Chris Brown In Trouble for Smashing Window After Good Morning America

Fox News - Chris Brown could be in trouble with the law once again following an alleged violent outburst at ABC’s “Good Morning America” studios. Brown, 21, reportedly became enraged Tuesday and smashed a huge plate glass window after being asked questions about his 2009 domestic violence conviction following the brutal assault of his former girlfriend, pop singer Rihanna.


 Chris Brown seems like a perfectly stable individual, no? Not crazy at all. That is, if you ignore the fact that he recently dyed his hair in an attempt to either look like Sisquo or one of the Golden Locks gang members from Meteor Man, beat his ex-girlfriend, and then broke a plate glass window after being asked about beating his ex-girlfriend.  But once you get by all that, he's really a nice guy.


In all honesty though, I don't blame him.  I'd want to break a plate glass window after being on Good Morning America as well.  Something about those artificially cheer personas so early in the morning.  "Bitch, I ain't even had my coffee yet, you woke my ass up at 6 AM, and now you want to talk to me about beating my girlfriend, all the while making a phony collagen assisted smile, F-U."  I figure that's what was running through Chris Browns head anyway. 

Just once I'd like to flick on the tele in the morning and see some people hosting shows as grumpy as I am, just miserable that they had to wake up for the 6,547 week day in a row to go to the same old job, present the same old traffic and weather updates and talk about the same old puff-pieces of news.  Like come on people, no one is that goddamn cheery after waking up at 4 am.  Phyically impossible. 

I guess for now I'll just have to stick with my man VB on the Fox 25 morning news show.  Sure he's not ideal, but every now and then he gets a snarky streak going that makes CW grin pre-coffee, if only for a moment. 

10 Year Old Kid Narc'd By His Friends for Slangin Cocaine

Washington (CNN) -- Four elementary students who were given cocaine by one of their classmates last week were back in school on Monday according to District of Columbia Public Schools spokeswoman Safiya Simmons. Each of the four children had either ingested cocaine orally or inhaled the substance after their classmate allegedly brought an undetermined amount to Thomson Elementary School. The students were evaluated by the school nurse and taken to the hospital as a precaution. The child accused of bringing the illegal substance to school was not back at Thomson Elementary on Monday. He was charged with possession of a controlled substance last week. A source familiar with the case said the boy who allegedly brought the cocaine to school is 10 years old.

Damn, it's frigen tough in elementary school these days huh? Shit is real.  Can't even do the decent thing and offer your friends a  piece of the party without those backstabbing bastards turning around and narc-ing you first chance they get.  You can't handle your high? Fine, but don't rat your friends out bro. 

What's a little G to do to make money these days? Carton of chocolate milk probably costs $1.25 these days.  That was a standard .35 cents for like 12 years when I was in school.  Inflation is a bitch, these kids gotta make up the extra expense somewhere, and sometimes banging and slanging rocks are just the easiest ways out.  

I mean, what better product for a few 3rd and 4th graders than a little booger sugar? Kids are amped up enough as it is, who would even know if they were on the nose candy? It should be the perfect crime, if kids could keep their mouths shut and stop snitchin', sheeeeaaaatttt. 

Hugo Chavez Believes Capitalism Ended Life on Mars, And America is Invading the Middle East for Their Water Reserves

Chavez; Dictator? Or Pirate?

CARACAS (Reuters) – Capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on the planet Mars, Venezuela's socialist President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday. "I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet," Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day. Chavez, who also holds capitalism responsible for many of the world's problems, warned that water supplies on Earth were drying up... "Careful! Here on planet Earth where hundreds of years ago or less there were great forests, now there are deserts. Where there were rivers, there are deserts," Chavez said, sipping from a glass of water. He added that the West's attacks on Libya were about water and oil reserves.

Wow, talk about a nut job.  I was with you on the whole Capitalism ending life on Mars theory, seemed plausible enough.  And yea we're definitely attacking Libya for their oil, that's obvious enough, there's nothing else there we'd want.  But water? Come on.

It's the desert bro.  No one invades the desert for water.  We have the Great Lakes, the Mississippi River, and the Quabbin Reservoir.  What the hell would we need with a few puddles and oasis'?  I mean if you can make that big of a mistake in logic I think I seriously have to question whether you're right about the whole capitalism on Mars theory.  I've gotta go do some thinking, Chavez.

Pole Dancing For Jesus? Yep.

CNN - In the quaint turn-of-the-century community called Old Town Spring, Texas, where Victorian style shops line the streets, one business stands out - pole fitness for Jesus. There's no preaching, just teaching. Set to Christian music, church-going women spin and slither around poles. But the instructor and the students say it's not about sex.  For them, this is about getting closer to God. "God gives us these bodies and they are suppose to be our temples and we are suppose to take care of them and that's what we are doing," instructor Crystal Dean said Booth was raised in church. Now, the pole is her temple.

Look, you can call it what you want, and I'm not judging you, but this is totally for sexual reason, don't lie to me. Whatever, maybe you're not doing this for the strip club, maybe you just want to get down and party with Jesus, I can dig that, seems like a really cool dude. That's fine, I have no problem with that. But just don't insult me with this mumbo-jumbo spiritual dance crap.  Spiritual dancers do that interpretational dance shit, girls who are DTF dance on the pole. End of story. 

PS: I love the fact that there actually are Bible Thumpers down South. Like the guy was actually thumping his Bible on their door.  The mental image just cracks me up.

Double PS: Good luck in life, teenage kid. Teenager who isn't amused and interested in girls pole dancing huh? Bet he's Mr. Popularity at school.

Bill Maher Calls Sarah Palin A Derogatory Word For Women, Bet You Can't Guess Which One!

Fox News - “Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade ‘Tsunami,’” Maher said. “I mean she said, ‘These ‘Tsunamians’ will not get away with this.’ Oh speaking of dumb tw**s, did you...”Maher was offering an imagined Palin response in an apparent attempt at humor, as Palin had made no such statement. The National Organization for Women (NOW) refused to comment on Maher’s use of the derogatory term.

Twats, he said Twats, congrats to those of you who guessed it ahead of time.  This also means everyone can calm down a bit, it's not like he used the big one, he didn't go nuclear on her ass and say cunt, so lets all agree to just put this in perspective.  

And hallelujah, NOW didn't release a statement. You mean feminists may have a sense of humor after all? Or are they just in agreement that she really is a twat? I mean, bottom line is there is nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade.  Even feminists should agree with that.  And for those who don't agree, calling Sarah Palin a twat isn't offensive to all woman, it's offensive to Sarah Palin. And that's ok, because frankly, she's annoying, dangerous, and exceedingly dumb, yet continues to stay in the spotlight.   

I can completely understand why NOW wouldn't rush to her side.  Would you really want a shotgun toting extremist with ignorant views on life associated with you, being a representative of  your values? Unless you're the tea party or share Sarahs extremely narrow minded and dim view of the world chances are no, you wouldn't.  

Was the joke in bad taste? Perhaps, but it's on a late night pay channel (HBO), it's hardly the most shocking thing that's been uttered in that arena.

Toss Up: Eastern Europe Now? Or Eastern Europe 1983?

Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure this is present day.  One, I see modern cars driving by, which is kind of a dead give away, And two, I'm pretty sure Eastern Europe/Russia didn't get hand held cameras until about a year ago.  So this woudln't even be possible in the 80's. 

Truly funny thing is, this is exactly how I picture life in Eastern Europe. Always snowing and miserable, seemingly everday tasks taking forever due to a lack of current technology (in this case a towing rope and winch, real hi-tech), and cars all shaped like boxes that look like they were designed by 4th graders.  If there was a guy sitting on a street bench sipping vodka shots it would be complete, but alas.

Hollywood Stars Owe Big Tax Money

Fox News - Despite their high-priced tax attorneys and mega-millions, big stars can find themselves in big trouble come tax time. Take Hollywood director Martin Scorsese. He was recently nailed with a $2.85 million bill for unpaid taxes. Scorsese was charged for past-due tax and related interest penalties. Although Scorsese’s spokeswoman Leslee Dart says the entire amount is now paid in full and that he has no current IRS debts, sources say the Oscar-winning director’s tax woes are due to his dealings with celebrity accountant Kenneth Starr. Starr was jailed for seven and a half years for a $33 million ponzi scheme, and has duped other superstars in his corrupt plots. He scammed Hollywood heavyweights such as Uma Thurman, Lauren Bacall and Al Pacino, to name a few.

 

Is H&R Block not set up out in Hollywood?  It seems like they're missing out on a potential gold mine if not.  I mean, Fox could literally just recycle this story every tax season and just fill in different names, mad-libs style. 

Hey Hollywood, stop paying millions to tax advisors who only get you in trouble, just take a stroll down the street to your seasonal H&R block office and pay your taxes like the rest of us, jeez.  They'll even guarantee an accurate return or they'll pay the resulting fees. Does your sleezeball tax lawyer do that? 

I know it's not the glamorous thing to do, you want the greasy haired cheese ball, talking up tax shelters and islands in the Maldives. But newsflash, all that guy is going to do is get you a bill for millions from Uncle Sam and the constant fear of sodomy style rape while you're doing time in the can for tax evasion like Wesley Snipes.  I bet if you ask Wesley if he could do it over again, he'd choose freedom and the pimply faced accountant right out of college working temp status Jan-April over whatever fancy scumbag was advising him before.

If I'm H&R Block I'm working on a commercial right now, showing all these stars going to the poor house over back taxes and opening up an upscale boutique office on Rodeo Drive this week, gauranteeing financial security and accurate returns. 

Florida Residents Bitching About Speeding and Rolling Stops at Intersection, Shocking Stuff

SARASOTA COUNTY - The intersection of Ashton Road and Lockwood Ridge Road is a four-way stop, but residents in the area say many drivers treat it as if the stop signs do not exist...Residents around the south Sarasota crossing say drivers who take a short cut through their neighborhood frequently ignore the stop signs – often at speeds in excess of the 30 mph limit on Lockwood Ridge and the 25 mph limit on Ashton. One neighbor set up a video camera that shows numerous vehicles running the stop signs, including a school bus, sheriff's patrol car and a fire department truck... "We've given them documented evidence of the issue," resident Cindy Duckworth said. "You can't say that it is not a serious problem. It's a public safety issue." On their website, fail2stop.com, they posted the videos of rolling stops. Glen McParland, who lives at the intersection, recently bought a radar gun and is also accumulating data about speeders he says he has clocked going through the intersection at speeds up to 50 mph. "It's constant," McParland said. "It's just ridiculous."

No, you're ridiculous Mr. McParland.  Newsflash guy, people speed, all the time. Sorry we don't all have time to sit around like Peeping fucking Tom's  video taping our neighbors and fellow citizens as they go about their every day business, calling them on every minor infraction they commit throughout the day.  You know the Germans had people like that, they called them Nazi's. Is that really the road you want to go down (to everyone overreacting to that statement, shut up, of course I know the difference between some homer spying on his neighbors and a socialist movement that committed genocidal atrocities, ok? I get it.)?

You don't want to see people pulling rolling stops or doing a few miles per hour over the speed limit go live off a dirt road in Bumpkinville, completely isolated from the rest of us over here in civilization.  Until then, if you can't beat them, join them.  I think loosening up and going over the speed limit a little would really release some of your stress.  You're one speeder away from taking matters into your own hands vigilanty style, and that will land you in jail.

Oh, and I saw your videos. Yeah, it looks like every back road 4-way intersection in America, get over it.  And learn how to upload a YouTube video, what the hell is with the amateur production screen shot thing you got going on? No one down town is going to take you seriously with that kind of half-assed editing.

Donald Trump "I screwed Gadhafi"

(CNN) – Donald Trump, whose flirtations with a presidential bid continue, says he has special experience dealing with Libyan leader Moammer Gadhafi. Speaking on Fox News Monday, Trump says he has more of a track record than anyone in the Republican presidential field when it comes to dealing with foreign leaders and dignitaries: "I sell them real estate for tremendous amounts of money. I mean, I've dealt with everybody." Trump, who has said he will decide on a presidential bid by June, said he is particularly happy with the fact he "screwed" Gadhafi on a past real estate deal. "I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land," Trump boasted. "That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed', but I screwed him."


Boom, this is just the kind of leader we need right now. This is my kind of President.  Not afraid to mix it up and bluntly tell it how it is.  Why sugar coat the facts? Trump's a successful business man and he's proud of it.  I'd brag too if I just pulled on over on some looney world leader. 

And I'm sure there are plenty of people thinking "oh what will international reactions be if this guy is in office bragging about screwing foreign leaders over." Nothing, that's what.  What are countries going to do? Stop doing business with us? Please we buy everything, we're the biggest consumers on earth for things that matter (a bunch of Chinamen running around town buying up Salt and Medical Masks don't count). Stop hiring our military outfits as personal mercenaries any time shit goes down in their borders? I think not, America's got the stones to do what other countries don't or are unwilling to do because of "political correctness." 

This country needs Trump out there in the world, greasing foreign deals, building gawdy hotels in the name of America. Enough with this operation liberation shit we pull every time we invade a country.  Pour billions of dollars into their infrastructure and just watch as they bomb the shit out of eachother and destroy everything we worked to give them. Screw that.  From now on you ask for our help, we'll give it to you, but we're colonizing your ass as a vacation destination.  Just turn your whole hot desert into a Trump Casino. 

That'll send a warning to the rest of the world. We'll help you out, but you'll all be working as Hotel cleaning ladies by the time we're through. Countries would learn to work shit out on their own real quick.  No feud going back thousands of years to Biblical times is worth having to clean up toilets and serve ass hole American's like me while I treat your countries history and culture like a Disney World Resort.

And besides, it's about time our leader was sporting a supermodel caliber girl on his arm.  We've been saddled with a couple of Bushes, Hillary, and now Michelle. No offense to Michelle, but you've got nothing on the French and Italian Prime Ministers gal-pals.  Trump would change all that. Probably have a different wife/supermodel per year, like clockwork.  Could even make a reality show out of it, Who Will Be Trump's State of the Union Address Bride. ABC would eat that up in a second.

So yea, I'm voting Trump 2012. Mark it down.