Canadian Man Erects Crucifix and Noose on Front Lawn, Still Not Biggest Racist in Town

The Star - A Campbellford artist celebrated for his design of the toonie has drawn the ire of his community after he erected a 5-metre cross on his lawn and hung a noose from the top. Brent Townsend knows the display is especially controversial in a town that gained notoriety last Halloween when a Ku Klux Klan getup won first place in a costume contest.  “I’m not trying to stoke racial fires ... It’s a symbol of mistreatment,” Townsend told the Star on Saturday. “It’s not a hate crime. If anything it’s a hate crime against me. I’ve been a victim.” Campbellford resident Troy Varty said it was “bad enough” when one man dressed in a white cloak and draped in the Confederate flag led another in blackface through a party at the Legion with a noose last Halloween. The duo won first place in the costume contest.

I had this whole blog ready to talk about what a dick this guy is for questioning why everyone was upset with his latest "art work" and then I read about the town's recent Halloween costume contest.   Listen I'm not defending the merits of this guys anti-semitist symbolism he's got going on in his front yard, but I think to the point where your town just awarded a guy dressed up like the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan toting around his "boy" 1st place in a costume contest, you've probably just got to turn your eyes from this one.

Sorry,  but if pretending to be walking around town with your slave up for auction is prize worthy than this guys art should be equally respected.  I'm not sure I understand the outrage here either.  It's ok to mock black people but not play off the Catholic/Jewish tensions come Easter time? That seems a bit hypocritical to me guys.

By the way, maybe we've been underestimating Canada? Maybe they're not the peaceful, "love they neighbor" society we all thought they were? Sure they still run faster from a war or conflict than your average fleeing French army, but this is an edgy and dark side to Canada I didn't even know existed.  What happened to the innocent, afraid of the dark, maple syrup chugging, flannel lovers that we've grown to know?

You've changed Canada, you've changed.

NASA Wants Airplanes Wrapped In Lighning Proof "Magic Skin"

Fox News - We've seen Boeing's "Ultra Green" aircraft mock-ups and MIT's "double-bubble" concept before, but an interesting new technology is being funded over at Cessna: a self-healing "magic skin" that would protect the exterior of an aircraft from lightning, impact damage, extreme temperatures, and even electromagnetic interference (EMI).

Oh, you guys are dirty down there, huh NASA?  Magic Skin, come on, this is a late April Fools day joke, right? I can't be the only one that's noticed this image looks exactly like a condom.  I'm surprised the description didn't read like:

Self-healing, protects from lightning, impact damage, extreme temperatures, and even STD's

It's almost like they took the design and the description right off the back of a Trojans Box.  Pretty clever for a bunch of science nerds. 

Kim Cattrall Stepping Out of Her Comfort Zone, To Play Washed Up Porn Star in New Movie

 Fox News - Kim Cattrall became a household name when she embodied the role of the sexually-charged, uber-confident Samantha Jones in HBO’s hit “Sex & the City.” But since the much-loved television series ended in 2004, and with no word of a third movie in the pipeline, Cattrall isn’t afraid to admit she has become just another aging Hollywood actress struggling to score a decent job...So its no surprise Cattrall jumped at the opportunity to play the multi-layered role of a washed-up porn star living in a trailer park in rural Indiana in the new independent comedy film “Meet Monica Velour.” But despite having been in the business for over 35 years, she claims to be far from the top of Hollywood’s 50+ hot list.

So she's playing herself right? I mean is there even acting involved here? I just assumed Kim had officially changed her name to Samantha Jones a few years ago just to make it easier on everyone.   Seriously, are the writers just writing Kim's real life story?  I mean if you had told me she was living in a trailer park in rural Indiana right now, I'd believe it.  Just living up her glory years at local bars, waiting for producers to call her for another Sex & the City sequel. 

I guess you do have to applaud her range somewhat.  I mean she is going from playing a high class, rich slut to just playing a slut.  She'll have to lose that stuck up, snotty air of importance that she normally incorporates.  But I'm assuming after making your career showing your tits and spreading your legs for every male actor you've ever been cast with she'll be able to adapt.  She's a professional after all.

Applebees, Your Local Neighborhood Bar and Grille, Serving Toddlers Alcohol since 2011

Come on kid, at least hide it in a Sippy, you're obviously not of age.

Daily Mail - A 15-month-old boy was rushed to a hospital after he was accidentally served alcohol in a kids' meal at an Applebee's restaurant. Dominic Dill-Reese started acting strangely after drinking what his mother thought was apple juice from his cup at the restaurant in Madison Heights, Michigan. Taylor Dill-Reese said: 'He was saying hi and bye to the walls and then eventually lay his head on the table.'  'He dozed off a little bit and woke up and got real happy.' But before leaving, Dill-Reese tasted the toddler’s drink and got a big surprise. She found alcoholic margarita mix was in his cup instead of apple juice. She said: 'The manager came  and he smelled it and he was like, ‘I am so sorry ma’am, I just don’t know what to do.' After being checked over by doctors the family later learned that Dominic's blood alcohol level was .10 - over the legal limit for adult drivers.

Come on folks, this is bar tending school 101 here, know your patron.  All it takes is 1 light weight, 1 guy slurring his words, 1 guy all of a sudden coloring outside the lines, one guy refusing to ride in his car seat, 1 guy refusing the breathalyzer and not being able to crawl a straight line, and your liquor license is gone.  

And in this cutthroat economy, if toddlers can't go to you for their fix they'll go down the street.  Kids aren't begging their parents to go to Applebee's for the baby back ribs, they're fiendinng for the alcohol in a children's sippy cup special. 

I Can't Wait To Stop Hearing About this Goddamn Royal Wedding and it's God Damned Guest List

Daily Mail - The official guest list for the Royal Wedding has been revealed - and it is raising eyebrows. While Barack Obama and his wife Michelle failed to make the cut, the list of colourful characters includes a U.S. banker whose family funds right-leaning blog Politico and who was criticised for his friendship with Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet. Joe Albritton will join newlyweds Prince William and Kate Middleton for their wedding breakfast at Buckingham Palace. Some 650 people have been invited. Of those, 50 have been invited by the Queen, 250 by Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall, and 100 by the Middletons. William and Kate themselves have invited 250. The names include everyone from friends and family to the great and the good. But by far the most surprising are those who have been invited by Prince Charles. Along with Mr Albritton, he has also invited a Transylvanian count, a Nazi's nephew, and a Kazakh tycoon. 

Are we about through dissecting this Royal Wedding List and the fact that the Obama's were snubbed? Can this wedding just happen already and be over with, soon.  

I totally don't get why people are making a big deal about the Obama's not being invited to this.  Basically by not getting invited all they did was save Barry from sending back the awkward "no" RSVP.  I mean it's not like they know them well, and it's not like this kid is even next in line to be king.  He's got to wait  out his Dad, who has been a momma's boy Prince for like 30 years now.  

Plus this country is in a financial crisis, how do you think it would play if the First Family boards an international flight to Buckingham Palace, gifts in hand for some foreign Prince they barely know? And it's not like you can just toss 150 bucks in an envelope and call it a day, this is the Royal Wedding.  We're talking about a minimum of Fabrege Eggs and a vacation home in the Keys, or at least some sort of time share contract in the White House.  

So yea, I'm pretty sure Michelle and Barry are at home breathing a sigh of relief right now.  They got enough shit to worry about nevermind some kids wedding, that only happens to be important because the Brits are still stupid enough to believe that their Royalty are descended from God.  Morons.

Is the Bamboo Privacy Fence Commercial the Most Racist Ad of All Time?

Finally, a decent solution to block all those annoying African Tribal chants my neighbors have each weekend.  Sure they may say it's just a family gathering or a nephews birthday, but I know ebonics when I hear it.  You can't fool me, it may just look like your run of the mill BBQ early in the day but I'm fairly certain the headdresses, tribal chants, and animal sacrifices are right around the corner.

By the way, never have I had a bizarre bike neighbor that looked like that...That said I'd still be pissed and put up this bamboo blocker.  Nothing worse than the neighbor who thinks the whole street wants to hear them rev their bikes for 10 minutes before taking off in the morning. Go fuck yourself assholes. 

Ain't No One Tryin' to Get To Sesame Street Back in the 50's. Muppets were Straight Gangsta

Muppet Wikia - In 1957, Jim Henson was approached by a Washington, D.C. coffee company to produce commercials for Wilkins Coffee. The local stations only had ten seconds for station identification, so the Muppet commercials had to be lightning-fast -- essentially, eight seconds for the commercial pitch and a two-second shot of the product. From 1957 to 1961, Henson made 179 commercials for Wilkins Coffee and other Wilkins products, including Community Coffee and Wilkins Tea. The ads were so successful and well-liked that they sparked a series of remakes for companies in other local markets throughout the 1960s. The ads starred the cheerful Wilkins, who liked Wilkins Coffee, and the grumpy Wontkins, who hated it. Wilkins would often do serious harm to Wontkins in the ads -- blowing him up, stabbing him with a knife, and smashing him with a club, among many other violent acts.

 Wow.  The muppets were straight gangsta in the early days, huh? "Deading" fellow hoods for their brand of coffee?  Looks like life was a lot more serious on Sesame Street before they all became rich PBS stars, I guess we know how Snuff got his name now, must have been the most ruthless, lethargic mastodon in the game.  Just goes to show money will change some folks (well except Oscar I guess)

PS: They can call that cat Wilkins all they want, but I know Kermit when I see him.  Sure he may have gotten a nose job and added some artificial ears since back in those days, but can you blame him? Exceedingly rich from TV and coffee deals, and on the run for Murder in the 1st? Of course the guy changed up how he looked and got a new ID, that's Godfather 101. 

Armenian Grandma, The Spade-Hacker, Puts All Other Hackers to Shame

Fox News - Internet service in all of Armenia was cut off for several hours when a 75-year old Georgian woman inadvertently cut the main service line between the two countriesThe woman was scavenging for scrap metal when she discovered the primary fiber-optic cable which runs through the two countries. Service went down when she apparently hacked into it with a shovel severing the line, officials said"She found the cable while collecting scrap metal and cut it with a view to stealing it," Georgian interior ministry spokesman Zura Gvenetadze told AFPThe damage was apparently so severe that 90% of Armenian users lost access for nearly 12 hours while neighboring Georgia and some areas of Azerbajian were also affected.


It's a shame our generation will never have the same work ethic our grandparents' did. Take this woman, did she let a complete lack of understanding of coding, computers, gigabytes, terrabytes, mouses, and touch screens get in her way from becoming the biggest hacker the globe has ever known? Nope, she went out and did the job the old fashioned way and shut down 3 countries worth of internet service...and this terrifies me.


You always hear about how the government wouldn't be ready in the event of a cyber attack, and I assume everyone pictures some dirty chain smoking eastern european nerds huddled in some bombed out apartment hacking US government servers.  Turns out that's more outlandish of a vision than you even need.  It could be some Mexican day worker, pissed at his employer taking it out on their flower bed with a simpel shovel and poof, American internet gone, chaos everywhere.  Can we get someone to confirm that this can't happen here? Are our lines at least shovel proof?


And this guy can cut the shit:


"I cannot understand how this lady managed to find and damange the cable"


Umm, maybe if you buried the line deeper than you would an electric dog fence this wouldn't be an issue. But don't pretend you don't know how it happened. Have some respect for yourself. 

Scientists Find First Gay or Trannie Cave Man...A Gaveman...HEYOOOO

Fox News - An ancient grave may hide more than just a skeleton: Was this the first gay caveman?  Archaeologists digging a site in the Czech Republic recently unearthed the skeleton of a 5,000-year-old man, buried on his left side with his head facing West. And that's enough for researcher Katerina Semradova to slap a few labels on him.   "We believe this is one of the earliest cases of what could be described as a transvestite or third-gender grave in the Czech Republic," she told reporters at a press conference Tuesday. According to Semradova and lead researcher Kamila Remisova, during that period men were traditionally buried lying on their right side, with the head pointing toward the west. Clearly, something was amiss..In addition, the "gay caveman" was buried with household jugs, rather than the weapons, hammers and flint knives typically seen in graves of men. “From history and ethnology, we know that when a culture had strict burial rules they never made mistakes with these sort of things,” Remisova told journalists at a press conference about the find on Tuesday.

Wait a minute, wait a minute...I thought left was straight? Like wasn't that the deal back in grade school days, ear piercing in the left year meant you liked chics, right ear meant dicks. And how do we know cave dude was the first gay caveman or tranny?

Couldn't it simply be the case that he was the first metrosexual?  So the guy liked jugs and mops instead of weapons, can't an early homo-erectus keep a clean cave without being labled homo-sexual? Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I just have to believe that like present day some men were built for hunting/war/fighting and others were meant for more domestic duties.

Me personally, I'm confident enough in my masculinity to say I'd make a horrible hunter, and forget about me going to battle, people were savages back then.  No way I was getting in the middle of that.  But give me a bucket or recepticle and I'll go forrage for vegetables and fruits, sit at home sharpening the tools and what not. Call me a tranny-caveman all you want, I'll be the longest living caveman.  The rest of them barbarians off killing eachother and dueling with bears and shit.  Meanwhile I'm at home cleaning up with the local, lonely cavewoman widows.  Suckers.

If he did have the gay we definitely need to start referring to him as the "Gaveman," in fact I'm off to patent that now.