Alt-Tabs

Tiger Kills Chinese Bus Driver - A rare Siberian tiger attacked and killed a tour bus driver in northern China while the man's horrified passengers watched, Chinese media reported. The tiger pounced on driver Jin Shijun and dragged him into the forest after he got out to check on his bus, which was stuck in the snow at the world's largest Siberian tiger breeding base in the northern province of Heilongjiang, the official Xinhua News Agency said.

Ahh, suddenly the Fung Wha death trap buses between Boston and NY make a little more sense.  I always wondered how all those people could pile on day in and day out for that harrowing journey but I get it now.  Break downs, roll overs, and the occasional collision seem relatively safe when you're used to seeing your driver get eaten for a post-coitous snack by a couple tigers in heat .

Myspace Faces Downsizing -News Corp.'s struggling social network MySpace is bracing for a “dramatic” downsizing that could slash up to half of its workforce. MySpace has been slammed by the surging popularity of Facebook, the social-networking leader. Its November unique visitors of 54.5 million was dwarfed by Facebook’s 151.7 million unique visitors.


Do you think Tom (myspace founder) ever sits up at night plotting revenge against Mark Zuckerberg.  If/When Myspace officially goes under Mark better watch his cornhole, I'm sure there are one or two registered sex offenders in his neighborhood who are just hardcore devoted Myspace fans, and they're going to be pissed about losing their biggest breeding ground.


Kid Eats Sheriffs Cruiser Seat -  Perhaps 18-year-old Jesse Ray Stewart got the wrong message with Crime Dog McGruff's national "Take a Bite Out of Crime" campaign. While a Pasco County Sheriff's Office deputy was taking Stewart to the Land O' Lakes Jail on Sunday after he was arrested on a burglary charge, Stewart took a bite -- actually several -- out of the patrol car's seat, sheriff's officials say.


The schnozberries taste like schnozberries.  Hey kid, way to play it cool, there is no way they know you've been taking pychedelics.


New York Still Bitching About the Snow Storm -  Another storm is taking aim at New York City, where Mayor Michael Bloomberg is still under fire for slow cleanup of a stubborn winter blast that kept streets clogged for days and delayed trash pickups, causing uncollected garbage to pile up for more than a week.


Frigen New York, still bitching about that snow storm?  It was like two weeks ago, get over it.  Greatest city in the world my ass. Couldn't even handle the first snow storm of the year without the whole city turning into the Staten Island Dump? This is legit embarrasing, even a mild tard like Menino can figure out how to hire plow drivers, how can't a multi-billionaire like Bloomberg get this straighened out?

Today's Rappers and Hip-Hop Artists Lack the Class of The Past

Has anyone else noticed the declining class and status of todays hip-hop acts compared to those of even just a decade ago? These guys and gals are legit vagabonds. Despite their supposed millions you can hardly see the difference between them now and the hood-rat low-life's they grew up as.  Shit is ridiculous.


I started pondering this the other day when I heard the 5th song in a row on Jamn 94.5 where the "artist" referenced drinking patron.  Now don't misunderstand me here, there is nothing wrong with Patron.  It is as fine a Tequila as you'll come across and I'm personally a huge fan, but shouldn't these supposedly ultra-rich rappers and divas be flaunting their lettuce with something a bit more expensive.  What happened to magnums of Crystal just being popped left and right in these videos.  No offense to the Young Money crew or anyone else but I'm not exactly impressed with you sipping on the same brand of tequila that I have stored in my freezer.  Again, nothing wrong with it, but it would be like rapping about cruising in a Saab 9000 or Acura TL, fine cars, but not exactly the Phantoms and Murcielagos we expect to hear about.  

Where are the Diddy's and Jay-Z's of this generation.  Dudes who dressed in clothing even white people could get jealous of, none of this baggy t-shirt and Nike kicks shit that any wannabee gangster 12 year old can rip-off at his local Target. Timbs and a Jean Jacket don't count either.  True Moguls, guys that won't be broke in 10 years when there record contract runs out and Mookie, Ray-Ray, and LaTisha have sucked their funds dry. 

Homeless Drunk In England To Be Given Designated Drunk Zones

The Telegraph - The so-called "wet-zone" would allow problem drinkers to be given somewhere where they are free to consume alcohol without fear of being moved on by police, but away from shoppers and tourists. The zones are popular in cities in the United States where they have been used successfully to keep drunks away from areas that are popular with visitors. In Colchester, Britain's oldest recorded town, the drinkers have already been moved on from the grounds of the historic 11th century St Botolph's Priory but have started gathering again just a few hundred yards away. One drinker who has been targeted by police in the town said: "I suppose we can be quite intimidating if we're standing having a drink but we're not bad people. "Although we drink, we do have respect for people. "The police come down, take us off, take our cans away, pour it in the bin and we get moved on but we'll come back down about three hours later."

Is it just me or did everyone else just assume the homeless were allowed to drink where ever they wanted anyway?  I can't remember ever seeing a drunk bum being hassled by the police.  Dude is homeless. I thought the only benefit to being homeless was you were allowed to get bombed wherever, whenever (well that and the freedom of public urination).

I would love to see the idea of bars for homeless though.  Just a cardboard box building, few stools made out of milk crates, kind of a social experiment to see if they behave like we do.  See if the older more hardened bums are jealous of the more recently homeless and their relatively clean shaven look, attracting all the female vagrants.  Would there be beer snobs amongst the homeless?  Is the guy drinking Bud Light going to look down on the guy with only enough change for Keystone?  Stuff like that.

And what's all this business about this being popular in the states?  They're certainly not talking about Boston, unless our policy makers don't consider the Garden or Fenway, Fanueil Hall and the subway as popular with visitors and tourists.  Guys are everywhere.  And I'm not really complaining, again, they're homeless.  I think the least we can do is just ignore them and pretend they're not there while they're rambling on in their drunken stupor (unless of course you're the assholes that piss in the parking garage stairwells and elevators, that shit is just gross). 

PS: Yes this is an overly insensitive post.  I'm not really that cold, I always feel terrible when I ignore their requests for change on the street, a couple of drinks later I'm usually over it though.

Demolition Crew Blows Up The Wrong House

PITTSBURGH (CBS) - A man is at a loss for what to do now that a city contractor mistakenly demolished the home he was fixing up to move into. Andre Hall's property was destroyed by a demolition crew that was slated to demolish not his house, but a home next door. "It's just a crushed dream," Hall said. "I always wanted a piece of Pittsburgh. I finally got it. Now it's gone." Hall said he had construction tools inside of the house and confronted the crew about it. He claimed they stole his construction lumber. "And they said, 'Oh we didn't see any tools,' yet and still you got all my lumber on the back of your truck. Come on, that's crazy," he said. After the controversy the city of Pittsburgh stopped issuing contracts with the business. Pittsburgh Public Safety Director Michael Huss said the city was still reviewing the matter. City council member Theresa Kail-Smith, representative of that district, said the housing program that Hall participated in had merit, but she was concerned about the mix up. "It's not the city's responsibility," Smith said. "It's not their fault. They've taken every step that they should have to make sure that home was not demo'd so I don't think the city bears responsibility but I think we need to talk to the contractor."

My bad? I started out by trying to think of how the contractors would explain this mix up, it seems like one of those things that you just can't apologize for, just hang your head in shame and take whatevers coming to you, but apparently this guy is more upset that the incompetent crew stole his Dewalt Tools (a fine, fine brand) and his 2x4's than he is about the crumpled house on his front lawn.  Dude, your frigen house looks like a pile of splinters right now, how about staying on topic and showing a bit more outrage?

And for the uppity City Council member claiming its not her problem, bull shit.  You're everything that is wrong with politics today.  I'm so tired of city and state officials everywhere claiming no fault whenever something goes wrong with an agent or contractor they hired.  I'll guarantee if anyone digs into this they'll find out the contractors are cousins/nephews/boyhood friends with someone in the mayors office or on city council.  Guy couldn't even read a frigen address number correctly yet he's receiving government contracts for construction.  Yes that is the cities fault.  You're the managers of the city, start taking some responsibility for your work for once.  Any managers in a private sector job who hire an incompetent employee who royally screws up would have to deal with the criticism, and so should you, stop being hypocrites.

Polygamist Beaten By Wives for Being Polygamist

AOL News - You know you're dealing with a special household when a domestic argument turns into a case of gang assault. But witnesses in Pakistan say that's what happened to polygamist Mian Ishaq, who was beaten up by his first and second wives for allegedly conducting a secret wedding with a fourth wife -- and planning a fifth marriage. Ishaq was reportedly attending a friend's wedding reception with his third wife when his first two spouses, identified as Mehvish and Uzma, arrived with a score to settle, according to The Telegraph. The wives showed up with relatives and reportedly began overturning tables and threatening Ishaq's life, then attacked their husband with their shoes until police hauled them away."We know that he is trying to marry a fifth time, and he should be publicly humiliated for his behavior," she reportedly stated.  But Ishaq says the number of his wives has been greatly exaggerated -- adding that his first two wives have filed for divorce and are trying to force him to sell his home. He called their accusations "a blatant lie."

Look ladies, you knew the drill when you married this guy.  Let's not pretend this is something its not.  Guys a polygamist.  That's a fancy religious way for saying that he's going to trade up and leave you on the back burner when you get old and tired looking.  Sorry, facts are facts.  

So let's not throw a shit-fit when you find out you're just not doing it for him anymore, that's not an option.  You've got two choices here, divorce, or compete with these younger bitches.  Given that you live in Pakistan I'm going to assume that divorce would lead to some kind of death penalty by stoning, I'd say that's out.  So now its pretty clear what you have to do.  Go get yourself a gym membership, whip yourself into better shape than the new wives so you can catch your husbands attention, and wage a mental warfare on the younger gals.  Younger girls are crazy, you could easily push them to developing an eating disorder in two weeks time.  This isn't difficult, its in the Polygamist bride hand book, act like pros ladies.

  
By the way, beating him with Shoes? You're in Pakistan! There was probably 3 AK-47's just hanging out under each table, or at the very least a machete or two (I'm not sure how strict Muslims are about using firearms on Holy Days).  

Soccer Wrap Up: I Forget What Week This Is.

B8 continued their strong push to the finish last night with another victory in an OT thriller (that's right, overtime in the playoffs, thank god).  Things once again looked bleak early for B8, falling behind 2-Nil in the early goings, but they staged a tremendous defensive effort from the second goal on to tie the game at 2 a piece with 1:30 remaining on a great put-back by Amanda. 

After a scoreless 5 minute over time the game was fated to be decided by penalty kicks.  Chris "the human wall" Huz was spectacular in net turning away all but 1 of the opponents 5 shots (though in rather hysterical fashion he began celebrating after only 4 thinking the game was in hand).  Mazz made up for last weeks PK blunder by burying his shot in the back of the net and Pascal finished off the night with a tough shot to the lower left 90.  Final tally 2-1 good guys. 

Strong efforts all around last night, highlighed by the human cannon ball Ross barreling into and through teammates, opponents, goal posts, and at one point a bin full of tennis balls. Game ball goes to Kathryn as a season achievment award.  The stallwart of the scoring lines defense, Kathryn tirelessly has broken up run after run for the opposition.  Last night being no exception. 

Also Congrats to Mazz, his two game streak with no tussles is his longest of the season. 

Roseanne-Like Looking Woman Making Some Gross Demands

Meet Melissa Lee Williams. The West Virginia woman, 41, is facing assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct at a motor inn.  According to investigators, Williams--who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 Motor Inn--showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my pussy.” At this point, Williams, pictured in the mug shot at right, “commenced to undress herself,” reported Deputy Ross Mellinger. While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Watson, understandably, “declined to proceed any further.” This is when Melissa Williams allegedly “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”

Roseanne has to threaten people with knives for hook-ups?  I know she's no looker but I just assumed all that fame and money would have her pulling a steady train of younger dudes just hoping to catch a break in show business, while avoiding catching anything else.  Oh wait, that's not really her?  Wow, really had me fooled. 

Good luck at trial Melissa-Lee, and lets all just pray to God that they don't make the jurors sample just how foul her odor really was, a-la OJ trying on the bloody glove.  Though it would lead to a hysterical new rhyme...drum roll please...

 "Your Honor, If the Pink has a Stink, Throw Her in the Clink." Thank you, thank you very much, I'll be here all week.

Butt Dial Leads to Swat Team Storming School, Just Not How You Think

You guys can relax, it was just a Will Smith Album

SWAT teams swarmed a Chicago-area school Monday evening after some hip-hop music and an accidental phone call led a woman to believe her husband was being held hostage, officials said. Toting automatic weapons and clad in riot gear, SWAT team members stormed the Winnetka, Ill., school where the woman's husband works and searched it for nearly three hours — all because of a so-called "butt-dial."   "You know how when you sit on your phone when it's in your back pocket and it calls the last number that was dialed? His wife was the last number he'd dialed," Winnetka Police Chief Joseph De Lopez told the Chicago Tribune. "He was listening to music and he had, I don't know, hip-hop … or music like that, where there were lyrics that were gangster-like," said Mark Friedman, the school district's superintendent. "So there were lyrics on the radio as he was driving home, and she listened to it and became concerned." The wife, who was not identified, told 911 that when she received the call, she could not get her husband to respond, reported Pioneer Local, leading her to believe he was being held hostage by a gunman in his office. The sweep at the Carleton Washburne School ended when the man was found safe at home by police, the Tribune reported. The man, who is an administrative employee at the school, declined to comment on the situation.

Imagine the SWAT team's surprise when they showed up at that middle school and Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, and Ice Cube weren't there.  Must have been devestating. I've heard of butt dialing getting kids in trouble with their parents, getting people caught with their significant others, or even getting you in hot water with your boss at work, but never have I heard of a case where a butt dial led to a SWAT team storm.  This will go down in the mis-dial hall of fame.  

How much of a simpleton was this wife?  Like granted its definitely out of the norm for middle school teachers to be cruisin around after school blasting the musical stylings of Yung Money but still, did a few curse words really scare this woman enough to call the police and get a SWAT team to storm the school?  Like how frazzled could she have been on that call, I'd love to hear a transcript of it.  I'm surprised she was even able to be out of the house on her own at that point, woman must be afraid of her own shadow.  Probably one of those people who crosses to the other side of the street when she sees people walking her way that are under 20 years old. 

Meet the Celtics Newest Sponsor: Green Laser Prostate Surgery

Wait, What!?  So here I am casually driving home from work, listening to last nights pregame for the Celtics (victorious in a match up of the leagues best) and an adverstisement comes on claiming to be the official partner of the Boston Celtics, Green Light Laser Prostate Surgery (its Green, get it).  

Aside from the from the fact that I'd rather not be thinking about lasers and prostates on my drive home this got me thinking, does something like this really need to advertise? Do we really need people driving around in their cars and diagnosing their prostate problems and telling their Doc's (not to be confused with Rivers, though they did miss a golden opportunity by not having him pitch it) that they want a Green Laser pointed at their prostate because its the official Prostate Laser of Shaq, Baby, Pierce, and Rondo?  Isn't this something that should be discovered with your doctor in a medical office? Certainly not on the ride home in your beat up Accord while stuck in traffic on I-93 N.

And finally, you know you're definitely the oldest team in the league age wise when one of your sponsors is a Prostate Surgery solution.  I'd like to think all the players were offered 15% off if they scheduled an appointment before the second quarter.  What's next for this geriatric team? Adult incontinence solutions? Denture cream? Is the old "Help, I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up" lady going to be brought back as an honorary cheer leader?