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WOODBURY HEIGHTS, N.J. -- A five-time wing-eating champion known as "El Wingador" is under arrest in New Jersey on a charge of cocaine distribution. State police say they recovered about $8,000 worth of cocaine and $4,000 cash when they stopped 50-year-old William Simmons on Friday in southern New Jersey. He was driving a Kia Soul decorated with the name El Wingador.
First things first, that is the face of a Buffalo Wing Eating Champ/Suspected Cocaine Distributor if I've ever seen one.
Secondly, any good lawyer will get that bogus distribution charge thrown out almost immediately. El Wingador is a competitive eater, folks. To get to that level requires heart, dedication, and an almost primal urge for large amounts of consumption. It's like what Nate Newton, the great Dallas Cowboy O-lineman, said after getting busted twice within a couple of months with a combined total of 388 pounds of pot:
"I've always been competitive, I've always been in sports," said Newton, a six-time Pro Bowl offensive lineman who retired after the 2000 season. "I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man."
There you have it. We can't just revere this man for having the will to eat more Buffalo wings in a sitting than an average Americans yearly intake on one hand, and shame him when we find out he snorts massive amounts of narcotics on the other. The two go hand in hand. If the man is going to do coke, he's doing to do coke big. It's just wired in his DNA. Once he starts consuming something he doesn't stop until he has imposed his dominance on all those around him, and apparently, $8k worth of blow is where he set that mark. Don't believe for a second he was going to sell a single line of that stuff.
