Drake and Chris Brown Sissy Fight Leaves Me With One Question: Is Rihanna That Good?

The Sun - The two musicians have had a long-running feud over Drake’s dalliance with Chris’s ex Rihanna. But when they met at WIP club last night, Chris is thought to have sent a bottle of champagne to Drake's table as a peace offering. Unconfirmed reports say the bottle was returned with a note referring to Rihanna which read: “I'm f****** the love of your life, deal with it."

Honest to God question, is Rihanna the modern day Helen of Troy? Instead having a face to launch an army of 1,000 ships, she has the nookie to launch a gang of bottle wielding thugs fighting over her "cake." Shit has to be wild, only way to explain this, because there's no way she's worth all the drama that comes with her otherwise.

That's a BIG TIME power move by Drake, by the way, didn't think he had it in him. Not just because he's always whining and depressed like a bitch in EVERY song, but also because he's from Canada. Canadians are supposed to be neighborly, no? Certainly not supposed to be cuckolding American thugs, but there Drake is, breaking down barriers. Good for him. He's like the Jackie Robinson of Canadian Gangster Thugs.

I See You Subway, $5 Footlong My Ass

Not good Subway, not good. First you sully Michael Phelps' good name, having him hawk green paste under the name of guacamole, now you're ripping off the common man with your alleged "footlong" subs.

Make it right guys. $5 per foot comes out to $.42 per inch...Get this man a refund.

Romanian Criminals Play Fast and the Furious in Real Life

Autoblog - In the grainy video you'll see a group of Romanians in an SUV approach a cargo truck from behind under cover of night. Two of the men climb out of the sunroof, with one of them sliding down on the hood and the other hanging back to make sure the first doesn't fall. The man on the hood then manages to open the truck's cargo doors, get a good look inside and, apparently discovering the contents aren't worth the trouble, closes the doors and climbs back in the SUV.

Dammmmnn. Romanians do not give a fuck, huh? The balls on this guy slithering out his sunroof, on the highway, in the dark, friend holding his life in the balance by his ankles, and then he decides, "meh, nothing worth stealing here." Shit is gangsta as it gets. Serious Fast and the Furious stuff.

My only real question is, what would they have done had they decided there was something worth stealing in there? You attempt throwing it back to your buddy standing out the sunroof? No way that shit works. You can't play a game of hot potato between vehicles with an HDTV while rolling down the highway without horrible results. Is there a hatch in the truck that leads to the driver so he can stick him up? I'd actually really like to go on a ride along with these hombres just to see what they were thinking here.

Boston Parks and Rec Copying TV Parks and Rec With Smallest Park in America

Boston - The two parking spaces closest to the South End’s Wholy Grain cafe are just like thousands of others in Boston: patches of public asphalt hard against the curb, designated for vehicles. By this time next year, they could be a park...City planners are refining a pilot program to turn parking spaces here and in three other neighborhoods into “parklets’’ - petite, three-season patios, with benches and planters atop platforms built flush with the sidewalk. The city will pay to design and install the first parklets, estimated to cost $12,000 each, while asking businesses, nonprofits, and civic associations to sponsor maintenance of plantings and furniture.

While I actually love the idea, can we not pretend this is some official initiative from some Big Government Parks Think Tank...they stole this straight from Leslie Knope...Except Leslie Knope was going to do it on basically no budget from what I remember...12K? Really? We couldn't find anyone to donate time, top soil, grass, and a bench? How about you pay me $6K, I provide the materials and have this done in a weekend? Deal?

My Only Real Goal in Life

A candid inside look at Barstool Sports headquarters...and my ultimate goal in life.

I have to be one of the few people on earth that can look a desk littered with junk and a grown man eating a loaf of bread while surfing the internet who thinks "I want that," who actually make a moderate attempt at it, but just can't make it happen.

This picture literally ruined my afternoon yesterday because I realized the chances of me ever being that old man, eating a baguette in a sea of filth, coffee, and the far reaches of the internet, is the slimmest of slim.

Just destined to a life of fluorescent lights and overhearing annoying co-worker chatter from my depressing cube.

And my day is shot once again. 

Isiah Thomas Comments On the Dream Team Documentary

Isiah's middle name would be "Lord." That explains so, so much about him. And I was going to go ahead and react to this in my usual, thee paragraph style, but after browsing the comments below this post I found the perfect four words (also there are some gems if you feel like wasting time):

Sugar coated as fuck indeed.

MBTA Concerned Ridership May Overwhelm the System...WHAT?!?

Boston - By the end of the decade, Boston’s subways could grow so packed that trains would roll past waiting commuters, unable to accommodate more riders, a new report from a leading land-use think tank warns...But authors of the study from the Boston branch of the institute, a national nonprofit, issue this warning: Riders who think it is crowded now should be prepared for 20 percent more company by the end of the decade...But without investment in more subway cars, better power and signal systems, and other tools to relieve MBTA crowding, scattered congestion will become widespread, with riders at “hot spots’’ unable to board because cars are too full, and with backups and bottlenecks causing delays systemwide, according to the “Hub and Spoke’’ report.

If this doesn't define how poorly run the MBTA is, I don't know what does. On one hand you've got the T crying poor, asking for bailouts, and ridiculously, cutting service. And then almost simultaneously you've got them complaining about TOO MANY CUSTOMERS!

This is fake life shit. Too many customers should never be a problem. Never. Yes it can cause growing pains, but this isn't some start up learning how to expand, this is an established public transportation business. You want more customers. It's how you make money. It's how you dig yourself out of debt.

It's the MBTA in a nutshell.  Imagine some kid, right out of college, working some 20 hour a week retail job making barely more than minimum wage, complaining about not being able to pay his bills, all the while just ignoring a job offer from a real office, 40 hours a week and competitive pay. That's what's happening here.  It's just batshit crazy.

These people on the T "thinktank" (overpaid bureaucrats) might as well just come out and admit that they are in no way qualified to come up with a fiscally responsible way to handle the increased ridership and are afraid that whatever decision they make will be the wrong decision...which is true. Which is why everyone would be better off if the T system was sold off and privatized. Because I'll tell you this much, no private company has ever complained about too much business. That's just unheard of.

Bud Light Continues to Read My Mind

Kappys better have these in 30 packs.

Who Ya Got? More Improbably Alive: Magic Johnson or Alonzo Mourning?

Who Ya Got? Seeing Zo the other night in his misery surrounded by a sea of blue honky's made me remember something, Zo is still alive. 

Which shocked me, because at various times I could have sworn he was going to die within 12 months due to some rare kidney disease, I think he retired a couple of times, came back, retired, said he was really sick (that's not me doubting him, fyi), got a kidney transplant, came back for a few years, and now he's fine? Just traveling around with the Heat like a grown man mascot? 

On the other hand you have Magic who, through laughs, smiles, and a shit ton of money, might as well be patient zero as far as beating HIV/AIDS goes. 

For me, I'm going to go with the upset and say it's more improbably that 'Zo is still alive. Magic might have been one of the first to live through HIV but its become more common since. They found the right cocktail of pills and he was on his way.  Zo needed a kidney transplant to live. There are very few people on earth I'd give my kidney to. Alonzo, no offense, isn't on that list. Not only did he need to find someone willing to give him AN ORGAN, he needed to find someone willing to give him an organ that was a genetic match. Those odds are nowhere near in your favor. 

Of course there could be a really simple explanation as to how both of these men are still alive: Pat Riley is some kind of Silver Fox Grand Wizard. 

A modern day witch doctor or disease whisperer for African American basketball players. Lebron, Wade, Bosh, they didn't choose South Beach because of the weather and the abundance of ass on the beaches, they chose it because they'll never die of a communicable or genetic disease as long as Pat Riley is at the helm...Hell, right now the Heat have Ronny Turiaf and Eddie Curry on their roster, two guys, playing in the NBA, with congenital heart issues. That's the Pat Riley effect.