Spirit Airlines' Secret Service Bang for Your Buck Specials!

Fox News - Spirit Airlines, the company that has mocked the likes of Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, Rob Blagojevich, is now capitalizing on the Secret Security prostitution scandal by advertising a special for one-way flights to Cartagena, Colombia, starting at $19.80. The Florida-based budget airline's "More Bang for your Buck" promotion, that features an ad depicting a sunglass-wearing agent in front of four scantily glad women, appears to be poking fun at the allegations that Secret Services members.

While I respect the hell out of Spirit Airlines and their on-going comical promotions, I have to question the $19.80 price tag for an international flight to Columbia...that tells me one of two things, I'm either:

A) Boarding the same plane Amelia Earhart used in her attempt to fly around the globe, or:

B) It's a clever trick and you'll be charging me upwards of $5K for a return flight home because Cartagena is not someplace anyone of non-Columbian descent would ever dream of hanging around for fun. 

That's gotta be it. 

Do People Really Not Know What The Wanted's "Glad You Came" is About?

TMZ - One of the singers from "The Wanted" has finally settled the debate -- STRONGLY insinuating the band's hit song "Glad You Came" is really about having an orgasm ... not hanging out with some chick you like. The video shows "Wanted" singer Tom Parker singing the song on the street with two fans. Everything's going fine at first -- maybe a little pitchy -- but on the last verse, Tom changes the lyrics, singing instead, "I'm glad you GUSHED" ... and gestures near his crotch. The debate's been raging for months -- so we gotta ask ...

Was this a debate? I thought everyone knew this already. I mean these guys are practicing the well established act of Musical Inception, actually pretty obviously, they're hardly being coy about it.  It's a pretty time honored tradition where artists subconciously get girls thinking about sex through seemingly innocuous lyrics. 

Were people really not aware of that? I mean, look at the lyrics:

Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came

Really people, you're really debating this? That's every 21 year old's Friday night Rico Suave routine right there. Dim the lights, pour one more drink, see what happens. 

Wheres the debate?

Has There Ever Been A More Divisive Hockey Series than this Penguins v. Flyers One?

Let me preface this by saying this; I'm not a hockey fan. I'm not a pink hat bruin fan, I don't pretend to care once the playoffs start, and I never will. Hockey's not my thing and I'm not going to just pretend it is because the home town team is on a nice uptick. I root for the Bruins, sure, but I don't get involved in discussions about them, and I don't lose sleep over them. For true hockey fans experiencing this resurgence to relevance in recent years, I'm certainly glad for them, but I'm never going to pretend to really care. 

Now that that's out of the way, let me also say this: This Flyers vs. Penguins series is one of the most entertaining things I've ever seen on television, period. It's all the best parts of hockey for a nonchalant observer like myself. Hitting, fighting, genuine disgust for their opponents, and ample scoring.  It's everything I hope for when I watch a hockey game, and it's delivered every game so far. 

Now this is where actual hockey fans, radio hosts, talking heads on tv, etc...break in and say its been a disgrace, the league has lost control of the series etc, etc...Boo-fricken-hoo. 

You want some purist hockey, go watch the first two games of the Bruins series. 1-0 and 2-1. Yea they went to overtime and yea sudden death hockey is the most riveting format for all the major sports, but beyond that they were total yawners. I just can't get behind that, it simply doesn't interest me. 

You know what does interest me? 8+ goals, continuous fights out of spite, and a promise of more the next game. Traditional and old school hockey fans can say what they like, sports radio hosts can take the holier than thou role, I don't give a shit. I know that for those 60 minutes of action I am absolutely glued to the TV and that's more than I can say for just about any other hockey series in my life.

Mickael Pietrus and the Celtics Wrap Up the Atlantic Division Once Again

Big Gold Fish must be something lost in translation from French or Haitian or French Guianan or whatever Micaekl is. But we get what you're saying Mickael, and your enthusiasm is off the charts. We may not completely understand you (frankly, I'm not sure anyone does) but we appreciate it anyway. 

Have at it bud. 

PS: I'm kinda shocked that a quick google search couldn't produce any 2012 Atlantic Division Champs shirts, I'd have thought Modells had those things ready to go...Mom's buying 10 year old and younger kids Division champ's apparel as a thoughtful yet misguided gift is basically a cottage industry at this point, someone really fell asleep at the switch here.

Courtney Stodden's Countdown Will Culminate in the End of the Internet

HuffPo - In case you haven't been keeping track, Courtney Stodden turns 18 on August 29, and everyone's favorite teen bride is counting down the days in a video series on her YouTube account. The first episode, titled "My Foot Hurts," was posted April 16 and it's a bizarre version of "Newlyweds" mixed with "Girls Next Door." Basically, it's complete nonsense. The beginning of the clip shows the buxom blonde complaining that her ankle hurts as she struts about her house in sky-high plastic heels. She talks on the phone with her mom and discusses what she wants to wear for an upcoming photo shoot -- "I want a really tight, tiny dress, as always" -- but can't stop complaining about her foot. Her mom doesn't seem to care.

7 and a half minutes. Be afraid people. She just produced 7 and a half minutes all by herself, with the help of what would appear to be an Iphone filming the whole thing. It was awful, but not enough so that E! and Bravo aren't blowing up her phone right now for the rights to launch an actual reality series (frankly I'd support a show where Dr. Phil just moves into their house and diagnoses them on a daily basis, that I'd watch). 

PS: The only people excited for her 18th birthday are the execs over at Vivid Entertainment. I mean what else does she have to count down to? She's already married to an older man, she whores herself out for attention constantly, she wears the littlest amount of clothing legally allowed on a regular basis, I don't doubt that she's got tattoos, her husband can buy her booze and scratch tickets (its probably their Friday night date routine), she's really got nothing left that she can't do besides porn. So cheers to Vivid, I assume her birthday bonanza will make your fiscal quarter.

Young New Hires at the Office Are So Damn Annoying

How I Look At Work After A Couple of Glasses of Wine At Dinner

So I was walking out of the office last night behind a couple of new hires, they were swapping stories about what they did the previous night, who they were out with, how much they drank, where they woke up, yada, yada, yada, and I couldn't help but feel an irrational tinge of disgust for the two kids...and it's not something new, its something that's been growing within me for a while now. I'm becoming less and less tolerant of new hires at our office and more and more resentful of their youth...and I'm only 27. 

Now, I work at a huge company, entry level really is entry level, these are kids fresh out of college, so we generate a lot of turnover and there are a lot of new faces all the time. I was one of those new faces once. I was one of the kids swapping tales about going out the night before, waking up hungover and still plowing through the work day and then going out to do it again the next night. That was me. And now, I Hate those kids. 

Now if I have three beers while watching a sox game during the week I have to make damn sure I hydrate with like, a half gallon of water before bed, otherwise I'm useless the next morning. Back then? I specifically remember one Tuesday morning (that's right Tuesday) where I woke up puking my brains out. I was still living at home at the time and I specifically remembered my dad walking by and shaking his head, asked if I was going to make it in to work, I said yes, and that was that. I wasn't sure if he was bewildered as to how I was actually managing to go in, or disgusted that his oldest son was singing to the toilet on a Tuesday morning...I always assumed it was disgusted, but now I think that was wrong. I look back now with bewilderment as to how my friends and I did it, just a few short years ago and wonder what happened.

It's not that I'm particularly proud of my exploits during that time, it's just more of a bizarre fond memory that I now resent seeing play out in the lives of younger people in the office. I do laugh though, knowing that a few years will go by lightning fast on these kids and then they'll be the ones in my chair making the depressed realization that they are just not that young anymore...of course by then I'll be 30, and fuck, then I'll really hate those kids.  You really just can't win when it comes to aging, can you?

Alabama BCS Trophy Shatters after Bubba's Father Bumps Trips Near Podium

CNN - The University of Alabama's crystal prize for winning last season's college football championship had a pretty short shelf life – and somewhere, a player's parent is blushing crimson. The roughly $30,000 Waterford crystal football that tops the trophy from the American Football Coaches Association fell and shattered on Saturday when the father of an Alabama player caught his foot on a rug where the trophy stood at Alabama's Mal Moore Athletic Facility, according to CNN affiliate WIAT and ESPN's Alex Scarborough.

I'm not even kidding when I say this, that family has to move. Not out of town, not clear cross Greenbow County, just right out of state...Actually they'd probably be safer if they made sure they crossed the Mason-Dixon line on the way North. Maybe settle in a  small  town in Maine that doesn't give a damn about big time NCAA football. 

We've all seen what has since happened to that guy who claimed he poisoned the trees at Toomers Corner, guy has basically been public enemy number one in 'Bama since Osama was taken out last year. In fact, he's probably the happiest man in the state right now with this happening. Finally take some attention away from himself. 

Of course all this could have been avoided with like a $20 plastic case on top of the podium, no? Who leaves this thing out in the open getting fingerprint smudges all over the place. The fact that this hasn't happened previously is actually pretty shocking. Its a crystal football just lying around in the open, who does that shit?

Secret Service Scandal is All Over a $50 Eiffel Tower? Is that Right?

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MSNBC - The Colombian prostitute who triggered the scandal that has rocked the Secret Service got angry with two agents who refused to pay her full price for servicing the two of them, leading to a financial dispute over between $40 and $60, according to a government source who has been briefed on the investigation. Two agents from the service's elite Counter Assault Team, in Cartagena, Colombia, in advance of President Barack Obama's arrival for the Summit of the Americas over the weekend, had procured the women's services at a local strip club called the Pley Club on the evening of April 11. All the Secret Service agents and officers implicated in the scandal are believed to have gone to the club that evening and brought back women, a U.S. official told NBC News...The controversy arose after one of the women went back to a hotel room with two agents. The woman wanted to be paid for serving both agents, the source who has been briefed on the probe told NBC News. Instead, the agents would only agree to split her price, prompting the woman to complain to local police who were stationed in the lobby of the Hotel Caribe, the source said.

So I hadn't really been following this all that closely until yesterday, just didn't really care, still don't actually, but it's pretty much unavoidable at this point. 

So lets just say this, $50 guys! $50 bucks, that's what this is all about, that's why I can't open the internet without having to read a story about a bunch of secret service guys philandering around in 3rd world countries. Now, I'm not sure exactly what $50 buys here in the US, nevermind Cartagena, but given the exchange rate, I'd assume $50 will get you some weird, wild, shit down in Columbia. I'd say just sack up and pay it...

As a matter of fact I'd say that should be general policy when you're working Presidential detail and are involved in any seedy activities; prostitutes, donkey shows, drug trade, etc...You just pay the money. I mean, wouldn't you rather get ripped off by some whore than have the leader of the free world mad at you? That seems worse to me. 

Barry does the fatherly "I'm dissapointed in you,"
look with the best of them.

What's more astounding here is there was two of them, and neither came to that conclusion. I figured one was probably playing the role of the alpha male, just shoving the whore out the door after they were done, half dressed and everything, probably said something like "Here's your money, get the fuck out." But you'd have to think one of them would be like "wait a minute, what if she runs to her pimp (apparently the cops are the pimps in Columbia? that's fairly enlightened, actually.) and then Barry get's involved. He'll be so disappointed in us." But no, no one thought of that. Both of them played the role of alpha male and look what happened, the whole world now knows you got your dick wet with some hooker you picked up at a third world strip club. So kudos on that.

Sox Fans Pulse Check: Abandon All Hope

Someone should tell Bobby the Rangers got 14 more runs to go.

For Chrissakes guys, pull your shit together huh? When I decided to do Sox Fans Pulse Checks this season I figured I'd have one, maybe two per week to write, not an every day emotional roller coaster...I mean, what the hell was that last night? 18-3? What are we the fucking Kansas City Royals? Shit.

Was Jon Lester serious last night? You're the ace, you were staked a 2-0 lead in the first inning, come on man! And don't even get me started on Melancon...Christ that guy sucks, he doesn't even belong in AAA, nevermind the bigs....Check out this stat line from last night:

0 Innings Pitched Folks...Melancon officially pitched as many innings as myself and all my readers combined last night, the difference? All six batters he faced ended up scoring. This guy has been the definition of terrible thus far. Bobby V, if you're taking notes, this is the guy you should be thrashing in the media. The guy that doesn't look like he's given two shits about how his performances pan out whatsoever since getting here, the guy flat out sucks.

I don't know what to make of this team now, they start out 1-5, rip off 3 straight against the D-Rays, and now drop two in a row. There's absolutely no continuity here and it's weighing heavily on my blood pressure.

Not that the Celtics and Rondo were helping me out in the coronary department last night either:

In some bizarre twist of irony I shit my pants at the exact moment I thought I was watchign the Celts season go down the shitter. Doc, please just sit Rondo these next few games, seeding be damned. Rondo going out with any kind of lingering back pains is worst case scenario for this team.

So yea, great night for the Boston sports scene.