South Carolina Teens Trade Getting Spanked by Old Man for Packs of Cigarettes

Joe Camel Does Not Think Bondage Bartering for Butts is cool.

LEXINGTON, S.C. (AP) - Authorities in South Carolina say they arrested a 50-year-old convenience store clerk who sold cigarettes and smokeless tobacco to boys after they let him spank them. Lexington County deputies said Tuesday that they started investigating Terrence Bryant after the father of a 12-year-old boy found him with a pack of Newport cigarettes earlier this month. Detectives say Bryant sold the boy cigarettes at least five times from his pickup truck, spanking the child in the parking lot over his clothes. Deputies say Bryant also sold tobacco to two 15-year-old boys after spanking them. Bryant is charged with three counts of lewd act upon a child under age 16. He is awaiting a bond hearing and deputies say he doesn't have an attorney yet.

Wow, cigarettes are way more addictive than we previously thought.  Maybe we ought'a look into banning these things, huh?

I mean 12-15 year old boys getting spanked by 50 year old creep-o's in convenience store parking lots? WTF? That's not the kinda shit I was into when I was 12.  Is that just a hick thing or were these guys just seriously fucked? And I do mean guys, yea the 50 year old is a gigantic perv, but at least he knows what he likes, what the hell is these kids' excuses?  

I knew kids who smoked all through out high school, and sure as shit that none of them were bending over for a light S&M session with Ranjit behind the 7-11 up the street.  I'm pretty sure they just went in and pretended to be 18 and the clerk sold them to them...would've assumed it was the same in the care free, health-free deep South.  Guess I'm mistaken.

Husband Uses Forklift to Body Slam Car with Wife Inside...She had the Nerve to Question His Sense of Direction

SPRINGFIELD (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A Springfield man will face several charges after allegedly attacking his girlfriend with a forklift.  Police say 41-year old Brian Hurley got into an argument with the victim in their car over the weekend.  Hurley allegedly slapped her, then got out of the car and started kicking it.  Police say he got into a forklift, picked the car up off the ground, and then dropped it after driving it a short distance while his girlfriend was still inside.  Hurley is due in court later this week.

Say what you want about the guy, there is no defending a man slapping a woman, so it's a shame that's the route he took first.

Because if he'd avoided the whole battered wife thing, this guy would have went down in  history for angry husband rages, as a role model for all belittled male spouses.  The pioneer of the "body slam your car with your wife inside with a forklift that you conveniently keep in your garage for just such occasions," routine.  

And she would have totally deserved that, I don't even need the reporters to tell me what happened leading up to this.  She was definitely nagging him about the route he took home.  Ladies, don't question your man, if he knows a short cut, he knows a short cut.  It's that simple, so just sit tight toots, you'll be home shortly.

Indian Woman Chops Husbands Dick off As Police Evidence

Dhaka - A man whose penis was cut off during an alleged rape attempt in southern Bangladesh has fled his hospital possibly to avoid being arrested, hospital officials said Tuesday. The Barisal Sher-e-Bangla Medical College Hospital released the suspect, undergoing treatment after his penis was severed, at his own request as there were no instructions from police, physician Jahangir Alam said, adding that he may have left in haste for fear of arrest. Police said that a 40-year-old woman, a neighbour of the accused man, had filed a complaint alleging he attempted to rape her in her home in southern Jhalakathi district, 200 kilometers south of Dhaka. Jhalakathi police officer Abul Khayer said the woman, a housewife and mother of three children, cut off Mozammel's penis Saturday night, wrapped it in plastic and deposited it as evidence at a police station as evidence.

Did someone arrest the broad? What proof does this bitch have that he tried to rape her? A bloody stump of a penis in a zip lock bag? God I hope that bag had the double lock freshness seal.

Of course the guy fled the hospital, probably feared for his life that this nutjob woman was going to come back for the boys.  The police obviously weren’t going to protect him.  They’re not even competent enough to track down a bloody dickless man in the hospital after he’s been accused of rape, never mind handling a witness protection gig for Mozammel Bobbet over here. 

Has anyone alerted amnesty international to the travesties against humanities going on over there? It’s like a 3^rd world country or something.

Girl Catches Glimpse of Big Foot on Iphone...Resolution Looks Shit

Fox News - A young woman in Spokane, Washington claims to have captured definitive video footage of the legendary Bigfoot, the elusive ape-like humanoid that famously avoids high definition footage... Because the creature was some distance away, Samantha didn't notice until she reviewed the footage later at home. A few days  later, she uploaded the video to YouTube; the "evidence" was soon viewed by over 700,000 believers and skeptics alike as of May 31 -- with a disproportionate number of "dislike" ratings. Samantha seems convinced, however.  "I have never given it much thought, but now I'm not so sure," she explained to local news outlet KXLY."Seems real enough to me." The current top comment on YouTube offers a more rational observation on why it may be fake. "Any animal or even human that lives in these woods would not casually stroll by when 'intruders' are entering its territory," explained user OmicronTurtle. "It would be very aware of any hikers nearby. It would stay hidden, leave the area undetected, or attack."

Am I the only one that thinks it looks like Lil Wayne on a nature hike?

And how pissed do you think Steve Jobs is right about now? Millions of dollars advertising gods gift to phones and it's amazing hi-resolution screen and camera...piece of shit can't even shoot a clear shot of big foot, all grainy and shit.  That famous 1970's instamatic polaroid of big foot looks clearer, Retina Display my ass.

Thank god for the top commenter on Youtube...if that basement dweller hadn't cleared up the reasons why this couldn't be Big Foot I'd have never gotten to sleep last night, thinking that mythical beasts are out roaming Washington State.

...this video does cause me to take pause though.

California Woman Spotted Taking Trash Can of Body Parts to the Curb

NY Daily News - A California woman caught wheeling a trashcan full of body parts was arrested on Monday on charges of homicide. Carmen Montenegro, 51, of San Bernardino, Calif. was spotted with the macabre container around 2:30 in the afternoon and nabbed by police who were tipped off to her bizarre activities." Officers stopped her leaving the location and in the trashcan we found human remains," Detective Jeff Crittenden told KTLA-TV. One neighborhood resident's daughter told a KTLA-TV reporter she is Montenegro's cousin, and that the woman came to the home for help disposing the body. Other residents said Montenegro's mother lives in the home, and that Montenegro herself lived there sporadically for over a decade. The body is believed to have been dug up from the yard of the house where Montenegro was first spotted, according to police.

When asked what she was doing by police, Carmen replied; "I'm sorry officers, is this wrong? Is this frowned upon? Because if it is, I would have never done it, it's just that where I come from, people do this all the time."

Ok, Ok, there is no truth to that quote, but I imagine her defense won't be much different.  When you come from a country with so many mass graves that you recently had to start leasing land from neighboring Guatemala just to store the bodies, this may seem common place. 

Russian Swat Team Prepping for Hostile Greenline Take Over in Boston

Holy Shit! Add another to the long list of reasons I'm glad I don't live near or rely on the Green Line.  

Putin has his goons practicing on exact green line trolley replicas for their impending invasion.  I'd think very hard if I were a pending college grad thinking of moving out to the Allston/Brighton area. Just miles of above ground green line trolleys, ripe for the picking.

Totally sounds like a Denzel plot, doesn't it?

World Record Car Jump on a Life Sized Hot Wheels Track

"Made by Mattel" (TM)

Pretty much sums up why America is the best, no?  

Economy in the tank? Check

Natural Disasters Up the Ass? Check

Fighting Two Wars? Check

Time to Build the Greatest Life Size Toy From Childhood? Check and Mate.

In your face rest of the world.

PS: I totally want to see a life sized Crossfire next.

1000's of Jellyfish Attack Florida... I think I'll Stick to Hampton Beach.

This Photo Isn't Featured in Florida's Tourism Campaign

(CNN) -- Hundreds of people trying to enjoy the Memorial Day weekend on Atlantic beaches in central Florida encountered an unwelcome surprise: swarms of purplish, stinging jellyfish.  Although none of the stings was believed to be serious, officials said two people who were stung were taken to hospitals after suffering from respiratory distress. It was unclear whether the distress was directly caused by the sting or came from a pre-existing medical condition. "Most of the stings are being reported on the ankles, but others have been getting it on the chest, arms, you name it," Witcher said. He said victims were being treated by a vinegar solution stocked at the various lifeguard stations. "We have that solution there at all times, but we knew that we were going to have a lot of people out here this weekend," Witcher said. "These jellyfish are not a major threat, but they are annoying."

See, this is what people down south don't get.  They come up here bragging about their warm ocean, their pristine beaches, the sun, yada, yada, yada. No one ever mentions the inhospitable sea creatures murking about in their waters that you have to dodge just to enjoy a swim in the bath water.

Say what you want about the freezing cold water at Hampton Beach but I know that I'll never have to navigate a mine field of jelly fish stinging your ankles, or god forbid your average sting ray or shark looking to throw down with some tourists in the shallows.

And this isn't to say that I don't enjoy the beach on vacations down south, it's just to say that I'm a bit more leery and watchful, it's a bit hard to relax wading out into the water once you've been stung by an amorphous blob a few times, that will haunt you for life.  

PS: Jellyfish totally get a bad rap though.  A jellyfish never attacked anyone, they can't help that shit, it's just their nature.  They're really chill as hell.  Just bobbing along, eating through osmosis or something.  Living the dream until they wash up on shore to die.  Its actually quite the life.

Canadian Politican Twit Pic's His Penis to the World

TORONTO - Rookie PC candidate George Lepp says he's embarrassed that a photo of his family jewels was posted on his campaign Twitter account for about 20 minutes before it was quickly unzipped. "He is pretty upset and embarrassed," Sakach said of a photo that was posted on Lepp's account Sunday. "It was removed as soon as it came to his attention." The pictures - too graphic to reproduce - are of a man naked from the waist down, showing a close up of his penis and his crossed legs. Sakach said the device was operating on camera mode in his front pant pocket when it went missing. He added that Lepp suspects it was taken as he was jostled by protestors outside the Dixon Rd. convention centre where the Tories met for the party's weekend convention. "It was an unfortunate circumstance," Sakach said Sunday. "This is pretty low and juvenile, and we don't believe it is politically motivated." Lepp, who couldn't be reached for comment, had been filing daily dispatches from the Tory convention to his more than 80 Twitter followers. The photo of a penis on Lepp's Twitter account surfaced as Ontario Conservatives vowed in Toronto to force high-risk sex offenders and other dangerous criminals to wear GPS monitoring bracelets.

Ahh, the old "my phone accidentally took a picture of my dick while in my pocket, and then was conveniently stolen and said picture was twittered to the world" excuse.  Yea buddy, people will believe that one.

For one thing, you're Canadian.  This by law means that you're wearing flannel underwear at all times. So you certainly weren't free balling it, and there's no cell phone camera on earth that has a flash powerful enough to penetrate a pocket and flannel shorts. Your Blackberry isn't an x-ray machine. So addmittedly you were taking candid home photos of your dick, and possibly sexting.

And the whole  "taken by protesters" thing isn't exactly believable either. Again, you're Canadian.  You guys don't protest. And you don't maliciously post incriminating dick shots to twitter of your political rivals.  That game is strictly for American Republicans.  

Plus, why would a thief use your twitter account? You've only got 80 followers. Newsflash buddy, he'd have been much better off emailing said pic to a blog or quasi news website than twittering it to your meager followers.  I mean you're running for election and you have 80 followers! That's the most pathetic part of this whole story.  At least lie and say you had 1,000.  How do you expect to get elected with 80 followers, at least 50 of which are just spammers.

My advice, just own up to it and hope for the Canadian pervert vote...it's your only chance.