they're all true.

This sadly isn't going to get anyone to vote, isn't going to spur any change, it's just going to reaffirm every young voter/non-voter's position that their vote doesn't matter. When I was an dumb, idealistic kid in college I never understood that thought, didn't make sense. Of course your vote doesn't count if you don't actually go out and vote I remember saying. But now I get it. I still vote, but I don't disparage anyone that doesn't. I've come to grips with the fact that the only thing my vote is swaying is maybe a city council race or an Alderman election here or there...you know, real important shit. When it comes to real elections that matter I'm more than aware that those decisions are usually already swung by the time I vote, my single vote just can't compete against the Soros', Koch Brothers, and the talking heads of the CNN's and FOX News's of the world. The system is rigged. The best that can come of it is cynnical and somewhat humorous special interest group commercials and a free day off from school for kids if their school is their districts voting location.

Have You Watched the New American Horror Story

No? Well just as a teaser, this is what you missed, meet Pepper:

Attractive, right?

Brit Scientists Make Gasoline out of Thin Air

Fox News - Genius Brit engineers have pioneered a new technology that produces petrol – from air. Experts hailed the breakthrough as a potential “game-changer” as scientists seek to solve the world’s energy crisis. The small company from the north England has developed “air capture” technology which creates synthetic petrol with only air and electricity. Company chiefs say they have produced five litres of petrol in less than three months at a small refinery in Stockton-on-Tees, Teesside by removing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere...They now hope to build a large plant generating more than a tonne of petrol per day within two years – and a refinery size operation within the next 15 years.

Welp, Britain just won the world folks. Romney, Obama, thanks for coming out but you guys might as well flip a coin at this point, the British empire is about to rule us all...as long as this is real at least.

Like how isn't this bigger news? The Britains are now literally capable of making gasoline out of thin air, folks! That's a huge deal if its true. Shouldn't be buried beneath democrat/republican pissing contests and cute cat videos of the day. The only logical explanation as to why this isn't the single biggest story in the world is that it's simply not true. Either that or it's not as simple as it sounds, like it's not just air and electricity, it's something like air, electricity, and the blood of a couple's first born. Something crazy is going on here.

You Know Why Young People Don't Vote? We Still Register like it's 1942

Voter Registration Info:

How can I register to vote?

By Mail: The Massachusetts Mail-In Voter Registration Form can be used to register to vote in Massachusetts, to update registration information due to a change of name, make a change of address, or to register with a political party. Note:  After filling out this form, you must print it, sign it and send it to your local election official.
Download the Forms:

• Massachusetts Mail-in Voter Registration form (PDF) – English
• Formulario de inscripción de votante por correo oficial de Massachusetts (PDF) – Spanish
• 麻州官方 選民郵寄登記表 (PDF) – Chinese

For registering to vote in other states, please use the National Voter Registration Form.
You can also request a form be mailed to you by going to: Online Voter Registration Form Request or by calling 617-727-2828 or 1-800-462-VOTE.
In Person: Go to any registration location and complete an affidavit of registration, which must be answered truthfully under the penalty of perjury. The questions on the affidavit will include your name, residence and date of birth.
At the Registry of Motor Vehicles: Keep your motor voter receipt until you receive confirmation from your local election official. If you do not receive any confirmation, please contact your local election office to verify your voting status.
Mail the completed form to your local city or town hall. You should receive a confirmation notice in 2 to 3 weeks. If you do not receive a confirmation notice, or wish to confirm your voter registration status, please contact your local City or Town Clerk to verify your voting status. 

....

For real, that's how you register to vote in 2012. So there I am Wednesday minding my business, when I'm suddenly reminded it's my last chance to register to vote (or in my case to switch my address). Fuck. I now have two options...First: Just go vote at my old address, it's not like you have to show valid ID and it's usually a bunch of white hairs checking off names, I'm sure I can get away with it. Or Second, I could go through with any of the above AWFUL steps.

Look at those options...By Mail. You've got to be kidding me.

In Person- No thanks. Government buildings are filled with the WORST kind of people. Criminals, conspiracy theorists, people complaining about noise ordinances on their neighbors, just general pain in the ass people that I have no intention of standing next to, even if it is just to register to vote. You know who stands in line to register to vote now-a-days? Old people with all the time in the world before they have to get to the early bird dinner special at 5:30, and presumable nutbags who are afraid of the mail because they don't want the government tracking what they're doing.

And Finally, at the Registry of Motor Vehicles - The registry of motor vehicles makes waiting in town hall seem like a vacation. Every where you look you've got convicted felons just trying to get their license back, and other soon to be convicted felons just checking if they have any warrants out on them. It's bad enough running down there for something license related, you're outside your mind if I'm going to go down there and tell them I'm here to register to vote.

So I went with mailing it in. And here I am, apparently waiting 2-3 weeks for confirmation...Which is absurd. I printed the form offline, only to fill it out with pen, run around all day looking for a stamp because people my age don't use stamps, answering questions about why on earth I'd need a stamp, and finally mailing it in at a post office box, but checking that the mail actually went down, like 4 times, because for some reason out of all the life lessons learned as a child, needing to check that the mail went down struck the most fear in me. Looking both ways before I cross the street, running in the parking lot, don't touch that it's hot, all those pale in comparison to checking to make sure my mail went down into the mail box.  I check that thing a minimum of 3-4 times, just in case it went down the first time and was being all sneaky and jumped back to the top when it thought I was gone. That's not going to happen, not on my watch. And all that could have been avoided if that original form I printed from online, was an actual form I could just fill out and hit send. It's that simple.

So there you go. Looking for a reason why young people consistently have the lowest voter turn out? Look no further than the options for registering. I guarantee if you could register online, or via twitter, you'd see historic turnout. And don't come back to me about fraud and security...A tweet is just as safe as some old lady checking names off a registration roll that she can barely read without anyone having to prove any identification.

Giant Sized Eyeball Found on Florida Beach

MIAMI – It's not that body parts never wash ashore on Florida beaches. But usually it's not an eye the size of a softball. State wildlife officials are trying to determine the species of a blue eyeball found by a man Wednesday at Pompano Beach, north of Fort Lauderdale. They put the eyeball on ice so it can be analyzed at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute in St. Petersburg. Agency spokeswoman Carli Segelson says the eyeball likely came from a marine animal, since it was found on a beach. Possible candidates include a giant squid, a whale or some type of large fish.

Can I ask a serious question? Does it stink? I have to believe that thing stinks. Like I'm imagining the worst smelling pus (don't act like I'm the only one who's smelled pus from time to time), x100.  Really lacking report here.

You can't just show me an eyeball the size of a softball and then tell me absolutely nothing about it. I'm legitimately freaked out here...like that eyeball is exactly how a J.J Abrams movie about the end of the world would start. Just some random tourist taking an early morning walk down the beach, and then BOOM. Giant eyeball, girlfriend freaks out and runs up the beach, boyfriend stares at it in bewilderment waiting for authorities in hazmat suits to show up...and you bet your life he comments on how bad that thing fucking stinks.

What Do The Richest Man in the World, The President, and this Wildn' Out Black Lady Have in Common?

Carlos Slim, Worlds Richest Man

President Obama

Wildn' Out Black Lady

What do they all have in common? OBAMAPHONES BABY!




Fox News - A Mexican telecom mogul who holds the title of world's richest man, and one of President Obama's top donors are both getting even richer from the U.S. government program that supplies so-called "Obamaphones" to the poor. Carlos Slim, who has an estimated net worth of $70 billion, owns a controlling stake in TracFone, which makes $10 per phone for each device it provides to poor Americans. The company, whose president and CEO is Frederick “F.J.” Pollak, also makes money from extra minutes and data plans it sells to subscribers who get phones and service through the government's Lifeline program. The program, which began in the mid-1980s, has exploded in the past four years after being expanded from supplying landlines to the poor to providing cellular phones...The phones came into the national spotlight after a viral video surfaced on YouTube in which a Cleveland, Ohio, woman praised the president, saying he needed to be re-elected because he gives out free phones.

I'll be honest, I kinda didn't believe this whole Obamaphone thing up until I read that the world's richest man was involved. I guess it has to be true then? Obama just tossing out cheapy sample phones in the ghetto like Stringer Bell's crew passing out samples of their latest product to junkies? Does that make Romney Omar? That can't be right...this analogy fell apart fast.

Bottom line, apparently Obamaphones are real, this woman is really, really happy about that, and the worlds richest man, a Mexican (come on America), is laughing while he lights cigars with US tax payer $20 bills...'Merica.

Is this the Face of a Detroit Squatter Who's Also Running as a Write-In Candidate for President of the US?

Daily Mail - A Detroit woman and her one-year-old daughter are being forced to live with a squatter in their own home until a housing court decides on eviction proceedings. Homeowner Heidi Peterson claims the squatter, former tenant Missionary-Tracey Elaine Blair, took over the residence while Peterson was away for a year during extensive home repairs. After the necessary repairs were complete, Peterson returned last week only find out that Blair had changed the locks. She had also taken the liberty to decorate the house, rework the plumbing and replace appliances... She also discovered Blair had managed to put a lien on the house, which she had told the city was abandoned, reports MyFoxDetroit.com. Blair, who is a write-in candidate for U.S. President, refuses to leave. And until a housing court evicts her, Blair, Peterson and Peterson's baby girl are forced to live under the same roof.

Ok first of all, the fact that a judge basically telling a rightful home owner and her one year old daughter, "tough shit" you have to live with this crazy ass squatter who broke in, rearranged the plumbing, and hung up pictures of her family, isn't the most bizarre portion of this story is absolutely bananans.

Because by far the most bizarre story is this squatter/missionary lady (above) identifying herself as a write-in candidate for the President of the United States, and even has pins made up for her campaign! This woman is off the reservation!..Every Tom, Dick, Sally, and Scooby-Doo is a write in candidate for the United States, but you don't go making up pins identifying yourself as such! I'm fairly certain Jack Bauer won the general election at least one of the years 24 was on (still lost, Stupid Electoral College system) but even he wasn't running around making buttons up for a campaign.

Second of all...It's Detroit ladies. Couldn't one of you just move a couple blocks down the street and find another house to squat in? Or even buy? I mean what's the average mansion go for in downtown Detroit? $15K? That's less than a monthly car payment. Just move. Here, plenty of options, some decent houses as low as $6k...I'd advise you splurge a bit on an alarm and a shotgun, you know given Detroit's status as America's Kosovo.

Slut-Dropping Sounds like the Single Dumbest Thing You Could Do In College.

Jezebel - Today, let me introduce you to a practice known as "slut-dropping." Apparently it's all the rage in the UK, and I'm shocked that it hasn't caught on Stateside, since this sounds right up a lot of jerks' alleys. Here goes: A gang of merrymaking young squires careens around the local village in an auto-mobile during the wee hours of the morning. When they see a young lass stumbling home alone from a night of intoxicating fun, wearing clothing indicative of both the presence of sexuality and the wearer's awareness of said sexuality, they stop the car and offer to give the damsel in distress a ride home. What gentlemen! BUT THERE'S A TWIST. Instead of driving the girl home, they drive her in the opposite direction of her home, as far as they possibly can, and then, when they get to the TBD nowhere spot, they drop her off, laughing and laughing like teenage Mitt Romney cutting a gay kid's hair, and drive away, filming the "slut" they just "dropped" as she angrily/sadly watches them recede from her. What sort of barbarians would pull such a stunt? Why, college blokes, just having a bit of fun during a time known as "freshers' week" in the UK. In the US, depending on where you went to school, it's called "freshman orientation week" or "pledge week" or "the entirety of your freshman year," and in both places, the introduction of new students to a college or university campus provides the perfect opportunity to teach those incoming freshmen important lessons about life.

Ok, first of all, Slut Dropping is already a universally recognized dance move...actually dance move doesn't even do it justice, it's more of a mating call:



Typically not performed in front of mothers performing domestic duties, but still, you get the point. So, sorry UK, but you'll need to rename this "slut-dropping" thing.

Secondly, there's a reason this fad hasn't made it stateside...it's dumb as fuck. I don't know what you cheeky bastards consider a good time in the UK, but the goal in the US is usually to have the "sluts" come back to your dorm or vice-versa. Not drop them off in the middle of no-where. It kinda defeats the purpose. I mean, I know when I was in college the goal wasn't to find the somewhat drunk girl in the highest heels and pushiest of push up bra's, win her trust and gratefulness by offering her a ride home, and then pissing her off by leaving her at some remote destination while my friends and I go back to the dorm to play Madden...But hey, have fun being the freshman on campus known for driving scantily-clad girls of loose morals miles and miles away from campus, should make you real popular the Bible Study crowd I guess...

Oh and thirdly, this sounds vaguely like kidnapping.

Welker Made A Funny Joke Sunday and then Spent the Whole Next Day Explaining the Tenets of Humor to the Boston Media

Boston - Though he said it with a wink and a smile, Wes Welker's postgame comment on Comcast SportsNet New England on Sunday night about his 13-catch game ("It's nice to stick it in Bill's face once in a while") certainly became water-cooler and talk-show fodder Monday...Welker probably knew that it had blown up and didn't run from it today, speaking with reporters in the Patriots' locker room. He explained that it was said in jest. "Yeah, I mean ... it was a joke. I don't know what else to say about it; it was a joke. But Bill and I, whether y'all believe it or not, have a good relationship and it was a joke and I'll make sure to keep that in-house going forward," he said.

He fucking winked, people!
 
Example 1A of why the majority of local athletes treat the Boston sports media and their requests for interviews as if they were Nigerian princes asking you to help them gain custody of their vast treasure chests of gold coins and diamonds.

I mean, a guy can't walk up to the podium, blatantly wink while saying something completely in jest, without having to spend the entire next day explaining himself...and they wonder why so many of our local athletes are hesitant to talk off the cuff. Are you kidding me?

I always kind of assumed that most media members and journalists had some understanding of the nuances of the english language, but maybe sarcasm some how escapes them? Sort of similar to that Ricky Gervais movie, The Invention of Lying...That's the only realistic situation here, right? That they've never before encountered sarcasm?

I Could Lie to You and Tell you This Post is About Stacey Dash's Political Leanings...

Or I could just be honest and be like...Stacey Dash folks, she's still got it! Jeepers Crow. Woman is like 46 and doesn't look a day past her prime thigh-high stockings and plaid skirts days of Clueless...I'll be honest I kinda forgot about Stacey Dash, but back in the day I thought she was the bees knees. I wouldn't have admitted it back then but back in the day any time Clueless was on HBO or some cable station that was a much watch for me. As an 11-12 year old tween that was as good as it gets and Stacey Dash was my girl.

Oh...as far as the political side to this post, apparently Ms. Dash is supporting Romney and the black twitter community has a huge problem with this...you know, because she's black...

Fox -“Clueless” star Stacey Dash recently tweeted her support for Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, accompanied by a patriotic swimsuit picture of herself...“You’re an unemployed black woman endorsing Mitt Romney. You’re voting against yourself thrice. You poor beautiful idiot,” one Twitter user wrote, while @Black Voice wrote, “Stacey Dash had a perm since birth. I knew I couldn’t trust her.. lol.” Others accused the actress of “voting for white supremacy,” claiming she “is white with a dark tan,” and calling Dash a slew of offensive names. Several other Obama supporters even went as far as to encourage “the old hag” to “kill herself.”

Old Hag my ass. 

Is This the Face of A Man Who Croaked After A Roach Eating Contest Due to Possible Roach Allergy?

Inquirer - MIAMI—The winner of a roach-eating contest in South Florida died shortly after downing dozens of the live bugs as well as worms, authorities said Monday. About 30 contestants ate the insects during Friday night’s contest at Ben Siegel Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach about 40 miles (64 kilometers) north of Miami. The grand prize was a python. Edward Archbold, 32, became ill shortly after the contest ended and collapsed in front of the store, according to a Broward Sheriff’s Office statement released Monday. He was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead. Authorities were waiting for results of an autopsy to determine a cause of death. “Unless the roaches were contaminated with some bacteria or other pathogens, I don’t think that cockroaches would be unsafe to eat,” said Michael Adams, professor of entomology at the University of California at Riverside, who added that he has never heard of someone dying after consuming roaches. “Some people do have allergies to roaches,” he said, “but there are no toxins in roaches or related insects.”

You see, Big Network TV? You see what you've done? Without the legitimate and safe outlet for bug eating exploits provided by Fear Factor, this is what people are turning to...unsanctioned amateur roach eating contests (and apparently worms...seems like a real amateur move to fill up on worms during a roach eating contest) and tragic deaths. And for what? A snake? I've owned a python, they're like $75-$100 tops...At least Joe Rogan was tossing around tens of thousands of dollars and the promise of reality tv groupy sex. This prize sucks. Kinda makes you wonder if it was all worth it.

Facebook to Now Allow Users to Pay to Promote their Status Updates and Instragrammed Food

Fox - Facebook wants you to advertise … to your friends. The world’s largest social network, which announced Thursday that it has crossed the billion-user mark, has struggled to make money from its enormous pool of users. The solution: Turning individual users into advertisers...Facebook announced Wednesday that Joe Sixpack will soon be able to ensure that you're reading his messages, thanks to an expansion of the Promoted Posts program, which lets businesses pay anywhere from a few dollars to a few thousand to ensure that hundreds of thousands of Facebookers see your posts. “As part of a test starting today, people in the U.S. can promote personal posts to their friends on Facebook,” explained Abhishek Doshi, a software engineer, on Facebook’s website. “When you promote a post -- whether it’s wedding photos, a garage sale, or big news -- you bump it higher in news feed so your friends and subscribers are more likely to notice it.”..Facebook announced Wednesday that Joe Sixpack will soon be able to ensure that you're reading his messages, thanks to an expansion of the Promoted Posts program, which lets businesses pay anywhere from a few dollars to a few thousand to ensure that hundreds of thousands of Facebookers see your posts. “As part of a test starting today, people in the U.S. can promote personal posts to their friends on Facebook,” explained Abhishek Doshi, a software engineer, on Facebook’s website. “When you promote a post -- whether it’s wedding photos, a garage sale, or big news -- you bump it higher in news feed so your friends and subscribers are more likely to notice it.”

Ok, I'm not going to get all dramatic and say that if you do this I'll un-friend you, I'm not going to bitch about the fact that on top of having to wade through countless advertisements for Tide Detergent and Duracell batteries every time I log on to Facebook just to see what my fake internet friends are up to, I'm now going to have to add advertisements specifically from those fake internet friends for garage sales, craigslist adds, and awesome pictures of what they had for dinner...I'm fine with all that.

I'm just going to say, if you're one of these people who feels the need to pay Facebook to ensure people see your post/status update/picture of food...You really need to look in the mirror and take stock of your life.  Really think about what that's saying about you. You're basically paying to advertise the fact that not only do you assume internet strangers and fake friends who, by logging into Facebook, are admitting they've got nothing better to do than to kill time and look for gossip fodder, aren't going to find you interesting enough to pay attention to...But that also your real friends have so little interest in what's going on in your life (or what you purport to be your life through phony updates) that they're just going to skim right by your updates. That's what you're saying.

So if you're at that point, I'd say paying $7 for a post that says "Little Caroline's First Poop on the Potty!", shouldn't be your top priority. Maybe getting out and seeing some real people, or a shrink perhaps. At the very least pick up the phone and talk to an actual human voice. Because when you're at the point where you're literally paying for the lowest form of human contact imaginable, the "Like", that's when you know you really need help.

State Funded Sex Change Murderer Toss Up

Would you rather be this, or...

Boston - Michelle Kosilek, the convicted murderer who is seeking a taxpayer-funded sex change operation, is asking for more than $800,000 in attorney’s fees and costs...Kosilek won her legal battle in US District Court in September. But the state is appealing the controversial ruling by US District Judge Mark Wolf that the surgery is the only adequate care for Kosilek’s gender identity disorder...Under Globe policy, Kosilek is being referred to as a woman because that is the gender with which she identifies. Born Robert Kosilek, Michelle Kosilek began transitioning to a female identity in 1990, the year that she strangled her then-wife. She has been staying in a men’s prison while taking hormones and developing female physical qualities.

So this has been the hot topic around Boston for what seems like months now, should this dude Robert (I know, why'd he pick Michelle right? Isn't Roberta the obvious choice?), a convicted murder serving life, be entitled to a state funded sex change because he views himself as a woman...Let's first state the obvious, No. Apparently though, the legal system has lost interest in common sense, and now he's going to become a she, on tax payer dimes, barring a successful appeal.

From the State's side, the tax payers side, or basically anyone or anything that has a basic level of common sense, this is an abomination. But from a prisoners side? Genius I say. So here's the toss up: Would you rather serve life in male prison with your natural born dick, or life in woman's prison, at the expense of a little nip and tuck.

This poor dude

Now this is life. You're not getting out. No parole. No good behavior. You're going to die in that cell. And I say fuck it, bring on the knife. I know myself, I know I'd last one hour in prison before my first anxiety attack over being raped by that guy with the lisp and his pocket hanging out of his pants from prison break. Screw that. I'll take a lifetime of scissoring with no dick over the threat of being some dude's pet. No shame in that. I'd say having no dick but living as the bull of the females prison is 100% more masculine than having your dick but using some large man's hairy stomach as your pillow when you go to bed a night for the rest of your life.

So Robert, I get it. I do. But you're still an asshole.

Lebron James Spent His Off Season Getting Hair Plugs

Terez Owens - Nike Sportswear has introduced the new LeBron James Diamond Collection apparel for the Holiday 2012 season, and as you can see above, LeBron looks a bit different….and now we know why. Our source tells us LeBron had hair corrective surgery a little over two months ago. We’re being told he was sick and tired of hearing all the jokes revolving around his rapidly receding hairline…and he knew no matter how many championships he won, people would always point to that right away. Now If you look at the pics side by side, you can definitely tell he filled in his coffin corners, and it appears the King with the thinning crown is no more. Maybe now he could scrap the Triple Headband. -TO

I want to hate on Lebron here, but I really can't. I mean he just looks flat out awful in that pic on the left. Guy is 27 years old and already has Karl Malone trademarked hair. You've gotta get that shit fixed.

Plus, it's good to see winning a championship didn't change who Lebron is...he's still a narcissistic baby who's way too concerned with what everyone things of him...and I love how people making fun of his fugly head of hair bothered him enough to do something about it but he's still content to chew his nails on the bench on live television, setting himself up for Lebron's nervous in the clutch, Lebron's a baby, Lebron still drinks from a bottle, Lebron needs people to cut up his food for him (actually that last one's true). He's just a giant enigma.

Oh yea...and MJ would have never done that. MJ may have clothes like a dickhead, but he knew to shave his head when he was going bald. He wasn't going to no hair club for men.

Obama-Romney Round 1: Romney Wins, With a Hat Tip to Michelle

So the Presidential debate, Round 1, went off last night, for real in-depth analysis you're better served going to any number of other sites, for a brief bare bones analysis and some snarky comments, you're in the right place.

With that said, Romney won.  Romney won in a landslide. And I say that as a non-Romney guy. He killed him. BO was constantly on the defense, Romney had that creepy perma grin on the entire night (though that may not have been on purpose, Romney's face looked like it had been pulled back recently which could explain that).  Bottom line, last night's debate could be broken down in one sentence as follows: Romney attacks, Obama forced to defend how shitty the country has been for the past four years, Romney gets away without having to let us in on one single detail of his economic plan, thus avoiding any areas for Obama to attack.

That was it, plain and simple. Oh, and the debate had possibly the most limp dick moderator of all time. Poor guy was just getting cuckolded on national television, outright ignored left and right.

So round one is in the books and it was a thoroughly Romney round. Good for him, he'll probably need it once we hit foreign policy, and especially for social issues debates...Gotta think the President will hone in on the whole hates gays, women, and vaginas thing.

Also, anyone looking for a reason why Obama looked so lost, confused, and frankly a bit perturbed last night should look no further than Michelle. It was the dude's 20th anniversary! If you don't think he caught some shit for making her spend it in an auditorium in Denver you're outside your mind. You know how much passive aggressive shit he probably caught in the week leading up to this? The guy is the President of the United States! If he didn't want this on his anniversary, it wouldn't have been on his anniversary! Michelle knows that. She knows he could have had this moved to basically any day of his picking, but he didn't. And as a result I have no doubt she tortured him with mental warfare all week, basically handing the debate to Romney.

...Or it simply could be that Obama, despite being an exceedingly nice guy, just really doesn't grasp how the economy works...

American Idol or Celebrity Rehab?

Daily Mail - Nicki Minaj is said to have threatened Mariah Carey after her American Idol co-star called her a 'b****' - it is now being claimed. Show bosses cancelled filming in Charlotte, North Carolina for the day on Tuesday after a huge blow up between the pair where Nicki allegedly threatened and swore at Mariah...Their fellow panellists Keith Urban and Randy Jackson were caught in the middle of the row, according to TMZ, which is running a video of the row, where Nicki can be heard ranting at Mariah. A source told the website: '[Nicki said to Mariah] "I'm gonna knock you out" - although this was not caught on tape.' In the video being run by TMZ, Minaj can be heard saying: 'I told them I'm not f*****g putting up with her f*****g highness over there [Referring to Mariah]. Figure it the f*** out. Figure it out.' Mariah can also be heard answering back in the video - but it is difficult to make out exactly what she is saying.

So here's the video, I can't embed for some reason, anyway...I'm going to have to revisit my opinion that this season of American Idol is going to be unwatchable, it might be the single most entertaining one yet...Not for good reasons like the talent is unreal or Simon and his charming snark are back or anything, but because the show has essentially degraded into a therapy session from Celebrity Rehab with renowned crazy Mariah Carey and crazy in a not so subtle way Nicki Minaj just squaring off nightly. 

Poor Randy Jackson in over his head trying to simultaneously judge the next generation of musical talent with his extremely limited range of vocabulary ("in it to win it" , "gotta have it", "dawg" , "for me it wasn't good" , that's it, those are the only english phrases you need to know to judge a singing competition on national television), and play Dr. Phil for these two nutso's. Then you've got that poor country guy, who literally has no idea what he signed himself up for, but the producers backed a truck full of cash up to his house because The Voice has a country guy so they needed to go get them one to keep up in the ratings, and lets be honest, all male country stars are interchangeable.

It's going to be crazy to say the least.

PS: I'm fully on team Mariah here. Maybe I'm just comfortable with her craziness after having her around for years now, I don't know. I just feel like she spent a decade and a half or so building her right to be certifiable, Nicki just throws on cotton candy for wigs and raps like a demonic toddler and we're supposed to respect her fragile creative mind. I don't think so. I'll take the subtle crazy over the in your face "look at me, I'm crazy" any day of the week.

Target's New "Amazing" Sales Training Program is Actually "Annoying" to Customers

Daily Mail - Target has a plan to take on the growing competition of online giant Amazon - and it all rests on making their employees 'amazing'. The staff guide to becoming an ideal Target employee have been leaked online, packed full of corporate buzzwords and cringe-worthy customer service tips. The training manual - entitled 'Welcome To Amazing' - provides workers with a script to follow, making sure that customer service is top notch...According to the Target script 'service is the difference maker' and leads to loyal customers. The manual goes on to describe the 'service vibe' which can 'make guests feel welcomed and comfortable...cared for and appreciated... and even moments that stir up a little spontaneous fun'. Store executives have then helpfully outlined what exactly classifies as an 'amazing moment' for staff...Store executives have then helpfully outlined what exactly classifies as an 'amazing moment' for staff...'A moment is when we look up from what we are doing to say hi to the guest that just came down the aisle... Amazing is how the whole family feels when we sincerely offer help,' it reads.

Look, I'm on record several times as preferring Target to Walmart. Hands down. But it's time for some tough love, Target. Because this is some of the most ass backward corporate strategy I've ever heard, and it's affecting me personally.

Last week I went into Target to buy a stick of deodorant. That's it. I realized that morning I was out, went to work, self consciously smelled my pits all day fearing I would wreak of B.O. and have no fat person near by to blame it on, and finally went over to Target after work to rectify the situation.

As I'm checking out, this young cashier pushes the "Target Debit Card on me." I say no thanks. She continues though. "I don't see why anyone wouldn't want it, it's free and you get whatever % percent she said cash back." Slightly annoyed I reply, probably because people don't want to open new credit cards, I thought it was over, it was not. She continues:

Annoying Check out Girl: But it's not a credit card!

Me: Oh really, what is it?

Annoying Check out girl (ACOG): It's a debit card, it's linked directly to your checking account.

Me, Now Really Annoyed: Well that's not really better, most people don't want Target attached to their personal checking account.

ACOG: I don't see why not, I did it and it's safer and more secure than my banks debit card.

Me, I've now had it: Oh really? Like, the same Target that had a massive consumer data breach about a year or so ago? That Target is safer than using the card my bank issued me?

And that was that, I bought my deodorant and left. Nevermind the fact that trying to upsell me on a stick of FUCKING DEODORANT was crazy to begin with. I'm not exactly buying a flat screen tv here where your 3% or 5% or whatever it was would actually mean something. I'm pretty sure I can handle a stick of deodorant on my own, thanks though.

And if it continues like that, if "Amazing" Sales people are going to "Annoy" the fuck out of me, every time I enter the store, I'll stop going. If Target wants some real help identifying areas of improvement from an actual customer here are a couple, written in their own corporate verbiage:

A "Moment" is when you walk into Target and see that only 3 of the 21 sales lines are open and you'll be stuck buying a box of q-tips behind the family of 5 and their annoying kids who can't decide what pack of check out line gum they want to buy along with their 35 other items that they'll be paying for with 3 separate credit cards. "Amazing would be walking in and seeing at least half of those check out lines open.

A "Moment" is walking into Target to be bombarded by sales people trying to up-sell you, apparently taking their cue from the annoying folks at BestBuy. "Amazing" would be walking into the store, finding my toilet paper and paper towels on my own, and checking out without having to interact with anyone.

A "moment" is walking into Target and realizing that all the checkout lines are manned by actual people. "Amazing" would be walking into see that Target has finally realized it is 2012 and every other store on earth has self checkout lines.

Just a few helpful hints guys. I still believe in you, but you gotta tighten things up and ditch the corporate sales pitch. It just doesn't work in the real world with people getting off work and just trying to do a quick errand before heading home for Thursday Night Football.

Golf, You Almost...Almost Had Me, But You're Still not a Real Sport

So all weekend long (or during commercial breaks for college and NFL football games) I watched the Ryder cup, setting a personal non-Masters golf watching record for the weekend, and why? Because the Ryder cup was fucking awesome. U-S-A chants, the States just dominating, the Euro-trash golfers just wilting away. It was beautiful.

And then Sunday afternoon happened. Shit hit the fan and the Yankees choked harder than anyone since...well I guess the 2004 New York Yankees. But where the actual Yankees were undoubtedly dejected, pissed off, and in disbelief,  the US Golfers were celebrating the European win! Phil clapping for his opponents, Bubba Watson tweeting like a Euro Groupie hoping for at least a hand job in the club house, fucking pathetic all around.






And all this while perhaps the most ruthless competitor of all time looked on...I mean, I'm almost in shock that MJ didn't go out there and crack Phil in the head with his driver after that display...Did Jordan ever clap after Malone, Drexler, Isaiah, or anyone else hit a couple of clutch free throws against the Bulls? Fuck no. And he sure as shit wasn't logging on to AOL afterwards to send a quick instant message of congratulations after back-breaking losses.

He does however, have clothes like a dickhead:

Anyone have two extra tickets to the Milli-Vanilli concert?

And to top it all off, perhaps the most golf rule of all time, apparently ties go to the defending champion. That's right. If the match were to end 14-14, the Euro's would win because they won the last time they played.  No playoff, no sudden death golf, no competition whatsoever. Just 4 days of Patriotic chants, nailbiting golf, and then they all shake hands and go home even if its tied, content to just give away the trophy based on the play of a group of guys from 2 years ago...Makes sense to me.

So like I said at the begging, Golf, you almost had me. Almost had me believing you were a real sport with real competitors, until the last 45 minutes or so on Sunday, that is.