May 1st, 2012 - The Day Paul Pierce Finally Won Me Over

What a freaking game by the C's, huh? First of all, I'm shocked this whole highlight wasn't just Pierce replays, apparently between dominating the 1st quarter and absolutely owning the 4th quarter the other 9 guys on the court played around for a bit. Could have fooled me. 

In what was an absolute snoozer of a game Pierce might have finally attained a very, very rare accomplishment for Boston athletes...he unconditionally won CW over. There's very few athletes in my time as a Boston sports fan that I can say that about. It's certainly not in the double digits.

Believe me, that's a huge deal. 14 or so seasons, a championship, a slew of all-star appearances, that fantastic series against Lebron and Cleveland a few seasons ago...didn't do it. I know, that's wicked odd, almost sacrilege, but its true. I've written about it before, most notably here, but growing up I was an Antoine guy. I know that's indefensible now, I won't get into it again, this is about Pierce today. 

For years Pierce was just a guy with a sour-puss on his face, the ugliest set of basketball skills I've ever seen, and the guy who owns the patent on the worst crunch time offensive set of all time (elbow extended fades with the clock running down)...He hasn't always been the easiest guy to root for, there's just not much for a fan to latch onto and say "that's why I love Paul Pierce." Today, he's still very much that guy. The crunch time offense still flows through his aesthetically unpleasing offensive selections, he's a flopper, his best offensive move is the pump fake, he never appears to run at more than a 7.2 on the treadmill, and the scowl is still there when things aren't going his way...and yet, he produces. 

He's softened me the past few years and last night finally cemented it. I finally believe that he actually gives a shit about what it means to be a Celtic.  That's an odd, maybe unfair, and completely selfish thing to say as a fan, but its The Truth (pun completely intended). 

The C's could have flopped last night, Pierce could have just given his usual effort, KG would have attempted to pick up the slack, but it wouldn't have been enough in the absence of Rondo. The Celts would have been down 0-2 and we'd have spent the today and the next two days wondering if the current Big 4's run was up. If the warriors had finally run out of fight. 

Nope. Pierce wouldn't let it happen, he put in a game for the ages from the opening tip til the final buzzer. He turned back the clock at least 4 years. That was an aging start with too much pride to let his team go out like that. He may not be able to do that every night, but he still has enough left in the tank to turn it up when the team needs him, when the fans need him, when the Celtic franchise needs him. He gets it.

When he talks about loving being a Celtic in his usual monotone, I'll buy into it now. I won't think it's lip service, I won't foolishly hold on to his early career surly demeanor as his true feelings toward the team, the franchise, the fans, and the game. 

I may be the last one on, but I'm now full on the Pierce bandwagon. Sorry it took me so long.

Taco-copter - Great Idea, or Too Far Ahead of Its Time?

HuffPo- Ladies and gentlemen, we have taco liftoff! The world's first Tacocopter made an historic flight of about five feet this weekend, marking perhaps the first time ever that a taco was flown through the air via remote control counter-rotor helicopter. The Tacocopter prototype was constructed by an early-stage web startup of the same name, whose brilliant idea to deliver tacos ordered via smartphone using a fleet of drone helicopters became an Internet sensation earlier this year, winning the attention of everyone from Aziz Ansari to Stephen Colbert. Flying in the face of reports that Tacocopter was a hoax, the Tacocopter team had a raucous launch party (Get it? Launch party???) in Hong Kong to celebrate its prototype taco-delivery drone's test flight. Here is some amateur video of the abbreviated flight, along with a look at Tacocopter's latest innovation, a high-velocity sour cream cannon for rapid-fire taco preparation.

Honestly, I applaud the initiative, it seems like a good idea and all, but it is quite literally the last thing we need as a society.  

I've got a Chinese food driver that comes to my house once a week, and gets lost every single time. Makes the same goofy smile and wave when he gets there apologizing for being late...we're on a first name basis, guy still can't remember my house...Now ask yourself, do you really believe that Edgar Suarez is going to be able to navigate, via remote control, a toy helicopter to my front door and successfully drop off my burrito?

I don't think so. Call me a doubting Thomas all you want, but I just don't think we're there as a society...in fact, Mexican delivery places around here are rare enough on their own, and we're talking the traditional method. How about we work on that before we start training these guys to steal drones carrying weaponized beef, beans, and rice.

PS: This is potentially the best thing ever to happen to Pigeons. 

Guy Fieri's Stolen Lambo Returned

TMZ - Guy Fieri had a GREAT weekend ... 'cause cops finally recovered the chef's missing yellow Lamborghini ... after it was jacked in a "Mission Impossible" style heist last year. Guy last saw his 2008 Lambo Gallardo -- worth roughly $200k -- in March 2011 ... when some crook went into the British Motor Car Distributors dealership in S.F. ... rappelled down from the roof ... slithered through a window and sped off with the ride. Pretty bad ass, right? But this weekend, the Marin County Sheriff's Dept. made a HUGE break in the case ... when they arrested a 17-year-old boy on a gun charge ... and decided to search a storage unit that belonged to him. When cops opened up the unit ... they found the Lambo. We're told the 17-year-old is a "person of interest" in the theft ... and the case is still under investigation.

Are you fucking kidding me? This guy owns a $200K Lambo? That's depressing. You know what the difference between Guy and me is? A couple of pinky rings, a horrid dye job, about 30-50 pounds, and about 10 levels or so of phony douchiness...that's it.

He doesn't do anything particularly skillful, he goes around and eats at take out joints...I DO THE SAME THING! This guy is more or less on the same diet I am, only he apparently gets paid enough to own one of the most expensive cars in the world. Looks like I can add another item to the "reasons I hate Guy list, est. 2009."

I mean it, he claims he's a chef, maybe he is, but all I ever see him doing is stuffing his gullet and wearing gaudy jewelery and making "I'm really enjoying this burrito"-like grunts on camera...I can do that...I can do that for half of what he's making, call me up folks. I'll even dye my hair like an asshole if that's what it takes.

PS: how about this kid? Plans an Oceans 11-type theft and then just leaves the car in a storage unit? I get that its not the most inconspicuous car around, but couldn't you at least hawk it?

Chic Violates Office Dress Code, Writes into Website to Complain.

 Stylist - I work for a large corporate company. I am 28, but most of the employees are in their 30s. The dress code is business casual, so men wear khakis and a golf shirt or button-down. For women it varies, but generally they wear slacks or a skirt and some kind of blouse...Our office has a "Casual Friday" policy where we can wear jeans and similarly less-formal gear. There are rules/dress code, but they are seldom enforced or followed. In general, no tank tops or flip flops, just look put together and presentable. What my colleagues find acceptable, I would never think is acceptable. They show up in ripped jeans and hoodies...One day I wore Lilly Pulitzer navy blue shorts and a white, ruffled silk blouse, which was buttoned-up to my neck, with a cardigan worn over it. The shorts were a little shorter than knee-length. I went to lunch and when I returned my boss called me into his office. My boss made it clear that he didn't think it was a big deal, but he went on to tell me that "Somebody called HR and reported you for wearing shorts, so we want you to go home and change. Personally, I'd rather have you be here and be productive, but that's what people want you to do." How is that OK?"

Chics, am I right guys? Give em an inch they'll take a mile. Nothing gets me more riled up in the office than when I hear girls griping about the dress code. 

From the sounds of this article, I work in a very similar office, huge corporate company, business casual dress code except Fridays which are casual (ie, you can wear jeans, GO CRAZY FOLKS!).  Anyway, it's pretty well spelled out everyone knows the rules, people flirt in the fringes of what's acceptable, jeans a little tattered, maybe a shirt comes untucked after lunch, but for the most part everyone complies...

Except when it comes to girls...I don't know why its so difficult to read a list of rules and comply, but for some reason somewhere around 50-60% of the girls in the office just can't. The list says no flip flops, girls wear flip flops (like $1.99 Old Navy flip flops, like they just walked off the beach), rules say no Capri's above the knees, girls wear Capri's above the knees and get their Capri rights taken away, etc, etc...It goes like that every year, particularly around summer...and the complaint is always the same:

But I got these at Ann Taylor (or Express, or Banana Republic, basically fill in any moderately overpriced store that sells clothing for professional woman).

 Like that makes it ok...Oh sure, just bring in your receipt and we'll let that slide. Nope. Girls, you get away with murder with office dress codes. What's so hard about finding a pair of Capri's that comply with the knee rule? As a guy, you know what my options are, pants. Just pants. It's not like I'm allowed to wear Jorts in the summer (nor would I, but at least I'd have the option), yet here you are with this absolute gift and you just can't comply. You're allowed to not tuck in shirts...do you know how awesome that is!? And yet you want to push the limit with tank-tops and low cut cardigan things...Just wear a regular shirt and enjoy the free-ness of the non-tuck! It's not that hard. 

Like this girl in the article...No you can't wear shorts! Do you see guys rolling around in shorts? You didn't mention it. We'd all love to wear shorts, but we can't. Same with sandals? You think I don't want to rock my Jesus sandals around the office, just loafing back and forth to the copy machine? Of course I do. But I'm pretty sure I'd get a call down to HR the first time someone caught sight of the hair on my big toe. 

Bottom line, day to day girls are allowed to dress a lot more casual and a lot less stuffy then men, it shouldn't be that hard to comply folks.  

PS: I'm all for no dress codes, I really am. But if I've got to be uncomfortable, so does everyone else. I'm nothing if not spiteful.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Break Up the Sox!

Another game, another win folks. 7-1 in their last eight games, up to .500 to close out April, and well on their way to helping Clay Buchholz fullfill his quest to be MLB's first 20 game winner with a 5.00 ERA or higher (3-1 on the year, 8.69 and rising!). 

It's frankly astounding. Day to day the outfield is made up of: Ryan Sweeney, who's flat out raking and is currently my main squeeze on the team, Cody Ross, absolutely winning my heart one bat flip at a time, and Darnell McDonald, who I don't really like...No offense Darnell, it's just that you can't hit the ball. 

And despite this Quad-A lineup they're throwing out there night after night, they're first in the MLB in runs. First! Papi is one of the two or three most feared batters in the AL again, Pedroia is doing his damn thing like always, and Mike Aviles? He's doing a poor-man's Nomar in '99 impression. They're flat out rolling. Remember, they scored 2 runs combined those last two games in Chicago, and they still maintained the league lead in runs scored. This is a team that's going to mash all season long.

So that brings us to pitching, which has pleasantly seemed to turn the corner this week (Buchholz excluded, though some of that blame goes to Bobby V...Really Bobby? You couldn't take him out after 6 last night and give the kid a confidence boost?). 

Felix Doubront has been a mini-revelation. Leading starters in k/9 and second in ERA to...Daniel Bard, who despite not having started since Single A ball has shown real promise in his starts this season and is leading the staff in ERA...but yea, why get 6-7 innings a start out of him when we could pitching one inning at a time maybe 3 games a week? Get real folks. This kid's got the stuff to be a starter and that's where he belongs until he fails his way out of the rotation. 

Even the bullpen looks...well they look better, which albeit wasn't difficult given their start, but still, it's a step in the right direction. Most importantly Aceves seems to have righted his ship in the past week...I mean, he's cut his ERA from 24.00 to 10.29, so that's something to be proud about. 

All in all it's been a positive week to be a Sox fan. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to call into WEEI about this Harpah kid down Washington...Tryin-a see if maybe the sox could trade crawford and lackey and cash for the kid.

It's Official, I'm Giddy About The Majestic Beast that is Bryce Harper

I don't even know what to like more here, that a 19 year old kid got his first hit while some asshole (literally) was mooning the pitcher, or the fact that he went for the aerodynamically sound helmet flip to help him leg out the double, or that beautiful mane of flowing hair he's got under their mo-hawk style...a flo-hawk, if you will...I loved it all. Safe to say I can't wait for this kids first jack, that bat flip is going to be one for the ages.

I loved it so much, that while patiently waiting for Sportscenter to air the kid's highlight yesterday, I realized my bowels weren't going to make it...what did I do? I positioned a full length mirror at just the correct angle for me to be able to see the tv, turned up the volume, and caught the whole thing from the shitter (and frankly, that was a revolutionary move that I see plenty more of in my future). Yes I could have just re-watched it on the internet again, but something that majestic had to be seen on the big screen.

 I Need more of this kid. Looks like I'll be watching a lot of TBS this year, they still run every Braves game on loop, right? Braves-Nats play 19 or so times this year, I hope my DVR can hold all of that.

Bonus Material: H/T to @mazz33 for this one:

"so much eye black that you're telling glare you won't stand for it." - @BattingStanceG

Home Plate Umpire Tackles Orioles Fan on the Field

That right there is what you call a form tackle, this guy must have been crushing NFL draft coverage this weekend. Mel Kiper Jr's probably breaking down tape right now, got him on the big board and everything. 

PS: How badly did this guy just cuckold the actual stadium cops? These guys chase bad guys for a living and routinely end up on blooper videos as drunks from the stands run circles around them...Mean while Jeff Kellogg over here simply acquired his target and took him out. Rendered the kid helpless all on his own before a team of 4-5 cops showed up to take care of Kellogg's sloppy seconds.

Winning the Breakup: Ex Girlfriend/Dentist Pulls Out all of Ex's Teeth

HuffPo - Breaking up is never easy -- having 32 teeth ripped out is even worse. A scorned dentist is facing jail time after surgically removing all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her, authorities in London said. Marek Olszewski, 45, made the mistake of scheduling an appointment this week with his ex -- 34-year-old Anna Mackowiak -- for a toothache, according to the Daily Mail. So Mackowiak allegedly did what any burned beau with a set of pliers and some anesthetic would do: she doped him up, pulled out all his teeth, and wrapped his head with bandages so he wouldn't notice until he left her office. "I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," she told the news site. "But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a b-----d.'"...Worse, Olszewski's new girlfriend dumped him because, well, she couldn't date a man without any teeth, the Daily Telegraph reported.

"Game, Set, What aisle do you keep your denture cream in?"

Talk about winning a break up, lady didn't even have to break a sweat either. No planning, no stakeouts, hell she didn't even have to take time off from work, the guy just came to her...she probably billed his insurance too! When you profit off your revenge (at least initially, I have a gut feeling she'll be paying him back plus interest) you know you're doing something right.

And as for this guy...what the fuck bro? What are you doing? Find another dentist, it's not that hard...or just don't go to the dentist for a while. You're English, right? I assume skipping a 6 month check up once in a while is no big deal to you...maybe just wait until things cool down with your scorned lover/dental practitioner. 

PS...I have a hankering his current girlfriend didn't just break up with him because he had no teeth, that's just temporary...Guessing it had more to do with the fact that this guy was dumb enough to go back to an ex for medical/dental work.

The Boston Celtics Game 1: One Bad Call, One Bad Rondo Reaction

Please, Pleassseee David Stern, use your better judgement for the first time in in the last half decade or so and realize this was an accident. Or have it in your heart to take into account just how fucking awful of a call that was by the ref. Was it a hotheaded reaction from Rondo? Absolutely. Did he mean to make contact? I don't think so, he clearly tangled feet with him. Would any of this have happened if this jackoff of a ref had just called this a jump ball like it's been called the millions of times prior to this?

I've been saying for years that they need to control scrums on the floor...there is a foul or five every single time there is a loose ball on the floor but it's never called. Never. Drives me insane. So excuse me if the Celts were a bit pissed off and a bit shocked when this guy decided to call a foul on the floor for the first time in history. They must not have gotten the memo about the rule change before the game. 

So again, please Mr. Commissioner, don't let one god awful call, and one stupid reaction to that call determine this series. It already swung the fate of one game, don't let it swing two. 

Groveling, over. 

On the Celtics home front, I can't help but notice that none of this would have happened if anyone but Rondo could buy a bucket. I mean, god love Pierce, he kept chucking all night long, didnt matter that he was 5-19 and should probably be focusing on driving and getting to the line. Took KG 2 and a half quarters to get in the game, pretty sure Brandon Bass not only didn't show up, but something called an "Ivan Johnson" ate his lunch too...(side note, the box score only credits Ivan with 5 rebs total, I was watching, that's bogus. Guy had at least 5 offensive rebounds in the second half alone). On the surface its hard to get on Bradley, he absolutely dogged Teague and Hinrich in the one man full court press, and that's worth something I guess, but he was completely lost in the half court...on offense and defense. The picture I'm trying to paint here was it was Rondos game to win or lose...and he lost it right when the C's were gaining some momentum...but we would have never been in that position if he had any help at all. 

Oh, I forgot to mention, Doc played nine guys...in the first half...because anytime you can have Keyon Dooling and Sasha Pavlovic on the court at the same time in the middle of a playoff game, you gotta do it. 

Ok, rant over, I'll let this all go...Part of me just hopes that Pierce, KG, and Doc all collectively thought this was the last regular season game and they were just on auto drive mode like they'd been for the last week and a half. Lets hope they wake up for game two.