Man Celebrates Release from Jail By Pissing On Police Car Outside of Court

WILSON, N.C. — Authorities say a Wilson man is expected in court in May on charges he urinated on a North Carolina Highway Patrol car parked in front of a county magistrate's office. The Wilson Daily Times reports Monday that 23-year-old Chuck R. Daniels was charged with urinating in public after Trooper Kevin Woods reviewed surveillance camera records. Woods says he found the windows and doors on the passenger side of his car were wet when he returned after taking a suspect into the Wilson County Magistrate's Office at about 3 a.m. April 6. Authorities say Daniels had been arrested on misdemeanor charges of possession of stolen goods and drugs. Woods says the man had been released and was waiting for a ride home when he allegedly urinated on the car.

HA, way to show your contempt.  I'd celebrate your brazen pissing if it weren't for the fact that you were too dumb to realize that a court house might have security cameras outside.  I understand your enthusiasm, but you couldn't have waited like 20 minutes until you got downtown or something.

This seems to be the proper way to rebel against authority though.  I remember back in college two of my friends were getting the boot from the on campus dorms at semesters end.  Instead of the school doing the sensible thing and kicking them out immediately, they chose the option that made the least sense possible.  They gave two 19 year old kids two months notice that they weren't going to be allowed back in their dorm the following semester.  

Reacting as 19 year old's would, their dorm became party central for the rest of the semester, all culminating in their final weekend there when, honest to god, the roommates chose to just start urinating in the corner of the room once all there stuff was moved out.  I mean hey, they were already kicked out, no harm, no foul, right?

Family Suing Airline Because Flight Attendant Was Mean to them.

Ladies been flying over nights for 10 years straight. She'll snap quicker than that thin elastic band. You see those crazy eyes? Just shutup and do whatever she tells you.

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A Winchester family who was booted off an airplane is now suing the airline. They claim they got into it with a confrontation with a flight attendant that ended with the National Guard getting involved. Yevgeny Yurkovetsky and his wife blame a rude flight attendant for the humiliating experience of having the whole family thrown off a plane. Now the Winchester family is suing US Airways for more than $160,000. Back in January, the family had just boarded a plane in Charlotte, NC but couldn't find any space in the overhead compartments for the two bags and their coats. They asked the flight attendant for help but say she had a bad attitude from the get go. When they demanded her name, they say it got worse. Minutes later another employee told them to deplane, and this time they brought along airport security and a National Guardsman.

I find it hard to feel bad for the family here. Do I agree that the flight attendant was probably out of line? Absolutely. But I find it hard to pity you when you're like the only family on earth that doesn't realize that you never argue with the flight attendants.  They're like the gestapo of the airways, the KGB of the sky.  Just above the law in every way possible.  

Don't like the way I'm jamming your carryon into the overhead that may or may not contain breakables? Too bad, here comes the Air Marshall. Oh, you're allergic to peanuts? Sorry sport, eat up or starve, we'll get your Epi Pen out after you eat a few, dont worry.  You wanted the whole can of soda instead of a 6 ounce gulp and a couple of ice cubes, that'll be $5.  How about that disgusting pillow and blanket the sweaty kid with lice just used on the flight before you and was then re-packaged to make it look new? Yep, $5 again.  Same with those rancid headphones that literally 100's of flyers have jammed into their wax packed ears. 

And the screwed up thing? I'm pretty sure they make those prices as they go.  Who's going to stop them? You're midair on a plane. You basically have the rights of your average Guantanamo Bay captive when you're on a flight.  Don't be shocked when they start withholding SkyMall for a small fee. It's only a matter of time.

Man Sues Burger Joint for Receipt that had too Much Info on it.

Journal Star -  Nebraska man has sued Back Yard Burgers alleging the burger chain's Lincoln location puts too much information on its receipts. In the lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Omaha, Brady Keith says on more than one occasion since March 19 he used his Visa card to make a purchase there and got a receipt back that listed not only the last four digits of the debit card, but also the card's expiration date. He alleges it is a violation of the Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act, and "exponentially increased the possibility of identity theft."

I'll be honest, I've never understood this security fear thing. Maybe I'm just not tech savvy enough? You could literally give me your social security number, home address and date of birth and I wouldn't know what the hell to do with it.  I'd probably just try to find and friend you on facebook, maybe check out your twitter stream (ours is @TheAltTab) and then forget all about you.  So what's the big deal here?

Take the SSN, yea whenever I call somewhere they ask me to confirm my social, but this doesn't make me feel secure if that's the intended result.  All it does is confirm for me the fact that just about every retail store, creditors, banks, IT people at my job, magazine subscription companies, amazon, ebay, paypal, and presumably google, have access to my social security number.  So it's clearly not some big secret.  Literally 10's of thousands of people can probably look up my social number with the right software.  So why exactly are people worried about this, and why was I forced to take my social off of my license in favor of some made up license number I have no chance of ever memorizing?

Kenyan Sets World Record at Boston Marathon, Only It doesn't Count because of the Wind...What?

Congrats, hope you enjoyed your day of fame, welcome back to obscurity this morning.

Boston Globe - Kenya's Geoffrey Mutai admitted that he thought he could win the 115th Boston Marathon today even though it was his race debut. But the all-time fastest marathon time in any conditions? Turns out that was just a bonus that came along with his fulfilled goal. Mutai won the Boston Marathon in an official record time of 2 hours 3 minutes and 2 seconds today, breaking the previous Boston record set last year by countryman Robert Kiprono Cheruiyot (2:05::52) by more than two minutes. While Mutai's time bested the world record, it will not be recognized as such internationally because of today's strong tail winds on a course that has frequent downhills. The world record, 2:03:59, was set by Ethiopian Haile Gebrselassie in Berlin in 2008. "I was not having ideas about the course record," said Mutai, who credited his marathon success to cross-training in events such as cross country and the 10,000-meter race. "I knew I could run well because I'd trained hard and I was confident, but the record was not on my mind." While his record may not be sanctioned, Mutai received a couple of additional prizes to go with the victory itself -- he was awarded $225,000 in total bonuses for the unofficial world record as well as the course record.

So this whole unrecognized world record thing is kind of bullshit, no?

Is there a scientific way to measure exactly how much the wind helped Mr. Mutai out here?  I mean he beat the record by 56 seconds which is just absolutely crushing it by marathon standards.  What if he beat it by 5 minutes? Would we still claim the wind here?  I'm starting to think the marathon game is as rigged as any sport, nothing pure about it.

Like, ok, he had tail winds today, do they factor in the layout of the course? Isn't Boston's hilly as all hell? Does that count for something?  Or can I just head out to my local track and start working my way to a marathon world record on a strictly flat surface (ok, yea I'd fall off pace after like 100 yards and be out at 4 miles, so maybe we get a Kenyan to do it)? 

College Student In Boston Falls Through Rooftop Skylight, All the Way to Basement...He's Fine.

Man falls 5 stories while watching Boston Marathon : MyFoxBOSTON.com

BROOKLINE, Mass. (AP) - A 22-year-old man watching the Boston Marathon from the roof of an apartment building has been hospitalized after he crashed through a skylight and plunged five stories. The Babson College undergraduate suffered serious injuries but was conscious after the fall Monday in the atrium of a Brookline building at 1834 Beacon St. Brookline police spokesman Lt. Philip Harrington said the man was taken to Massachusetts General Hospital for treatment. Harrington did not immediately identify the man, but said he was from out of state. Babson College spokesman Michael Chmura said hospital officials planned to keep the student overnight and release him Tuesday. Chmura said the student apparently did not suffer life-threatening injuries.

If you watched the news video to the end you heard the reporter refer to this kid as "the victim."  So lets first clear that up.  He's not a vitcim. Whether he was standing on top of the glass sky light or drunk horsing around with friends on a rooftop, it doesn't make you a victim, sorry.  If you're injured by an accident that could have been easily avoided just given a dose of common sense then you can't cry poor me, that shit just doesn't make sense.  

It also doesn't make sense that this kid is doing fine and going home today! WHAT?!  Was there CGI involved?  This is a scene straight out of a cheesy action movie, the good guy and bad guy tussle on a ledge and the good guy survives a seemingly in-survivable fall by crashing through a cloth canopy or street vendors fruit cart...only in this case the cloth canopy was a glass atrium, and the fruit cart was 5 floors of stairway bannisters.  

Frigen crazy.  The kid probably has the winning powerball ticket in his shirt pocket too, right?

PS: This kid is easily going to bang every single girl on the Babson campus during the rest of his time there, probably a few of the taken ones as well.  He's like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable.

Match.Com To Scan for Sex Offenders: Will they Get Booted, or Their Own Free-For-All Section

Sure this guy may seem scary to you and me, but to the rest of the sex offenders he's just a guy looking for his soul mate, interests including long walks on the beach and surprise sexual assaults when you least expect them.

LOS ANGELES - Online dating site Match.com says it will begin screening its users against the national sex offender registry. The president of the popular singles site Mandy Ginsberg tells The Associated Press in a statement Sunday that the company has avoided the move for years because of the unreliability of the database, but after looking at recent improvements has decided to start screening both current and new subscribers. Ginsberg says the checks "remain highly flawed" in finding dangerous sex offenders, and that users of the dating service should not have a false sense of security. Last week, a California woman filed a lawsuit against the website, saying she was sexually assaulted by a man she met through Match.com, and that the attack could have been prevented with a criminal background check.

So does this mean the sex offenders will be just kicked off the site completely? Or will they be given a partitioned, Wild West type site where they can meet people with like minded interests.  Kind of just use their status as a sex offender as one of their searchable criteria for people that may be into that kind of thing, so they still have options when it comes to internet dating.  

Plus you make get the occasional freaky individual who's looking to cross over to the other side every now and then.  But instead of all out assaulting a random stranger they've never met maybe they'd prefer an easier transition with a stranger that they've seen a few jpegs of and have read up on their police rap sheet.  

If Match does kick all these peeps off this seems like a golden business plan.  I'd shut down the blog to open up a "for sex offenders" dating site in a second, could probably charge double what Match charges too.  I have to think the cost of an online playground for diddlers and assaulters alike is far less than the legal costs they'd accrue if they went around groping people on the MBTA Green line and attacking broads running in the park.

Mom Shows Children Pics of Herself Getting Banged

OCALA, Fla., April 14 (UPI) -- A Florida woman accused of showing her 11- and 12-year-old sons photos of herself having sex was charged with lewd and lustful molestation, authorities said.  During the investigation, one of the boys told a DCF investigator his mother had shown him photographs on the computer of her engaged in sex acts with men, the arrest report said. The boy alleged his mother then rubbed his inner thigh and asked him, "Do you want to try this when you get older?" the arrest report said. The boy's brother told the investigator a similar story, the report said. Marion County Sheriff's Inspector Mike Mongeluzzo later searched the home and seized CDs, DVDs and other electronics, but found the alleged photos were deleted during the earlier DCB investigation, the newspaper said. Holloman called the accusations "absurd" creations from the woman's "overly possessive former spouse" and said the boys admitted their father had told them what to say.

These poor kids, sorry to say this but they are in for a life of crime.  And not like they just stole a snickers bar from the convenience store or anything.  I'm talking heavy drug use and probable rape/murder.  There's just no getting around it at this point.  Put these kids on a watch list today and spare the rest of society.  I feel terrible saying it but they literally have no chance.

This isn't like they just stumbled onto mom and dad's sex tape or polaroid collection.  This mom legit opened up some .jpeg files or her getting plowed by "men," implying that their Dad wasn't the only dude getting in on the fun.  And not only did she show them it, but she encouraged a sexual response rubbing their thighs while showing them. I've seen enough horror films and thrillers to know that this is exactly how a crazed killer gets their start and I'm legit scared for the residents of Ocala, Fla because of these kids now.

Drive-Thru Casket Viewings Are the New Hot Thing in Compton, California

Can I also get a Couple Ketchups, and do you have Uncle Larry in there?

COMPTON, Calif. - There are drive-thru burger joints and drive-thru banks but now one California city offers the ultimate in drive-thru convenience: drive-thru casket viewing. Yes, at the Robert L. Adams Mortuary in Compton, south of Los Angeles, it is possible to view the deceased resting in a casket display window while cruising past in your car, the Los Angeles Times reported Sunday. "It's a unique feature that sets us aside from other funeral parlors," said owner Peggy Scott Adams. "You can come by after work, you don't need to deal with parking, you can sign the book outside and the family knows that you paid your respects," Scott Adams explained. "It's a convenience thing." Plus, Adams pointed out, the drive-thru glass partition is bulletproof - a consideration after cemetery shootouts broke out at gang funerals in the 1980s. The drive-thru is 12 feet wide, with the glass display window visible from the street. "I think it's wonderful, "said one woman quoted by the Times as she cruised past a casket last month. "It's nice to be able to drive through. You don't have to go inside. It's real convenient."

Before I tackle the convenience of drive-thru casket viewings, let me get this straight...gang violence has gotten so bad in Southern California that caskets now need bullet proof glass built into them?  Look, I don't want to tell you bangers how to go about your business, but it seems to me you might be wasting your bullets shooting at already dead rivals.  This is a down economy, those bullets aint free. Maybe you want to save those live rounds for live targets?

Ok back to the drive-thru casket viewings/wakes.  Love it.  It's just like the woman said, wonderful and convenient.  Yea, sorry for your loss, but some of us just don't have time to dress up and loiter in a funeral home for the appropriate amount of time (30 mins or so?) in the afternoon as to not offend the surviving family members.  Especially in a high death rate area like Compton.  You have to figure one young banger a day is probably being burried, that time spent at the funeral parlor adds up and burger flippers at McD's aren't exactly rolling in vacation days.  Drive-thru showings offer a quick alternative, pay your respects, maybe pick up a milkshake and be on your way.  Plus you only have to dress from the waste up.  It's hot in So-Cal. Wearing a full suit, pants and everything can be a bitch.  At least now you can just throw on a jacket and nice shirt and just cruise through wearing Jinco shorts in your low rider.

Break Up HOF Inductee: Woman Has Children Piss on Ex's Bed and Smear Crap on His Walls

FLINT, Michigan — A Flint man claims his ex-girlfriend and her two sons peed on his bed and spread feces on the walls of his Clinton Street home April 14. The man said they'd recently broken up and before he had a chance to change his locks the woman and her sons came into his residence and destroyed the home, according to a police report. He said the ex-girlfriend then called his mother and told her she'd done the damage to the home. She then allegedly called the man and told him she was not through yet. The victim told police he has not been home since the incident, because she lives around the corner and he's afraid she'll come over and harm him. He will see personal protection orders against the woman and her sons.

Wow, this broad should literally write a book about how you to win a break up because she may have just revolutionized the game.  Just sheer brilliance here.

Some people will tell you it's wrong to bring your kids into the middle of a divorce or separation, but that's only when you're causing pyschological trauma to the child.  What's the harm in having a little Poo & Pee Party with your kids?  The little runts probably had a ball and bragged to all their kindegarten friends about their new found use for caca.  

She would have been in the hall of fame if she just left it at pissing on his bed and drawing wall murals with feces, but what makes her a true revolutionary was the call to the dudes mother.  Not only has the guy been broken up with and had his apartment used as a training toilet for two toddlers, now his mom is going to be on his case about being such a frigen loser that he can't even defend his home or keep his children in line. 

Dude if she comes around again, I'm fairly certain you have the legal right to smack a broad around.  I've never condoned violence against woman (actually, I once did based on weight classes), but I'm pretty sure the laws of decent society go out the window when the woman has your kids doing finger paintings on your wall with their post lunch diarheaa.