Best of the Blogs

This Is Just Poor Decision Making - Cousin to the moron who believes he's strong enough to hold down a mattress on the roof of his car while bombing down the highway at 80mph.  Only this guys dumber. Because he presumably has money, he just bought a 63 inch TV. He's just too cheap to pay the extra $100 for delivery.


11 Year Old British Boy Blows 1,000 Pounds on XBOX - The curse of microsoft points strikes again. I don't blame the kid, no one knows how much money they're throwing around on the xbox because Microsoft took it upon themselves to invent a currency that has no bearing in the real world.  80 MSFT points = $1.00 how screwed up is that? It's like paying in Indian Ruples.  This poor kid thinks he's playing with monopoly money, but really he just blew roughly $1,600 dollars on video games and accessories, which I would have thought was impossible up til today.


14 Fun Facts Every Super Mario Fan Should Know - Honestly, its just a fun link, check it out.

Court Bans Low IQ Man from Having Sex- Something tells me rulings like this in America would cure the issues of teen pregnancy and high school drop out rates amongst people of lower socio-economic status (read, poor) within a year. It's one thing to be dumb and poor but still be able to get laid, it's another thing altogether when your only joy (and means of income via welfare) are taken away too.

AOL Bought The Huffington Post?

(CNN) -- Internet provider AOL is to buy news and blog website The Huffington Post for $315 million, the latest in a long line of innovative start-ups snapped up by established big-name firms...For its $315 million investment, AOL is buying itself a fashionable and rapidly growing brand popular among center-left circles in the U.S. and overseas.

I had to read that headline about 3 or 4 times and I still don't quite believe they have it right, I honestly would have assumed at this point it would have been the Huffington Post buying AOL.  Aside from AOL charging a few old ladies monthly fees all I've ever heard for the past 3 or 4 years is how they're broke and the deal with Time Warner was the worst in history.  I just assumed we'd be reading about them closing their doors for good before hearing about them buying a major online news outlet.  Shit if I knew they had $315 million to play with I'd have put the word out I'm looking for a buyer.

While pundits do their research and hem and haw over whether this was a good deal or not, I've already formed an opinion.  No, it wasn't a good deal.  Huffpo is really only relevant to me when I'm looking for a left leaning opinion on some political or financial story, they're really weak in covering anything outside of that arena.  On the other hand I don't think AOL gets enough credit for having to put together a really decent news portal while being able to filter out all the noise from the dominant personalities typically stabled at all of the large news outlets. While I like the entertaining, polarizing, and though provoking arguments these personalities present, no matter what side of the issue they're on, it can be hard to pay attention to the actual story at hand sometimes and that's why its good to have a straight man to just deliver the stories as they are on occasion.  If HuffPo comes in and clouds out the stories with its liberal slant, well then you'll lose a reader AOL, Goodbye.

I Would Dominate Japanese Hole Digging Competition, and I'm Willing to Prove It (video inside)

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10 feet in 30 minutes? And you have teams? That's weak bro.  No wonder the Jap's don't open this competition up to outsiders. Stupid protectionist rules, screw that.  You know why those measures are in place, because CW ages 8-13 would have dominated these amateurs. I used to leave beaches looking like mine fields from World War II.  More than one unsuspecting jogger fell victim to the CW special, a human sized hole covered with seaweed n' shit.  CW aged 18-21 may have done some of the finest hole digging work known to mankind during his summer irrigation job (pennypacker gets an assist here too, but it was usually my goof-up that we were digging trenches to fix so I'll take the lion share of the credit).

So here's the plan, since the Jap's don't let American's in their little sandbox competition because of lingering grudges from World War II (to be honest I'm sure they'd let American's in, but I'm running with this since I'm sure as shit not paying for a flight to Japan to teach those guys how to dig a hole), I'm going to run my own if this site starts getting the attention it deserves.  If The Alt-Tab is averaging 600 pageviews per day (why 600? because it's more than we're getting now, don't question me) over a two week span by April 1st, I'll organize our own Ditch Digging contest.  I'll make the calls to a few campgrounds and send an international telegraph to the Japanese letting them know we're about to do work over here.  Teams of 5 (some of those teams had entire clans, that's horseshit) 30 minutes, deepest hole win.  None of this "most creative" bullshit.  Go be an art major on your own time.  Team CW/Pennypacker just moving earth by the yard and putting everyone else to shame.

Yes, I'm dead serious. I'm putting up a countdown on the sidebar. A running average of 600 page views per day for two weeks.  Tell everyone.  Anyone interested in joining the winning team submit resumes and/or evidence to your hole digging prowess to TheAltTab@Gmail.com.  Again, I could not be more serious.

I'd Kill to be one of China's Mouse Tribe

I think CNN needs a new translating correspondent.  You see that guys smile, ear to ear.  That's not the face of a guy troubled by his living situation, and really, why should it be?  You show me a guy who didn't dream of living in an underground tunnel fort as a kid and I'll show you a bald-faced liar.  

Still, tunnel is a bit misleading, and that's disappointing.  I mean call a spade a spade, that apartment is just the basement level of an old school buidling.  Not exactly the make shift fort in the subterranean tunnel world the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles led me to believe existed. 

Ladies and Gentelmen, The Orlando Magic, A Bunch of Pussies

Yea, you're a real bully Dwight. Delusional.

 These are legit quotes from the Celtics demoralization of the Magic on Sunday (yes I wish I wasn't lazy and had posted this before the C's followed their victory up by losing to the Bobcats).  All from ESPN:

Quentin Richardson on being bullied by KG and Pierce:

Quentin Richardson got a lot of feedback last spring, most of it positive, he said, when he called out Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce for being good "actresses" during the Boston Celtics' first-round series with the Miami Heat during last season's playoffs...."I'm not going there again," he said, when asked about the "actresses" comment. "But a lot of people called me and liked it. Everyone knows how they [the Celtics] play, some of the stuff they do. You've got eyes. You saw it. It's not always good."...

SVG on Turkoglu's disappearing act:

Said Van Gundy of Turkoglu, "I don't like the way he is playing at all. I don't like his decision-making. I don't like his energy. … I'm sort of saying: What the hell is he doing?"...

 Gilbert Arenas, on why he sucked yesterday:

Arenas going scoreless in 15 minutes. Arenas couldn't remember the last time that had happened to him, adding, "I guess there's a first for everything." He also said he has trouble with afternoon games because they prevent him from having breakfast.

 Dwight Howard, on his image:

"It shouldn't have even been a foul," Howard said. "It makes me look like a bully, which is not the case."

 And finally:

 The Magic were not happy with the refereeing trio of Dick Bavetta, Jason Phillips and Olandis Poole, whose calls gave the Celtics a 34-16 advantage in free throws. That was part of it as well.

How mind fucked are these softies?  

Hey Dwight Howard, you're about the biggest guy in the league, maybe you want to look like a bully?  Rajon Rondo strolled through your lane and basically stuffed it down your pooper all afternoon long.  A light breeze could knock Rondo on his ass, trust me, I don't think anyone in the Celts  locker room is looking at you like a bully right now.

 

And Gilbert, really? How many more excuses are you going to come up with before you just admit that you have the knees of an 80 year old and the jump shot of 2nd team rec-league all-star at this point.  I noticed you don't go by Agent Zero anymore, probably a good choice. Nicknames aren't as funny when they're true. You could have eaten all the Wheaties you wanted, you would have still looked like you should have been competing in the half time, half court shoot out.

Stan Van Gundy, how about not selling out your own player in Turkoglu and, you know, attempting to coach?  Your team's outside shooting was about as accurate as Michael J Fox vs Muhammed Ali in a game of HORSE yesterday.  Maybe you want to run some screen and rolls? Tell your team to drive to the basket?

Don't bitch about foul shot discrepancies when your team is 3/24 from 3pt land and your wings were 13 for 50 over all.  Did you not notice Dwight Howard basically outscoring the Celtics entire team in the 1st quarter? Would it have been too obvious to keep pounding it inside to him?

God I hope the Celts play these mental midgets in the first round.

Arod Being Arod at the Super Bowl

Fox News - During the game on Sunday, FOX cameras caught Diaz hand-feeding her Yankee popcorn as they watched the Steelers and the Packers battle it out.  “I’m sure Alex is thrilled we just put the camera on him at that moment,” the commentator said of the affectionate moment, now broadcast around the world.

Actually, I'm sure he is thrilled. Yea, the limp wrist kind of ruins the picture, but this is exactly the message super star athletes making a kajillion dollars a year should be sending.  This guy is in charge, he  knows it, she knows, it and now the whole world knows it.  Frankly, I'm a little frightened as a sox fan.  

The stars of the NFL could learn a thing or two from Arod.  This isn't some ordinary hoochie he assaulted in a dive bar bathroom, or some slut sideline reporter who rejected him after he texted his dick pics to her.  This is $20 million per movie Cameron Diaz, and he's got her hand feeding him during the Super Bowl so he doesn't have to look down and miss any of the action.  Look at that perfect form. Eyes up at the jumbo tron, head tilted slightly back for ideal digestion posture, and arm guarding against any potential stains on his shirt. Guy is in midseason form and pitchers and catchers haven't even reported yet. 

Woman Gives Birth to 13 Pound Baby

METHUEN (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A local couple is beaming after delivering a big bundle of joy at Holy Family Hospital...Meet Johnathan Patrick, just days old, coming into the world on Feb. 3, weighing a whopping 13 pounds. 13.26 pounds to be exact...The average size baby, by the way, is just six pounds.


You've got to feel bad for the husband here, if this wasn't a C-section he's in for a miserable rest of his life, divorce being his only savior.


First off, he's not going to win an argument or fight for the remainder of this relationship.  "Hunny I'm too tired to grow to the grocery store" will be met with "I passed a watermelon through my vagina." Disagree on where to go on vacation? She passed a human being the size of the jumbo jet you're going to fly on, she's choosing where you go. End of argument. Husbands have it hard enough with your average 6 pound baby, nevermind this guy spawning fat albert in his wife's womb.  Just a lifetime of oppression ahead for this guy.

And then, not to be too distasteful, but obviously things are never going to be the same in the bedroom.  I have to believe once your wife passes the equivalent of two whole gallons of milk out her baby-maker things just aren't going to fall back into place, and frankly I'm sick just thinking of it, nevermind living it.

Super Bowl Leftovers

Similar to CW's frige this morning, though I think these college students have more real food than I do today

I'd wager to say there is no odder morning to open your fridge as a supposed adult than the day after hosting people for the Super Bowl.  A brief scan of my fridge and kitchen this morning led me to believe I was experiencing Dejavu, half believing I'd transported back in time to my college apartment.

On the counters, enough scattered beer bottles to make a homeless person mildly jealous, half a fridge full of unopened beers (would definitely make a homeless person jealous), unexplained blocks of cheese, 90% finished off bags of tostitos, seemingly dozens of plates covered in salsa (honestly there were just 4 of us, I have no idea how we ended up with that many plates), a few boxes of "authentic frozen mexican food" strewn about, and a half eaten tray of brownies. 

Of course the delusion/fantasy ended when I scanned the rest of the room and saw that my furniture wasn't assembled from a scattering of yard sale and Salvation Army purchases, and the art on my walls was actually art instead of the standard half naked chic posters, the John Belushi in animal house poster that gets handed out on the first day of college, and blacklight art work posters.

Do You Blow Your Nose or Sniff?

Suck it up guy

A debate has been raging in my house hold for a while now, over a question as old as time.  Do you blow your nose, or sniff everything in?

I'm firmly in the sniffer category. I probably blow my nose 2.5-3 times per year, and only on those truly stuffed up occasions where sniffing just isn't getting the job done.  And before everyone gets all self-righteous on me about "oh it's so gross, blah,blah,blah" just know that I find you blowing your nose just as disgusting.

At least I have the common courtesy to keep whats mine, mine.  Not like every other Tom, Dick and Sally just blowing expectorate and snot wherever they please.  And don't give me any crap about using tissues.  Do you honestly think that razor thin slice of paper is keeping us safe from all your germs? And I'm not talking about people at home alone, or in the bathroom, I'm talking about the rest of you who just blow it wherever you please. 

If you're blowing your nose in your cube I have a question for you, where do you wash your hands? Or how about out in a mall, a store, a bar? I don't see ya'll running to wash off the translucent booger matter that is without a doubt now trapped on your hands.

And that doesn't even tough upon the freaks carrying around hankerchiefs. Yea you're the picture of health and manners shoving wadded up napkins of boggers into your pocket.  Gross bro, gross.

So go ahead and judge me, just know that my snot has never led to any spreading of bird, swine, or any other mammal based flu.