Sarah Palin Snorted Coke from an Oil Drum and Banged Glen Rice?

Daily Beast - Joe McGinniss’s highly anticipated Sarah Palin biography is almost here, and the first leaks are setting the bar pretty high: the National Enquirer reported Wednesday that the book describes Palin’s alleged drug use and sexual escapades. Among the explosive allegations: Palin smoked marijuana with a professor at Mat-Su College; she snorted cocaine off an oil drum; she had a one-night stand with NBA star Glen Rice, who reportedly confirmed the encounter to McGinniss; and she cheated on her husband, Todd, with his snowmobile dealer and business partner.

Are we sure Joe McGinniss isn't confusing real life Sarah Palin with some of the scenes from "Nailin Palin?" I mean, it's not that it wouldn't delight me to find out that after all her preaching and moral high ground bullshit she was just your average coke whore, but it just seems too much like something you'd see in a caricature based porn...Actually, it might be too extreme for that even. I mean, it's porn we're talking about, the writers aren't that creative, there's no way they'd have Fake Palin snorting blow off drums of oil, it's just so ironic it has to be true, right? Either way, I think I'll be running out to get this book.

Massachusetts Breaks Tuition Promises to Adopted Children

So smug, I hate him.

MY FOX Boston - Under the law, Catherine O'Malley's adopted daughter Alexis is supposed to receive free tuition and fees to any state college. She has all the paperwork from the state showing her daughter meets the criteria under the Massachusetts Adopted Child Tuition and Fee Waiver Program. O'Malley told FOX25 the program was put in place years ago as an incentive to encourage more people to adopt foster children. It wasn't until Alexis, a Marshfield High School graduate, had started her freshman year at Bridgewater State that she found out she would likely owe thousands more than planned because the state wasn't keeping its end of the deal. O'Malley says she found out after a visit to the school's financial office. "You should know they probably won't pay it, and I dismissed her! I said, you know, we have it in writing. I adopted her through the state. She says yeah, I know, they just don't fund it. I thought she was wrong. Of course she was wrong. I had this thing in writing! I went to court!" The State Department of Higher Education says 256 children are in the same boat. This year, only 50 to 55 percent of the fees will be covered. Hedlund says, "It is somewhat ironic that the governor has advocated very vocally for in-state tuition for families of illegal aliens and hasn't really advocated for this particular program at a time when we have much more significant need. I mean, we have five-thousand children waiting to be placed." We asked Gov. Patrick about that. He said, "We don't have in-state tuition for undocumented immigrants. Reporter: "But you proposed it." Gov. Patrick: "You know where I stand on them my opinion hasn't changed. We don't have the resources to fund the program that you're referring to 100 percent. You know that. You know we've had to make a lot of cuts but I'm proud of the fact that we're doing the very best we can in a very important program." O'Malley says, "I certainly would have sympathy for children who have had a tough time. And if his thought is that these are children of illegal aliens who have made something of themselves, they have gotten themselves into college, let's give them a leg up! I'm not opposed to that. But if you don't have money for my kid and it's in writing and my child is not an illegal alien, she's an American child who was not born into the best of circumstances and there's a law saying you have to help her. I just don't comprehend it."

Boggles the mind. This is like Scott’s Tots on The Office, only real life so its no so funny. Except our leader is as challenged as Michael Scott.

I mean how, on the one hand can you promise tuition to illegal immigrants (whether you've funded it or not, you've proposed it and you're an idiot), and on the other hand not fund a tuition program for adopted kids? How morally bankrupt can you be? And again, why? How does this help politicians at all? THEY CAN’T VOTE! Why are you pandering to them? How about supporting actual citizens who grew up in an equally challeneging environment.

It makes me legitimately angry…like if I have to see that smug asshole grin on Deval's face one more time while he dodges another fucking immigration issue I’m going to snap…Anyone from Mass knows the smile, just a “you caught me but I don’t have to answer you grin.” Gets me so irrationally angry every time its crazy. I just stew here and mutter fuck under my breath, its just so frustrating that this incompetent swindler got a second term. Incomprehensible.

State breaks tuition promises to adopted kids: MyFoxBOSTON.com

Scarlett Johannson's Nude Cell Phone Pics Being Investigaged by the FBI

This is like winning the lottery as far as working for the FBI goes

Fox News - The FBI is investigating the release of nude photos allegedly hacked from Scarlett Johannson’s phone, FoxNews.com has learned. "The FBI is aware of the alleged hacking incident and is looking into it," an FBI official told FoxNews.com. Private cell phone snaps the star allegedly took of herself surfaced on the Internet Wednesday. One photo, posted to Buzzfeed.com (NSFW), (CW Note: for any aunts/uncles, parents that are reading this, NSFW stands for NOT SAFE FOR WORK, click at your own risk) seems to show Johansson draped in nothing but a towel, taking a photo of her exposed backside reflected in a mirror. Another photo seems to show the Golden Globe-winning actress in a topless self-portrait. The FBI has reportedly been investigating hacks into as many as 50 celebs' email accounts, including those of Vanessa Hudgens and Jessica Alba. Three months ago, hackers released nude photos they claimed were of Blake Lively. Lively's rep denied the photos were of the actress and threatened to sue any web site that published the photos.

Welp, that just about seals it, girls officially cannot help taking nude shots of themselves with their cellphones. It's basically an accessory to the bathroom mirror to these girls. It boggles the mind, like these are girls that go on countless professional photo shoots, yet can't help but take grainy MySpace quality mirror shots in their bathroom and bedrooms. Why not just do Playboy and get paid if you're so anxious to photograph a boob or two?

It's not even going out on a limb to say that every actress in hollywood and popstar singer has nudes on their cellphones. It's an absolute fact. And more confounding, they know, they absolutely know, that these are going to get out. They always do. It's like the teenage girl who kept a diary and then runs and complains to their parents after someone sneaks in their room and reads it...please, its exactly what you wanted to have happen. No one in the history of earth has ever kept a diary/journal without secretly hoping someone else would read it. You wanted to share those feelings, you just didn't want to do it in a "look at me, pay attention to me" kind of way, so you wrote them down and waited for someone to sneak in and steal them so you could have the moral high ground. It's dime store psychology.

This recent spate of celebrity cellphone tit shots is the same exact thing. They want to show off their goods and still hold the moral high ground. They can't run to Playboy without catching some conservative flak, but if their cellphone happens to get hacked? Oh, poor them, what a violation of trust. Dog shit. Scarlett wanted us to look at that boob and that's exactly what we're doing.

Brookline Looks to Fingerprint Check Ice Cream Truck Drivers

Boston.Com - Ice cream truck drivers would need to submit to fingerprint-based background checks in Brookline under a proposal before Town Meeting this fall. The proposal is one of 19 articles on a warrant approved by Selectmen Tuesday for the Nov. 15 Town Meeting, which was already expected to generate controversy over a resolution asking the School Committee to stop recitations of the Pledge of Allegiance in Brookline Schools.

And thus, an American institution was killed. Listen, there aren't a lot of ice cream truck drivers left out there, I know we're all concerned and want to keep our kids safe, but we've also got to consider the industry. This will kill it. It ain't like you get into the ice cream truck driving business for money, it's horrible for your health, gobbling fudgesicles, nutty-buddy's, and Airheads all day long, blowing out your ear drums playing that high pitched music, hunched over all day leaning out that window, all the while sweating your ass off in a tin box while the ice cream taunts you in it's freezer boxes. It's a miserable job. 

If you stop people who may enjoy watching little kids play in the park, or stalking them through their neighborhoods with promises of snow cones and atom bombs, well then who's left? No one in their right mind is driving one of those trucks. They'll all but cease to exist, and that'll be the real crime.

The Alt-Tab's Newest Blogger

So some of you might have noticed yesterday that we added a new member to the team, The Seany Mo Show.  

If you're keeping track at home that's now 4 contributors who've posted as much, if not more than Penny Packer, who came on here promising humor a contrarian voice, and financial advice. Penny will be formally removed from this site, this weekend, it's just his time.

Anyway, as Seany Mo noted, he was recruited by our top head hunter (me). You can check out his old work here, suffice to say, he's a bit of a better writer than I am, though I think I make up for that in volume. It also may have something to do with still being in college and having an attention span longer than 5 minutes.  It's not that I don't care about things in an in-depth way anymore, it's that the majority of the time I'm browsing the net on my Droid in the handicap stall at work...it's not exactly conducive to in-depth analysis and thought. 

At any rate, we (I'm) personally pretty excited to add yet another blogger to the site, and look forward to having to do slightly less work around here.  For any converted fans coming over from Kind of a Big Deal, thanks for checking us out, Like us on Facebook, Follow us on Twitter, and maybe buy an overpriced shirt.

Bus Driver in a Flood, Like a Boss

That right there is the absolute dream for any asshole with a drivers license. It's the fucking Catalina wine mixer!, of driving, if you will.

Dude saw his target, knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, went for it, and he nailed it. This wasn't just your average drive by soaking of some poor pedestrian, this was the Super Bowl of pedestrian drenchings. He soaked her with a freaking pond, exhaust failure and engine seizure be damned. His bosses will understand, you just don't get these chances every day.

PS: And how about this broad, just standing there while Bus 63 barrels towards her...You might wanna move hunny, does it look like that things making a stop to pick you up? You think he's opening that door in the middle of Lake Superior? No way in hell ma'am. You drove that Daewoo in, now you've got to find a way out.

To: Tedy Bruschi Subject: Chill out Bro, You Mad

        Just as a quick foreward so as not to alarm anyone, I'm Sean Morency and the newest writer for the blog.  I previously had my own blog (Kind of a Big Deal here at blogger.com) that was more of a personal digital journal with a small (edit: almost nonexistent) following, but CW made the executive decision to bring me on board, so hopefully I can contribute some entertaining pieces and induce some laughter for those who desperately need to procrastinate from the repellent "real world" tasks that they have to attend to.  Without further adieu, here's my debut for team Alt-Tab

Tedy Bruschi- "Drop the awe factor, OK, Ocho? Chad, drop the awe factor," Bruschi said. "You’re not a fan, all right. You’re not someone who’s on another team or watching TV. You’re not an analyst. You’re a part of it. They want you to be a part of it. So get with the program because obviously you’re not getting it and you’re tweeting because you’re saying, ‘It’s amazing to see’? It’s amazing to see because you don’t understand it. You still don’t understand it and it’s amazing to you because you can’t get it.
"Stop tweeting and get in your playbook," Bruschi added. "Wake up! If you’re just waking up now — I don’t know when this was, six minutes ago? — get out your bed and get to the stadium and watch some film if you still think it’s amazing. If you’re in it and you know what you’re doing and you execute out there you don’t think it’s amazing. You know why? Because it’s what you’re supposed to do."

Don't get me wrong, Tedy Bruschi was one of my all time favorite Patriot players.  His no-bullshit, do your job mantra combined with his uncanny play making ability undeniably contributed to the fastidious devotion to the game of football by every member of the team during the 2001-2004 run.  That being said, in this instance I believe Tedy is coming off extremely harsh as well as a "holier than thou" asshole.  Yes, Chad Ochocinco did not exactly delight fantasy owners nor wow anyone watching the game with his box score production of one reception for 14 yards.  But to indict the guy with this harsh condemnation on his work ethic and commitment to the team after one game??  Talk about some extreme reaction-ism.  Let's all keep in mind this is not, as many idiotic WEEI callers firmly believe, the same as when we brought in Randy Moss.  Despite the obvious differences in receiving style and demeanor, Moss had the benefit of multiple off season workouts prior to training camp, meaning he had much more time to absorb the offensive system deployed by the Patriots.  It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest, despite the tireless work ethic that Tom Brady openly vouches Chad possesses, to figure that Ochocinco is still 2 or 3 weeks behind on what exactly his role in the offense is and how much of the playbook he currently understands.  Our other "big season" acquisition, both literally and figuratively, Albert Haynesworth received limited reps on his side of the ball as well.  The learning curve in this system is steep, and patience is a necessary virtue before we can fairly evaluate whether or not Ochocinco is producing.
         Additionally, from what I saw of the (nearly flawless) execution of the Pats game plan, Brady was entirely content to rely on short crossing routes by Welker (with the except of his 99 yard touchdown sprint borne out of an idiotic coverage scheme by the Dolphins), Deon Branch sitting down in soft spots in the zone, and blatantly exploiting the linebacker/safety coverage of our budding star tight ends in Gronkowski and Hernandez.  Even with Brady slinging the ball 48 times, that doesn't leave alot of room for Ochocinco to grab many passes when he is primarily a moderate to deep route runner with a Pro Bowl corner back in Vontae Davis marking him.  What's to say that the game plan didn't include a wrinkle to use Chad as pseudo-decoy when on the field to take the top off the secondary, opening up those spots underneath for other players to wreak havoc?  The guy only played 25 % of the offensive plays that were fun (18 of 70), perhaps another subtle indication that Belichick knew how to dissect the Dolphins without the need for down the field go-routes.
       We all knew what we were getting in Ochocinco; part talented receiver with deceptive smarts and precise route running ability as well as part time entertainer who likes to be paid attention to via his utilization of social media.  If it had been a situation where Chad said something like "Didn't come here for this #frustrated,"  Bruschi's reaction would be completely understandable.  But Chad is simply expressing his delight and pride at being part of organization that he perceives as being the best in the business.  Even masters of their craft express delight from time to time.  I'm pretty sure after Michelangelo finished his work on the Sistine Chapel said the Italian equivalent of "Shit, that's pretty damned impressive what I just finished."
But since tight lipped confidentiality rivaling that of the FBI is how most Patriots personnel handle the media, including Bruschi when he was on the team, Chad's exuberant twitter posting probably came off a "team felony" of sorts to the former line backer turned professional douche-bag...er, I mean football analyst.
      Yes Chad Ochocinco didn't figure prominently in our first game of the season.  Does that mean he's not working hard, that he doesn't care about running precise routes, and that he won't be a useful piece going forward?  Absolutely not. Bruschi, cool your jets bro.  You more than anyone should know how gameplan's and player utilization changes week to week in New England.  It was one game for gods sakes.  Save your righteous tirades for people who actually deserve them, like Jon "Captain Hyperbole" Gruden or every member of the Jersey Shore.

Woman Run Over By Her Own Car While Fleeing Police.

Car runs over fleeing woman in Hyde Park: MyFoxBOSTON.com

HYDE PARK (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - She's recovering, but she will also be facing several charges. Police say a woman was run over by her own car while running from officers in Hyde Park. The accident happened around 8 p.m. Tuesday on Rosa Street. The Boston Globe reports that police saw her run a red light, and when they tried to pull her over, she fled. The vehicle then ran over her leg and rolled into a house. The homeowner says she grabbed her children and rushed to the door when she heard a big bang, only to find a car on her front steps. Homeowner Karen Harris said her front porch is ruined, but she is thankful her family is alive and safe.

Talk about having a rough day, here you are minding your business, leisurely fleeing the police, and your own car runs over your leg. Aint that some shit. 

 

Let that be a lesson to all would be criminals, if you're going to run from the cops make sure you've got a nav system in the car. None of this had to happen if she had a TomTom directing her, would have never turned down that dead end forcing her to bail from a moving car.

Your Doing it Wrong! Iraq Citizens React Jubiliantly To Country's First Escalator...or Something Like That

Wow, look at these people, happier than pigs in shit. Is this all it takes to occupy these guys? An escalator? 

Knowing that, why haven't we just shipped over a few architects from Jersey and had them build a few super malls. There'd be peace in the middle east in like 6 months. Could have a big old grand opening/ mission accomplished party when it first opens, first 1,000 camel jockey's get an hour of riding the magic stairs all to themselves, it would be a smash hit.