Happy Hipsters Begrudginly Supporting Capitalism Day!

It's Iphone release day! I can't wait to see all of your super dumb un-boxing videos as you all celebrate your uniqueness with the same exact phone as everyone else on earth! Congrats guys, all your hard work, your camping out since Monday, and your lack of a real full-time job has paid off, you now own the same phone literally 10's of millions of people will, only a few hours earlier than everyone else. Truly a special day.