Red Sox to Interview Dale Sveum for Coaching Job...Remember Dale, Worst 3rd Base Coach Ever

Guy was basically a statue like this all season long, sending everyone in sight

Boston - The Red Sox will interview Philadelphia Phillies bench coach Pete Mackanin tomorrow and Milwaukee Brewer hitting coach Dale Sveum later this week as the search for a new manager gets underway in earnest. Sveum, who turns 48 next month, was the Red Sox third base coach from 2004-05. He has been with the Brewers in the six seasons since, serving as third base coach, bench coach and hitting coach under three managers. Sveum became interim manager in 2008, leading the Brewers to a 7-5 record and a playoff spot. Milwaukee then lost a division series against the Phillies in four games. The Phillies went on to win the World Series. Sveum has three years of minor league managing experience, all coming with Pittsburgh from 2001-03. He was 213-211 and led Altoona (Pa.) to the 2003 Eastern League playoffs. Sveum played 12 years in the majors (1986-99) for the Brewers, Phillies, White Sox, Athletics, Mariners, Pirates and Yankees. He hit .235 with 69 home runs.

Is everyone ok with this, because I sure as shit am not.  Dale Sveum, are we serious here? Nothing against Dale the person, I'm sure he's a swell guy, but my issue is that I know his name at all. His career resume reads like a hanger-on'er bench coach here, third base coach here, batting coach here, etc...I shouldn't have a clue who he is, but I do, and that's generally not a good thing for a career assistant. Take this Pete Mackanin, guys been in baseball in some form since 1973, never heard of him, and that's a good thing.

The only reason I've heard of Dale Sveum is because he was perhaps the worst 3rd base coach in Red Sox history outside of Wave 'Em In Wendell, and frankly, if Dale's name began with a "W" we would have honorarily bestowed Wave 'Em In to him as a nick name. Nothing funny went with Dale, that's all. But back to my point, if I know who you are as a third base coach, you suck at your job. I couldn't tell you who the 3rd base coach has been for the past few years for the Sox, no idea. And it's not like I'm not watching the games, or that I'm completley oblivious, if someone said the name I'd be like "oh yea it's him," but there's just no way I can think of it off the top of my head...Dale hasn't been here for like 5 years and I still remember him getting runners buried at the plate. And in case you think it's just me, irrationally hating on this guy, check out his wiki: "Most Hated Third Base Coach on a team that won the World Series." Not a title you aspire to. (actually check out his wiki page, its hilarious).

So count me as out on this one, unless it's written into Dale's contract that he has no control over base running, bunting, and giving signs whatsoever, I think I'll pass, sorry Dale.

Trampoline Wall Tricks....Wait For It....

There, now you're all as disappointed as I was, just sitting here waiting for this guy to break a femur, crash head first, or, best case scenario split his nuts on the top of that wall...and for all that patience..nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just some guy that cruises through life knowing that he does way better trampoline tricks than I'll ever do.  Where is the justice in that?

Can We All Get On the Same Page As Far as Sneezing Reactions Go?

 

Sneezing has to draw the most wide ranging mix of emotions and reaction from on-lookers over any other bodily function...Not specifically this guy above, this guy is about to get some hateful looks, some people muttering under their breath, and he probably won't get a holiday Christmas card. Just disgusting as it gets...But in general, for mild mannered, non gross people, the mix of reactions you'll get after sneezing is just confounding. Can't we all get on the same page as far as how to react to these situations? We don't treat any other bodily functions like this. 

Burping - You've got two basic reactions here, 1)Gross/Indignation and 2)WOW, Congrats. It all depends on the situation and maturity level of the observer. The gross indignation reactor is going to mean mug you, cross their arms in contempt and in the most fucking annoying tone possible say "Exxccuussee me?" Look bud, I didn't just step on your foot, didn't kick your dog, and didn't physically harm you in anyway. Unless I interrupted you during a speech or quiet meeting, or some other formal function, chances are I'm not going to say excuse me, especially to a stranger.  Like if I'm in the food court at the mall you're not getting that excuse me, sorry ain't gonna happen. Moving on, the Wow/Congrats reactor is kind of self explanatory. You've just let out a king sized belch, deserved of acknowledgment and this person is obliging. This happens when you're drunk or under the age of 16, or if you're in general company with myself. That's it.

Farting - Generally one reaction, a scowl, a move to the nose and inquisitive looks around to find the offender. I'm not quite sure why, but farts seem to bring out the inner Sherlock Holmes in all of us.  I was at a bar the other night and someone was just ripping ass for like an hour straight, finally after 20 minutes I decided I had enough and decided to crack the case, I went from slamming beers to figuring out air current movements, checking everyone's food orders for obvious signs of gas, and just eye balling people to determine the most likely source of flatulence...I settled on Honest Abe Lincoln (it was a Halloween party). My only regret is not asking him to confirm, he couldn't tell a lie after all. 

Cough - Two reactions, Aww, are you ok, and WTF DO YOU MIND COVERING UP?!. Complete polar opposites. The Aww are you ok tends to come from someone sympathetic to you, a loved one or friend who's going to feed you chicken soup until you feel better, despite the fact that you flat out detest chicken soup and really all soups (that's just me? Ok). The outrageous overreaction is from everyone else.  And don't let the fact that I threw in asking the person to cover up fool you.  I cover up a record rate of 95% of the time, I still get these looks. It's just a knee jerk reaction, you can't help it. You just assume everyone doesn't cover up and you're now going to come down with the bubonic plague as a result of that cough. I've heard someone cough behind me before, without seeing them, and turned around to tell them to cover up. Everyone hates a cougher, everyone. It's just a selfish bodily function. Just cut the shit.

The Sneeze - Reactions run the gamut, so much so that I don't even know where to begin. You got the God Bless you'ers, the ones who laugh (when you sneeze like 4-5 times in a row and sound like a nail gun), the outright disgust (saved for my boy pictured above), the WTF was that?!? reaction (for instance there is this chick at my work who sneezes like a 400 pound gorilla. No joke. I walked over to someone who works by her to ask what guy sneezed like that, and he pointed to her and I said "no, that's a girl," and he just shook his head marveling. I was stunned, the ultimate WTF was that sneeze.), and finally, for me at least, no reaction whatsoever...I'm not a total barbarian, I'll give my girlfriend a god bless you, and if someone else makes it awkward for me I'll say it out of guilt, but for the most part I just don't react, because frankly there is no consensus. Someone tell me definitively how I should be reacting to sneezing and I'll get on board. But as long as we're treating sneezes like the Wild West where everything goes, I'm going to continue not to acknowledge them.

The Story that I am Glad Was NOT a Story: “Running up the Score”

Hey Coach, maybe if you spent more time teaching your team defense instead of flipping the bird, you wouldnt be getting your ass kicked.

Last Sunday, America was present for a public massacre: a completely defenseless party was at the mercy of their oppressors, and was forcibly beaten like a red headed step child for 3 consecutive hours until the last breath of life escaped them. I, of course, refer to the snooze fest blow out that was the NFL “Game of the Week” with the Colts playing the Saints in the Superdome. The Saints, with their explosive offensive firepower, and the Colts with….well their incredible level of ineptitude as well as a quarterback who creepily looks like Kurt Cobain, was a combination for a 62-7 final score. The score doesn’t even really do justice to how badly the Colts got their ass kicked. The Saints ended up with 557 net yards, 305 more than their hapless opponents. The Saints punted the ball ONCE the entire game. The sorry excuse of a team called the Colts had a time of possession almost HALF of what the Saints did. So yeah, in every respect this was a complete and utter ass kicking.

However, the point I am trying to bring to light is that not a single member of the media even muttered a whisper of “lack of sportsmanship” or criticize the Saints for running up the score. For once, I am absolutely overjoyed that nobody (or at least a large majority of journalists) did not even give this angle of a story a sideways glance. As a Patriots fan, it drove me absolutely crazy in 2007-2008 for all the jealous little shits and sanctimonious football gurus to shove their arbitrary notions of “sportsmanship” down our throats when the Pats were mercilessly tearing through opposing defenses like Rob Gronkowski tears through porn stars. The nerdy corpse some call John Clayton emphatically stated that the Patriots kicked Hall of Fame Coach Joe Gibbs “when he was down” by crushing his Redskins 52-7. Forget the fact that the pass/running play ratio was almost identical for the Patriots in that game, no, they were being assholes by continuing to play and do their job until the 60 minutes was up.

My opinion at the time (and as it still stands today) is that there is no such thing as “running up the score” in professional/Division 1 collegiate sports (which is essentially pro sports these days anyways with the number of scandals and level of competitive nature, only difference is these kids don’t make millions to play their respective game.) You should not have to be reviled, decried, criticized, and demonized because you happen to be much better at what you do than your opponent is. Just because you take a big lead (like the Saints 2011/Patriots 2007) does not mean you have to fold it in and just half ass the rest of the way because you are scared you’ll hurt someone’s feelings. If you want to go out and sling the ball for a second half because you want to work on “in game” repetitions, do it. If you want to stomp on your opponent’s ego and crush it into a fine powder by winning by 40+, power to you. Not many teams can perform at that high a level very often. Imagine if competitive businesses were going head to head, and the 2^nd place entity filed a complaint with the SEC about the other company “running up the score” (making more money, having a bigger market share, whatever) They would get laughed out the building faster than it takes Daniel Tosh to do something flamboyantly homosexual.

Look, I get the notion of sportsmanship and when it is appropriate, like in youth sports and handling yourself like a professional before and after competitive events (*cough JIM SCHWARTZ cough*). But when you take the court, field, or rink in a professional setting, you damn well better make sure you come to play, because if you’re looking for any sympathy when/if you are getting your ass kicked all over the play, you won’t find any from me. All you will get is a smirk and a comment to the effect of, “You don’t want the score run up on you? Play better.”

Denise Richards Regrets Her Breast Implants Because of Daughter, I Regret her having a Daughter

Denise Richards wishes she hadn't had breast implants to go from flat to a D-cup as a teenager. In her latest iVillage essay, she worries that she's sending a bad message to her three daughters about beauty and confidence. "I'm in a business where looks and weight do matter," she writes. "My girls see me at work or getting ready for photo shoots and I'm sure at times it can be a confusing message to them when I'm being primped, dressed and fussed over." In the essay, Richards says having daughters has made her regretful of her breast implants. "At 19 when I first got my breasts done, I wish that I was confident enough with my body to not have had surgery," she writes. "That is something that I really want to encourage in my daughters, to embrace their healthy body and have confidence."

Oh, Denise, Denise, Denise, of all my regrets, you having a child ranks pretty highly up there...Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your kids are great, mommy's little angels, blah, blah, blah... It's just that you were it for me growing up...You know what I'm talking about.

1998, Wild Things, I'm shivering just thinking about it now...I dropped whatever I was doing countless times whenever I saw Wild Things was on one of the HBO's, just pure sex appeal,  you might have single handedly been responsible for my voice changing over from awkwardly high pitched boy to teenage man-boy. I mean, screw Britney, you introduced me to the sexy school girl outfit, and you dominated that it.

So you can understand why it pains me to hear you lamenting those god given gifts of yours (so what if they're not natural, god still gave us the resources). Embrace those gifts Denise, know that you ushered an entire legion of boys into manhood when you went all scissor fest with Neve Campbell. Those things made you an absolute legend and in no way should you be lamenting them.

Ohio University Protesting Halloween Costumes Mocking Foreign Cultures...Bunch of Nancy's

(CNN) -- Thinking about donning a kimono to dress like a geisha for Halloween, or a Mexican mariachi suit? Students from Ohio University have a message for you: "We're a culture, not a costume." With ethnic and racial stereotypes becoming increasingly popular Halloween costume themes, members of the school's Students Teaching About Racism in Society are launching a campaign to make revelers think twice before reducing a culture to a caricature, the group's president said.

Ohio University? Like the number one party school in the country? Wow, that ranking was horseshit, huh? Because I'm almost positive a big time party school would not have a problem with a kid dressing up as a cartoon like mexican wearing a drug rug and riding a mule. It's funny. It means no harm, it carries no previous racist undertones (where as black face does and I agree anyone who goes black face is kind of a dick), just an amusing stereotypical caricature. 

Go ahead, dress as a white trash person, dress as a doofus hipster, dress like George W. Bush, we couldn't care less, honestly.  Dress as a bucktooth hick from Maine with a fake shot gun and rack attached to a bicycle, carrying around a fake dead rabbit that you're presumably going to eat for dinner, and talking about bonking his cousin all night, I'll laugh my ass off. Seriously, I will. 

And what's with protesting dressing like a Geisha? Geisha's are basically wearing costumes themselves. Loads of powdery make up, that funny hair bun, an over the top kimono, they're playing dress up themselves!

It's Halloween guys, I find it hard to find the racist undertones to anyone wearing a costume in the theme of a foreign culture. Simple solution? Don't go to the Halloween party if you feel offended...If there are enough like minded people like you, the party will suck, it'll just be a Mexican and his Burro, a Geisha girl, Chief Wapanoo, and an Arab (ok, maybe the arab with the TNT is a bit over the line, but that's just one prick in the crowd, I'm sure he got over the line comments all night long)...Which makes a good lead for several jokes, but for a party sucks, I mean, how would they even communicate.

Huge News for Senior Citizens Everywhere, You Can Now Fight Herpes and Alzheimers All At Once

Probably no one benefiting more from this news than Hef

Fox News - Antiviral drugs used to combat herpes virus infections could slow the progression of Alzheimer's disease, a new study suggests. The herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV1), which causes most cold sores, has previously been tied to the development of Alzheimer's disease. In the study, cells infected with HSV1 showed a buildup of the proteins known to damage the brains of people with Alzheimer's. Treating the cells with the antiviral drug acyclovir significantly reduced the accumulation of these proteins.

 I have to imagine that for an old, senile, STD ridden person, this is just about the happiest news you can get, maybe the happiest news in decades.

Nursing homes are just going to turn into straight up brothels for the elderly, just octonagarians as far as the eyes can see swapping fluids carelessly, getting their fuck on, and then sharing stories with their bros and girlfriends because for the first time in years they'll be able to remember their hookup and tell the story to their friends. 

A true golden age for the golden gals.

MBTA, Unable To Properly Run A Business, Looking to Further Tax Drivers and Local Businesses...Real Nice.

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A new proposal is calling for a regional payroll tax and a tax on miles motorists drive to help pay for the MBTA. The MassINC report finds the MBTA's current reliance on the state sales and gas taxes are just not enough to keep the aging system going. State and local transportation leaders are meeting Wednesday to discuss the T's troubled finances. "This uneven balance has eroded support for regional investment at a time when these areas need it the most," said Benjamin Forman, MassINC Research Director. "Investment patterns around the country show that regions are advancing public transportation infrastructure projects as catalysts for private development and overall economic growth, yet in Massachusetts those much-needed investments are being stalled or abandoned because their revenue foundation is not working as it should," he said.

Interesting, interesting. Decent proposal, but have you considered, NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL! 

Are you guys freaking kidding me? So instead of cutting expense and raising the rates for the actual users of the MTBA, you'd rather further subsidize your system by taxing everyone else? No way, nah-uh. Do the 99% know about this? Because this is the shit they should be protesting...I may have to get down there tomorrow and start my own fringe movement if they're not on top of this.

As a driver I paid sales tax on my auto and continue to pay gas tax every time I fill up to help support this poorly run system that I hardly ever use. I refuse to pay more...I also pay tolls and a yearly excise tax for the priveledge of using the state's infrastructure, roads, bridges, tunnels, etc...Maybe a yearly ridership tax on the T? Maybe charge all riders, even the ones who hop on the bus or get on the Green Line at one of the above ground stops.

And on top of that, payroll taxes on businesses? When the rest of the country is clammoring for a reduction in payroll taxes? Again, are you freaking kidding me? Unemployment is at an all time high, businesses just flat out aren't hiring, and your solution is to penalize them further for putting someone to work? Talk about out of touch. That's perhaps the worst bureaucratic idea I've heard this year. The worst

Or maybe, just maybe, you get the government hackery under control, stop the appointment of any new directors or board members as a "thanks" from friends in political office and undertake the process of trimming the fat via bloated pensions. 

If you can't figure out how to run this efficiently as a business by providing a service and charging your customers an appropriate amount for that service, then you don't deserve to be running the system. Plain and simple. Sell the MBTA. Let some private company come in here, cut waste, increase efficiency (for instance when a driver is caught red handed under performing on the job or blatantly putting the lives of its riders in danger, a private company would fire that employee, not spend months debating the merits of their employment). If all else fails, sell it. Let it be a private system. Sell it for .50 cents on the dollar and be done with it. Because I do not want to support this incredibly poorly run, failing system a day longer. Just cut the shit

Is This Crafting at Work Woman the Worst Employee Ever?

Wow, just wow. Safe to say this woman and I kill time at our cubicle jobs in completely different fashions...And I thought I was a dickhead co-worker, finding topics and tweeting my blog all day, turns out I'm a model employee. This woman easy had more craft material than work material in her cube.

So many questions. Why? Where is this office, and are they hiring? At what age did your affinity for crafting poor representations of dogs come to the surface? Have you ever been featured on one of those weird-o TLC shows? On average how many times a week do your interoffice craft-mails get sent back to you with a pissed off note?

Always boggles my mind that I'm so stressed and secretive about my slackings at work, making sure I get all my shit done, not really letting anyone in on my little side world, then you've got people who just may be certifiably insane slacking all the live long day and no one says anything to them, presumably because they're afraid they'll have a nervous break down.  

Like this one woman at my work, somehow fell into this cushy part time position, yet still spends 90% of the time on the phone with friends and family or traipsing around the building just chatting it up about anything from her kids latest sniffly nose to her and her girlfriends wildly inappropriate nights out. 

I just wish I could care that little about how I'm perceived. I really do. Ignorance really is bliss I guess.