Is this the Face of a Detroit Squatter Who's Also Running as a Write-In Candidate for President of the US?

Daily Mail - A Detroit woman and her one-year-old daughter are being forced to live with a squatter in their own home until a housing court decides on eviction proceedings. Homeowner Heidi Peterson claims the squatter, former tenant Missionary-Tracey Elaine Blair, took over the residence while Peterson was away for a year during extensive home repairs. After the necessary repairs were complete, Peterson returned last week only find out that Blair had changed the locks. She had also taken the liberty to decorate the house, rework the plumbing and replace appliances... She also discovered Blair had managed to put a lien on the house, which she had told the city was abandoned, reports MyFoxDetroit.com. Blair, who is a write-in candidate for U.S. President, refuses to leave. And until a housing court evicts her, Blair, Peterson and Peterson's baby girl are forced to live under the same roof.

Ok first of all, the fact that a judge basically telling a rightful home owner and her one year old daughter, "tough shit" you have to live with this crazy ass squatter who broke in, rearranged the plumbing, and hung up pictures of her family, isn't the most bizarre portion of this story is absolutely bananans.

Because by far the most bizarre story is this squatter/missionary lady (above) identifying herself as a write-in candidate for the President of the United States, and even has pins made up for her campaign! This woman is off the reservation!..Every Tom, Dick, Sally, and Scooby-Doo is a write in candidate for the United States, but you don't go making up pins identifying yourself as such! I'm fairly certain Jack Bauer won the general election at least one of the years 24 was on (still lost, Stupid Electoral College system) but even he wasn't running around making buttons up for a campaign.

Second of all...It's Detroit ladies. Couldn't one of you just move a couple blocks down the street and find another house to squat in? Or even buy? I mean what's the average mansion go for in downtown Detroit? $15K? That's less than a monthly car payment. Just move. Here, plenty of options, some decent houses as low as $6k...I'd advise you splurge a bit on an alarm and a shotgun, you know given Detroit's status as America's Kosovo.

Cleveland Outsourcing City Lawn Mowing to Goats?

CLEVELAND - The City of Cleveland is now testing goats as a more efficient and environmentally-friendly way to maintain a growing number of inner city vacant lots. The pilot program is called "Mow Goats," and it's being tested by the Stockyard-Clark-Fulton Development Office...Meister said nearly all northeast Ohio cities are being forced to take care of a growing number of vacant lots because of the housing crisis aftermath. The cost to mow such lots is going up dramatically. Meister claims it costs Cleveland an average of $300 just to mow and maintain the average vacant inner city lot.

So Cleveland now has enough abandoned overgrown lots that they literally can't afford to maintain them and are now importing goats to handle the grass cutting duties...Well congratulations Detroit! As of this morning you're no longer the most "3rd World-Like" city in America. Go nuts Detroiters!

Clevelanders...just another low point in a series of low points...probably blame this one on Lebron too.

Cue the extremely low budget Cleveland Board of Tourism Video:

Canada Keeps Busy Complaining About Humming Noise Coming from America

WINDSOR, Ontario – Last month, Bob Dechert, a senior aide to Canada's foreign minister, was dispatched to Detroit with an important diplomatic mission: to stop a highly-annoying noise. The so-called Windsor hum, described as a low-frequency rumbling sound, has rattled windows and knocked objects off shelves in this border community just across the Detroit River from the Motor City. Locals have said it sounds like a large diesel truck idling, a loud boom box or the bass vocals of Barry White...Even weirder, Americans cannot seem to hear it. Canadians find that suspicious -- especially since their research suggests the hum is coming from the Yankees' side -- and accuse US officials of staying silent over the noise. "The government of Canada takes this issue seriously," Dechert said after his recent fact-finding trip, which included a visit to a heavily-industrialized area on the American side of the river that some Canadian scientists believe is to blame for the hum.

I don't think you could come up with a better quote to accurately describe Canadian Government than this:

"The government of Canada takes this issue seriously," Dechert said after his recent fact-finding trip, which included a visit to a heavily-industrialized area on the American side of the river that some Canadian scientists believe is to blame for the hum.

 And that right there, is why no one can take Canada seriously. 

I sincerely hope the Mayor, or whatever warlord/strongman is controlling war-torn Detroit these days, tells the Cannucks to go pound sand. Hey Canada, you don't like your neighborhood? Move. No one's forcing you to stay. 

If you can't put up with a little bit of humming that apparently may or may not sound like Barry White (which sounds delightful, FYI), move. Go try out Europe. See how you like the Greeks, Spanish,  Portuguese, Italians, the entire Easern Bloc, and occassionally the Irish asking you for free cash advances all the time.  Better yet, give Africa a shot. I'm sure your Mounted Police and their lack of guns will turn a continent of wild militias right around. Ad try South America, while you're at it. You think a soothing hum is an annoyance? Try and deal with loud speaking latino's everywhere you look. 

Or stop complaining and go back to being normal, quiet, pushover Canadians. What, you think because your quarter is worth a couple more decimal points than ours that you can all of a sudden start calling the shots in this relationship? For sure not.