HAPPY NEW YEAR...From two guys who may or may not have been a couple of the Chilean Miners...Bet ya didn't think I had anymore Chilean Miner material left, did ya? It's a New Years Miracle.
In all seriousness though, Happy New Year everyone...and as always, if anyone says "See Ya Next Year" today, you have a one time amnesty pass on smacking them in the face with no repercussions.
Editors Note: This one's brought to you by the AP, so it really might be "Definitive."
In summary: Rich people arguing with even richer people (NFL and NBA), Packers win, Bruins Win, and Collegiate Assistant Coaches made the Catholic Church look like a bunch of Alter Boys...(What? Bad taste in analogy?)
PS: Click the link to the AP's youtube page where this came from, the second most popular comment, "wheres the womens world cup?" That's cute ladies, thinking women's athletics would be in a "Definitive" 2011 sports recap.
What would a day of internet recap's be without a fail compilation? Brought to you by MaYoMo.
By far my favorite part of any fail video is the people in the background gasping in horror, shock, and surprise...I've never really understood that reaction. My stance is, you took out your camera for this, you know this person was doing something stupid and this was your chance to capture an epic fail. Why are you so shocked? This is exactly what you were secretly hoping for...Yes, I'd 100% be that asshole in the background laughing after someone horribly maimed themselves. Call me a dick, but I say I'm just a realist.
PS: I know it's 12 minutes, but if that opening clip doesn't just warm your heart and suck you in for the entire length of the video...well maybe you're just not cut out for the internet.
Like how I just title things "definitive" without any real justification? Me too.
Anyway, in continuing with today's year end video theme, here's my favorite mash-up of all of 2011's most popular (or overplayed, depending on your view point) Pop songs. Brought to you by DJ Earworm.
PS: It PAINS me to no end that 2011 was the year that "Moves Like Jagger" and Bruno Mars took over the pop scene...years from now we'll look back and realize this is the year that pop music died, just a little bit.
Double PS: The other popular trend for 2011 (aside from Adele depressing everyone with tales of her lost teenage romance...Get over yourself, that's what teenagers and people in their early 20's do, they breakup) is Whistling...Whistling is back, and it's back big folks. If you laid down a pop track with someone whistling in the background this past year, you were basically assuring yourself serious airtime...Speaking of Whistling.
Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love year end lists, say what you want, that I'm easily sucked in via a cheap journalistic gimmick, but I just love simplistic recaps. And since copy and pasting all of Time Magazines 2011 Lists just isn't a reality (I'd imagine that'd be infringing on one or 10,000 laws or so), this video is the next best thing, brought to you by HyperVocal.
It's 5 minutes long, if you've been avoiding the news all year long but don't want to feel like totally ignorant to the world at your upcoming New Years party, give it a view, how else are you going to learn everything that happened in the world for the whole year in the time it takes you to view one youtube video on the shitter?
A Letter to NBA Officials: Please do your Jobs Better
(I'm going to break this down in two mindsets: One mildly polite rational letter that expresses my dissatisfaction with the current standards of officiating, one a normal person who doesn't personally invest himself within the outcome of every single game. Then I will translate this message into my language, which is English that has been massacred into immense levels of profanity and slang. Enjoy)
Dear NBA Officials
It has recently come to my attention, after viewing multiple games of NBA basketball in the 2011-2012 season, that it there are significant issues that need to be addressed. Despite an ultimatum given prior to last season that travelling would be addressed, many players seem to get anywhere from 3-5 steps without dribbling the basketball without a violation being called, even though the rule book explicitly states 2 steps are the maximum allowed. I also find it rather discouraging that certain players seem to garner preferential treatmeant on a consistent basis. It should not matter if the player is a superstar or a bench warmer, consistency in foul calls would be a welcome addition to your officiating repertoire.
I know there has been a great deal of confusion for a number of years concerning what constitutes a block/charge call. I understand this is actually one of the more difficult calls to make in the game, but all we as fans as for is consistency. If you are going to let players slide in under an airborne player and have it be a charge, so be it. Just ensure that is the same call you will make during a pivotal moment in the fourth quarter rather than flip flopping like a politician. The same policy would be much appreciated with regards to touch fouls/handchecks. If the game is proceeding as a normal game should, why should players be penalized for merely making the slightest of contact with a player? However, do feel welcome to change this policy if the game is becoming particularly rough and tumble.
This would have been particularly helpful back in December of 2002, when the Celtics played the Suns and Amare Stoudemire exerted considerable force against Paul Pierce while Mr. Pierce was airborne. No foul was called on the play, and Paul needed significant dental work done following the game. I do not imply a foul call would have prevented his need for a root cannal, but it would have been appreciated, as well as prevented Tommy Heihnson from almost having a brain aneurysm. Attached is a video documenting this non-call (The section of the clip of interest is 0:36-0:42. You may watch the rest if you wish.) In the future, I hope to see an improved performance because I do enjoy the game of basketball, but the current interpretation of the rules on the part of the officials leaves much to be desired.
Sincerely,
A Rational Person
RANT TIME!!!
Dear Incompetent Fucktards
I waited through months of uncertainty, collective bargaining (edit: the owners holding the players balls to the fire to sign a deal that gives these billionaires EVEN MORE money) and the potential heart break of losing a complete season of my professional favorite sport. It looks like my thought process was idealistic to the point of sheer idiocy to think that, in the face of losing an entire season of work, you might step up your game to ensure the compressed season is enjoyable. Holy fuck, was I wrong. You guys, within minutes of the games on Christmas commencing, made me realize how very much I despise the small modicum of power you have but how flagrantly you abuse it. I'm pretty sure NFL players put the ball on the floor more often than NBA players going to the hoop. Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox guys, seriously? You are going to tell me that Derrick Rose can catch the ball at half court and get to the basket with only one dribble? I don't have the scientific date or any fancy calculations, but my eyes and sense of logics can tell me thats definitely bullshit. These guys get TWO steps (yes they are large steps, but the number they are allowed to take doesn't change.) Counting is a skill most of us fucking master by kindergarten, you should probably utilize it once in a while.
Additionally, this "Superstar" treatment horse shit needs to cease and desist immediately. I do not give two fucks if Kevin Durant or Darko Milicic is going to the hoop. If there is enough contact, call a fucking foul. If there isn't, let them play on. I am sick and tired of watching superstars glide through the lane, have a player brush their elbow on the way by while said superstar misses the shot, only to be bailed out by a "oh wait, shit, this guy is important, lets get him to the line." I know David Stern needs as much positive mojo these days as possible given the utter fuck up of the Chris Paul deal, but angering numerous fan bases due to "special treatment" doesn't seem like the optimal way to go about it. Hell, I'll be the first to admit, refs are starting to give these calls to Rajon Rondo due to his falling down or flailing his head back whenever he gets touched. It pisses me off because calling fouls for these acting jobs only reinforces players tendency to repeat this fucking obnoxious behavior. Nut the hell up, and make calls consistent based on what's happening in the game, not what the name on the back of the jersey happens to be.
You know what guys? I'll even throw you a partial bone here, even though you have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. If you are going to suck miserably at your profession without repurcussion, at least BE CONSISTENT. For the love of christ, nothing is more fucking frustrating than letting guys handcheck and bump each other for 3 quarters, 11 minutes and 40 seconds, only to suddenly decide that Darren Collison lightly resting his palm on Deron Willams's wrist deserves a crucial foul call. The same goes with block/charge calls. If you are going to let these guys barrel down the lane like an NFL gunner trying to take off someones head and crucify the defensive player, DO IT EVERYTIME. It's bullshit, but at least it would be bullshit going each way. It's the same as a baseball umpire having a wide or a tight strike zone. If you are calling the outside strike from inning 1 to inning 9, then the onus is on the players to adjust to the way the game is being called, since the playing field is even. But when a strike 2 inches off the plate becomes a ball in the 8th inning with 2 outs and the bases loaded, thats when people get justifiably pissed off.
Lastly, I have a special section devotely solely to spewing a venemous castigation of the SINGLE worst official in any of the major four sports in the country: Joey motherfucking Crawford. Not only does this guy consistently make awful calls at crucial moments (See: Christmas Day, when Marquis Daniels had a beautiful steal when he poked the ball away from Carmelo Anthony down the stretch, but Crawford, since he was cattering to Anthony all fucking game anyway, gave him a foul call because Anthony tripped to appear as if his arm was hit. Simply horrendous) but the man remains to this day resolutely and steadfastly unaccountable for anything he calls. A player cannot so much as ask, "What did i do?" without the angry sweaty bald bastard slapping the player with a technical before he can finish his sentence. It wouldn't matter if the Dalai Lama himself politely asked Crawford the time of day, Joey would justify his callous demeanor and absurd interpretation of basketball rules in same insanely batshit manner: Roar threats and/or feign the loss of your sense of hearing until all dissent has been stifled. Crawford is an asshole, an awful official, and the owner of perhaps the worst call in basketball history, which says alot given that the rest of the fuckwads parading as officials are only slightly less terrible than Crawford. See visual evidence below
If you're around my age, or even a few years younger with a couple of naive and dumb friends, you've undoubtedly noticed a growing trend on Facebook lately, Engagement announcements. Scary, right? It was just a couple years ago that we were barhopping around Boston, eating strangers food off a stick outside the Hong Kong, and polishing off boxes of cheese fries from Kelly's because we couldn't just fall asleep at 2 AM because of the clinically dangerous amount of Red Bull Vodkas we put down in a couple hour span. Now we're all worried about diversifying our portfolios, 401k's, yearly doctor visits, and comparison shopping between various supermarkets. Things have really changed, fast.
And in keeping with the changing times, CW took the plunge this weekend, and let me tell you, it is a NERVE WRACKING experience. It doesn't matter if you're 100% sure of the answer, it is all in all one of the most anxiety riddled processes you'll ever experience, starting with the jewelry store.
I'm not sure I've ever felt less comfortable than I did in picking out the hardware, just you and one of the Maccabi tribesman in some small office backroom squinting at stones and discussing the 4 C's, as if a 20 minute lesson is going to bring me up to speed and give me enough knowledge to haggle with this guy who's probably been slinging rocks since he was like 5 and spinning his first dradel. Just sweating in a backroom, while this guy lays out various options, I mean, can I get some background music, I'd even take a heating duct or something, just anything kind of white noise would do.
And then...Picking up the ring, my god. I felt like a CIA foreign asset walking out of that store. I walked out at the same time as some other guy, and legit stopped once I got outside and just loitered to see which way he was going just so I knew he wasn't tailing me. I must have turned and looked back 30 times over a two block span. Getting on the subway was no peach either, I've never gotten mugged, but just my luck that would be the day. Luckily nothing happened, I got to work and locked that thing away in my filing cabinet, and then didn't leave my cube again the rest of the afternoon.
And finally, there's the big day, the day of the proposal. If you're like me, you want it to be a surprise, which is easier said than done when you're dealing with a significant other who likes to plan everything out. Try explaining that you want to go out for the day with no real plan, just dinner later in the evening and a day spent gallivanting around town leading up to it. Let's just say I eventually got us to where I wanted to, but the day was not without a few changes in plans (seriously Frog Pond, there was like 1 million people in line Monday afternoon, 1 million. No exaggeration), and she said yes (!!!), and then we went on a spree of asking strangers to take pictures of us that put just about every tourist in the city to shame that night (and there were ALOT of tourists around for the holidays).
Now, apparently, we have to do this whole planning of the wedding thing, which needless to say, is not my strong suit. I'm a much more, "let's just wing it" kind of guy, which I've been told is not really an option when it comes to weddings. To my shock, just about the first thing everyone asked after we announced it was "so have you set a date?" This really boggled me. Felt like I was inadequately prepared to propose, like I should have had a date, venue and caterer lined up before asking. I've now been introduced to a whole other universe of the internet, the bridal and wedding planning stratosphere, which I guess in terms of popularity is like ESPN meets playboy for guys? Only I didn't even know this whole other side of the Internet existed until yesterday...Wedding bloggers, wedding planners, wedding message boards, its insane. Needless to say this is going to be an interesting experience for us from here on out, especially considering we're trying to plan a day over a year in advance, and I can hardly keep straight what our plans are supposed to be for next weekend.
So yea, that's where I'm at, happily engaged (I swear I'm not a crank in real life, this is just my outlet), and nervously peeking at the road to come.
PS: More people react to engagement news on Facebook than Birthdays, which I found shocking.
1. Slip and slide - You're never too old for sledding. Check out 40 great hills around Boston and unleash your inner child. In need of a sled? Head to your local hardware store — or just flip over your trash can lid.
2. Rise to the Top after a snowfall - You'll want to time it before the snowplows do their thing in the city streets, but what better view of Boston might there be following a snowstorm than at the Top of the Hub? You can either do the skywalk observatory ($12 adults/$8 children/$10 students and seniors) or you can warm up with the restaurant's warm chocolate cake ($10) and a cup of coffee or tea.
10. Ski the night away at Blue Hills - OK, so it's not exactly buckling up and facing the terrain at Jay Peak, but a mere 20 miles from downtown Boston, Blue Hills Ski Area in Canton offers a close alternative for those nights when you can't resist fresh powder, yet can't blow off work either for a trip up north. Ski from 5-9 p.m. Monday through Friday for just $16, and 5-9 p.m. weekends and holidays for $24. Buy online for these prices. Now that's not a bad commute home at all.
Uhhh...Guys, I was in Boston this weekend, and looking for things to do, and this was not a help, at all. Literally 3 of your first 10 suggestions, are apparently for a climate located several hundred miles north of here. Don't know if you guys have noticed or not yet, but Boston has seemingly changed latitudes to a much warmer locale. I very much came into town after reading this and expected to see some kind of a sledding, skiing, majestic, winter wonderland...not so much. The geese and ducks on the Common haven't even left for the winter, pretty sure they think this is South.
And this is not to say that I'm complaining about the weather, I'll take no snow over having snow any day, my aunt from South Carolina is up for the holidays and she's all disappointed there was no snow for Christmas...Yea, says the person who's going to fly back south once the heavy shoveling begins, no thanks, we like it just the way it is right now.
But I am saying, that maybe, instead of just running your pre-scheduled pieces like you do for Parking in Southie after a snow storm, Best Pizza Spot in Boston, Fun Drinks for the Season, Parking in Southie after a Snow Storm, Best Al-Fresco Dining, Best Rooftops in the City, Parking in Southie after a snow storm (it's got to be killing you that you haven't been able to write that one yet), Moving day for College Students etc, etc.. You could just roll back to the October version of 25 things to do in Boston for under $25, as it would probably be more climate appropriate.
PS: This reminds me, I've been hanging on to this screenshot I took on Boston.com for like 3 months, if it included a parking in Southie link it would have been about as complete a summary of Boston.com as you can get, less Meridith Goldstein: Out door dining, best pizza, cheap eats, Boston Dining, all in one shot!
British people just operate on a whole other level as far as comedy goes (for the sake of this blog I'm considering Kiwi's, Australians, Irish, Scottish, and English as British people, as I have no idea where they're from). I'm 100% positive if this happens stateside you're seeing a mugshot of this broad on Fox 25 Nightly News at 10 after she viciously beat him into a coma with that pool stick. But this girl? Just laughs it off, sure she just got doused by a bucket of water, hit on the head with the same bucket, slipped, fell and hurt her foot, and her back is for sure going to be sore tomorrow, but "crikey, that was a jolly good joke."
PS: Is anyone else wondering what goes on in that kitchen when they're not filming "magic tricks?" The guy's got multiple stationary cameras trained on the kitchen...I'm going to go out on a limb and say he didn't take a couple hours to wire his kitchen for sound and mount a couple of video cameras just for a 30 second prank...
