Showing posts with label Jessica Simpson is still pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jessica Simpson is still pregnant. Show all posts

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Jessica Simpson is STILL Pregnant


GOOO...my bad. She's just huge. Seriously though, I'm not even sure how a baby fit in there. Like you know on Thanksgiving where it's just impossible to eat one more slice of Turkey, or you just have that delicious piece of glazed ham just mocking you from your 4th plate but you just can't do it unless you suddenly burp/fart/shit clear some space? That's what I feel like looking at this. I feel like Jess has expanded as much as her human skin will possibly let her...that in order to have fit an 8-10 lbs baby in there she must have been drowning herself in exo-lax morning, noon, and night to achieve the necessary space for a baby to survive in there.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Jessica Simpson Had the Baby! The Internet Can Finally Go Back to Work


TMZ - The Jessica Simpson baby countdown is finally over -- because she just gave birth to a bouncing baby girl ... who weighed 9 pounds 13 ounces and measured in at 21.75 inches!!! The kid's name is Maxwell Drew Johnson -- which is pretty normal by celebrity baby naming standards. Jessica and her fiance Eric Johnson decided to use the name Drew because it's Jessica's mother's maiden name. Jess just released a statement on her website ... saying, "Eric and I are elated to announce the birth of our baby girl Maxwell Drew Johnson."

FREE AT LAAAAAST, FREE AT LAST,  GLORY, GLORY,  WE'RE FREE AT LAST!

That was the overwhelming reaction from the folks that bring you the internet yesterday, after being held hostage by Jess's unborn baby for what felt like a year and a half...you may now all go about your regularly scheduled business, the Jessica Simpson is still pregnant jokes maybe be retired.

It was also reportedly the first words of Maxwell Drew Johnson upon exiting his mothers womb after an arduous 18 months of pregnancy. (ok I couldn't resist one last joke, I swear I'm done now).

Couple of thoughts on this:

First, Congrats guys.

Second: It's a girl right? Named Maxwell? Ok...

Third: THAT IS ONE HUGE BABY!

Fourth, and Finally: The pic below is from this blog I wrote back on November 2nd. That's 5 months ago. Jess was at most 4 months pregnant then, and that's assuming the picture wasn't at all outdated...do you see where I'm going with this? She's the size of someone ready to pop there...I'm just going to reiterate what I said back in November:

I'm not sure what the rules are about calling pregnant lady fat, but Jessica Simpson is FAT.  I mean, yea there might be a baby in there somewhere, but it sort of looks like there's a couple honey-hams and a Christmas Turkey too. Look at her! She's built like a brick shit house...you can't tell which one of them used to play in the NFL and which one was a pop star, they've got the same physique!