Get A Load of this Mother in Law from Hell

The Daily Mail - It can be notoriously difficult to win over the in-laws. But Heidi Withers may have a tougher task than most after her future mother-in-law emailed her a vicious character assassination in which she attacked her for her ‘staggering uncouthness and lack of grace’. Carolyn Bourne, a renowned grower of pinks and dianthus flowers, told Miss Withers, 29 she should attend a finishing school in ‘utmost haste’ to get rid of her ‘bad manners’

Wow, talk about a complete bitch. There's so much going on here, I think its best we just take this bullet point by bullet point (follow along on the left):

1.Don't serve me food that I don't like and I won't "declare" that I won't be eating it. Sorry lady, some people weren't born with a silver spoon up their ass and may find es cargo disgusting.

2. Who are you to tell me when to get up? I thought I was a guest? Am I holding you back from your household chores? Maybe sleeping in would do you some good, get the bitch out of you or something.

3. I'm not gonna lie I didn't read the whole article and don't know what this is referring to, but it sounds like a bit of joking around and poking fun at eachother is exactly what this stiff family needs to get the gigantic stick out of your collective asses.

4. I've spoke my opinion on hand written cards many a time. Waste of time, waste of money. Don't get me wrong, its appreciated when I receive them. But this is the 21st century lady, everything is done online, get your dinosaur ass on the computer or get left behind. Simple as that. 

5. Sorry your droll ass  and muted beige outfits don't attract attention. Some people like standing out in the crowd. Some people are attractive and can't help it. Just because your husbands eyes long for a woman that doesn't look like an absolute bitch doesn't mean its the other girls fault.

6. Actually, most castles make their money off renting out their space for exactly this purpose. No one owns castles anymore. What century are you from exactly?

Lawrence Man Arrested for Stealing Toilet Paper from Work...I Kinda Thought Free TP Was a Perk?

This is what it's come to? Locked and Secured TP?

The Daily Mail - David Pinkham, of Massachusetts, was caught out when police spotted him leaving Lawrence City Hall with a case of unused toilet paper. Security videos were used as evidence that he had entered the building empty handed, before leaving with the case.  Further investigations revealed he had even more about his person, with six rolls hidden down his pants. A police report stated that he 'pulled six tightly folded toilet paper rolls from his buttocks and groin area' at the police station. The 53-year-old admitted it was not the first time he had swiped loo roll from his place of work, and confessed to taking toilet paper and other items on five or six occasions. Mr Pinkham was charged with larceny over $250.

Is that illegal? I kinda thought everyone did this to be honest, like it was a standard perk that everyone was entitled to after their first day on the job.  I'm not saying I've done it, but but that's more because my office gets the rough sand-paper toilet paper, presumably to stop theft. But I've definitely thought about it, and am pretty sure others that don't share my refined taste in TP have done it.

If Mr. Pinkham is guilty of anything here its just stupidity/greed. Why the hell did you need 6 rolls of TP bro? What did you eat for lunch? Aside from it being free, the other plus about stealing TP from your work is you don't have to buy it in embarrassingly large bulk quantities like you do at the store.  Like you could have just taken 1 or 2 rolls for your family for the week and called it a day, no one would have been the wiser and you would have spared yourself the shame of having to buy a 24 pack of TP at Target while everyone stares at you trying to figure out if you have crones disease. Instead you're being charged with grand theft toilet paper.




PS: The irony is not lost that Lawrence Police are arresting people for toilet paper theft while real crime runs ammock, and a shady borderline criminal runs the city as mayor. Not lost at all.

Carol Brady Was a Two-Timing Whore, With Genital Warts to Boot

'Brady Bunch' star admits affair in new memoir: MyFoxBOSTON.com

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - On television, Florence Henderson portrayed the perfect mom, Carol Brady. But now, the Brady Bunch star is spilling some scandalous details about her life off-screen. Henderson, who is now 77, says she once had a one night stand back in the 1960's with former New York City Mayor John Lindsay. It’s all revealed in Henderson’s new memoir. The actress says not only did she have the affair, but that the politician gave her a sexually transmitted disease.

Get a load of this bitch. Does this make Mr. Brady the biggest cuckold in the history of earth? Carol off bumping uglies with the Mayor of New York in her spare time, Mark at home taking care of not only his 3 kids, but her 3 Aryan union looking daughters as well, poor guy.  Carol and the Mayor probably laughing at what a sap he was poist-coitous. 

You know how many times Mr. Brady probably wanted to make a run at Alice and didn't out of respect for Carol? Like a million. Probably Marcia too, I mean she was only his step daughter, and frankly she was hot, I'm not sure if the age was legal or not, but I'm just saying he at least fantasized about her once or twice, that's all.

And what does he get for all that restraint? Apparently genital warts, or crabs or something like that. For shame Carol, for shame.

Woman Drowns at Public Pool in Fall River, Body Not Noticed for Two Days

Body found in public pool 2 days after victim drowned: MyFoxBOSTON.com

FALL RIVER (FOX25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The body of a Fall River woman was discovered floating in a state run pool late Tuesday night, two days after she apparently drowned in that same pool. Police say lifeguards were on duty and people were swimming in the Veterans Memorial pool at Lafayette Park Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and it appears no one noticed the dead body. Police say Joseph was watching her 9-year-old neighbor at the pool on Sunday when she apparently had an accident sliding down a waterside. Family friends tell FOX25 the little boy told lifeguards that she did not come up from above water but no action was taken. The Department of Conservation and Recreation (DCR), who runs the pool, has since closed all 30 of their deepwater pools until further notice.

You know who's getting a bad rap here (besides the idiot lifeguards who deserve it), this 9 year old kid. Like every report I've watched this morning phrases it as "the 9 year old child supposedly told a lifeguard", or "the 9 year old allegedly..."  Allegedly, people?  What the hell does this 9 year old have to lie about? Put yourself in his shoes for a second.

You're 9, you just got finished peeing in the public pool, because that's what 9 year old's do. You get out of the pool ready to go ask your babysitter for a towel and a snack, look around, cant find her. You look in the pool (because that's the common sense thing to do) and see her floating down the bottom of the deep end, and run and tell the lifeguard. 

From there its out of this kids hands, he told the lifeguard, lifeguard apparently chose not to believe him , and frankly, I'm puzzled as to where the story goes from here. So many odd questions:

How did this 9 year old get home? Presumably his parents wondered where his babysitter was that night, no? How did it take two days for people to go looking for her? Why didn't this lifeguard just take a peek at the pool when the kid brought it to his attention? This isn't a log of poop that may or may not be a snickers bar, its a person, maybe someone should check it out? How murky is the water in this pool, do they ever use chlorine or shock? Because in my families pool a body floating in the deep end would be a visible, alarming sight.  What about the other kids who swam in the pool for two whole days before she was noticed? Did they think the dead body was a clever prop? 

I'm dying for more details on this one. Something is just not adding up.

Justin Timberlake to Buy Stake in Myspace...He Know's He's not Really ShawnParker, Right?

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Pop star Justin Timberlake is part of a group that said Wednesday it will buy MySpace from News Corp., a bid to add some cool to a social network that has been losing it for some time. Timberlake will become a part owner and play "a major role in developing the creative direction and strategy for the company moving forward," according to Specific Media, the company that he will partner with. The deal is for $35 million, mostly in Specific Media stock, according to a person familiar with the matter. The deal values MySpace at a fraction of what News Corp. paid for the site six years ago and paves the way for the layoff of about half of the 500 workers, the person said. As part of the exchange, News Corp. will receive a private equity stake in Specific Media. With Timberlake's help, the buyers hope to revitalize MySpace and transform it into a destination for original shows, as well as bolster its already available video content and music.

Do you get the feeling that JT is one of those "I'm not really a Doctor, but I played one on TV once," kinda guys? I mean he gets that just because he played an internet startup geek, doesn't actually qualify him as one in real life, right? Or maybe more importantly, his co-investors understand this I hope? Because throwing the faith of a failing social networking site into the hands of a guy who's only internet development experience was playing an egotistical maniac in a fictional Facebook Biopic seems like a bit of a stretch to me. 

Myspace doesn't need a cool name and face as the front man for the company, they need less convicted sex offenders, and a few tech geeks to clean up the structure of the site so that I'm not stuck sitting here waiting 5 minutes for your page to load because you've filled it with animated .gif's and some ungodly music that you think will make people believe you're an introspective, tortured soul. 

JT, please, just go back to music, hookup with Mila Kunis in public a few more times, tool around with Andy Samberg or something. These are things you're good at, these are things that should be on your resume. HTML coding is something I'm pretty sure will never be on your resume though.

Chris Hansen Busted in Undercover Sting for Affair with Completely Legal Younger Woman

Daily Mail - He's made his name with a controversial show that catches would-be internet sex perverts in televised stings.But now Chris Hansen has found himself on the receiving end of his own hidden camera tactics, after the married NBC anchor was secretly filmed on an illicit date with a blonde television reporter 20 years his junior. Last weekend he was recorded taking Miss Caddell on a romantic dinner at the exclusive Ritz-Carlton hotel in Manalapan, before spending the night at her Palm Beach apartment.Hansen, who has two young sons, was caught in an undercover sting operation arranged by the National Enquirer.

Sounds to me like Someone at the National Enquirer had a score to settle with Chris Hansen, maybe an editor or a producers cousin was busted by one of Chris' homemade cookies and underage sexpot scams? Because this is complete bullshit and America should be outraged.

Here Chris is, standing up for and protecting your children from sexual perverts, one homemade pitcher of lemonade at a time, and this is how he's repaid? By an undercover sting exposing his own private matters? And completely legal matters I might add.

The guy is just providing the playbook for any would be pervs his show should be out there catching had it not been shut down for legal reasons. Like he guys, if you want to have an affair with a younger woman, this is how you do it.  You wine and dine a chic 20 years younger than you in fancy hotels in tropical locations. You bang her in the hotel room, and you fly home after the weekend. You don't show up for apple pie and fresh sweet tea at the parents house of some 16 year old you just met on Myspace (by the way, what a loss that was for perverts, huh? Pedophelia rates should plummet with that recent news). 

Happy 1000th Post to The Alt-Tab

That's right, I'm congratulating myself, figured I'm the only one keeping count. But I wouldn't have kept going if you hadn't kept reading, anyone that actually knows me is aware that I lose interest in things pretty fast, the fact that I've made it this far a direct testament to my audience, whoever you people are. If anything has kept me going its my undying curiosity to see just how much people are willing to waste their time tooling around the internet, and I think this blog is a perfect testament to that.  Special thanks to the 4 or 5 of you who've followed the entire time, I thank you and pity you, because if you had anything better to be doing at all, you probably wouldn't be reading this.

A few stats:

1000 Posts. 

About 972 by CW, a workhorse in the truest sense. 

10 or so from The Maestro (@mazz33) Remember him? My gambling Guru, guy still gambles on the reg, its just to difficult to write about apparently, despite the evidence of thousands of websites dedicated to doing exactly that.

15 or so from the TV Doctor (@reallyrlreviews), always well thought out and well written pieces, clearly the only person with any real writing experience on this site. 

2 from Milosh, both hysterical, yet he's unwilling to contribute more, he's like the White Whale.

And 1 from that bastard Pennypacker (@HE_Pennypacker1), came out of the gates hot, tossing jokes, promising riches for everyone, ended up being the biggest dud in internet history.  In full disclosure I thought about deleting his one post so he wouldn't have contributed to the 1,000 count, but I realized that would be stooping to his level, and frankly, I'm better than that.

So thank you everyone for reading and for continuing to check in day to day.  If you like killing time with me please spread the word, tweet us, like us on Facebook, e-mail a few friends, or buy an overpriced Alt-Tab T-shirt.

Thanks,

CW

US Govt Spends $300 Million To Create Billion Dollars Worth of Dollar Coins that No One Wants

NPR - Politicians in Washington hardly let a few minutes go by without mentioning how broke the government is. So, it's a little surprising that they've created a stash of more than $1 billion that almost no one wants. Unused dollar coins have been quietly piling up in Federal Reserve vaults in breathtaking numbers, thanks to a government program that has required their production since 2007. And even though the neglected mountain of money recently grew past the $1 billion mark, the U.S. Mint will keep making more and more of the coins under a congressional mandate. The pile of idle coins, which so far cost $300 million to manufacture, could double by the time the program ends in 2016, the Federal Reserve told Congress last year. So, there are now about 1.2 billion dollar-coin "assets" chilling in Federal Reserve vaults, unloved and bearing no interest. By the time the presidential coin series finishes, and there are coins honoring all past presidents, there could be 2 billion... "Destroy them," he said. "People will not accept these coins. Nobody in America wants to use them. As long as they have a paper currency, they will use that." Of using coins to save money, Weatherford says that in an era of electronic financial transactions, "the argument is about 50 years too late. Coins have rapidly become less and less important in our society — like paper money itself is becoming less and less important."

So, the US government, in all their wisdom, thought that not only will people want to continue to carry around money, but we'd want the convenience of a pocket full of coins jangling around in our pockets.

Come on, this is America, we're better than this! Dollar coins are for weirdo Canadians.

And who carries cash anymore anyway? I have cash on me 1x per week, the night I'm going out to the bar, that's it. The rest of the week I have whatever was leftover from my bar tab.  And that's just paper bills, the only people coins are helping is the homeless, people would be constantly emptying their pockets and ashtrays with these useless and annoying dollar coins hanging around.

Seriously guys, what the hell are you thinking? Cut this shit out right now.  We've got credit cards so small they fit on key chains, the guy from Twitter inventing a new device to allow payments made and received from your cell phone, and the US Government still thinks people want to go back to carrying around gold scheckels like Scrooge McDuck? Are you insane?

I'm just glad we're at least not in the middle of a financial recession. I mean could you imagine the political fallout if the people found out the government was literally spending 100's of millions of dollars to press billions of dollars worth of gold coins that are just sitting in a vault unused, never to see the light of day? That would be a nightmare and a real slap in the face...oh wait a minute!

PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea's heir apparent, Kim Jong Eun, underwent plastic surgery six times to look more like his grandfather, the Communist state's "eternal president" Kim Il Sung, South Korea's Yonhap news agency reported Tuesday. The mysterious Kim Jong Eun, the youngest son of despot Kim Jong Il, underwent the operations between 2007 and 2010 before he was unveiled as the next-in-line to rule the nuclear-armed rogue nation, the report quoted an activist as saying.

In the words of Kramer, "You Got Butchered."

North Korea is a seriously dicked up country huh? I mean say what you want about the plastic surgery freaks in this country, at least their goal is to look good or emmulate a beautiful movie star.  This guys goal was to emmulate a 5'2 Charicature of a dictator?

Are stocky, plump dudes with round faces in hot demand in Korea? Asian girls got fetishes for the humpty-dumpty look or something?

No offense bro, but maybe you wanna try and not look like a bloated Asian who just sucked down a bottle of soy sauce and one too many scorpion bowls? Exactly how much water can your face retain? You look like me after a weekend bender, face plump with leftover alcohol and Gatorade waging battle in my cheeks and gullet.  Not a good look at all.

The Pope Sends Out His First Tweet, Sadly His Handle is not @ThePope

(NewsCore) - Pope Benedict XVI sent his first tweet Tuesday, typing it himself on an iPad. The Vatican had confirmed the pope's inaugural tweet, announcing the launch of news.va, a Vatican news and information site. He added, "Praised be our Lord Jesus Christ! With my prayers and blessings, Benedictus XVI."

Great, like there aren't enough Christian Zealots on the internet and twitter already, whats one more.

On the bright side I'm fully looking forward to seeing who the Pope follows.  What an honor that would be huh? Unless he does the Christian thing and just follows everyone that follows him.  I'd totally get it, but it would still be a little disappointing.

Being followed by the Pope should be an exclusive thing, like VIP status with the big guy upstairs.  Name dropping that in coversation should be a status symbol. Like right after making a Priest and a Pedophile joke, while everyone is uncomfortably deciding whether or not to laugh or shoot you dirty looks you just drop, "it's cool, the Pope follows me on twitter." Boom, joke lands, everyone laughs, no one is uncomfortable.

Plus there's no question where you're going when you croak either. If God even hesitated for a second you just pull up your twitter feed and show him the latest retweet @thepope gave you. You'll be hobknobbing with the first class people of heaven in no time.

PS: Totally not following The Pope until two things happen: 1) Get your own handle. None of this shared crap, you're the fricken Pope. 2) Follow someone, anyone. You have 38k followers. Show some love (I do think its hysterical that Charlie sheen had like 2 million followers over night, The Pope can't even crack 50k in his first 24 hours).

Wake Up With: Real World Twitter: Celebrity Tweets

"Do Ants Have Dicks?"

Anyone still think Twitter doesn't have long term potential?

Should Tweet Breaks at Work be the New Cigarette Break?

My current Twitter Lounge: The handicap stall in the office bathroom.

For real, I'm so tired of having to hide my leisurely twitter breaks at work, it's like I'm a pariah or outcast no matter how discreetly or where I try to get my fix in.  Meanwhile you got a bunch of cancer stick smoking people wearing out a path from their cube to the designated smoking area outside, every hour and fifteen minutes like clock work. 

And frankly it's not fair. The company will get on you about internet use, they'll get on  you about cellphone use, they'll get on you for long lunch breaks, but God forbid they tell these unhealthy idiots with a deathwish not to leave their desk for 15 minutes at time to light a piece of paper and some leaves on fire and inhale.  Its just plain insanity.

And I've tried everything, I tweet in the bathroom stall, get dirty looks when I exit, I've gone and chilled in the lobby, bosses give me odd looks like I'm conducting a phone interview or something, I've thought about going to hang out in the smoking section, but the risk of cancer and emphysema is just too much for me. 

All I'm looking for is a designated, judgement free social networking lounge or area where employees can go and catch up on whats going on for like 5 minutes at a time every few hours. It's really not that much to ask.  I've got one woman who burns up 2-3 hours a day on her phone just making personal calls, bossing her husband around, or checking in with her mother. How is that any worse than me wanting the latest updates from @oldhossradbourn?  How? 

It's times like these that I wish work was like high school with some sort of employee government, I'd run for office president so fast it would make your head spin, cruising to victory with my social media lounge campaign promises.

World's Strongest Redneck Making Me Question Everything I Believe About Darwinism and Evolution

Maybe the creationists are right after all? Because I've never doubted Darwinism for one second of my life, until now that is. 

By all accounts this overweight redneck (you're not the strongest, you're just kinda fat) should be dead, or at the very least a bleeding stump of a man with no legs.  The fact that this guy can go on living un-maimed has just shook my beliefs on evolution to the core.

After Trying to Kill him for 3 Months, International Court Issues Arrest Warrant for Gadhafi

(CNN) -- The International Criminal Court issued arrest warrants Monday for Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi and two of his relatives. ICC Judge Sanji Mmasenono Monageng read aloud the decision to issue warrants for Gadhafi, his son Saif al-Islam Gadhafi, and his brother-in-law Abdullah al-Sanussi. The warrants are "for crimes against humanity," including murder and persecution, "allegedly committed across Libya" from February 15 through "at least" February 28, "through the state apparatus and security forces," the court said in a news release.

Does this look like the face of a guy who's going to be arrested? Looks more to me like someone who delusionally believes that he's the Terminator...and maybe it's not even that delusional.  I mean as I've previously chronicled, we've supposedly been bombing this guys compound for something like 185 straight days, and here the dude is, looking as bad ass as ever.  Putin himself couldn't have pulled off this all black renegade look.

I'm not sure I get the plan here, is this some kind of last ditch appeal to his morals? Like he'd turn himself in and face trial out of the goodness of his heart? Firing on unarmed citizens and other atrocities against humanity aside? I guess it's plausible he'd just turn himself in. 

And if he doesn't, we've got just the guy to track him down, probably the only person on earth that can match him looks wise...America's own, Dog the Bounty Hunter.

PS: I wonder how they spelled his name on the arrest warrant?  You have to get that correct right? Otherwise he'd get off on a technicality? They must have printed up like 8 different versions just to cover their bases.

A Projectionists Mocking Letter to Michael Bay, Saying Everything You Ever Wanted to.

Indie Wire - We’d always assumed the humble projectionist had next-to-no contact with the people who actually made the movies, but recent weeks have shown that that’s not true at all; the recent disclosure that Terrence Malick had personally written to theaters across the country with certain specifications for The Tree of Life” has unleashed a sea of similar memos, including Stanley Kubrick on “Barry Lyndon” and David Lynch on “Mulholland Drive.” And it’s not surprising, considering that all filmmakers worth their salt would want their film to be displayed in the best possible manner. The latest to join them? Michael Bay. Hot on the heels of last week’s announcement that “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” has been specially graded, at almost twice the brightness of most films, to adjust for complaints about dimly-projected 3D films, Deadline has acquired a letter written by Bay to projectionists across the country before they unspool the film tomorrow, emphasizing the need for brightness in the projection of the film, and telling his new friends that they’re “all in this together.” 

I don't get why everyone gets on Michael Bay. Like, yea the studios could have just given any moron off the street +$150 million for a budget and unlimited access to Hollywood's finest pyrotechnics and come up with the same results, and yea just about any high school grad could cobble together a better and more coherent plot, but none of that is Michael's fault.

I think the man should be celebrated.  Here's a guy with a proven track record of next to nothing talent who's still churning out summer blockbuster after summer blockbuster.  And yea, most of his films are widely panned by critics and only supported by the dumbest and most easily entertained people in our society, but there is still something to be said for that.

I'm not going to go as far as to say he's some sort of idiot savant who's figured out how to appeal to the lowest common denominator for what the American movie goer wants to see, frankly I think he's just that horrible of a film maker, but sometimes it's better just to have dumb luck than skill.  I mean this is a guy who's fooled studio execs time and time again.  

I'd love to be in on just one of his pitch meetings, I see it going down one of two ways: 1)The execs are the same kind of simpleton idiots that love movies with lots of explosions and virtually no story line, perfect for never having to actually think. Or, 2) He goes with the abusive husband pitch. Promising to be different this time, promising to actually work on a story and plot that makes sense and doesn't disappear for large chunks of the movie. And the execs take him back just like all the other battered wives.

Either that or the studios realized its summer, you could literally film a man taking a shit for an hour and people would watch it (which I'm sure the guys of Jackass have done by now).  All the good movies are released in October anyway.

Boston Trains and MBTA to Institute "Quiet Cars"...Which Should Go Over Like a Lead Balloon.

Boston - Starting today, the MBTA’s “Quiet Car” program will be extended to all 13 Massachusetts commuter rail lines. The cars, where passengers are asked to refrain from cellphone use or conversations above a whisper, received rave reviews from commuter rail passengers during a three-month trial on the Fitchburg and Franklin lines this spring. The Massachusetts Bay Commuter Railroad Co. runs the commuter lines for the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority. When the MBTA surveyed commuters during the trial run, 90 percent said they hoped the program would become permanent. Mimes hired by the MBCR will make an appearance at North and South stations this evening to distribute cards listing the dos and don’ts of quiet car decorum. Each train’s quiet zone is located on the car nearest the locomotive. The mandatory quiet on those cars will only be imposed during peak commuting hours, from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. on weekdays.

This has disaster written all over it. I mean can you imagine the first time some Mime or Conductor lady in a pantsuit hands a "please be quiet" card to an obnoxiously loud passenger? I'd pay upwards of $50 to watch that go down.  Just have a flip-cam ready to capture the whole youtube-worthy scene go down, gauranteed a million hits...because if there is one thing that outrages people more than loud and obnoxious neighbors in public places, it's being told you're being too loud. 

It's just about the worst thing you can say to someone from what I can tell.  I'm not sure why, but it sets people off like you wouldn't believe, you'd think someone just insinuated that they'd been fornicating their grandmother 3 nights a week or something. Just an irrational trigger, a force of nature.

PS: Just curious, will this only pertain to cell phones and loud conversations? Because that's not even my biggest pet peeve on trains. That title goes to the asshole with headphones so loud that I can literally rap  along with them, word for word.  It's obnoxious enough watching you do your stupid little "rap hand movements" but the fact that everyone on the train can hear the lyrics word for word is fucking intolerable.

Former Stand Up Comic Running for Office In Kentucky, Which Offends Those He Used to Joke About

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — The Democrat running for Kentucky agriculture commissioner says he has no intention of getting out of the race after Republicans criticized him for comments he made during his comedy show. Democrat Bob Farmer, who is a comedian and writer, said Wednesday it is "ridiculous" for Republicans to call for his withdrawal because of his jokes about eastern Kentucky during a comedy performance years ago. He also repeated his apology, saying he was sorry if he offended anyone. Democratic Party Chairman Dan Logsdon has said Farmer's apology was the right thing to do. In a video clip, Farmer jokes that eastern Kentucky is a place where "cars are on blocks and houses are on wheels," among other things.

You know who else isn't getting elected? The guy who edited that video, seriously, what decade are you from bro? Doogie Howser had better editing skills back in 1988. It's like the folks in Eastern Kentucky are stuck in some sort of time warp, frankly I'm surprised they even knew about this "Youtube" thing. 

As far as I'm concerned this man has nothing to apologize for, calling out fellow statesman for their fairly obvious flaws and stereotypes is apology worthy these days? It's not like he made things up, everything he said could be proved out, Kentuckyans (and I wouldn't have even made the distinction from those from "the big city" to those from the eastern side of the state, but that's because I'm from a real civilized state) are a bunch of inbred hillbillies, by and large anyway.  

The fact that this guy recognizes the flaws of his state, and instead of wanting to move away to a better, more educated state, wants to lead you out of the middle ages and into modernity should be celebrated. 

I mean this guy is promising you a better life. Homes with foundations and maybe even basements, cars with 4 tires and a carburetor, indoor plumbing, and dental care for all.  These are good things, these are things you should want. Don't complain about how he delivers the message, he was blunt and honest...there's too much ass kissing and double talk in politics these days, this was rather refreshing. 

I wish some politician would come up to me and say, CW, you're borderline overweight, you take the elevator up 2 floor instead of taking the stairs everyday, and you may be spending a bit too much time with your dvr. Instead no one has the stones to say that to me, so here I sit, continuing my sedentary lifestyle.

It's about time candidates started being real and honest, and who better to do it than the most brutally honest people on earth, stand-up comedians. 

Boston Sports Hall of Fame to Induct Boston Legends like Larry Bird, Mike Lowell, and Ty Law...What?

Reds Army - The Sports Museum is proud to announce this year's honorees for 'The Tradition'. Celebrating its 10th year, 'The Tradition' is the annual summer event that honors distinguished New England athletes and will be held on Tuesday, June 28 at the TD Garden.

Larry's gotta be a little pissed about this, right? I mean how is it that this thing has been going on for 10 years now and Larry is just now getting inducted? And along side Boston luminaries like Willie O'ree and Bobbi Gibb, not to mention the legendary Mike Lowell and Ty Law.  I mean is Ty Law even retired yet? We sure his bloated ass isn't going to be in training camp for some team this year?

And yea, while this is just the Boston Hall of Fame, it might  not be as important as Cooperstown or Springfield, but at the same time, it kind of is. I mean we've had an embarrassment of legendary players pass through town, we're not some podunk sports town like Cleveland or Houston or something.

All due respect to Ty Law and Mike Lowell, and whoever those other two guys are, I'm sure they were great too, but this is Larry Bird we're talking about.  He should be inducted along side no one short of Bobby Orr and Ted Williams (posthumously obviously). I mean have these guys been elected yet? I'm just puzzled how Larry wasn't a first balloter, is there voting, or is this just some guys empty studio apartment where he throws Hall of Fame parties every year.

Thoroughly confused. I'm going to have to spend the afternoon figuring out who's in this hall of fame and who's yet to be inducted. Mike Lowell was good and all, but he spend what, 4, 5 years here? A professional hitter and one of the nicest guys to take the field, but then again so were Bill Mueller and Troy O'leary, and I'll be damned if I find their names in this Boston Hall of Fame.

Whining Bitch of a Man Blames Seinfeld and the Marriage Ref for his Divorce

Fox News - A heartbroken Manhattan divorcé blames Jerry Seinfeld and his NBC reality show, "The Marriage Ref," for tearing him and his now-ex-wife apart -- claiming their appearance as contestants on an episode led to her dumping him. Howie Kohlenberg, 47, charged that after getting their 15 minutes of fame bickering on the March 4, 2010, premiere episode, his wife, Christine, became so obsessed with becoming a star it busted up their 14-year marriage. Not only does the beauty-products salesman claim his sexy 37-year-old wife ditched him and their 4½-year-old son to chase a dream of starring in a "Real Housewives"-style reality show, he also says he went bankrupt and is now facing eviction. Kohlenberg insists their marital bliss turned into a blistering nightmare during preshow filming. "The people on the show were pumping us up, saying, 'You're going to wake up and be stars. You're going to be famous and make money.' The producer kept saying her lips looked great, and all of a sudden she was getting a lot of Botox," he recalled. "Now she's getting this huge head. She wants to do Playboy. We almost got kicked off the show because she was putting racy photos on Facebook. "I'm not saying our marriage was perfect, but it put it in a whole new direction. It was the nail in the coffin. "She had all these ideas that 'I have to live my life and be an actress.' "

Suck it up man. Jesus Christ, no wonder this broad left you. You're an insufferable, whining snit of a man. "Oh waaahhhh, my wife wants to be a star. Poor me, my wife is sexy enough to do playboy. Can you believe my bad luck, everyone keeps commenting on how hot of a wife I have on facebook."  Bro, shut up and enjoy it.

Encourage the girl, movie careers pay pretty decent money, reality shows too.  I've never heard someone bitch and moan more after being given the shot of a lifetime. Like you've basically came out and admitted that your marriage didn't have that many problems and you were only doing the show for publicity, then you go and bitch and moan after getting that publicity? What the hell guy?

Did you really think your wife was going to come back and work at some lame, small time spa after appearing on reality tv? She's doing exactly what she's supposed to after being on this show, meanwhile you're at home changing your tampon and crying to anyone who'll listen about how you're going through menopause and your wife left you.  Grow a sack and get out there man. You're semi-famous, you were on tv. That's the American dream.

Middle School Teacher Sends Students 100's of Texts, Parents Apparently Upset

ABC - A middle school teacher has been charged with cyberstalking one of her 13-year-old students, and the boy's mother claims that her son isn't the only one receiving inappropriate text messages from the female teacher. Megan Mantooth, 26, is a popular eighth grade math teacher in Burgaw Middle School, a tiny town of 4,000 people in southern North Carolina where her husband is a deputy sheriff. Mantooth has been charged with cybertalking, allegedly sending "hundreds" of text messages to her student, which included "a lot of sexual innuendos," according to the boy's mother, Elizabeth Graham. The "hundreds" of texts that Graham said Mantooth sent her child included one that Graham read to ABCNews.com: "I wish you were home by yourself right now because I don't have the kids," and "More how? As in see ME more or less clothes more, or both." Mantooth allegedly compared herself to the middle school female students telling the boy that she would "look better in a bikini," Graham said. She also allegedly made plans to meet the student at his beach house, texting him, "I cannot wait 8 more days to see you." "I asked [my son], 'Why is she texting you?' He said, 'It's OK she's not my teacher anymore.' And I said, 'No it's not OK." 

MEGAN MANTOOTH IS A SAINT! YOU HEAR ME, MEGAN MANTOOTH IS A SAINT! (Anchorman reference because I fell asleep to the movie last night).

Maybe I'm just a bit confused, but what exactly did Megan do wrong here? Did she send this kid any inappropriate pictures for a 14 year old? Nope. Was she still his teacher, capable of influencing his grades? Nope. Did she ever meet up with him for special tutoring? Nope. Did the kid seem to mind or feel uncomfortable? Nope.

So what exactly is she being charged with? Being friendly? Flirting and innuendo? Is that a crime these days? Is that the message we want to send to kids? Don't flirt or you'll go to jail? What better way to raise a generation of repressed creeps and uptight homicidal maniacs.  

And unless they're holding back the really juicy texts, I don't see the innuendo here, you ask me these parents have a bit of a twisted mind if they're reading anything into these:

"More how? As in see ME more or less clothes more, or both." - I believe they were talking about seeing each other at the beach in a week, all she's doing here is presenting the facts, when you see someone on the beach they tend to be wearing less clothes than say, in the classroom at school. Just a fact.

" Mantooth allegedly compared herself to the middle school female students telling the boy that she would "look better in a bikini" - Well, facts are facts.  Grown, mature women do tend to look better in bikini's than 8th grade children.  She's got a bit of a biological advantage here, wouldn't you say? Again, nothing but the facts here. 

So this is what it's come to in our school system? Punishing the teachers who really care about the kids? Would you rather she just stop caring about her students the second she leaves the classroom for the summer? There's a reason she's popular with the kids, she takes an interest in their lives and realizes education doesn't stop at the end of the day or the end of the year. Education is a life-long process, a virtue she is trying to instill into her students heads anyway she can.

Swedens Goal of Raising Sterile Eunuchs almost Complete: Preschoolers Being Raised without Gender Identities

Whatever happened to Raggedy Anne and Andy?

STOCKHOLM — At the "Egalia" preschool, staff avoid using words like "him" or "her" and address the 33 kids as "friends" rather than girls and boys.  From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don't fall into gender stereotypes. "Society expects girls to be girlie, nice and pretty and boys to be manly, rough and outgoing," says Jenny Johnsson, a 31-year-old teacher. "Egalia gives them a fantastic opportunity to be whoever they want to be." The taxpayer-funded preschool which opened last year in the liberal Sodermalm district of Stockholm for kids aged 1 to 6 is among the most radical examples of Sweden's efforts to engineer equality between the sexes from childhood onward.  "A concrete example could be when they're playing 'house' and the role of the mom already is taken and they start to squabble," she says. "Then we suggest two moms or three moms and so on."

Egalia's methods are controversial; some say they amount to mind control. Rajalin says the staff have received threats from racists apparently upset about the preschool's use of black dolls. Egalia is unusual even for Sweden. Staff try to shed masculine and feminine references from their speech, including the pronouns him or her — "han" or "hon" in Swedish. Instead, they've have adopted the genderless "hen," a word that doesn't exist in Swedish but is used in some feminist and gay circles.

The Swedes do know that boys and girls are different though, right? Like boys have penises and girls have vaginas?  I mean even Arnold was able to get that point across in Kindergarten Cop and he was a bumbling idiot. 

What you're going to end up with is a bunch of confused kids unsure of how to procreate. Sweden's population will basically be all but gone within two generations, and frankly, that's fine by me, Darwinism at its best. 

The thing that kills me is these, overly liberal, nutbags who think they're raising kids in the most natural way possible, but in reality this is seen no where else in nature.  Gorillas aren't out there making sure their boys know know how to powder their nose and prepare a casserole, wolves aren't kicking mothers out of the den and trying to have the males breast feed the children, gender roles are natural, as natural as it gets.

And this isn't an anti-gay, anti-lesbian blog. Those are gender roles too, and they should be taught and accepted at a young age, there's plenty of gay giraffes, horses, and dolphins out there too.  But I'm pretty sure the giraffe, horse, and dolphin parents aren't making a point of encouraging their offspring to try out every lifestyle before picking which one they like best, that is just confusing an unnatural.  

Natural is, you are who you are, and that's it.  If a boy is more interested in lincoln logs and dominating the tag circuit at recess then so be it, who are you to change his mind. Same if a girl is more apt to playing house and feeding her girlfriends brownies from her easy bake oven in order to fatten them up and make herself more attractive to boys.  It's just the natural way of things.

Diabolical Parents Offering to Let Teens Have Sex at Home is a Brilliant Trap

The Week - Though parents fret over virtually every aspect of child-rearing, few topics inspire more anguish than sex. Some moms and dads insist on abstinence, but, according to ABC News, an increasing number of parents are letting their teenagers do it... at home. One mom, Patty Skudlarek, told Good Morning America that if her 18-year-old son is going to have sex, she wants him to get off in the safety of his own bedroom, "as opposed to a motel, a car or a park, or wherever they're doing it these days." Are these parents being too permissive?

Don't do it kids, it's a trap. These shrewd parents may have just come up with possibly the most diabolical cock-block the world has ever seen....Parental permission to have sex at home.

There's probably a lot of teenagers nodding along at home saying "yea I wish my parents were like this." No you don't, little Timmy, no you don't.  

Run this scenario down: You're hanging out with  your best gal at the Olde Towne Ice Cream Shoppe, had a couple malted milk shakes, played a bit of footsy, now you're both feeling frisky.  You tell her to come back to your house, your parents are "cool with it." She goes along, you get in the door, make a bit of small talk with your dad, turn to head up the stairs to your room and bump into your mom. After the usual chit chat she asks you what you're up to. You respond with the standard "just hanging out." But mom's not dumb, this is exactly what she planned for.  From here this can go any number of ways depending on the evil genius level your parents are at:

1. She throws out a knowing wink, and throws here hand up top for a high five while making a "whooop-whooop!" sound.  Your virginity is still dead in the water.

2. She throws out something really embarrassing, something only parents can cook up during their spare time- my best guess? She yells back to your father to see if he had the talk with you to give you pointers on "lasting longer" and "special techniques."    You might as well go home schooled the rest of high school.

3. An awkward conversation with your hunny about what positions she prefers and how many partners she's had.  If you're truly unlucky she'll share some of her experiences with your gf...12 to 6 buddy, 12 to 6.

And that's just three of the options I could think of off the top of my head. All sorts of other random comments could be made, she could offer to pray for your performance, ask you if you need your dad's magnums, comment on the nudy mags under your mattress, the possibilities are endless. The one common theme, no one, and I mean no one is getting laid in their parents house with parental permission.  That shit is just not cool.

Reggie Bush Dating Kim Kardashian's Old Navy Twin

Fox - Kim Kardashian’s ex, Reggie Bush, is now dating the woman who bears such a striking resemblance to the reality star, she was cast as a Kim Kardashian-like character in an Old Navy ad. Model Melissa Molinaro scored a hit last February with “Super C-U-T-E” on YouTube, which has been viewed almost two million times. The video has Molinaro’s very Kardashian-ish character declaring, “This is real life, I’m not posing for a magazine, don’t ask me any questions until I’ve had my caffeine." For her part, Kardashian isn’t impressed with her doppelganger, “Kim knows about her and doesn’t care,” a source told Us Weekly.

Not a good look Reggie. You're an NFL running back, a star despite not really producing much of anything. You can't be dating dopplegangers. This is just feeding right into everyone who's ever called you a fraud.  Was Kim K that good that you've been reduced to searching for look-a-likes to get your fix? 

Don't get me wrong, this Molinaro chic is a perfectly hot broad, and anyone else dating here would be just fine, it's just, you can't. It would be like wearing a genuine Rolex for a couple years, losing it, and then replacing it with a Rollex. That extra L doesn't seem like it makes a huge difference, but really, it does.  

Plus for any celebrity couple the goal is winning the publicity game over your partner, and Melissa Molinaro is clearly the winner here.  While people are widely going to mock you (again despite the fact that everyone can pretty much agree she's plenty hott enough), her Kim K imposter status is going to grow to legendary status. People might even start knowing her by her real name, rather than the Kardashian look alike from the Old Navy commercials.  She's one Ray-J sex tape away from out Kim'ing Kim.

PS: Question for Melissa, if she's a fan of the 'Tab:  Do you let him call you Kim in the bedroom? Just curious how far you let this fantasy run.

More Brilliant Uses for Twitter: Bros Tweet About Trashing Hotel Room, Peeing in Safe...Land in Jail

WCHS - A wild night, that police say caused thousands of dollars in damage to a hotel but it wasn't the destruction that landed the guys in jail.  The suspects actually left police plenty of clues, while police say they were tearing stuff up, they were tweeting about it, but the tweets didn't stop after their arrests. Police say a group of about 10 guys caused nearly $14,000 damage to the Wingate Hotel in South Charleston. And police say they spelled out exactly what they were doing in the room on twitter, talking about smashing a TV and stabbing a couch, they even posted pictures of themselves peeing in the hotel's safe, destroying the mirror and leaving the room in shambles.

No offense, but does anyone actually use the safe for anything but peeing in?  Maybe it's because I don't have anything worth stealing, but I've never checked into a hotel and thought about using the safe for anything but a back up toilet.. So I'm with these guys on that one.  At the end of the day unless you're Billy Zane in the Titanic locking away gigantic purple diamonds, the hotel safe is nothing more than an extra recepticle for miscellaneous use.

And I feel like Twitter is getting a bid of a bad rap today, first Flash Mob Robberies, now live blogging of hotel trashings, so lets clear one thing up.  These guys were retarded for putting all this on Twitter, but police can cut the shit about how Twitter was necessary to catch them.  First thing you do when you check into a Hotel is leave a credit card on file.  Bottom line is these kids were going to get caught no matter what, at least Twitter allowed us all to enjoy their mayhem and destruction.  Made me feel like I was there at least...you know with out the felony destruction of property charge added on.

Flash Mob Robberies Could Use a Bit More Showmanship, Gays

They're called "flash mob robberies," where mobs of teens use social networking sites to organize mass-robberies on convenience stores. So far the flash mob robberies have happened in Chicago, Washington D.C. and Las Vegas, where Bill Cassell with the Las Vegas PD says a group of 20 teens were caught on camera as they invaded a convenience store. Bradley thinks that the flash mob robbery trend is only likely to increase as Americas youth continues to become disenfranchised by the poor economy, but so far the trend has not made it to the Houston area.

WORST...FLASHMOB...EVER...Where was the dancing, the singing, the gays from Modern Family? I mean you guys are black, at least Stomp the Yard in organized fashion or something, anything creative, I'm not asking for a whole Drumline, but just something.

YO THEY STOMPIN THE YARD!

Dumbest frigen kids I've ever seen.  Here I am excited to see how today's youths are putting social media to work in the real world and I get this? 

Guys, the point of a robbery is to rob shit. Not to go in and knock things off the shelf and fling water bottles around.  You see that one kid, just knocking like 20 bottles of Snapple off the counter, what the hell did that accomplish? Is that gonna help you and your boys feel any less parched during your Call of Duty Session later tonight? Nope.

Just about the only guy who seemed to know what he was doing here is the one that went behind the counter mid-way through. You guys know there's cash and lottery tickets back there, right. And if you can't work the register you can always snag a few cartons of cigarettes, those will undoubtedly come in handy when you're inevitably sent to jail for being a bunch of dumb fuck teenagers. 

Whitey Bulger Lived In Same Apartment for 15 Years...Things Are Really Looking Up in Pakistan

SANTA MONICA, Calif. – Fugitive gangster James “Whitey’’ Bulger paid cash to occupy a rent-controlled apartment here for more than 15 years, possibly becoming a tenant before he went on the run with his girlfriend, Catherine Greig, in December 1994. Property manager Joshua Bond said this afternoon that the family who owns the apartment building at 1012 Third Street know Bulger has been a tenant for at least 15 years. But, he said, they now believe he may have rented the two-bedroom even earlier in the 1990s. Bond also said that rent was always paid in cash, a practice that has continued into this year.

And:

Boston Globe -  Bond said Bulger and Greig, who still have thick Boston accents, had given him a cowboy hat once. He said the couple took a walk at dawn every day, then walked again in the afternoon. Bond went to Boston University and knew about the Bulger case, but still had no suspicions about Bulger and Greig.

Eeek. Doesn't look good boys, I'm sitting here expecting to hear that the guys been bouncing around locations every two years or so and now we're hearing that he's just been hiding out in the same apartment for the last 15 years?...And that he might have been renting the apartment even earlier than that, implying he might have had this as a vacation spot even before he was lambing it? And the FBI wasn't aware of one of their prized informants vacation rentals?  Someone's got some explaining to do, making Pakistani Intelligence look good by comparison. 

And someone needs to get on questioning this apartment manager guy for more answers...so you're from Boston, familiar with the case, hear their thick Boston accents, they pay you monthly rent in cash, you presumably saw the Departed, and still nothing clicked in your head? 

Boy, you are either the dumbest fucking guy on Earth or you're in on it. Either way you deserve to be panned.  The cash payments, allright, I can see letting that slide. Old people are always stuffing cash in their mattresses and coffee pots and shit. Old people carry around more cash than your average ganster. 

But you're the property manager. You for sure were in there for repairs at least once or twice, didn't get curious about the weapons cache that would make an Arab militia blush?  I mean, what exactly does it take for a light to dawn in your head? When you pulled up for work yesterday morning and saw police arresting the pair did anything click then? How about when you saw the headlines on the news later, did you realize those were your tenants then? Huh? Huh?

Fox Tackling History's Toughest Question: What's the Difference Between Hookers and Sugar Daddying?

Red Sox Owner: Classic Sugar Daddy

Fox News - It’s the classic Tinseltown tale – a starry-eyed young woman heads to Hollywood with dreams of being the next Angelina Jolie or Britney Spears, only to be faced with the industry’s brutal truth that only a lucky few make it. Some go back to Iowa. Some get normal jobs and continue to work toward their dreams. Others go for the easy money and become escorts or prostitutes. Others, however, enter that gray area and become a "kept woman," turning to sugar daddies to give them the “Pretty Woman” lifestyle, complete with compensation in designer dresses, expensive dinners and nights in fancy hotel suites. All in return for sex. “Girls are just another thing for Hollywood folks to entertain with – champagne, a meal and a girl,” Sax said. “The really rich and successful Hollywood men can basically get anything they want.” So how does a woman score a sugar daddy in Hollywood? Sugardaddy.com is marketed as an online dating site boasting over two million members that connects “sugar daddies” with “sugar babies” or “sugar mommas.” The site has a disclaimer that prohibits members from offering money in exchange for sex, saying any such violations will result in the cancellation of membership and banning from the site. That's a very important distinction, says Noel Biderman, CEO of Avid Life Media who runs a similar Sugar Daddy dating site called EstablishedMen.com. “Prostitution is about sex for money … and women who rely on these interactions to support themselves – this is their profession,” Biderman said. “Sugar daddy relationships are real women who are interested in being with men who are willing to spend their disposable income on the lifestyle – clothes, jewelry, trips, dining – that match up with their desires." Others disagree, saying sugar mommas are just prostitutes by another name.

This article kidding me? I mean if you really want to draw a line its pretty simple; Sugar Babies are smokeshows and prostitutes are junkies and fugly slam pigs. I guess you could toss in health care coverage too since I'm sure most Sugar Daddies want to make sure their gold digger is clean before showing her off.  I'm assuming not many Johns are shelling out for regular ob/gyn visits for their whores. 

Hooker Turned Sugar Baby

But that's only if you really want to find a difference, all in all, Sugar Babies or Trophy wives are the same as your average street hooker, just better looking and smarter about what they're doing. It really doesn't apply to just Trophy Wives though, pretty much every girl in the service industry is prostituting herself. I mean, if we're going to get on these 18 year old tarts for fucking old dudes for the chance to drive in a lambo, then we should be criticizing all girls who get advantages because of their looks over others... Strippers, bartenders, masseuses, waitresses, even beer cart girls at golf courses...all whores by this article writers mind.