Monday, June 11, 2012

Vlad Guerrero Doesn't Wear Batting Gloves, and He's not Fond of Condoms Either

TMZ: Former MLB star Vladimir Guerrero should be sweating the thousands of dollars he owes in child support to FIVE different baby-mamas ... but turns out the baseball star is loaded with over $25 million in the bank, this according to legal docs.

A new paternity lawsuit filed by Heidy Ogando required Guerrero to reveal his finances -- and turns out he has 8 children with 5 different women ... and shells out $25,621 a month in child support.

Here's how it breaks down:

Baby Mama #1 (1 kid): $5,237
Baby Mama #2 (1 kid): $3,214
Baby Mama #3 (2 kids):$1,655
Baby Mama #4 (2 kids): $3,465
Heidy as listed in the suit (2 kids): $12,050

Vlad the Impaler indeed.

Am I supposed to be shocked by this? That Vlad Guerrero has 8 kids by 5 women? Because I'm not...in fact, if anything I expected more, Vlad is no where near as fertile as I'd assumed an athlete of his stature would be. I mean this guy is a shoe in future Hall of Famer, and over 16 years of slaying hoodrats bare-back style, he's only knocked up 5? That's a terrible success rate. 

"But CW, how do you know Vlad always goes bare-back?"

Because the man has flat out refused to wear batting gloves his entire MLB career. If the man is superstitious enough that he won't even throw a glove on his hands, something that has been proven to help improve performance, what makes you think he's going to put some witch doctors latex contraption on his dick? He's just not going to do it. 



You sign Vlad to a baseball contract you know he's not wearing batting gloves, you pick up Vlad Guerrero at some after hours salsa bar, you know you're getting it raw. There's certain things that are just a given in life.