The San Diego Padres Announcers Fancy Themselves a Lady Who Can Flash the Leather

HUBBA HUBBA!

I've burst out laughing at that line at least 20 times. I find it strange that the MLB, notorious for not embracing video sharing, would let this video make the rounds. I mean, Dick Enberg here might as well have gone on air and told everyone he was going to be google imaging Lisa one handed after the game. No shame at all right there.

Here's the link to the video for when MLB inevitbaly un-embeds the video. 

You Think You're Having A Bad Day?

I can't believe no one wants to buy papers from this cuddly looking old man. Makes no sense. 


PS: The Maestro and I either saw this guy or the actual Sandusky right after all these allegations came out just strolling in the North End rocking a PSU sweatshirt proudly...Maestro thinks it was probably this guy...I'm 100% sure it was Sandusky enjoying one last good meal...

It's Happening...

Fucking Myans, It's All Coming True

God damnit, God damnit, God damnit. A couple weeks ago I wrote about how after watching the Celts give it their all against the Heat, battling all season long, to come up just short, oddly didn't turn me into a hermit,  hiding in my shell to avoid all sports information...I wondered why that didn't happen despite the fact that it's happened every other time in history one of my teams loses...Well it was a bit of a delayed reaction because it's here now.

I want nothing to do with Sportscenter, I want to put a contract out on Stephen A Smith using that donation site the old bitch who got picked on the bus is getting filthy rich off of to raise the funds, and I hope Miami succumbs to an epic tidal wave and we all just forget about this moment in history.

It's the worst sporting day since the Pats lost the super bowl. The worst.

PS: Bosh 100% cries himself to sleep at night every time he sees Lebron and Wade riding that two seater golf cart together.

Double PS: The Douchiest team in memory would use the Douchiest musical act in memory:

Brutal Beating on California's I-5

How about the nerve on this guy filming the whole thing? What a dick. Don't worry about calling the cops or anything, don't worry about maybe jumping out of your car, just film it and yell "DAMMNNNNN, GET UP...You Can't Get Up?" The guy out there helping came in from a few cars back while you're just chilling listening to emo-Drake.

 Fuck no he can't get up, you just watched him get booted in the head like 6 times dude. The guy is fucking out cold. Thanks for the help.

 PS: Traffic in Boston apparently has shit on traffic in LA. Say whatever you want about how bad the SE Expressway or 95 is during rush hour, I've never encountered a situation where there's been enough time to host a Mortal Combat match in the breakdown lane. That's just some other level stuff.

What's the Big Deal with These Addidas Shackle Shoes?

Enough already, folks. It's just a shoe. It's not slavery, it's not chain gangs, it's not Amistad. Last I checked Kunta Kinte wasn't rocking fresh to death kicks he just dropped a Bill on at Foot Locker. Same for the chain gangs, pretty sure standard issue prison shoes don't come with the latest in Adi-light technology. Everyone chill. You don't want them, don't buy them.

Not to mention that the designer explained where he came up with the idea and it couldn't be further from what all these reactionary fascists out there immediately jumped to:

That's right, My Pet Monster. See it now? The purple, the yellow? Feel foolish now, people?

PS: I forgot how awesome My Pet Monster was...calling my parents today, if they sold mine in some yard sale or gave it to Goodwill I might never forgive them. I had many a Wrestlemania bouts with that fella.

Best of Craigslist: Waiter or Waitress in the Westminster Area? Dream Job!

Original Posting Here

For those of you who are link averse and can't read microscopic print:

So it is time again for my wife and I to have our annual July 4th party. We are looking for one waiter and three waitresses for the party. But please read the rest of the story as Paul harvey would have said. This is Swingers party and we do 6 of them a year. The waiters and waitress must work in the nude basicly. you will be wearing an apron and flip flops. This again is a swingers party and the guests are all Bi sexual so you must also be comfortable with this type of life style. You are not expected to interact with the guests but you are here for eye candy so you need to be comfortable with the situation very out going in your personality so you can get them drinks and food and wait on them. Needless to say the guest will also be naked. If this sound good ot you hit me back iwth a photo of you and tellme somethign about you.

• Location: westminster
• Compensation: $25.00 per hour with a 5 hour minimum plus tips
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

By far my favorite part of the whole ad is: "Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster."

Yea, I don't think you have to worry about recruiters contacting you about catering for your orgy. Last time I checked Robert Half's website didn't have much in the way of nude catering jobs, sadly.

If you do go for this job, do you get to pick your own apron, or is this a mandatory uniform type thing?...If the waiter/waitress has carte blanche you'd be a fool not go with this little number:

El Wingador, Buffalo Wing Eating Champ, Busted with Huge Amount of Cocaine

WOODBURY HEIGHTS, N.J. -- A five-time wing-eating champion known as "El Wingador" is under arrest in New Jersey on a charge of cocaine distribution. State police say they recovered about $8,000 worth of cocaine and $4,000 cash when they stopped 50-year-old William Simmons on Friday in southern New Jersey. He was driving a Kia Soul decorated with the name El Wingador.

 First things first, that is the face of a Buffalo Wing Eating Champ/Suspected Cocaine Distributor if I've ever seen one. 


Secondly, any good lawyer will get that bogus distribution charge thrown out almost immediately. El Wingador is a competitive eater, folks. To get to that level requires heart, dedication, and an almost primal urge for large amounts of consumption. It's like what Nate Newton, the great Dallas Cowboy  O-lineman, said after getting busted twice within a couple of months with a combined total of 388 pounds of pot:

"I've always been competitive, I've always been in sports," said Newton, a six-time Pro Bowl offensive lineman who retired after the 2000 season. "I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man."

There you have it. We can't just revere this man for having the will to eat more Buffalo wings in a sitting than an average Americans yearly intake on one hand, and shame him when we find out he snorts massive amounts of narcotics on the other. The two go hand in hand. If the man is going to do coke, he's doing to do coke big. It's just wired in his DNA. Once he starts consuming something he doesn't stop until he has imposed his dominance on all those around him, and apparently, $8k worth of blow is where he set that mark. Don't believe for a second he was going to sell a single line of that stuff.

Beware Cape Cod: The Sharks Are Back for Summer 2012!

Welp, it's officially summer folks. Yes the calendar told you that yesterday, and yes the absurd heat may have tipped you off, but for my money, there's no bigger sign that summers here than when the local news outlets go full OMG! mode about the Great Whites off the coast of Chatham.

I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed we're not getting a let it rip out of VB on this one or something a little more animated, maybe Lily doing one of her quirky news stories like pretending to be a shark in a children's pools, I don't know, just something. It's almost as if the Great White story finally jumped the shark this year (I'm sorry, I had to do it, honestly I was contractually obligated to making that horrendous joke).

Look at this Donkey Focusing on the Wave instead of the Foul Ball Aimed at his Head

Bravo, BRAV-Fucking-VO.

Complete donkey indeed. Anyone who knows me knows I'm as anti wave as they come. So much so that I actively, and vocally will stand up discourage my entire section and the surrounding sections from taking part. In my lifetime I like to think that I've snuffed out at least two dozen would be waves. Just ended them right where they started. I fucking hate them, I hate them when the Sox are winning, and I especially hate them when the Sox are losing. If you're teams behind maybe its  not the time for the lamest celebration in all of sports.

So this guy who made a point of capturing this video and outing this Donkey is an absolute hero of mine. He can play for me any day.


PS: All of the above goes right out the window when we're talking about reverse waves. Counter clock wise people, I just want to see it once. That would be quite the spectacle, and frankly, I'm not so sure that wouldn't throw the earth off its axis right on the spot. It's unprecedented.