Mall Food Court Proposal Ends Exactly As You Think It Would (video and commentary inside)

Food Court Proposal Gone Wrong - Watch more Funny Videos 

Poor guy, you just have to feel bad.  Here he is trying to start up a new  business playing the guitar for wedding proposals and his first client strikes out hard.  Good luck getting another referral after that.  Once word gets out that the bride said no at one of you proposals you can all but kiss your career as an Engagement Musician goodbye. It's a hard enough business to break into with out the absolute kiss of death.


...What? You didn't think I'd feel bad for the boyfriend did you?  Guy proposed in a mall food court. That kinda cheap cheesy shit only works out in John Hughes movies. Dude had it coming.

Illness Breaks Out At the Playboy Mansion

Huffington Post - The Los Angeles Times said there were reports that dozens of people were sickened after the event at the L.A. mansion, but neither the newspaper nor county health officials cited a specific number of cases... The county statement said investigators were looking into the cause, extent and potential sources of the illness, but did not believe it spread beyond the people who attended. "Public Health has no information suggesting that this suspected outbreak extends beyond those individuals associated with this conference," the statement said.

What happens in the Playboy Grotto doesn't always stay in the Playboy Grotto, especially herpes, that shit is for life.

And on a more serious note, don't the people that party at the mansion just assume they're going home with a little something more than they went in with? I just figured everyone on these guest lists spent the days leading up to the events getting B12, Malaria, hepititis, and various other immunization shots, just in case. 

Growing up you couldn't even begin the school year if you couldn't prove you'd been properly immunized, and I'm pretty certain I'm not going to run into anywhere near the amount of diseases and bacteria in a 3rd grade classroom as I am in a gigantic hot tub with a bunch of naked whores and Charlie Sheen. Just seems like this should be common sense.

TSA Scanners Are Back

 

Time - The Transportation Security Administration, having been hammered by the public for their use of body imaging, is field testing a new technology...The software, called Automatic Target Recognition, or ATR, displays only a generic stick-figure image, rather than the actual outline of the traveler being screened. And instead of a security officer in another room looking at the image — a step TSA took before to make sure no one was feeling ogled — the passenger can check out the cartoonish abstraction alongside the security officer at the checkpoint.

Well that kinda takes the fun out of it from the TSA standpoint, no? I mean the entry level TSA workers job already sucked, low paying, dealing with people that irrationally hate you from the moment they step through the airport doors, feeling up old guys balls and fat lady FUPAs. Now they're taking away their detailed body imagers?  I have a feeling that's going to be the last straw, and frankly, all the terrorists need to win this battle.

Surely this will lead to less and less  young, unemployable men going into this glamorous field of law enforcement.  With no one left to man the screening stations, America's airports are going to become terrorist's play grounds.  

No thanks, this blogger is going to be looking up bus schedules for his vacations this year unless this shit gets straightened out fast.   I'll take a creepy mustached, middle aged man who lives in his mothers basement getting an outlined picture of my junk over grappling with Saddam Bin Laden in the aisles of every flight just to make sure the pilot is able to land the plane safely. 

Text Message Auto Correcting Leads to Fatal Stabbing

 The Bolton News - MAN who stabbed his friend to death in a row over a mis-spelt text message has been convicted of manslaughter...Brook told the police he sent Mr Witkowski a text containing the word “nutter”, but, because of his predictive text, it came out as “mutter”. Mr Witkowski took offence and after the pair exchanged a series of increasingly abusive and angry text messages, he went round to Brook’s flat. He opened the door to let his friend in but said Mr Witkowski flew at him with a knife of his own. Brook continued to attack Mr Witkowski and delivered the killing blow, stabbing him in the chest and piercing his heart. 

Most dangerous modern technology facing our society? Predictive texting. This nuisance of the modern cell phone is presumably ruining peoples lives from all walks of life (no, I'm not going to research factual evidence for that sentence or any of the following).  Wives are divorcing husbands due to misspelled messages, bosses are firing employees, and now best friends are off-ing each other in epic knife fights. 

Is this really what you had in mind big cell-co? Re-writing people's lives to the point of ruin. Last I checked this was America, not communist Egypt. We don't need big corporation conglomerates telling us what we mean to say or feel. We're human beings with real thoughts and emotions and we deserve to be treated that way.  When I try and type "Heading home to help," I'm not looking for you to correct to "Heading to Hedonism" (true story). Shit is not cool.

I demand all cell phone users demonstrate outside their local Verizon or AT&T until this deadly problem is resolved.  Your very life may depend on it.

Never Thought Of Milk That Way

Someone arrest the guy who came up with this advertising campaign.  Milk only succeeds with the general public because of our ability to put the image of where it actually comes from deep in the back of our mind.  Well that went out the window with this sign.  I may not have milk for another month now.

Why arrest him? Because only crazies and socio-paths are capable of downing a glass of "cow juice" with the image of a bloated udder floating through their head.  Just a sick, sick individual.

Best of the Blogs

One Third of All Russians Believe The Sun Revolves Around the Earth - And sadly I'm guessing 40% of my readers had to take a second to figure out why that would be blog worthy.  But hey, at least we can finally count out an intergallactic strike from Putin and his commie chronies.

6 Crappiest Interview Questions - Check out the graphic, its too big for this blog. Worst part about being a middle manager? Having to be the one asking these horrendously tedious quesetions we all bullshit our way through anyway.  You think it sucks sitting on the otherside answering them? Try repeating them multiple times a week to overly confident recent college grads who haven't actually accomplished dick in the real world. That's my nightmare.


Office Jargon Meter - The higher up the corporate chain you are, the more sophisticated your Corporate Bullshit Terminology.  I myself am in the "Diluted Bullshit" category, and I have to say it has me pretty much to the T.  God I hate what my job has made me.  See ya'll Monday, I'll be here, same cube as always.

Alt-Tabs of the Week

Former Lackey, Failed Pop Diva, Creepy Sexual Predator, and a Leprachaun? I think you'll do fine Simon

Simon Cowell Nervous About New Show "X-Factor" - So basically it's just a new version of American Idol? What does the guy possibly have to be worried about? Competition from his old lackey, a washed up pop diva, and the Tales from the Crypt Keeper? Please, I'll tune into hear Simons snarky remark any day of the week.

Wild Pigs are America's Biggest Threat - Sometimes an article doesn't even need blogging, this is one of those times "War is being waged right now across the country -- against huge, ever-growing packs of feral pigs that are running rampant, destroying crops, killing wildlife and spreading disease everywhere they go, the U.S. Department of Agriculture reports."

Man Dies in Hospital after Ex Cuts Off His Penis - A woman allegedly slipped sleeping tablets into her former partner's dinner and waited for him to fall asleep at her home in Sydney, Australia, before tying his hands and feet and cutting off his penis, The (Sydney) Daily Telegraph reported in its Friday edition.

Go easy on the lady, at least she made sure the job was finished. Would have been a truly henious act if this guy had to go on living ala John Bobbet.  Castrated and dickless is no way to go about living your life.

The Obama Girls Aren't On Facebook, Big Whoop

WASHINGTON – Michelle Obama says her daughters aren't on Facebook, and that's the way she likes it. The first lady says her girls, Sasha, 9, and Malia, 12, have certain restrictions that other children don't have because of Secret Service security issues. But she also said during an interview on NBC's "Today Show" on Wednesday that she's "not a big fan of young kids having Facebook." Even if the girls weren't living in the White House, Mrs. Obama says Facebook is "not something they need." Maybe when they get older, she added.

Oh hey everyone, let's all congratulate Michelle, good for her parenting, she's such a good mom (end sarcasm).

Talk about a non-story. Hey Michelle, the minimum age for Facebook is 13.  Come talk to us when Malia is of FB age and throwing shit-fits about not being able to log in to "Like" all of her peers Twilight related status updates.  I'm not going to cheer and applaud you for setting a redundant rule for your children, I'll wait to see how you handle it when you've got a 13 year old ball of hormones running around 1600 Pennsylvania, hiding secret Facebook profiles and stalking 8th grade boys because they're so much more mature than the boys in her grade.

And personally, I think you should let her on at that point.  You don't want to end up raising another semi-hippy weirdo like Chelsea do you?  Flitting about from one cause to the next, letting her husband walk all over her.  She's gotta learn how to deal in the real social world somehow, going to be tough enough with Secret Service goons standing over her shoulder at all times, at least let her lead a normal digital teen life. 

Guy Gets Caught Filming in Girls Lockerroom, Breaks Every Skeevy Perv Rule Afterwards

Fox News - It’s equipment managers gone wild at the University of Texas.  A former equipment manager for its track and field team was charged with allegedly filming women taking showers in the school’s locker room.  The alleged scheme came undone when a showering junior noticed a camera lens propped above her shower curtain while rinsing her hair after a track meet, according to an affidavit obtained by FoxNews.com. She screamed and heard retreating footsteps.  She recognized the man and shouted, “Rene!” He yelled, “Sorry!” as he made his way out of the locker room. She dressed, exited the building and Zamora once more yelled “sorry."  Zamora told the student in a text message that he deleted the video, but the student informed her coach about the incident...  School police searched his apartment and found 1,253 objects on computer devices; twenty were identified as pictures -- the others were movie streams.

Complete amateur hour.  Look, I'm in no way condoning this guys actions, but common sense would tell me there are better ways to go about this and it all starts with a quick trip to Skeevy Perv Paradise,  RadioShack. 

Rule No. 1 in the Skeevy Perv handbook, no hand-held video cams.  I'm sure 60-70% of Radioshack's business is selling remote controlled hidden cameras middle aged, mustached men.  Trust me, it's not for setting up nanny-cams. 

Rule No. 2 in the Skeevy Perv handbook, if you're caught go home and delete everything.  Again, I'm sure Radioshack's got ya covered here.  Has to be come kinda program designed to wipe all the illegal footage and pictures you've accumulated during  your time as a Skeevy Perv.  Or better yet, just throw all your electronic shit out.  It always amazes me how often these guys get busted with evidence at home after already knowing shit was about to go down.  Guys, replacing that $1,000 computer and all your homemade DVD's is a much better option than handing the DA evidence in a zip locked bag

Rule No. 3 in the Skeevy Perv handbook, Deny, Deny, Deny.  These frigen guys never learn. Again, I'm not condoning this, but I would just think once in a while common sense would apply to these people. Saying sorry, or telling the person you deleted the footage isn't going to clear this issue up.  There is no person the justice system likes to lock up more than the Skeevy Perv, it's a feel good lock up.  The minute you admit any kind of guilt you've all but committed yourself to a serious stretch of corn-holeing and oral rape, because there are somethings sorry just doesn't cut it for. 

Rule No. 4, Grow a mustache dude, you're not even wearing the uniform.